Goodbye I'm sorry HIATUS
by xXxhurting-insidexXx
Summary: THIS IS ON HIATUS UFN. I AM REWRITING THIS STORY. THIS WLL STAY UP UNTIL THE OTHER ONE IS ON THE SAME CHAPTER. YOU CAN STILL R&R THIS VERSION! I WILL UPLOAD THE REWRITE WTH THE SAME TITLE! SORRY FOR AN CONFUSION! XOXO xXxhurting-insidexXx
1. My Pathtic Worthless Life

**Hey you guys!! I decided to write this little fan fic because I love this song, and it makes me cry every single time I listen to it. Let me know whatcha think about it. It's about Bella, and her struggles through life…hope you like it!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight…or the song Goodbye I'm Sorry**

**(A/N: first song fic)**

**Goodbye I'm Sorry**

As I slowly woke up from the blissful darkness, I became aware of my surroundings. I faintly remembered what happened last night, and a look at the bruises that were already forming on my stomach, and the fact that I am naked just proves it. _My father who is supposed to be the protector of this place and be loving and caring, my father raped and abused me. . .again._ Sighing, I got up and had to hold back the tears from the pain. I was almost certain that I had a couple of ribs broken. But even though the pain was unbearable, and the bruises were noticeable, I had to continue. Making my way slowly into the bathroom, I took out my first aid kit and began my daily ritual. It has always been like this. Ever since _she _left. I can't say _her_ name anymore or else the beatings will be that much worse. Once I was done cleaning my injuries, I went to my room and got dressed, slowly. This was just another day of my life. My pathetic, worthless life.

As I thought about the things that have happened to me over the years, my breathing hitched. I knew what I needed then. Almost running for my dresser, I pulled out the razor blade that has become my lifeline. Holding the blade to my wrist I slashed down. I sighed as I felt the hissing of the blade slicing through my skin. I waited until I felt calm enough to treat those injuries also. When I was done, I looked into the mirror. With who I was, someone would have expected to see a smiling, vivacious, bubbly girl, but all I saw was a dead girl whose sole purpose in her life is to be a worthless slut who forced her mother to leave her at a young age. My name is Isabella Marie Swan. I am 17 years old, and I am a junior at Forks High School. I love with my father, Charlie Swan, who is the chief of police and the protector of Forks. Ever since I was 5 years old, my father has beaten and bruised me. When I turned 12, he raped me. This has been happening every chance he gets. Sometimes it puts me out of school for a few days.

_School. _I hate school, and yet I am at the top of my class, not that anyone would care to notice. I have no friends, and whenever Charlie doesn't get to me first, Tanya and her posse, or the school jocks, Mike and Tyler would beat me up because I was a freak. I had no one at school that I could talk to, and even if I did, they wouldn't listen. AS I make my way to my truck and drive to school, I remember the first time Charlie ever hit me. . .

**Flashback**

_It was a rainy night. I heard my mom and dad downstairs arguing. They always argued. I heard my mom say that she was leaving, that she couldn't handle "it" anymore. I heard my dad pleading with her to stay, but she was already gone. I heard the front door close and as I ran to my window I saw that a yellow cab was outside, and as she put her things in the car, I saw her act like she couldn't get out of here fast enough. I started crying. I didn't want her to leave. Who was going to tuck me in at night? Give me extra sweets when dad wasn't looking. I was kneeling in front of my window when I heard my dad coming up the steps. He barged into my room and came sauntering in. He came over to where I was, grabbed a fistful of my hair, which made me scream, and threw me out of my room, down the stairs. I screamed as I hit each step, and when I hit the last step, I was sobbing and hurting all over. But all he did was pick me up and slap me across the face. He told me that I was never to tell anyone what happened and that I was worthless, and a whore for making my mom leave. He made me swear never to tell or else. I obliged very reluctantly. The last memory I had was of my father unbuckling his pant buckle. . ._

**End Flashback**

I had pulled up to the parking lot and by now I was crying from the memory. I had made my mother leave me and my father, and I was a worthless slut, and didn't deserve to live anymore. I was a plain Jane, a loner, nothing special. All the girls hated me because I was skinnier than them; all the guys hated me because the girls hated me. The only person in the world who ever liked me moved last year, and left me alone. His name was Jacob Black. I got a call 6 months ago saying that he died in a car accident. I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral. Charlie would have killed me. I was still in mourning over my lost friend. He was my best friend, and yet he didn't even know that Charlie beat and raped me.

Sighing I decided to get out of the truck, even though I was an hour early. But as I got out of my truck, I looked and saw that there were two new cars in the parking lot, each one a couple spots away from me. A red M3 with spoilers on the back, and a silver c70 Volvo. _Must be the new kids, _I thought to myself. I had heard from some preppy bitches (**no offense intended) **talking about some new kids that were coming to school this week. I guess they are here now. As I made my way of of my truck, I saw five of the most beautiful people in the whole history of the world. Each one of them was very pale, and even from a distance, I could tell there was something unique about them. There was a big, burly one with dark curly hair, and at his waist was the most drop-dead gorgeous blonde I have ever seen. Standing next to them was a short, pixie-like girl with short black hair that looked like neat chaos. That one made me laugh. And having an almost restraining arm around her was yet another blonde, but this one was male, and looked a little bit like the blonde girl. As far as I could tell each set of two was together. And then off to the other side was a bronze haired god. When I looked at him, I found that he was staring at me, with his brow furrowed. Almost as if he was either glaring at me or concentrating on something very hard. His scrutiny made me cower in fear. My breathing came in little gasps as I looked away. I had to get out of there soon. I bolted up away from the bench I was on and ran to the only safe haven in this hell hole: the music room.

Once I reached my safe harbor, I exhaled in slight relief. I looked up at the clock and saw that I had only 10 minutes before class started. _Well at least I can look at my beautiful piano. _I said as I made my way to the baby grand piano that sat as if it were waiting for me. It probably was. I was the only one who played it, let alone had the skills to play it. The music class was small, and only a few people were in it, myself included. I can play many instruments, I can even sing. My favorite instruments are the piano, guitar, flute, and singing. I stroked the ivory keys of my beautiful piano and remembered the notes I made last night in my head. It was a song, called _River Flows in You_. A beautiful piece, if I do say so myself. Hearing the bell ring, and knowing that I had to go to Advance Literature, I sighed. I didn't have music until the end of the day. Sighing once more, I made my way to Mrs. Rhoads class (**couldn't come up with teacher so used my own)**. As I was walking I heard giggles and footsteps from behind me. The laughter was too girlish to be a guy, but the footsteps were too hard for them to be a girl. I was the only girl at this school who didn't wear heels. As I quickened my pace, so did my follower or followers. I didn't dare look back to check. When I turned the corner I saw Mrs. Rhoads class, and I was nearly there, the closed door at my fingertips, when I suddenly got pulled back into the girls' bathroom. I tried to scream, but the guy, I now knew it was a guy because of his hands, covered my mouth, choking off any screams that I might have let out.

When I was finally thrown in the bathroom, I saw my worst nightmare: Mike, Tyler, a rope, and Tanya with a camera. I knew my fate then, but I still tried to get away from them. When I turned to run Mike reached out and grabbed my shirt, keeping me there. He then began to drag me back by my hair. I let out a screech of pain, but was silenced by a slap across the face. Mike threw me on the floor then and Tyler grabbed the rope and with Mike's help, tied me up. And while all of this is happening, Tanya is recording it. I also noticed that Mike and Tyler wore masks, and I realized why. They didn't want anyone to know they did it, but everyone already would.

When they had finished, Tanya brought out a mask which she preceded to place on her head as well. She handed the camera to Mike and she came over to me with bright red lipstick. I tried to shy away but Tyler held me in place. On my forehead she wrote "loser" and across my face she put "go die" and as she did I could only cry, which made me her only that much more pleased with herself. Tyler snickered along with Mike and Tanya. And then Tanya did the unthinkable. She went back to where Mike was and grabbed a spray paint can, in red. I tried to squirm away, but that only made Tyler angrier. He tightened his grip on me, and Tanya sauntered over and painted on my chest of my shirt "I am a slut" and when she was done she slapped my across the face, and motioned for her little gang to follow. And with a "bitch" and "slut" they left. Once I heard the door close I let the tears that had been threatening to fall, pool over in a nonstop cascade down my face. But I knew that I had to hurry up, and when I looked at the clock to see how big of trouble I would be in, I realized that I was only five minutes late. I quickly got the lipstick off, but I didn't know what to do with the shirt, so I turned it inside out and ripped the tag off of it. With a look in the mirror I sighed because this was as good as it was going to get.

As I walked to class, I couldn't help the limp that came with me. During my torture, I had been kicked in the stomach and when I was thrown onto the floor, my leg had twisted in a very sick angle. Oh well, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. And as I opened the door I saw. . .

**Hahahaha...I know I am evil, but let me know what you thought, and please review!!**


	2. may or may not hate me

**Ahhh!!!! Wats up pplz?!?!? Here is the next chappy…hope u like it!!!!!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I own Twilight!!!**

**Bella: no you don't**

**Me: yea I do…**

**Bella: oh really? *raises eyebrows***

**Me: in my dreams**

**Bella: that's what I thought**

**Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha could not resist..anywho, on with ze story!!**

Previously: _As I walked to class, I couldn't help the limp that came with me. During my torture, I had been kicked in the stomach and when I was thrown onto the floor, my leg had twisted in a very sick angle. Oh well, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. And as I opened the door I saw. . ._

**Chapter 2 – **

I saw my worst nightmare when I walked into class. No teacher, Mike, Tyler, Tanya, and the whole football team. I immediately realized that I was in the wrong room, and that I had to get out of there fast. I tried to make a run for it, but collided with what felt like a brick wall. I looked up from where I fell and saw the guy from earlier, and he looked pissed. He glared at me, and it made me do the only thing I could do well. I screamed.

"SOMEBODY!!! HELP!!!!!!!!" Came the blood-curdling scream that erupted from my lips. I knew someone had to hear it, but no one came. The big man that was blocking my view, stepped aside, and I ran. I ran as fast and as far as I could without hurting myself even more, or falling. I made it outside to where the benches were, and I sat down and cried and cried. My sobs turned to short, raspy gasps. I could barely see and my head was pounding.

_ I'm having a panic attack. _I thought blindly. I knew there was only one way to calm my nerves down, and that way was at home. . .With Charlie. Looking around frantically, I saw the most beautiful object sitting pretty in the early light: a broken bottle. I grabbed the piece of it, and slashed down on wherever I could, trying to get rid of everything. I think this was my worst panic attack yet because, when I looked down, there was nothing left on my shirt anymore. I sighed. I got up and had to cling to the bench I was so dizzy. I looked at the puddle of blood that was still filling in. _My blood. Now how am I supposed to explain this to Charlie? _I yelled at myself. The teachers would be kind of suspicious if they saw a random pool of blood, a broken bottle, and a blood trail leading away from the sight. Oh yea, that would go over real well with the big man. But strangely I didn't care. Why should I care? I was a worthless, pathetic, slut who didn't deserve the air I breathed.

Looking down at my arm again, it was as if I had just looked at it, and I almost puked. My arm was like ground up meat at the butcher shop. I quickly ran to the bathroom and nearly fell, twice. When I finally made it to the bathroom, I ran to the sink, turned the water on, and just ran and reran my arm underneath it, till it looked decent. I realized, after I'd stopped the water, that it was my blood matted shirt that made it look so gruesome. I grabbed my bag form the secret panel I found in the bathroom a couple years ago. In it I had all of the necessities. Peroxide, Band-Aids, an extra shirt or two, and a whole lot of cover-up lived in that bag. I poured half of the bottle of Peroxide onto my arm, and I winced slightly at the sizzling it brought. I remembered when my mom used to put this stuff on my cuts and scratches and I would cry because of the pain. I laughed at that. Me and pain go way back. I am practically married to pain.

Once all the Peroxide had cleaned and stopped the bleeding, I dug through my bag to find my other long sleeved shirt I had in here. It was my favorite. It was pitch black and right where the heart is located, it has a heart with a bullet hole through it, and the heart is shattered. I put that shirt on after I took my other one off. And once that was done, I began applying the make-up. It took forever to finish, but I did. I looked at the clock and saw that I had 5 minutes before class ended. I got all of my things together, put them in the hole, and looked at myself in the mirror. I started to tear up at my reflection, but thought better of it.

"I am a worthless slut." I whispered to no one in particular. "I'm sorry I made you leave us mom. If I wasn't so stupid and pathetic I would have made you stay." By the end of my little speech my voice was cracking on every other word. But I knew I could not cry here. Not now. Sighing for what seemed like the millionth time, I made my way, slowly, out into the hallway and to my next class. Which just so happened to be Art. I grimaced. I mean I'm good at art . . . Okay take that back; I am the BEST artist in this whole damn school!! I could even rival Pablo Picasso, and Leonardo Davinci. I didn't realize where I was until I bumped into a short, pixie haired girl. I fell down, and landed on my broken rib. It took all I had not to screech in pain.

"Oh my gosh are you okay??" She said to me. Funny, she almost looks like she cares. _Don't get your hopes up Bella!! _My head told me. I knew I was right. Like anyone would care about me. I looked up at her and saw undying concern in her eyes.

"Yea I'm fine," I said grudgingly. "Don't worry about it." I was trying to get up, and she must have saw how difficult it was because she helped me…_WAIT!! SHE HELPED ME?!?!_

"There you go," she said softly. "Where is your next class?"

"Uh, Art, why?" I asked her.

"Really?! I have Art too!!" She was squealing and jumping up so much I thought she was going to burst. She realized this and stopped. "Oh sorry, my name's Alice, what's yours?" Like she would care.

"Isabella, but I liked to be called Bella." I shrugged. "Hey," I asked her as we were walking, "why are you talking to me?" She looked hurt that I had asked that.

"Why wouldn't I talk to you Bella?" She looked at me like I was crazy. I sighed before turning to her and answering her in a glum, dead voice.

"Haven't you heard the rumors?" I sighed again. "I'm the freak, and worthless piece of shit that goes to this school. I have no friends because no one wants to talk to me. So I don't understand why you're talking to me." I was near tears, but I couldn't let her know. I met her eyes, and almost lost it right then and there. She looked as if she were going to either cry or punch someone.

The look disappeared, but was still there in her eyes when she answered. "I have heard them, and I don't believe them at all. You are not a freak, Bella. And besides," she said as she opened the door to our Art class, "I want to talk to you. And me and you are going to be the best of friends, I just know it!!" _If Charlie doesn't kill me first. _I thought to myself. Looking at Alice though, I could actually believe it. I went over to my easel, and sat down. I had mine at the very back of the class, away from all the other students. The only person who came over was Mrs. Funkurdoder **(pronounced funk your daughter =D). **She didn't mind that I was in the back, even though there were so many seats in the front and the middle, because I was her best damn student. I won an Art contest a year ago, and won a whopping $400.00, but Charlie took every penny of it. Nowadays I'm lucky if I can find a penny or two. I was so deep in thought while painting that I didn't even notice when someone came up behind me and gasped and when someone sat down next to me. I looked around and saw Alice and Mrs. Funkurdoder gawking at my easel. I turned around and gasped. On my easel was an amazing painting **(pic on profile)**. It looked like it had taken hours to do, instead of minutes.

"What?" I asked, totally out of patience. Sometimes the gawking really irks me. They recovered, but only slightly.

"Ms. Swan, if I may, that painting would go amazing in our newest collection of "A Winter Night." If I may ask, how did you accomplish this in just 10 minutes?" She looked at me with disbelief, and awe.

"I don't care to the first, and don't know to the second. I was simply thinking, and this painting just came to me." It wasn't a complete lie, but just as bad. I was actually wondering how I would die. Alice looked liked she didn't believe me, and the Mrs. Funkurdoder was too focused on the painting to even care. Whatever floats her boat.

I was about to say something more, when the bell rang, signaling for my next class. I sighed as I got up. _Now to endure my favorite class of the day, Mr. Banner's!!_ I thought with too much sarcasm. Mr. Banner was the only teach who actually said my flaws aloud and to the whole class. Not that I cared. It just hurt like hell. _One more class Bella. Just this one more class, then lunch, and you finally get to be with your piano, and with Ms. Rhoads. _I told myself. That made me feel better, but that feeling disappeared when I walked into class and sat down.

(Was going to stop, but decided to continue!!)

*Mr. B's class*

When I sat down, I noticed, once again, that I was the first one in the room. It doesn't matter, Mr. Dickhead will probably just make me stand in a corner in what he calls "deserved punishment" or maybe today he's let me wait on his hand and foot. I always loved doing that. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice when someone came in front of me and cleared her throat. I jumped slightly, and looked up to see Miss Priss. Really her name is Lauren Mallory, but my nickname for her suits her better.

"Yes Miss Priss, how may I not help you today?" I asked in my innocent voice, that I had just for her. I looked around when I heard some chuckles and saw that the whole class was here, even Professor Dickhead. She glared at me her hardest, and I pretended to yawn. "Really Miss Priss, come on you have to do better than that to make me cower in fear," and that was no lie. She smiled, well really sneered at me, and walked up to Ilikedicks and whispered something in his ear. I swear that girl can make a rock puke. He smirked at her, gave her a wink, and as Miss Priss walked to her seat, Mr. B was interrupted with whatever he was about to say with a knock on the door.

"I wonder who that could be," he murmured. He walked over to the door, opened it, and let in the bronze haired god from earlier. "Ah, Mr. Cullen is it? Well, um let's see if we can find you a seat . . . hmm how about with Ms. Swan over there." And he looked, well really glared in my general direction, and I just looked away. I hated new kids. And as he was walking to the desk, in the back where I sat, Mr. Dicklicker continued where he left off. "As I was saying, it is very unpleasant seeing you Miss, oh whatever is your name? No wait, don't tell me. Is it, Imademymomleavemebecauseiamworthless (I made my mom leave me because I am worthless)?" He laughed then, as did the rest of the class. I just had my head in my folded hands on the desk, not caring that much. But what he said next pissed me off. "Oh Isabella, I heard that you were a bad girl this morning and skipped first period. For that you have to go stand in the corner." I looked up and he was pointing at a corner, the one that dripped from the ceiling and smelled like old socks. I just sat there, looking at him. "Now Isabella!!" He said. Again, I didn't move. I just shrugged my shoulders, and resumed my previous position. He said something under his breath, put his book down, and came over to where I was. All the kids were whispering and laughing. When he came over to me he yelled in my ear so loud, I thought it was going to burst. "ISABELLA, IF YOU DO NOT GO INTO THAT CORNER I WILL PERSONALLY TAKE YOU THERE MYSELF!!! NO WONDER YOUR MOTHER LEFT YOU!! YOU ARE JUST A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT THAT DOESN'T DESERVE THE AIR SHE BREATHES!! YOU WILL BURN IN HELL FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!!!" As he said the last part he grabbed my hair, and yanked me to the floor, where I landed on my arm, which I just now realized was throbbing and pounding so hard, that when I hit the floor, a blood curdling scream erupted from my lips. He just laughed, and yanked me upright, where I spit in his face. "You bitch," he said as he wiped the spit off of his face. I immediately knew I was in deep shit. He was one of Charlie's fishing buddies. I didn't see the hand coming across my face until I felt the tingling pain of the blow. My hand immediately went to my face, but he just hit my on the other side as well. By now the whole class was laughing at my humiliation. I got up, and ran away from the room, grabbing my My Chemical Romance bag from the table in the process. "And don't come back," he yelled at me.

"I don't plan on it!!" I yelled back to him as I slammed the door. Once I was outside of the classroom, and far enough away I sunk down to the floor and sobbed. I cried for Jacob, I cried for me, I even cried for my mom despite the fact that she left me. I looked up when I heard footsteps. And as I did, I wiped away the tears, just in case it was one of the hags from hell, as I liked to call them. But instead, I saw the big dude from earlier. And from the looks of it, he was heading straight for me. When he got too close for my liking, I turned to run, but didn't get all the way around when I felt cold hands wrap around my waist. I screamed bloody murder.

"Shh, it's okay I'm not going to hurt you, shh. You don't have to be afraid." His voice was deep and scary, and yet I felt calm, sort of. I was still thrashing about, although not as much. His grip was making me feel cold and I could barely breathe. My vision was going fuzzy, and I could hear my heartbeat in my head. I heard someone shriek.

"Emmett!! Put her down, she can't breathe!!"

"Alice?!?" I gasped. I felt myself being dropped to the floor and immediately regained my reserve back. I lurched to my feet, and had my back pressed against the wall. In front of me, with a guilty and shocked face was the man whose name I now guessed was Emmett. Alice was horror struck, and I was scared shitless. I was still gasping for breath and fighting the darkness, when I heard more footsteps. I looked down the hall, and saw the whole gang from this morning. "Oh just great!!" I croaked. "Just what I need, more people to thrash me around. What the fuck do you people want with me?!" I was tired of this shit. Not only do I have to deal with it at home, but the teachers do it to me, and Tanya and her posse. And now the new kids had to torture me as well? No way in hell was I going to let that happen!! I mean sure I deserved it, but they were only here for a maximum of 3 hours!!

"Bella how can you say that? We are trying to help you." There goes Alice with her all wise and knowing bullshit. I rolled my eyes with another sigh.

"I do not need your help. I am absolutely, positively, most definitely, no doubt about it, listen to what I am saying k? F…I…N…E!!!! CAN YOU NOT FUKKING COMPREHEND THAT?!! OR DO I HAVE KNOCK IT INTO YOUR THICK ASS SKULL?!? I DO NOT NEED ANYBODY TO TAKE CARE OF ME. I HAVE BEEN DOING IT SINCE I WAS FIVE FUCKING YEARS OLD!! I DIDN'T NEED ANYBODY THAN AND I SURE AS HELL DON'T NEED ANYBODY NOW!! SO JUST BACK THE FUCK OFF!!" By now I was screaming, the words barely comprehendible because my voice kept breaking, both from my breathing starting to hitch up, and the fact that I was nearly choked to death. What a great way to have my day start off!! I had turned away from them slightly, and had my eyes closed in an effort to control my breathing. I was taking what I believed were deep, calming breaths, until I was breathing heavily and I could feel the familiar pounding of my heart.

"Bella, are you okay?" I heard someone ask, but the sound was muted, due to the ringing in my ears.

"Shit!!" I gasped out as I fell to my knees. I was panting and could barely breathe, and it felt like I was going to either die, puke, or pass out, which I hoped options 2 and 3 were not going to happen. Death. . . .Now death I would take beautifully. It would end this living hell called my life. I felt some people come around me and were trying to get me to stand, but my body wouldn't have it. "Please, just let me go. This happens a lot," was all I could utter out, until I felt someone grab my waist, right where I had my broken ribs. My body immediately became clear, and I screamed. The people holding me let me go, and I was already running before they regained their composure. I bolted for the closest door, which just so happened to be the main doors, leading out to the quad. As soon as I hit the fresh air, and was far enough away, I stopped. I held my breath for a second, let it out, and took a deep breath, repeating the steps until I felt calm enough to think about what had happened. I knew that I was just overreacting when I yelled those harsh and hateful things to Alice, but hey they were true. Well at least as true as they are a lie. I did need someone to help me, but I can take care of myself. I sighed, once again, and immediately winced in pain. I pulled up my shirt and saw that my rib was almost about to pop out of my skin. _Just take a deep breath Bella, _I told myself, as I placed my hands in the spot that they had always been every time Charlie broke one of my ribs. I put the slightest pressure on it, and then taking a deep breath I shoved and pressed so hard, that a screech of sheer terror and pain shot through my lips. I kept screaming as I pushed and twisted, until my ribs were finally in place, but my throat was bone dry from screaming. I knew I had to find a drink, but the only place where I could get one was at school.

I began walking back to school, and when I got there, and looked at the time, I knew that I was 10 minutes late for music class. "Shit!!" I said as I started running as fast as my injured body would allow, towards the music room. When I got there, I was about to knock on the door, when Mrs. Rhoads opened the door.

"Bella, I believe that this is a first for being late for my class. Do you have a note for saying why?" She held out her hand as she made way for me to enter the room.

I gulped a couple of times before I answered. "No Ma' am, I don't have a note saying why I was late. I. . ." I didn't know how to tell her.

"Why were you late Bella?" She asked, her temper rising. I could tell her a lie or the truth. Hmm, which one would be better? _Oh, I um, sorta kinda fell on my way and I didn't go to the nurse cause she hates me. That was the lie. Or I could go with the truth: since I was 5 my father has been beating, raping, and abusing me...this morning I got jumped by Mike, Tyler, and Tanya, and then I was choked to death by the new kid named Emmett, and then I ran off and I had to place my broken ribs back in place, and that's why I am late for your class. OH SURE!! SHE'LL REALLY CARE THAT I'M ABUSED AND RAPED BY THE PROTECTOR OF FORKS…YEA RIGHT!!_

"BELLA!!" She yelled at me. I flinched at the tone of her voice and backed a couple of steps away from her. She immediately realized that she scared me and in a softer voice said, "Bella, I am sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I only want to know why you are late to my class."

"I…I…I" I stammered. I honestly did not know what to tell her.

"Don't be afraid freak!" Some kid yelled. I immediately started to tear up. "Aww the wittle fweak is guna cwy!!" And then he made a procession of crying and then cutting himself. It was almost too much to bear. The teacher told Kyle, that was him name, to stop being so ignorant, and cruel to me. "Teacher pet," he mumbled as I walked towards the piano. When I sit down though, I noticed someone else was sitting there too. I looked up and saw the bronze haired god from both before school and when Emmett was trying to kill me. He looked over at me, and I just glared. He looked confused and so he wrote something down on a sheet of paper and slid it to me.

(Bella _italicized_, Edward **bold)**

**Hey, wat's wrong? Did I do something to upset you?**

I read the note and had a hard time not laughing. So I snickered instead.

_Oh nothing, despite the fact that you new kids are as bad as the rest._

**What do you mean? I haven't done anything to hurt you!!**

_Yet!! That's what everyone always says or does, and then they end up being just like—_

At that point Mrs. Rhoads came over and took the note, which she presumed to read aloud. "Bella, Edward, what is the meaning of this?" She looked at each of us, and I didn't know whether to yell, blush, scream, bolt for it, or just tell her to fuck off. "I want an answer, and I want it from you Bella." My head shot up at that comment.

"ME!?! What the hell did I do?" I was very on edge and my choice of words shocked her.

"Well, first you are late to my class, haven't attended any of your other classes except Mr. Banner's, which you left in the middle of, and now you are passing impudent notes to the new kid!"

"Oh yea? Well maybe you would like to know why I 'skip' classes, Mrs. Rhoads, since you seem to think that I am the bad guy here, when really I am the one who is fucking innocent!! All you people are exactly the fucking same!! You say one thing one minute and then 5 minutes later, you turn your back on me!!" By now I was in her face and screaming at her. I tried to take a deep breath, and gasped at the pain in my rib. I almost fell to my knees, gripping the piano for support with one hand, while the other held my rib.

"Oh god, Bella, are you okay?!" She immediately turned into that protective teacher like attitude. It made me want to puke.

"WIL YOU PEOPLE STOP ASKING ME IF I AM OKAY?! I AM FINE AS DAYLIGHT MRS. RHOADS!! I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO ASK ME IF I AM OKAY, I FELL AND HIT MY RIB, IS THAT FINE?! DOES THAT SATISFY YOUR CURIOUSITY SO THAT YOU CAN GO TELL THE OTHER TEACHERS THAT POOR LITTLE ISABELLA GOT HURT AGAIN JUST BECAUSE SHE WALK ACROSS A FLAT SURFACE WITHOUT TRIPPING OVER HER OWN TWO FEET?! OR MAYBE YOU WANT TO BRING MY FATHER IN HERE AND LET HIM DECIDE WHAT WOULD BE BEST FOR ME!! I AM FUCKING FINE OKAY?! I HAVE HAD ONE OF THE SHITTIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE, AND I AM NOT FEELING UP FOR MORE PSYCHOTIC TREATMENT!!" I was steaming and knew that I would be in deep shit when I got home. Mrs. Rhoads had gained her composure by now, and was looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Bella, I won't tell your father or write you up or send you to the office or give you detention. I just wanted to know why you were being so hostile towards Edward here." When my temper flared and I was about to tell her off, she interrupted me, "it's okay, I get it, something happened, not my business right? Besides like I would want to know what you two did, that obviously has you two in a fuzzy knot." And with that she smiled and I laughed a little. I felt better, kinda. Mrs. Rhoads told me to come over to her desk, and when I did she gave me a lollipop and a sticker that said BE HAPPY AND SMILE!! I laughed at that some more, and went to sit down. I felt immensely better.

I also remembered that today the class was lengthened by 45 minutes because we had missed a day two weeks ago, and we needed to make up for it. Charlie had given me hell when I told him, but to keep up with appearances, he allowed me to stay. I was pleased with that, but I also knew that I would have a hell of a lot to deal with when I got home. My thoughts were interrupted when Mrs. Rhoads began to talk.

"Does anyone have a piece that they would like to share with us?" She looked around the room, and I sighed and bravely raised my hand. "Yes, Bella?"

"I would like to play a song I made last night if that would be alright." I said this with confidence because I knew that everyone else in the room would pissed that I can play so amazingly, and part of me wanted to show Edward that I really don't need someone to help me, when I so desperately wanted one.

"Very well then, umm if you would like to we can all have a seat in the proper chairs whilst Bella enchants us with her Mozart worthy talents." She smiled and winked at me.

After everyone was seated I turned slightly towards them, so that, shocked they could see that I had no sheet music in front of me. I went up to the microphone, and said, "This piece is called River Flows in You, I hope you like it." And with that, I sat at the ivory keys, took a deep breath, and began to play. My finger flowed across the key effortlessly and as each second passed, I became more and more exquisite. I heard gasps and turned up a notch. And to surprise them more, I continued playing and smiled at them, without looking at the keys. But as the notes drifted, I began to feel so alone and vulnerable. This song was my life, and it was supposed to show how I suffered and all that I got through, in these complex and luxurious notes.

As I kept playing though, I felt the presence of more than just my music class in the room with us, but I was so absorbed in my music that I didn't even care to notice fully. And as the last note filled the air, a moment of poignant silenced filled the room, until it erupted in applause.

I turned around and saw the whole school population standing there, applauding me!!

"More Bella, please play more!!" I heard from the most unexpected person in the world: Tanya. I thought she was going to try something, but she honestly looked like she wanted to hear me play.

I motioned her forward and asked her, "Why do you want me to play? I thought you hated me." She merely laughed.

"Bella, I maybe not like you, but that is amazing music that you play, even though you still are a slut, I love listening to you play. Care to come play for my family's reunion?" She practically begged me. I was shocked.

"Sure I guess, but why?"

"Please Bella?! We will pay you $100 every half hour you stay, and the party thingy is around 5 hours."

"$1,000 Tanya?! Are you seriously going to pay me that much?"

"If you don't play more, I won't pay you a dime."

"Deal!!" I went up to the microphone and said to everyone, you want more?" I got a loud response. "Okay, this next song is called Kiss the Rain." And I walked back to the keys and began to play yet again.

As soon as I started playing, the whole room became silent. I felt a sort of saddened pride. _I wish my mother were here to see me play, and was proud of me. _I though glumly. I felt the ears start to fill in my eyes, but I just couldn't hold back a single tear. As on tear fell on the keys, I heard some whispers.

"Why is she crying? She is amazing, she shouldn't cry. I wonder what's wrong. Maybe it's just the music." It was a velvet voice and that just made the tears flow. That comment hurt a thousand times worse than my mom leaving me, and my dad raping me. And at last the song ended, and right as it did, the doors burst open and an angry voice I knew only all too well screamed.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! I WAS WORRIED SICK!! YOU NEED TO COME HOME NOW!!!" I swear his voice reverberated off the walls. I got up as fast as I could and went to him.

"Dad, I told you that I had to stay after school today," I tried to reason with him, and I smelt the alcohol.

"Get your butt in that car now!!" He said to me in his deathly calm voice. I immediately went without a glance or a word to the people who may or may not hate me.

When I got into the car, Charlie's forehead had a vein popping out and he was a sort of purplish color, and I did not like it at all. I. Am. In. Deep. Shit.

I was in for a long night. And all too soon we arrived at the hell house. With a yank of my hair and punch to the head, I gladly fell into the black waters.

**Yay!! Another chapter complete!! Do you think I was a little too much on this chapter?!? I hope not!! Please review!! They would be so appreciated!!**

**Love you**

**Lexi was here!! =D**


	3. My Wothless Life of Despair

**Que pasa mi hombres? He he, just wanted to extend your vocabamuhalary a wee bit!! As you all know this is a suicide/love/angst/abuse story, and I just wanted to write this little chappy and btw beware of the abuse that takes place in this chapter!!! It is pretty gruesome and made me gag as I was writing it, but it had to be done. In the next chapter, it will be Edward's POV, from that morning all through when Bella was playing the piano. Hope you like it!! Any who, I got 18 reviews!!! Score!!**

**Disclaimer:  
Me: *dances happily* I finally own Twilight!!  
Cullens: NO YOU DON'T  
Me: yea huh!!  
Cullens: *grab pitch forks and torches*…  
Me:…  
Cullens: GET HER!!!!!  
Me: no!!! I was just kidding I do not own Twilight!!!!**

**He he could not resist, like always. Anywho, on with chappy number 3!!**

Previously: _When I got into the car, Charlie's forehead had a vein popping out and he was a sort of purplish color, and I did not like it at all. I. Am. In. Deep. Shit. I was in for a long night. And all too soon we arrived at the hell house. With a yank of my hair and punch to the head, I gladly fell into the black waters._

**Chapter 3—**My Worthless life of Despair

When the darkness subsided, and I became aware of my surroundings, I knew someone was in the room with me. I didn't move, or try to let on that I was awake.

"I know you're awake, you bitch," someone slurred. _Caught. Oh shit, now what do I do? _"I said get up!!!" and with that he came over and slapped me. I opened my eyes in shock, and when I tried to move my hand to hold my now tingling cheek I found that I could not move it. I looked up and saw I was handcuffed to the bed post. Charlie's bedpost. I knew it was his because of the old wearings that are in the wood where he was chained me up before. I also found it very cold, and when I looked down, I saw I was naked. I gulped and I made the mistake of looking him in the eye, pleading with him.

"Please Dad, don't do his, please, I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you angry, but please stop." I said, tears forming in my eyes as a lump built in my throat. I was near cracking, but I couldn't let him see that. He'd make the beating that much more worse.

**WARNING: ABUSE STARTS HERE!!!**

"DON'T YOU EVER LOOK ME IN THE EYES!!" He yelled as his belt came onto my stomach. I screeched in pain. He took that as a triumph, the sick bastard, and hit me harder, and faster with each flick of his hand. By the time he was done whipping me, my stomach was bruised and bleeding. I knew Charlie was nowhere near being done so I didn't bother to make my pleas above a whisper. He then walked away for about 5 minutes and when he came back he had a pot and in it I could see boiling water.

"NO!!! PLEASE, CHARLIE, NNNOOOOO!!!!!!" I screeched as the scalding Peroxide, as I now knew it was, was poured onto my bloody stomach. And the whole time, Charlie laughed about it in his dark and evil laughter. The pain was almost too much to bear. I was fighting unconsciousness when Charlie hit me with the hot part of the pot on my cheek. But he left it there, and smiled darkly as I screamed. He took it away, only to hit me with as much force as humanly possible, on my head and my sides, breaking a few ribs, again. After almost an hour of that, he threw the pot across the room, and stripped down into nothing.

He got beside me on the bed, and very tenderly, began caressing my breast with one palm as he wiped away my tears. I stiffened as he did this. _Why is he being gentle? He is never gentle when he fucks me. _And as quickly as it came, his tenderness was gone and he was crushing his mouth onto mine, forcing the merging of our tongues. I knew it was too good to be true. When he released my mouth to breathe, he planted himself so far into me, that I screamed. He had never gone that far into me, and what was worse. He came inside of me. Charlie was never careless in what he does, so it scared me to find that not only did he come inside me, but he went so deep into me, that I think I bled.

**ABUSE ENDS HERE **

When the torture was over, he pulled out of me and put his pants back on, untying me somehow. "Get up to your room now!!" He yelled at me. I went as fast as I could without falling or screaming in pain. I threw myself onto my floor as soon as I closed my door. I didn't bother locking it anymore, not after Charlie broke down the other 3. Why does this always happen to me? Thinking now, I don't even remember what I ever did to make my mother leave. I can't even remember what she looks like.

I broke down into sobs that racked my whole body in shakes. I curled up into a ball, despite the pain on my stomach, and the tearing sound of my ribs as they took in my new position. I started to rock back and forth, and mutedly I heard the police cruiser drive down the driveway. _Looks like Charlie's off fishing for the day. _I thought as I kept crying quietly. I got up as easily as I could without hurting myself. And as I got up, I was reaching for my toiletries bag, because I need to take a shower. Once I reached them, I made my way slowly to the bathroom. A glance at the clock told me it was 4:30 am…Sighing as I reached the bathroom; I turned the shower on, and stepped in. The scalding water hurt my stomach, but after a while I got used to it. I looked at my ribs, and began again the process of placing them back in their actual place.

Stepping out of the shower, I grabbed my first aid kit, and put tape on my ribs, and tied gauze all around my front end, all across my abdomen and stomach. Once I was done with that, I put the kit under the cabinet, and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw the bags under my eyes, and as I stepped back, since it was a full length mirror, I saw how skinny I really was. It was sickly skinny. I sighed, again. "This is my worthless life of despair, I guess," I said as I made my way to my room again. I went over to my closet and decided on what to wear. "Hmm, gothic or punk? Gothic or punk? Gothic," I said as I moved all of my gothic clothes up near the front. I pulled out my black trip pants, my black Converse, my long sleeved fishnet shirt, and then my skull hoodie (pic of outfit on profile). Once I laid the clothes out on my bed, and was satisfied with what was there, I looked at the clock. "Only 7:05? I wish it was 30 minutes after that time, that way I could leave," I said as I got dressed.

After I was dressed, I went to the bathroom to put on some makeup. I went real heavy with the black eyeliner, covering my whole eyelid and making it look like I had a black eye, and then I decided on a nice deep purple lip gloss. Once I was done applying, I looked at myself. "Not bad Bella," I murmured as I looked at my creation. It was better than nothing. I sighed, knowing I should get to school, so I could get the work I missed yesterday, as well as possibly take that lit test I missed.

Once I was in the truck, I couldn't help but feel so alone. I had no one to help me anymore, and I was so in need of help. I tried to start my truck, and all it did was nothing. I tried again. And again. Sighing, I got out of the truck bed, and started walking. _Charlie forgot to lend me money to put gas in the truck, _I thought as I was walking down the driveway. Since I had to walk, I knew that I didn't have t worry about being that early to school. I mean I could be there in like 15 minutes walking. But something made me pick up my pace a little.

When I finally got to the school, my fragile body was near passing out from the exertion. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that my bones are so fragile that a punch to the side could break a rib, and that since I am so skinny, I can't make my body to fun stuff, like walking to school or trying out for a school sport. Ever since my mom left, and Charlie has been starving me, I haven't been getting the energy and nutrients to exercise properly, therefore when I have to exert my body like that; it makes me almost pass out. Fun, I know.

I shook my head slightly as I nearly fell against the bench where I crumpled myself onto, gasping for breath. I wondered if I would see Alice today. As if on some sick irony, and queue, Alice came running up to me.

"Oh my gosh, Bella are you okay? I was worried when your dad made you leave yesterday, and what is with you and the gothic look today?" She asked me as she saw what I was wearing. "Never mind," she said as she sat down next to me on the bench. "So," she began, "are you okay, cause you look like you are about to pass out," I looked up to see that same concern in her eyes from yesterday.

"Yeah, I'm fine; it's just that if I exert my body too much, because of how small I am, it can make me pass out." I said as tears filled my eyes. She looked as if she were about to say something, when I heard a booming voice.

"Alice!!! Is she okay? What hap—" he was cut off because I gasped, shrieked, and then tried, and failed to get off the bench and run. As soon as I had lurched away from it I tripped on the piece of the sidewalk that is out of place. I fell on my stomach, and it hurt so bad, I thought my world was going to collapse. I gasped in a choked breath of air, and I had to bite my lip to keep the tears and screams away. I felt little, cold arms gently wrap around my waist, and pull me up, so I was standing. I looked bleary eyed, up to a concerned Alice, and a horror-struck Emmett. I blushed through the tears, making Emmett smile, slightly. He was looking at me in an odd way, and then his lips twitched, and before I knew it, he was gripping his sides he was laughing so much. I shook my head in embarrassment and awe. "Is...Is he okay?" I whispered to Alice.

"No one knows," she stage whispered back, "we like to believe he is." At that Emmett stopped laughing and responded.

"Heyy!! That's not cool!!! I'm sane!!" And he smiled so huge I thought it hurt. I looked at Alice and then we started laughing so hard, we had to sit down. The tears were streaming down my face, I was laughing so hard. Partially from the pain, and from the laughing. I had a strange feeling that today would be the brightest day of my life in the past 12 years.

**Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Another cliffhanger!! I know I am evil, but I have some tricks up my sleeve…or do I? Love ya'll for reviewing...keep it up….**

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**Ha ha!!! Just kidding!! You didn't think I would end it like that did you?!?**

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**CHAPTER 3!!!!!!!!!!!**

Me and Alice said goodbye to Emmett, and went to class, which I found out is with Alice, and her brother, Edward. As we were walking though, I felt kind of scared. I was getting too attached to Alice, and if things went wrong one day, I would never see her again. I would die and never get to tell her how much of a friend she is to me, even when I don't deserve it. WE had made it to class now, and we sat down. There was a seat on my left empty, and Edward, I presumed sat down beside me.

I looked at him, then at Alice, and in a soft voice asked, "Why are you guys sitting with me? Don't you know what they will start to say about you guys if you sit with me?" I was begging with them now, almost pleading. Jacob was the last person to ever sit with me and he ended up dead.

"Look Bella," Alice began, "we don't care what they think or say about us. We are your friends, or well trying to be, but if you don't want us to hang out with you, then we don't have to," she said smugly as she gathered her things together and was about to get up. I panicked. I could not lose them.

"No!!" I half yelled, half said. "Please don't. I…I just…It's just that last time someone sat beside me and became friends with me…" I sighed. "The last time someone was my friend, something bad happened." I was reliving the memory, and was brought back to reality by Alice.

"What happened Bella?" She asked. I looked at her and then at Edward, and began the story of how I lost my best friend.

"His name was Jacob…Black. He was the only person who was actually nice to me. We kept our friendship secret, until one day in the lunchroom; he stood up for me when Tanya and her posse were tormenting me. Everyone knew we were friends after that, and we never tried to hide it anymore. Everyone talked about him and he lost his position on the football team. He didn't care, and Mike and Tyler were pissed because they had only joked about taking him off. But when he didn't care, they took him off for real. They expected Jake to say to hell with me and ditch me, but he stayed.

"And then one day…" my voice trailed off. I didn't think I could continue. But a nudge from Alice and a sympathetic smile from Edward made me continue. I sighed. "One day Jake was called up to the office…When he came back he had tears in his eyes. I had asked him what was wrong and he said that his parents died in a car accident and he had to go stay with his aunt and uncle in Maryland. I lost it. I started crying and begging him if there was anything that could have been done. He said it was final and that he didn't want to leave, but he had to. He said that he would call me every day and would miss me like crazy, and whenever he could, he would come visit me. And then, he left.

"We talked, and talked on email for hours at a time, and whenever we could we called each other." I winced because I remembered when Charlie had found me on the phone once. It wasn't pretty. I still had the scar on my wrist to prove it. "He said that he missed me and he had almost enough money to come see me. I was ecstatic. I would finally get to see my Jakey. And then one day, I didn't hear from Jake. That day turned into a week, and when I called him, and asked where he was and if he was okay, his mother told me he had gotten in a car accident on his way to see me. His head went through the windshield, and he was immediately taken to the hospital," I took a shaky breath and continued. "He died on his way to the hospital, six months ago." I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the tears drop from my chin onto my neck. I wiped them away, only for more to take their place. "His mom called me and told me that on his way to the hospital, when he was fighting for his life, that his last words were 'tell Bellie Wellie that I love her' and as he gave his last breath, he said my name." My lips were trembling, and I was on the verge of sobbing. I looked up and saw that the whole class was staring at me, and when they saw my face everyone, except Ms. Rhoads, Edward, Alice, and me were laughing. Ms. Rhoads told them to shut up or go laugh in the principal's office. She looked back at me and had tears in her eyes. She mouthed to me _I'm sorry,_ and that only made it that much worse. I couldn't take it any longer. All I did was look pleadingly at her and she smiled a sad smile and nodded. As soon as she did, I bolted up from my seat and ran out of the classroom. Once outside, I sunk down the line of lockers, sobbing. He was my best friend, and I knew his accident was on purpose. The whole week that I didn't hear from Jake, Mike and Tyler had been gone. No one else knew, but I did. They killed my best friend, I know they did. I didn't say anything to them about it though because I didn't want to give them another excuse to hurt me.

I was sobbing so hard and my breaths were short little choked gasps. I expected to have a panic attack, but strangely I didn't. I heard the door open, and Alice and Edward came out of it. I looked up blindly at them, and held out my arms. I needed a shoulder really bad right now. Alice came over quickly and quietly and wrapped her stone cold arms around me gently. I turned into her and hugged her tighter. I felt her stiffen slightly, but she soon relaxed. I felt another pair of arms come by me and encircle me. I turned and it was Edward. I met his eyes, and was silently pleading with him to save me. I was trying to tell him that I was being abused and raped and tormented, all with my eyes. He was looking at me as if he was saying _I know, but I don't know how to help you. _I began screaming in my head now. _PLEASE HELP ME!!! I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME, PLEASE!! I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE ANYMORE!!! _I sobbed harder than ever, and very reluctantly, I shrugged them off. Each of them looked offended, but Edward mostly looked dazed, as if he had been in a trance. I got up and started walking away. I went through the front door, and as soon as I did, a hand covered my mouth and I tasted a strange taste in my mouth. My eyes became heavy. _Chloroform, _my mind whispered, before I fell into unconsciousness.

*****

As I woke up from the blissful darkness, I put my hand to my head. It was throbbing. I had a major headache. I groaned as I rolled over onto my back, and gasped in pain. I brought my hand to my back and sticking out of it was little ninja stars. I tried to pull them out, but each time I tried, I got electrocuted. I screeched in pain and terror. _WAT THE HELL?!?!?! _I screamed in my head. I tried to get up, but couldn't. I opened my eyes when I heard a sickening voice.

"I know you're awake, sweetheart," a man's voice said. It wasn't Charlie's, Mr. Banner's; it wasn't even Mike or Tyler. I opened my eyes to see a blonde haired man sitting in a chair. His long hair was tied in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. He was shirtless, and if I wasn't so scared, I would have said that he had a nice body. He was nothing but pure rippled, muscle. His pale skin slightly reminded me of Edward and Alice, but they weren't here now. Wait, where is here? He was looking at me with an almost animalistic look. I gulped a couple of times.

"Wh-Where am I? Where have you taken me?" I asked my voice on the verge of tears. He looked at me in a long soulful kind of way.

"My dear, I saw how unhappy you were in your home and I decided to rescue you from it. My name is James, by the way," he added as he came over to me. As he went to touch me, I shied away from him. But he kept reaching, and I closed my eyes, expecting a blow or two. But when I felt the straps on my stomach being released, I opened my eyes in shock. "There you go," he murmured, as he stepped away. I sat upright, and when I felt like I was about to puke, he gently laid me back onto, what I now realized was a bed. I looked around and saw we were in a room, a nice one at that. I looked up at him questioningly. He chuckled, and it was a nice chuckle, but still eerie. "This is my home," he gestured to the room.

"You still did not answer my question. Why did you take me? My father will be looking for me, and so will my friends. They'll have a search party out looking for me. What do you want from me?" I whispered. He looked at me in disbelief, and sighed, and shook his head.

"Do you want to go back, Bella?" He asked me. I reeled. No one has ever asked me what I wanted. Not since my mother left. I had looked down, and a cold, yet gentle finger pushed my chin back up to his face. For someone who kidnapped me, he was one hell of a nice man. "Bella, do you want to go back? You can if you wish. There is a set of keys on the table outside the door, and a car in the parking lot. There is also a map if you get lost. I'm not making you stay, I just want you to be happy, and safe," he said as he came closer to me. I was too in awe, to realize that he was kissing me in a soft, gentle way. I hesitantly kissed him back, and when I felt his hand go to frame my face, I gasped. He probed my mouth with his tongue, and I let him in, knowing that if I refuse he will probably hurt me. Even though he is a nice man, I still don't trust him. He kissed me with more intent, and I wrapped my arms around his neck as the kiss deepened into something more than anything I have ever felt in my life.

But, I broke off, because I wanted to know why he was doing this. But when I pulled back he became the man I was afraid of. He forced his lips back onto mine and he began again at where he left off. Despite the fact that he was going to rape me, his hands were smooth and gentle, his voice a calm bass. I didn't want this though. I wanted to be free. _Maybe if I pretend to want it, I can make a run for it, _I thought as he began going up my shirt in the back. I pretended to give him what he wanted, and he became oblivious to what I was really doing. I had felt something big and hard when I awoke, and feeling for it now, I realized it was a bat. I grabbed it and swung with all my might into his head. He gasped before being knocked out. I didn't hesitate. I got up and ran, got the keys, went tout to the parking lot, got in the car, and started it. I turned it around and I slammed the locks down. I drove a little ways away and parked the car at a gas station. I looked at the signs and saw I was in Arizona.

I gasped. _Arizona. My mom is supposed to be here. _I felt for the locket I always had around my neck. I yanked it off, and opened it. Inside was a woman's name. Renee Dwyer. I sighed in relief. She must be able to help me. I unlocked the doors, and turned the car off. I grabbed the keys and walked into the gas station. When I walked in, the girl at the register gasped. She came over to me.

"Are you okay Darling'?" She asked me. I looked up at her, and for the first time, I didn't break down and cry. I nodded yes, and she took me to a table in the back.

"I was wondering if you knew who Renee Dwyer is," I said as she gasped.

"Renee? What do you want with Renee? She hasn't done anything wrong, I swear," she pleaded as her voice began to rise a little. I chuckled at her response.

"I want to see Renee because I think she may be my mother." I told her. She gasped, and in a choked voice answered me.

"But…Renee, she…Oh I am going to kill her!!" she exploded, and I jumped. "Sorry, it's just that when Renee came to us, she had said that her husband and daughter had been killed in a car accident and that she couldn't handle living alone in that house…" she trailed off. "It was a lie wasn't it?" I nodded my head yes.

"My mother left me and my father 12 years ago, when I was all but five. I heard their conversation. She said she couldn't handle 'it' anymore and that she had to leave." I looked up at her with tear filled eyes, "I made my mother leave…She didn't leave because she was sad, she left because of who I am. She didn't want me." My voice trailed off at the end.

"Would you like me to call her and tell her to come down?" She looked at me as if she was going to kill her.

"No," I said, "I just wanted to see if she still lived here, I guess she does. I'll be leaving now." I have to get back to Washington." I said as I got up and started walking away. "Hey," I said as I turned around, "what day is it?"

"Oh, it is Friday," she said.

"Oh okay…" _WAIT IT'S FRIDAY!?!?!! THAT MEANS THAT I HAVE BEEN GONE FOR NEARLY 4 DAYS!! OH SHIT CHARLIE IS GOING TO KILL ME!!!!_ I yelled at myself. "Ummm thanks now I must be going," I said as I walked briskly back to my car. I hopped in as fast as I could and began the long 3 day drive back to the one place I used to believe I could call home.

*****

As I finally pulled up, I saw that Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway. "Time to face the music," I muttered as I turned off the ignition. I slowly got out of the car, and began walking up the steps. My legs felt like lead, and my heart was pounding. I didn't know what to expect. As I opened the front door, I heard the TV blaring. I wondered why, because Charlie had stopped watching the TV, specially the Monday night game, 6 years ago. I rounded the corner and sure enough there was Charlie, sitting watching the game. He looked up when I approached and he gawked at me before shutting off the TV and coming over to me. I backed up a couple of steps, until he wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing. "Dad?" I asked as he continued to sob. He let go of me, only to take my face in his hands and kiss my forehead, just like he always used to do.

"I'm so glad you're home," he whispered. "I thought I had lost you, just like your mother." His voice became stern and controlling. "What happened to you? Edward and Alice called and said that you disappeared from school." He was growing angry with each passing second.

"Let me make you some supper, Dad, and we can talk then," I said as I went o go make some Fish Fry. I began making it and when it was finished, placed it and something to drink on the table. I was so glad to be home. "And Dad, I know you are angry with me and are waiting for the right time to strike, but I don't care. Anything is better than what happened to me, and I really do not want to talk about it now. It hurts too much to remember." I said as I sat down at his feet, like he always told me to do. He smiled down at me with menace, and I gladly took the slap to the face. "I missed that," I said as I rubbed my right cheek. I smiled at him and he smiled back. He told me to go then and I asked permission if I could take a shower. He slapped me again, and told me only this once, when he was home. I nodded, gave my thanks, and went to grab my toiletries bag, and then went to take a shower.

Once I was out of the shower though, and had settled in for the night, Charlie came in, drunk. I was kind of sketchy with what was going to happen, and I had all the right to. He beat and raped me all through the night, and I screeched and pleaded just like he wanted. When dawn broke loose, he left me and told me to make him breakfast. I was sore and crying, but I made him breakfast, and went to go get ready for the day that I knew was about to change my life. Today I decided to wear something nice. So I picked up my black skinny jeans, a deep blue V-neck long sleeved shirt, my black-on-black converse, and my studded belt. I got dressed in a haze. My whole body hurt, and I lifted up my shirt to see the damage. There were only a couple of splotches that weren't bruised. I sighed, knowing that as glad as I was for being home, I had a sick feeling that James would come after me soon enough.

I got in the car I borrowed, and drove to school. Now that I wasn't running for my life or worrying about being late, I took notice to the interior. It was a nice car. "Holy shit!!" I yelled, which made the sound reverberate off the tiny space. This was a Bugatti Veryon 16.4 coupe. They weren't even available in Europe yet!! I pulled into the parking lot and saw the two cars that belonged to the Cullen's. I got out and as I did, I saw them come over, and when they saw my car, they stopped and gawked. The whole team was there. The blonde one was the first to answer.

"Is that…Is that a Bugatti Veryon 16.4 coupe?" She asked, looking at me in disbelief.

"Yeah why? Is it bad to have one?" I asked sarcastically. She recovered though.

"Oh no, it's just that they aren't even available in Europe yet, and I was wondering how in the hell you got one," she said as she looked at me. "My name is Rosalie, by the way, and this is Jasper, the only one of us whom you don't know," she said as she gestured to the blonde haired boy who looked a little bit like her. I nodded my head in acknowledgement. "And you have already met Edward, Emmett, and Alice." I nodded and grimaced at the same time.

"Yeah, I have met them already. I met Alice when she helped me up when I bumped into her, I met Emmett when he nearly killed me, and I met Edward in music class when he was trying to figure out why I was so hostile towards him." I laughed a little, but winced and gasped.

"Bella are you okay?" Alice asked, and shut up when I glared at her. "Sorry, I forgot. Never mind, forget what I said." She said putting her hands up in a surrendering gesture. I smiled at her a little bit. She had no idea what it was like to have to surrender yourself completely, so that you were totally vulnerable to whatever was coming for you. I bet my life on it that she has never had to do that in her whole life. She was too clean and proper for that to have happened to her. Yeah, she has no idea.

"It's cool, I guess. I just don't like it when people pressure me and keep asking if I am okay, when clearly I am!" I said as my voice got the tiniest bit louder. Man I have been yelling a lot lately. I just noticed the aching burn in my throat and that I was parched. My throat was like the Sahara Desert, on its good days, which were very few if at all, I might add. I grimaced again. I needed to get a drink or I'll pass out. I kept the frown on my face and walked over to the water fountain. And as if they were puppets, Emmett, Edward, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper all followed me to the fountain, where I was about to get a drink when someone tripped me. I fell right on my stomach again, and was just rolling on my back when I screeched. I grabbed my side right when the steel-toed boot came onto my side again. I looked up and saw none other than Mike and Tyler. I screeched again and by now there was a crowd and the Cullen's were in the back of it, trying to get through. Just then I heard the one voice I prayed to death that I never would.

"Let her up," commanded a voice I knew only all too well. James. He had come for me. Immediately the crowd dispersed, and he came through. He bent down next to me, cradled me in his arms, and began to pick me up when he twisted my arm in a sick contortion. I screamed and he dropped me. When I fell, I heard a sickening crack on my arm. I looked just in time to see the bone popping out of my skin as I screamed. I heard the snickers coming from someone, and looked bleary eyed up at James just before he disappeared and I felt tiny little arms pick me up.

"Alice," I whispered. And then there was nothing.

**Yes!!! Yet another chapter completed!!! I hope you guys like this chapter and lemme know of any questions you may or may not have!!! And BTW: I have gotten so many reviews and for that I am so thankful!!! And the songs that Bella played in the last chapter are as follows:**

_River Flows in You: Yiruma  
Kiss The Rain: Yiruma_**  
Yiruma is the best!!! His compositions are worthy of Edward. And River flows in you is actually the original Bella's Lullaby, if anyone wanted to know!!!! Anyway, keep reviewing and if anyone has any ideas about what I should do with **the tiniest little girl** please let me know!!! I am stuck on it and if anyone has any ideas please pm me!!!!!!!**

**R  
**E  
V  
I  
E  
W PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Love you guyz!!!!**


	4. 13 years today

**Hey Guys, sorry I have not updated in a while, but I just recently adopted a story and I now am putting my story THE TINIEST LITTLE GIRL up for adoption. I just don't feel it anymore. PM me if you want the story bcuz I would not want to just delete it. So if anyone wants it let me know. Anyways this is chapter 4 of Goodbye I'm sorry, and thank you to all who have reviewed my story and have been keeping me from quitting it. I feel loved. Ha ha, but seriously. This is the most serious fan fic have ever done. So please just give me a break if it sucks. I am winging it. **

_Previously: __"Let her up," commanded a voice I knew only all too well. James. He had come for me. Immediately the crowd dispersed, and he came through. He bent down next to me, cradled me in his arms, and began to pick me up when he twisted my arm in a sick contortion. I screamed and he dropped me. When I fell, I heard a sickening crack on my arm. I looked just in time to see the bone popping out of my skin as I screamed. I heard the snickers coming from someone, and looked bleary eyed up at James just before he disappeared and I felt tiny little arms pick me up._

"_Alice," I whispered. And then there was nothing._

**Chapter 4 – 13 Years Today **

I felt like I was dying. There was no other reason or explanation of the pain that I was feeling now. My whole body ached with all the beatings I had withstood in just little over 2 weeks. First it has been Charlie and Mike and Tyler and Tanya, than it was James, and now it was whoever was putting my bone back into place.

"OW!!! WILL YOU KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF?!? MY ARM ONLY BENDS ONE WAY!!" I screamed as I opened my eyes, and saw 5 of the most beautiful people on earth. I gulped and for a moment, fear captivated me. But then I realized what he was doing and I became angry. I ripped my arm away from him, and despite the pain that seared through me, I got off the bed thingy I was on and ran to the nearest wall. "Stay the hell away from me!!" I yelled. I did not want these people near me, and on top of everything else, they probably saw the scars and bruises and everything. Charlie was going to tear my ass up.

"Bella, please. I must fix your arm or else it will stay that way for a very long time." I looked down at my arm and saw that it was shifted out of place, but I could easily pop it back in. I looked up at him and smirked.

"Thanks, but I can do it myself," I said as I reached down with my left hand and took hold of the bone. He barely got a protest out before I twisted and shifted the bone back where it should be. I yelled in pain, and fell to my knees, but I kept twisting, knowing that I deserved this pain. I felt hollow and worthless. I gave one last push and twist and with a sickly snap, the bone popped back into place. The man, who before was talking to me, now gawked in disbelief. I ignored the looks I got from all of them though. I saw the tape and began what I always do. Once I was finished with that I pulled down my sleeve, and looked up at the man.

"Bella…" he whispered in a choked tone, "Bella, do you have any idea how badly you could have just messed up your arm?" I scoffed at him.

"I've done it before, and nothing bad has ever happened." I said nonchalantly. He looked at me like I was crazy. "What is it with you people and staring at me?!? I get enough of that at school, and I sure as hell don't need it from any of you!!" I half yelled, half spoke. I looked at them as each in turn they looked away ashamed. I sighed, exasperated. "Whatever, I'm leaving," I said as I made my way to the door. But then there was that strange man in my way. I held my chin up high as I spoke. "Look, I don't need this pity party, okay? I have things to do, people to see, and none of that includes you. So Doctor whoever you are move the hell away from the door and let me leave. I have stayed long enough and I want to go the hell home." I said, as my voice got steadily louder. My head and body was throbbing, but I would not show weakness to these people. The man I had yelled at looked pissed, but in a deathly calm voice that scared me said, "first of all, my name is Carlisle, and secondly," he said as he looked at me, "secondly I want to ask you a few questions about what you meant when you said that you have done that," he said looking at my arm. I gasped.

"Shoot, that reminds me," I said as I pulled out a little notebook from my back pocket. I opened it and I flipped to the right page. "Hmmm, no not ankles, not legs, not collarbones or wrists, hmm nope that's ribs…Ah ha, found it!!" I said as I found the page were I recorded how many times I have broken my arm. "Hmm, let me see, wow this makes number 626. Ha, the irony of that. Oh well," I sighed as I closed the notebook and began to put it back in my pocket. A cold arm grabbed my wrist before I could though. I looked up into the topaz colored eyes of the man named Carlisle. His face was pained and as he went for the notebook, my body went numb. _Oh no, _my mind whispered. I immediately had a horrid feeling, and I started whimpering. I fell to my knees as he released his grip on my wrist. I waited for the blow. And waited. I looked up and he, along with Emmett, Edward, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper, were all gawking at the notebook. Without thinking I ripped it out of their hands, and made a run for the door. I got down the steps, and almost to the end of the driveway, when hands grabbed my waist. I screamed. Eerie laughter erupted behind me.

"Thought you'd escaped me for good did you? Well the Cullen's can't protect you now. You belong to me!!" He yelled as I was being dragged away from the house. We were moving too fast, and everything was a blur. I screamed.

"Edward!!!! Edward, help me!!!" I yelled as I was struck across the face. I kept on screaming though. He just tightened his grip on me. I couldn't breathe. "Please, I can't breathe, please stop," I whispered. I saw gray spots start to swarm my vision. He loosened his hold on me, but never slowed down. When he did slow down, I felt terrified. _What if I never get to see my friends again?_ I thought grimly. No, wait. They AREN'T my friends. They were just being nice. Yeah they would be nice until they found out what a worthless slut I was. I laughed a shaky laugh then, and realized we weren't moving. I glanced around and gasped. We were in a beautiful meadow. James released his hold on me, and when he did I turned towards him. He was looking at me with a pained, but reasonably hesitant expression. "How did you find this place, and why did you bring me here?" I asked in a shaky voice.

He smiled, and it wasn't a nice smile. "Bella, I found this place a long time ago. And I brought you here because…because well, I…" he trailed off. He had looked away and when he looked back towards me I gulped and started backing away. His face had contorted somehow, and his eyes were black, with a red ring around it. His once beautiful face had turned animalistic. He snarled at me, and when he did I saw a set of perfect white fangs protruding out of his mouth. I started backing away from him. He smiled. "Don't run Bella. I am going to give you what you have always wanted: a release from all this pain. You have always wanted your life to not have pain, and if you could not have a life without pain, than you would rather not have life at all. I am simply honoring your wish Bella. You see, when I took you away the first time, I was going to change you, but since you ran, and I am quite thirsty, I guess you have to die." He said as he came sauntering towards me. I kept backing away from him though. Shock jolted through me, and slowly recognition. I was finally going to die. I wouldn't have to live through this pain anymore. I wouldn't have to worry about Charlie raping me at night, Tanya and her gang harassing me during the day. I would be free.

I stopped backing away from him, and with hope, I began walking _towards _him. He stopped in shock. I bent down and pulled up a piece of glass I saw in the ground. I picked it up, and looking at his every move, I placed the glass to my neck and sliced. I felt the skin break beneath the glass and felt the sweet release as blood started falling down my neck. I took the glass away and looked at it. I held it up to the sun and my blood shimmered in the early day. I looked back at James, who was stock-still. I saw his eyes turn pitch black. I tossed the glass down and spoke for the first time. "What are you waiting for James? You said it yourself that I want to die, and it's true. I don't want to live if all I have to live for is pain. If death is my only way to escape this pain, than I'm all for it. I mean, sure I'm scared, but hey, I am only a worthless piece of trash who doesn't deserve the air I breathe. I deserve to die. I was born to die. From the moment I came from my mother's womb, I was cursed. And each and every day of my 'life' just makes it more prominent. Kill me James. I don't want to live." I said as I made my way closer to him. I was inches away from him now, and as I felt my shirt pooling with blood, I ran my fingers across my neck and rubbed the blood on my lips. Then I kissed him. I felt him stiffen, and then he was kissing the blood off my lips, and when I heard him moan as my blood filled his mouth, I sighed. I felt his teeth sink into my neck and as he started to drain me, I felt my life force slowly start to fade. My heartbeat quickened for a minute and I gently pushed him off of me. He looked confused at first, but I spoke. "I want you to tell Alice that I'm sorry for not letting her worry about me. I want you to tell Emmett that I know it wasn't his fault that he nearly killed me. And tell Edward that I am sorry for being so hostile towards him." I murmured as I felt my eyes start to drop. My heartbeat was slowing and I knew I had to tell him one more thing. "And James," I said as I opened my eyes again. "Tell them I am sorry it had to be this way, and tell them everything that has been happening to me for the past 13 years of my life." He looked confused.

"I thought it was only 12 years Bella." He said as he looked at me. My heart slowed down to almost nothing.

"13 years today, James. Happy birthday to me…" I whispered, as my eyes fell closed and my heart gave its last couple of thuds. And then darkness took over.

_I was floating in a peaceful oblivion. Everything was sparkly and happy. I felt like I could do anything. I felt grass beneath my fingertips. The sun was on my face, warm and comforting. I smoothed over the grass with breathless tenderness. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in the meadow. I sat up, and looked around. I saw something that didn't belong here, and as I approached it I gasped in shock. There, lying in a pool of her own blood, was a girl. No more than 18, she had long, dark mahogany hair that flowed to her waist. Her eyes were open and from what I could see they used to be a vibrant brown, but that had faded to a dull and lifeless color. She looked familiar to me. With a shock I realized who it was. She was ME. But surely, I could not be dead, could I? I remembered, though. There was James ad blood and my neck. I felt alone now. Would I ever see Alice again? I doubted it. And suddenly I did not want to die. I wanted to live, as long as I was able to see Alice and the rest of the Cullen's, I would be able to put a smile on my face. I knew what I had to do. I stepped into the body and lay down. I imagined myself as being human and alive. Not an angel of some sort and dead. My heart started to race. I took some deep breaths to calm me down though. I closed my eyes and imagined Edward's face hovered above mine, in a loving way. I thought of my mother, and her not leaving me. I thought of Charlie being a loving father. And of myself actually being somebody. With a sigh I opened my eyes, and the world fell into place. _

My neck hurt like crazy. "Did I just imagine all of that happening?" I asked to no one in particular. My hand went up to my neck and I felt a scar there. But it had stopped bleeding. "Hmm I guess vampires do have healing powers." I said as I got up. When I was standing properly, I looked around myself for the first time. The meadow was beautiful, but I didn't know where to go. I just shrugged my shoulders, and started walking in a random direction. All paths lead somewhere, right? I was into the forest now, and I noticed that it was quiet. But I loved the quiet. It brought me peace. I was so deep in thought, that I didn't even notice when I saw a clearing ahead. I looked up and walked a little faster. When I emerged from the trees I was greeted by none other than the Cullen household. I grimaced. "Time to face the music," I grumbled to myself. I really needed a shower. I looked down at my clothes, and thinking better, ran back into the trees, took off my shirt and zipped up my hoodie. I looked down at myself. I was as presentable as I was ever going to be. I walked up to the front porch, and was about to knock when Alice opened the door. I wasn't even able to utter a word when she enveloped me in a bone-breaking hug. I stiffened before I finally, very cautiously, hugged her back. She was shaking with sobs, her whole body being racked by them. I sighed. "Jeez, will you stop being so melodramatic? I mean really…" I said as I stood there, trying to pry her arms from around my neck. She immediately pulled back, a hurt look upon her pixie face.

"What? Am I not allowed to cry because my friend is alive when we all thought she was dead? If I cannot even do that, why are you here Bella? Is there something you would like to say? Because if not, then would you please leave?" Alice looked at me like she would rather she me dead than on her porch step. I gulped and stepped back a little. I took a deep breath and looked up at her now annoyed face.

"Alice, I have only come here to tell you that I am leaving and that I hope you all enjoy your pathetic lives, because as much as I appreciate you all worrying about me and pretending like you all cared, this just has to end. So all I really came here to say was goodbye," I said as I started to turn and walk away. As I hit the last porch step I turned around to see her there gawking at me. "Oh, and BTW: you guys can go to hell, with my blessing…" I said grimly as I turned away, but stopped when coughs overtook my body. I looked at my hand and saw that it was coated in blood. "Shit," I muttered as I began a steady run down the driveway. I heard Alice yell for me to stop and went inside to get the others. By now I was halfway down. I heard them yelling for me, but I just picked up my pace. Their voice got louder so I did a double take and bolted for the woods. I still heard their voices and picked up my pace even more. My body was screaming for me to stop, but I just kept going. I needed to get away from here, no matter where I went. I slowed down when I came to a bridge. I stopped and listened. I heard their voices off in the distance. I sighed. But, as soon as I did, I had to quickly grab the railing for support. I opened my eyes to see gray spots clouding my vision. Everything was spinning, and I leaned over the side quick enough to puke. I started coughing and I looked at the water below and saw the blood that I just disposed of. "Dammit," I moaned as I hung on to the railing. If I am puking up blood, then something is really wrong. I screamed as a piercing pain spread through my stomach. I unzipped my jacket and saw, with mute horror, the sickliest color. My already pale skin was now translucent, and you could see my veins everywhere, and the color of my bladder and kidneys and everything. _Why me, why on my birthday?!? What did I do to deserve this pain?? Wait. Why am I even worrying about what I did to deserve this pain? It doesn't matter what I did. I have it now and I just have to live with it. _My mind kept repeating over and over in my head. I doubled over in pain as a dark and humorless laugh erupted from my lips. I just had a brilliant idea though. One that would surely get me put away if it didn't kill me first. I climbed on top of the railing and stood there, spreading my arms out before me. And as the wind picked up I began to sing.

**Goodbye I'm sorry**  
_Time has run out, for me,_  
_Everything's distant_  
_And I don't know what to believe_  
_It's so hard,_  
_Lost in the world's confusion_  
_And I need to leave_  
_For awhile, life is so meaningless_  
_There is nothing worth a smile_  
_So goodbye, I'll miss you_

_And I'm sorry,_  
_But this is my fate,_  
_Everything is worthless,_  
_No one who wants me to stay_

_And I'm sorry,_  
_But I've waited too long,_  
_So here's my goodbye,_  
_No one will cry over me,_  
_I'm not worth any tears_

And the truth was that I actually wasn't worth anything. I had no one left to care for me anymore. I felt the hot tears fall down my face as I continued to sing, my voice already thick with tears. As the lyrics continued to spill from me, I felt my voice get louder and bolder.

_It's been the years of abuse,_  
_Neglected to treat the disorder_  
_That's controlled my youth_  
_For so long,_  
_I'm in a fleshy tomb buried_  
_Up above the ground_

_It's no use,_  
_Why should I hold on_  
_It's been five years_  
_Don't need one more_  
_So goodbye, life's abuse_

_And I'm sorry,_  
_But this is my fate,_  
_Everything is worthless,_  
_No one who wants me to stay_

_And I'm sorry,_  
_But I've waited too long,_  
_So here's my goodbye,_  
_No one will cry over me,_  
_I'm not worth any tears_

_Every 18 minutes,_  
_Somebody dies from a suicide_  
_Every 43 second,_  
_Somebody attempts one_

I was going to miss Alice and the rest of the Cullen's. They were there for me when I didn't even realize how much I wanted them to be. I would miss them all like crazy. Especially Alice.

_And I'm sorry,_  
_But this is my fate,_  
_Everything is worthless,_  
_No one who wants me to stay_

_And I'm sorry,_  
_But I've waited too long,_  
_So here's my goodbye,_  
_No one will cry over me,_  
_So here's my goodbye,_  
_No one will cry over me,_  
_I'm not worth any tears_

"Goodbye, Alice," I whispered as I took those last couple of steps that plunged me into the river. I heard someone cry out my name as I plunged, deeper, and deeper into the black abyss. My lungs were burning and aching. I opened my eyes to see a sight that my nearly closed eyes reveled in. There, swimming towards me was none other than Emmett. I smiled and as my eyes gave their last glimpses, I let out the breath I had been holding and darkness enveloped me.

****

**30 minutes later**

"Bella!!" I heard a soft voice yell. Strange that even though they are yelling it sounds like they're whispering. I wondered if this was Heaven. If it weren't these voices would not sound so painful. If I were in Heaven people would actually be crying about my death. No, maybe this is Hell, I mean after all I deserve nothing less. But why not say that I am still living if I am in Hell? I mean that is what my "life" is. Hell. It isn't Heaven nor life, but Hell. "Bella, please wake up!! I didn't mean what I said, please come back to me, please I'm sorry!!" Wait, that's Alice's voice. I heard sobs from far away. Alice shouldn't cry. Pixies were supposed to be happy and full of joy, but no this one sounded like her soul was torn. I wanted, no I needed to tell her not to cry over me, I'm not worth any tears. I tried to find my voice, but I couldn't. It felt like there was a weight pressed against my windpipe and I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating. I heard Alice's gasp. "Hurry, we need to get her breathing or she will die!!" I heard her scream at someone. I felt hand compressing on my chest and then for 5 seconds I felt lips against my own. But instead of kissing me, they were putting air into me. By the 3rd time doing that I felt the water come up, and right as whoever was doing CPR on me was about to breathe for me, I turned to my side and coughed up the water I had no idea I swallowed. I felt soothing hands on my back, and someone holding my hair out of my face. When I was done I rolled onto my back and very carefully opened my eyes, and when I did I screamed.

"Holy shit, do you have to be so god damn close to my face?!?" I screamed into the face of Alice and Emmett. They moved away from me so fast that if I blinked I would have missed it. _Just like James…_my mind whispered. James. He would be back for me. Again. I wonder why he didn't kill me, he said he would. I sighed. "Lousy vampire," I muttered as I sat up. Emmett and Alice looked at what I now saw was Rosalie, Edward, Jasper, Carlisle, and whom I presumed was Esme. I had never met her before, and as I looked at each face in turn, which was pretty easy since all of them had either looks of disbelief or shock on them, I saw their faces and I noticed that none of them looked alike. The only about them that was somewhat similar was their eyes. They were topaz. I cleared my throat. "Would you guys like to explain to me why you are looking at me like that, please?" I whispered. I was done putting up my tough girl façade. It got me into nothing but pain. Speaking of pain, I now noticed that my body was screaming. I grimaced, but I could bear it. They continued to look at me, but their expressions went from disbelief/shock to pity and concern. I held out my hands for Emmett and Alice. They looked confused. "Do you mind helping me up, please? I'm tired of not wanting help when I so desperately need it…Ahhh!!" I screamed as they got me standing. As soon as I was upright, I doubled over and felt the hot tears pouring down my face like waterfalls. I could feel my insides contracting and expanding? Uh, oh, that can't be good.

"Bella, are you alright?" That was Carlisle's frantic voice. He was over to my side immediately. I shook my head no. "Bella, what's wrong?" His voice was pleading.

"Can't…tell…must…show…at…home…Charlie…" I whispered. I clenched my teeth and stood upright. Resisting the urge to vomit again, I spoke. "Carlisle, please take me to the house. I can't…" I had to turn away quickly while once again my blood came through my throat. "Hurry," I moaned at him as I started to sway. I felt cold arms wrap around my waist and the flying sensation as he took off running. Even though I know it only took a couple of seconds, it felt hours before we came to the house and Carlisle laid me down on something.

"Bella, tell me where it hurts. Show me where you feel the pain." He said in his doctor voice. I reached with one hand, and opened my eyes as I went to my jacket. I looked at him and the rest of the Cullen's before I began to unzip my jacket. I only got it half way before Carlisle gasped, and my hand went numb. It fell to my side and Carlisle quickly unzipped it the rest of the way. I heard everyone gasp and I fought of the black waters. "Bella…" Carlisle said in a choked tone. "Bella, what happened to you?" I lifted up my head weakly and smiled at him, blood coming out of my mouth.

"I was born," I whispered. After that once again I felt my world go black.

****

**Sometime later**

(Alice's POV)

"What did she mean when she said that she was born?" I asked a very restless bunch of vampires. I was very on edge, well for Jasper's sake, but he had only worry and concern for Bella. I am to blame. If I had not said such harsh things to her, she would not be like this now. I am the worst friend ever.

"No, you are not Ali," Edward, my loveable brother said. I looked up at him. He smiled a sympathetic smile. _You can't know that…_I whispered in my head. He looked pained at that though. I wish I could do something for Bella, but every time I look for her future, it comes up blank. I heard Edward gasp. "She's…She's not going to die is she?" His voice was raw with emotion. I looked over at him and narrowed my eyes. He looked like he was being burned at the stake. My eyes widened in surprise.

"You're in love with her," I whispered. Everyone except Carlisle gasped, and looked at Edward. He looked like he was in another place, and he closed his eyes. When he opened them again they were glassy, like he was going to cry, but we all knew that he could not.

"Yes…Yes I am in love with her. I have been ever since I first heard her beautiful voice." He looked pained as he spoke the forbidden words. WE weren't allowed to have bonds with humans unless we planned on either turning them or killing them. Since I know he would not want her changed, would he have the strength to kill her? His head shot up. "What was that Alice? How could you even think for one minute that I would want to kill her? Her blood sings to me, Alice. I cannot be with her, no matter how much I wish I could. I endanger her very life just being in her presence." He looked at Bella as he said all of this. I felt sad for my brother. He was the only one of us who did not have a mate. Of course, there was Tanya, but no matter what she did, Edward never even gave her a second glance. She could have streaked naked and jiggled around in front of his face, and he only would have turned and walked away. I giggled a little. I heard a gagging sound as Edward pretended to puke.

"Sorry, Edward," I said. He nodded, and sighed. I turned my attention back to Bella. Who could have done this to her? And who was that strange vampire that took her away? I gasped as I am hit with a vision.

(Vision)

_There was a strange man. He had long blonde hair tied in a ponytail. He was standing over Bella. He woke her from her slumber and when she opened her eyes, she tried to scream. He clamped his hand over her mouth with such speed that Bella probably missed it. She continues to scream even though he has a hand over her mouth. He strips himself of his clothes and Bella starts thrashing as he plunges himself into her. She continues to thrash, and where her stitches lie, there is blood coming from them. She opened her stitches and he begins lapping up the blood. His eyes go black with thirst. His fangs protrude through his mouth as he sinks his teeth into her neck. She screams. Once he is finished drinking he continues to rape her and tell her that she is worthless, and that she is his…everything goes blank._

"Bella!!!!!!!!" I scream as I come out of the vision. Edward is over to me in a second, his body overrun by convulsions. I stat to shake as I realize whom the vampire was. "James," I whisper. I feel a wave of calm surge through me and I look up and thank Jasper. He merely nods, teeth clenched. James was Jasper's old friend from when he was with Maria. They were like brothers. I thought back to the vision and remembered what he looked like. He looked like the stereotype for vampires. We did not have fangs and our faces did not contort like that. Our eyes merely turned black. But yes, seeing that face again makes me shiver. "Edward," I ask in a shaky voice. I look up to my brother. "Edward, what does James want with Bella? I saw her in the meadow and it looked like she had slit her throat but there was his scent there as well. I can't believe that I did not see it sooner!! Jasper," I called to him and he was kneeling down next to me. I switched my gaze to his. "Jazz, did you know anything about what James looks like when he becomes overwhelmed with thirst?" I asked him. He shakes his head.

"No. As far as I'm concerned his face looks like ours. Why, did it not?" He asked, his Texas twang cutting in. I loved his accent. I sighed, reminiscing. I was brought back to reality when I heard Carlisle's voice.

"This is unlike anything I have ever seen," he muttered. I walked over to him. I looked over his shoulder as he was looking at Bella's body. Her veins were everywhere, and you could actually see her organs and her heart pumping. She looked like one of those skeletons that the Bio teacher has. I couldn't help but gawk at her frail body as I was swarmed with yet another vision.

**Yayyyyy!!!!1 Finally i got this chapter done and posted....thank you for all of you guyz and thanx to all of the people who upped my ego...i rilly needed it...**


	5. History Repeats Itself

**Hey, sorry I haven't updated in so long, but the Microsoft on my computer was down and so I had to write everything on hand, but now my dad came through for me finally and now I have Microsoft office and I have no worries anymore. So for all of you who love me and this story, give three cheers for my dad, WOOT! WOOT! WOOT! **

**Disclaimer:  
Me: Yay, I finally own Twilight!!  
*Cullen's come forward carrying SM*  
SM: Give me Twilight and no one will get hurt…  
Me: But…But you're supposed to be tied up in a chest…  
SM: Apparently Edward here saw the combination to your lock in your head.  
Me: So does this mean I have to give it back?  
SM: Yes…  
Me: But I don't want to give it back…  
SM: Give me Twilight!!!  
Me: *Tears*…Fine!!! *throws Twilight at SM's feet…runs away crying*...*whispers* one day, it will be mine…**

Previously: _"This is unlike anything I have ever seen," he muttered. I walked over to him. I looked over his shoulder as he was looking at Bella's body. Her veins were everywhere and you could actually see her organs and her heart pumping. She looked like one of those skeletons the Bio teacher has. I couldn't help but gawk at her frail body as I was swarmed with yet another vision._

**Chapter 5 – History Repeats Itself**

EPOV

_Bella, my sweet Bella, _I thought as I looked at her inert form. Such a goddess, and yet she was being hurt by a monster who had the impudence to call himself her father. As I was thinking of ways to dispose of him, Alice gasped. I looked over at her just as her eyes glazed over. I began to run over to her when the vision hit me like an electric shock and I fell to my knees with a gasp.

VISION_  
__Bella was lying on the examination table that Carlisle had put out for her. But then, someone, or something came into the room, but when he did, the vision became blurry. All we could make out was him begin to lean over her and kiss her neck hungrily before biting it, eliciting a scream from my beloved's lips. But before her scream could be completed, the vision went blank.  
_END VSION

_NO,_ was all I could think as I raced over to Alice, who was now in the embrace of my brother Jasper, and gripped her shoulders so hard, I heard her bones actually start to crack. But I was far past caring. The only thing I cared about now was my Bella. I could not just sit here and—_WAIT, YOUR BELLA?! She is not yours Edward!!! _My mind screamed at me. _Not yet anyways,_ the monster inside of me said. The shock of what my true nature made me think of was mouthwatering and I wrenched myself away from Alice as I tried to gain my composure back. I looked painfully at Bella and sighed, a long aching sigh. I was falling for a human. _La tua cantante, _as Aro would have said. Her blood called to me with a potency that was enough to kill a man. I could never get her out of my head, whenever I saw her I had a need to protect her, I follow her home and return later on when she is asleep and just watch her, and I am irrationally, and irrevocably in love with Isabella Swan, a human. If I were still human my heart would be breaking for her, I knew it would. I felt the venom form behind my eyes and so desperately wished I could shed just one tear. Just one. From behind me I heard Alice's small voice.

"Edward, I am so, so sorry. I can't see, I can't see who it is, and if she dies it will be all m—" but she never got to finish because the anger I felt before was now rage, and I was once again gripping her shoulders. I felt my eyes go black as I growled a deep throaty growl.

"She. Will. Not. Die." I annunciated each word through my clenched teeth as I nearly spit the words at her. I saw true fear in her eyes and slowly realization. I saw the "o" form her lips and a look of disbelief on her features, which the combined fear and disbelief made her look almost hysterical. I glared at her with all the anger and fear that I could muster and she got free from me and cowered into Jasper's waiting arms. She whimpered a little but I never backed down. And no matter how mad I was, Alice was my sister and in a softer voice, but with anger still laced through it I spoke.

"She will not die, I won't let her," I said as I turned away from my family and walked over to the window. I felt so useless. I looked back at Alice in what one could only be described as a caring and sorry look. She nodded her head sadly.

APOV

I watched helplessly as I saw my brother lose his temper. His eyes had turned black and he had growled at me. He actually growled at me. I was remembering what he had looked like to me and I felt rather than saw him looking at me. I met his gaze and I saw how sorry he was, but there was also something else. When he had been saying that Bella will not die, he had also said that he won't let her, almost as if he—OMG!!! No, he can't its impossible. I blocked my mind from him as I tried to think of another reason, any reason to take my mind from this disturbing thought. I opened my eyes and I nodded my eyes, silently forgiving him.

I was looking at him and I saw how every so often when he thought none of us was looking, he would sneak a glance at Bella, and when I saw his eyes, I knew it was true.

"You really are in love with her," I whispered. Edward turned around to look at me, his eyes wide like saucers. But he just sighed and walked over to Bella and took one of her small hands and placed it in between both of his.

"Yes," he whispered. When he looked back at us, his eyes were pained. I could see how torn he was at his feelings. Beside me, I felt Jasper grimace at the powerhouse of emotions. I looked around the room at each one of my family's expressions. From Jasper there was a grimace, probably because of all the emotions right now. From Carlisle there was a faint look of shock but understanding. Rosalie, and of course there it is: disgust. Should have known better…Anyway, Esme, compassion and overjoyed as always. Emmett, who looked like he was going to burst he was so excited, heh, Emmett, there was never a boring moment with him around. And Edward, there was unconditional love in his eyes for the human whose hand he had gently in between both of his. I could tell just how much he loved her, and he barely knew her. But we all loved her, with the exception of Rosalie that is. I wonder what her problem is…

With a quick check into the future I squealed. _Exactly 4 minutes and 32 seconds and she will wake up Edward, _I said to him in my mind. I looked to see his expression go to one of Emmett's excited faces. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped from my mouth at the resemblance those two had. Edward saw the similarity in my head and laughed with me. Our family looked at us like we had lost our minds. We looked at them and when we caught each other's eye we laughed harder. I could tell that as much as our family thought we had lost our minds, that they were trying to remember the last time Edward and me had a laughed a real whole-hearted laugh. We stopped laughing at the same time, trying to remember. _When WAS the last time we shared a real laugh, Edward?_ I asked in my head. I could see him shrug his shoulders in my peripheral, 3 seconds before he actually did. He huffed and stuck his tongue out at me because he read my mind. I chuckled a little and returned the gesture. _1 minute 26 seconds,_ I said in my head to him.

"Alice says it will be 1 minute and 22 seconds before Bella wakes up," Edward repeated aloud. Everyone sighed and geared up for battle.

I was counting the last 30 seconds down when we heard a groan. I went over to Bella's side as her eyes fluttered, and opened.

**BPOV (will probably be her POV the rest of the chapter)**

I faintly heard their voices. They were like angels almost. One had a melodic voice that sounded like a pixie, and the other, which was a deeper but more luxurious sound, was like velvet. It was a girl and boy, I knew it was. As their voices became clearer, I recognized them. _Alice and Edward Cullen?! What the hell am I doing in their house?! _I screamed in my head, for I knew I wasn't in the hospital because there wasn't that annoying, but god-forsaken beeping sound of the heart monitor. I heard them share a laugh as something silent was shared around the room. I felt each of my senses slowly coming back to me, and the one that was all the way back was my hearing. I heard talking.

"Alice says it will be 1 minute and 22 seconds before Bella wakes up," the voice, which I now knew as Edward's, said. Okay, so I had little over a minute to think over things. Okay, first off, the Cullen's were not human. They were pale white and ice cold, they never ate, and they had inhuman speed, and somehow knew where I was that day with James. I shuddered. James had all of the characteristics that the Cullen's did with one exception. He had red eyes, and the Cullen's had a goldish topaz color. And James said he was a vampire…no way could the Cullen's be too. I groaned internally at the fact that maybe the Cullen's were vampires. But, wait, if they were vampires, why didn't they bite me and try to suck my blood like James? I groaned again, but this time in pain. I heard a swish of fabric, 7 intakes of breath, and I opened my eyes.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Alice Cullen leaning over my bedside, looking at me warily. The first thing I did, which took me off guard, was jump up and wrap my arms around her neck in a hug as I let out a sob. I was shaking with sobs and I had no idea why. I felt her stiffen for a minute before hugging me back. I could not stop shaking, and only did when I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and a calm methodical voice speaks.

"Umm, Bella, it may not be such a good idea to have that kind of activity right now. Your injuries are very tragic," he spoke with a slight edge of worry, but through-and-through, there was that doctor-like voice in his tone, which also meant, no arguing. I turned around and was about to speak when Alice beat me to it.

"She'll be fine Carlisle, it won't hurt her. In fact she needs to move around a little so her bones and joints don't get used to this state," she said as she helped me sit so I was sitting on the edge of the bed, with my legs dangling beneath me. I felt a little queasy but once the room stopped spinning I felt amazing. There are no words to describe how I am feeling now. I felt glorious, despite the aching pain in my chest. I looked at Carlisle, who was looking at me as if he expected me to drop dead any second. I gave him a reassuring smile and he relaxed. I smiled for the first time in what felt like years. It probably was. I couldn't remember the last time I had smiled.

"So," I began. "What do you guys want to do? I mean I have to get home a—"I gasped. "Shit!! CHARLIE!!!!!!" I screeched as I flung myself off the table and out the door. I got downstairs and when I just made it to the front door, I slipped and waited for the impact, but it never came as two strong, cold arms wrapped around my waist. I turned my head just enough that, to my surprise and happiness, my lips were just inches away from Edward's. I gulped nervously, as I felt my cheeks go hot. His face was so close to mine that I could practically _taste _him. I gulped once more, licking my lips to make them moist. I just noticed how chapped they were.

"Careful not to hurt yourself, love," he murmured. WAIT!! DID HE JUST CALL ME _LOVE_?!?! He couldn't've called me love, he just couldn't have. How could someone as godly as he love someone as worthless as me? I saw the shocked expression on his face, which just proved that he hadn't meant to say it. He laughed a shaky laugh as he brought me upright. "Sorry, a habit I got from my mom and sisters," he said nonchalantly. That hurt. For a moment I actually thought he meant it. I felt my heart ripping and I didn't even know why. It was not until I felt the hot prickling of tears behind my eyes that I realized just how much I was in love with him. _He doesn't care about you, Bella. You are worthless. _I told myself.

I felt so sad and heart-broken. I didn't know what to do.

"Can someone take me home? Char—my father will be worried about me," I murmured, careful not to call him by his name. I would get it even worse than I usually did if I called him Charlie. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye and I jumped with a little scream.

"It's okay, just me," came Alice's pixie voice. I saw her, followed by the rest of the Cullen's, with the exception of Rosalie and Jasper come down in suit. I looked at each in turn. They were so beautiful, so beautiful it hurt. Just because I knew that I could never be even considered pretty. They beat me in every way. Just the thought of the word beat made me grimace in memory of the beating I would get when I returned home. With a sudden jolt I had no idea what day it was and how long I had been gone.

"What day is it?" I whispered. Alice looked at me confused but answered my question nonetheless.

"It is Friday morning," she replied. I gasped. Could it really have been only a week ago that I was in Arizona? Time really does fly when your life is pathetic. I kind of chuckled, but winced. My chest felt like it was compressing in on itself. I gulped to hide the bile.

"Alice," I whispered. She was over to me in the blink of an eye.

"Bella, what is it? What's wrong?" She asked, panic evident in her eyes, for what I had no idea.

"Do you…do you maybe…have an Advil by any chance," I gulped out. She looked like I had just pulled the worst prank on her ever. I heard snickers and turned to see Emmett trying, and failing, to hide his evident laughter. I looked back at Alice and when I saw her face, I absolutely lost it.

I was laughing so hard that I barely noticed that I fell onto the couch until I slipped onto it, hitting my head on the armrest, but I hardly noticed because of the tears streaming down my face. Emmett joined me on the couch and pulled me onto his lap where he wrapped his arms around my waist, to keep me from falling because of his chest vibrating so much.

"Al…Alice…If…You…Could…See…Your…Face…So…Funny," I managed to gasp out between fits of laughter. Emmett was right along there with me. When I finally calmed down enough I leaned back against Emmett and wiped away my tears, chuckling. "Oh my god, Alice. I am so sorry, but I really do need an Advil, my stomach is killing me," I said as I tried to get up off Emmett's lap. Rosalie was sending me death glares. When Emmett noticed I was trying to move, he slid me so I was sitting down next to him, but he threw a careless arm so it was behind me but on the back of the couch.

"Man, I love having her around." Was Emmett's genius reply. I looked up at him and he winked back at me. I blushed, but smiled just the same. And then I felt sad.

"You don't have to lie at my expense," I said. He looked at me like I had three heads. I continued talking before he could jut it. "I know you guys can't possibly care about me in the slightest, so I don't really know why you are acting like I am just 'one of the family'," I said. And it was true. How could they? I was nothing. "I mean I really do appreciate you guys helping me and everything, but I don't want to intrude upon your lives, that you so diligently are wasting on pathetic old me. You should live your lives and be happy." I felt the tears in my eyes, but I had to sever all of the ties I had with them.

I got up and made my way to the door. Once I was standing in front of it, I turned back to look at the seven inhuman people who, if I didn't know any better, looked like they didn't want me to leave. It made my heart break. I swallowed back the tears though. Their very lives were in danger from being friends with me. This was for the best.

"I think it would be better if this would be the last confrontation that we ever have," I told them flatly. I was making myself back into Zombie Bella that everyone knew and hated. "I don't want to be friends anymore, and I appreciate what you have all done for me, truly I do. But," I said as I looked and saw each one of their faces break. "You guys have made me feel better, and so this truly is goodbye. And as for Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett, don't ever talk to me, don't ever look me, don't do anything, or I will get my father, the chief of police on your doorstep by morning." I threatened. Rosalie coughed, faking it I might add; in a gesture that I took as a _why don't you acknowledge me? _kind of way. I sighed. "Rosalie, I don't bother to acknowledge you because you don't acknowledge me, and because no offense, but you are a complete and total bitch," I said as I exited the door and began walking down the road. I got out my cell phone and called my dad, fake tears on the verge. He answered on the second ring.

"Chief Swan here," he said in his cheery voice. I gulped.

"Daddy," I whispered, half moaned. I swear he stiffened into the phone.

"Bella?" He asked incredulously. I sniffled into the phone.

"Daddy, can you pick me up. I am at the Cullen's. Dad, I hate them, I don't want them to ever speak to me ever again, daddy. They hurt me, and I want to come home, but I have no idea where to go." I cried into the phone. I hunched over onto the end of the driveway, right by the road. The once fake tears were now real.

"Of course I can Bella," he said in his you-are-in-deep-shit-when-I-get-a-hold-of-you tone. I relished in it. The sobs wracked my body as I thanked him. I sat there for what seemed like years until I finally heard his familiar cruiser pull to a stop in front of me. I barely waited for him to get out of the car to fling myself at him, tears falling down my face. He was sober, that much I could tell. He hugged me back with just as much fervor.

He pulled away but kept a grip on my shoulders as he looked over my body. When his eyes met mine again, they were filled with the love that should always be there. "Come on," he said gently, whilst rubbing my shoulders to keep me warm. He saw me shivering and took off his coat and wrapped it around my shoulders, and led me over to the passenger side door. I got in and when he closed the door I took one last look at the Cullen driveway before Charlie sped off towards our house.

When we pulled up, he got me out of the car, carrying me I might add, and opened the door, where he carried me into the house and laid me on my bed. I noticed that everything was back in the order it was supposed to be in. It wasn't like I left it. He gave me a Tylenol and kissed my forehead. When I started to drowse off, he kissed my head once more before leaving, closing the door behind him.

****

**(The next morning; Saturday/ start listening to **_**The End – 10000 BC**_** NOW!!)**

I woke up, well rested. I looked at the clock: 10:47 am. Huh, I have never slept this late before. I got up out of bed, and stretched my muscles. I looked around my room and noticed just how much it hasn't changed over the years. But, I noticed something that was never there before. I saw a hump in the wall, high up where no one would think to look. I grabbed a chair and, as silently as I could, pried away at the wallpaper. There was a cabinet behind it. I tried opening it, but it was locked. I saw the key hole and with a jolt, I realized what shape it was in: a heart. I subconsciously traced the heart-shaped locket I wore around my neck.

With shaking hands, I unhooked the necklace from the spot I never took it from and opened it. I held it a couple of centimeters away from the hole. A dead match. I swallowed a couple of times before finding the courage to press it into the lock. With a barely audible _snap, _the lock opened. With it the door opened a little bit, making opening it completely easier. I bit my lip in anxiety.

"What if I don't want to know is in here," I said to no one. Truth was, I was scared shitless at what I might find behind the door. So after staring at the door for a good 10 minutes, I finally mustered up the courage to open the door. What I saw made me lurch back, falling on my ass, off the chair I was standing on. Tears welled up in my eyes, but not from the pain. "No," I whispered. Inside was something I never wanted to see again. It was an old picture of me, Renee, and Charlie when we were at the aquarium. It was the day that was burned into my memory for the rest of my life. The day that Renee left us. I stared at the picture, not even believing that I was actually staring at it for the first time in over 13 years. I set the chair upright and got up onto once again. I opened the door all of the way, and with shaking hands, I brushed my fingers over the dusty picture. My fingers left a mark, but when I got to where I was in the photo, I yanked my hand back.

I held my hand up just in time to see the blood form on it and trickle down my wrist and onto my forearm. I grabbed the picture, hand bleeding and all, and without looking away from it, jumped down off of the chair and stood there, in the middle of the room, gawking at the photo. I blew the thick layer of dust off and, with a shock, looked to see that where my face was, there was a crack, as if someone had punched my face out on purpose. I flipped the case over and unhooked the rusted hinges, popping the picture out of its prison. But the moment I did, I saw a note behind the picture. And on it, was my name.

Everything seemed to happen in slow mo. The picture frame slipped out of my fingers and the sound of glass breaking reverberated in my ears. I couldn't stop staring at the note that was faded with the years. I could also tell that it had not once been opened.

"Renee, what did you do?" I whispered. I knew it was her handwriting. I opened the note with shaking fingers and began to read.

"Dear Bella," I began…

_Dear Bella,_

_I never meant for you to get hurt, but me leaving is for the best. There are many things I have never told you, and now would be the only chance that I could. If you are reading this, it means you either woke up blissfully, or you are being nosy, like always. See Bella, I never wanted a child and I saw the happiness in Charlie's eyes whenever he looked at you, and so I stayed. I stayed for as long as I could, but that day, I lost it. I took you to the aquarium as a goodbye gift. I knew you were too young to understand, but I didn't know how else to say it. That night, I left and it was because I didn't want you. I was never supposed to have children, and I never wanted them. When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately thought of abortion, but Charlie wanted it so I kept it. Bella, I never wanted you, and I left because of you. You made me feel like someone I never wanted to be, and so I left. I left because of you Bella, and even if you already don't, you should feel guilty for separating me and your father. I hope I never see you again._

_Renee Dwyer _

_March 21, 1996_

By the time I was done reading the letter, I had tears of anger and hatred streaming down my face. She never even wanted me.

"She never even wanted me," I whispered. She left my dad on purpose. She really did leave because of me. I scrunched up the letter in my hands, and threw it angrily at the frame. I got up slowly and deliberately. I walked towards my door, and as I did, I could feel the glass beneath my foot, crunching against my feet and felt the blood form there.

Once I was out in the hallway, I looked bleary eyed towards my room and saw the bloody footprints. I looked away as I made my way towards the stairway. I peeked into Charlie's room and saw he was already gone. Once I got downstairs, I saw a note on the counter.

_Gone fishing with Billy and Harry, be back around 9:30, Charlie_

I sighed as I read the note. Or at least I thought I sighed. The sound that was emitted from my lips was a shaky sob. I picked up the note and grazed it slowly with my fingertips. A couple of tear drops fell onto the paper.

With my mind set, with what I had no idea; I ran to the phone and punched in his cell number. Once again he answered on the first ring.

"Hey Bells," he said in his old nickname for me. I smiled a little through the tears, which for some reason, had started flowing faster.

"Hey Daddy," I answered him in a voice that was barely holding back tears, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Well, good morning to you too than," he chuckled. I had to cough to hide the sob that was wrenched from my body. I gulped a couple of times before I answered him.

"Daddy, is it okay if I go out for a little while?" I asked him, but I already knew the answer.

"What was that Bella?" He asked me. "Eh, hold on Harry, tell Billy I went a little farther up the path. I can't hear Bella all that well," he said as I heard him travel farther up the path. When I didn't hear the crunching of his work boots on the gravel anymore, my heart sped up. And for a moment, I almost forgot about the pain in my foot and the letter…almost. I heard him sigh angrily, I think. "And why do you need to go out Ms. Bella?" He asked in his deathly calm voice.

"Well…I…I just...I just thought Th—" But I was cut off by Charlie growling.

"You. Will. Stay. In. That. House. Is that understood?" He asked again, through clenched teeth. I gulped, trying to fight the fear in the back of my throat. After a silence too long for him he spoke again, scaring me. "I said, is that clear?" I could tell he was angry now.

"Y...Yes father that is very clear. But, I need to go to town to get some things," I said. I had never talked to him on the phone and asked for something. I wasn't allowed. He sighed heavily.

"And just what sort of things do you think you need?"

"I need some womanly products dad, is that okay? I will only take as much as I need, and I swear I will put every last penny of change I get back into the jar. Just please may I have this one chance, please?" I was begging him now. I swear I could hear the grimace as he cringed away from the phone. But of course he gave in.

"Fine, but I want every penny that comes back in change. I want every last one. Do you hear me?" He asked sternly.

"Yes father, I hear you. I should be back way before you do. I love you," I suggested.

I could hear him walking back down. "Okay, now you have fun Bella, I love you too," and then he hung up. I looked at the receiver for another 5 minutes before going to the money jar where Charlie kept all the money. There was over 4,000 in there, but I could only have at the maximum 100. It sucked because more than three quarters of it was mine. I sighed as I grabbed 20 from the jar, and slipped on a pair of shoes and locked the door before I began walking down the street towards town.

It was weird, but I felt a sort of shadow following me ever since I read the letter, and the pain in my feet got steadily worse. By the time I actually got to town, I was barely able to put one foot in front of the other. I stopped when I found a bench, which I practically fell on. I leaned back as much as my body would let me and I let my head fall back as I concentrated on breathing. I could feel the pounding of my feet and could feel the hot liquid seeping into my shoes. I heard people passing me on the street, and some part of me knew I had to hurry. As I opened my eyes, and I got up from where I was at, I looked across the street and saw, in the shadows, three of the Cullen's staring at me. I glared at each one in turn until they turned away ashamed.

"Serves them right," I muttered angrily. "They deserve it, spying on me. I told them not to even look at me, and what do they do, stare at me, the rotten bastards…" I kept muttering as I trudged my way to the store. I felt all eyes on me as I walked, or well limped through the store until I found the aisle I was looking for. I grabbed a couple of boxes and started for the cash register when I slipped on the wet floor. I expected a pair of stone cold arms to wrap around me, but none ever did. I fell to the floor with a loud _thud. _I heard the worst sound in the world to me: the sound of my bones breaking. Luckily no one was around me, and so I got up, and had to almost fall onto the aisle for support I was so dizzy. I looked around to make sure no one saw me, and thankfully, no one did. Odd, how mad that made me.

"Why should I be mad that the Cullen's are ignoring every word I said, or that no one saw me fall and break my…" I muttered as I walked the rest of the way till I got to the cashier. I stopped and looked up into the eyes of none other than Mike Newton, captain of the undefeated Spartans, and my worst enemy and daily tormentor. I was about to move to another lane when I saw that mine was the only one that was just about empty. So I sucked up my fear, and approached Mike. When I placed my items on the conveyor belt, he laughed.

"Wow, are you using these as your sex toys? I didn't know that dudes could get their periods…" he drifted off as he smiled an evil smile. I gritted my teeth and said nothing. When he handed me my change and I was about to turn away, he caught my arm. I gasped and bit back the scream that was making its way out of my throat. He pulled me around to him and did the most unimaginable thing: he kissed me on the lips. I stood stock still, in shock. When he let me go I pulled me by good arm, and punched him so hard in the face he fell back against the cash register. I freaked.

"What the fuck is your problem?!? How dare you think that you can just go and fucking kiss me on the fucking lips?!? You are so fucking lucky that my father wasn't here to see that or you would be in holding for being charged with sexual harassment and adultery!!!" I screamed in his face as he looked at me in awe. When I stopped yelling at him to take a breather, which ending me in pain, he grabbed my wrist and whispered menacingly in my ear.

"Wait for me out back. If you don't so help me I will rip your throat out and feed it to the buzzards," he hissed. I pulled back just enough to see the anger in his eyes. I gulped in fear. I knew I would be getting late to Charlie's now. Which meant whatever I got with Mike would be reciprocated 100 times worse. I merely nodded silently. I walked out of the store, and was headed towards the back when a bat swung out and hit me in the stomach. I fell to my knees coughing. I placed a hand on my stomach and looked up when I was hit in the back with the bat, harder. I let out a yelp before I was struck across the face.

After series of swings from the bat, a crowbar, fists, and even a golf club, I heard the back door close, and looked up hopefully. I felt my face whiten with fear. Mike came out of the back door, a meat clever in his one hand, vodka in the other. I tried to move away but my captor held me fast. He held my shoulders which his fingers overlapped them, they were so small. I looked up into the eyes of none other than Tyler. He glared at me when he saw me looking at him. I looked back in time to see the meat clever in front of my face. I wasn't scared, afraid, or frightened even. No I was terrified, something I thought only my father could do. Guess I was wrong. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't see the knife come down on my stomach, deep. I screamed out loud, only to be silenced by Mike. He drug the bloody knife across my face, careful not to cut me, but to smear the blood. Tyler put a gag around my mouth then, and before I knew it I was being carried away, my muffled screams not even making it to the front of the store.

****

We pulled up to god only knows where, and got out. I was still gagged, and my screams had gone down to whimpers, all thanks to the knife going down on my stomach with each scream I let out. My stomach was dripping blood now. Mike carried me, I knew it was him because his hands were bloody, to where Tyler was. He threw me down on my stomach, eliciting yet again another scream from me. He kicked me in my side, telling me to shut up. I heard Tyler chuckle and felt him kissing me on my neck. I tried to move away but he held me tighter. He slipped my sweat pants down, along with my underwear, and before I knew it, he was raping me in the ass so hard and fast, I was almost knocked unconscious. I screamed and moaned, blood running down my legs. I could feel him begin to lose control. That only made him go faster and faster.

With one last blood curdling scream, he came inside of me, leaving me shivering in pain and agony. I heard him move slowly in and out, prolonging his ecstasy. I was sobbing from the pain. Even Charlie never raped me there. I felt them pull my pants and underwear up again, and when I didn't move they kicked me in my sides again. I slowly got up. It took me almost 13 tries to finally get up, Mike and Tyler laughing each time I failed.

At long last I finally was able to get up and saw, with mute horror that we were in the abandoned lot right across the street from Charlie's house. And bad news: his cruiser was in the lot. I stopped all of my movements completely. I felt, rather than heard Tyler's laughter in my ear as he traced his hands up and down my back, cupping my butt before going back up again. I was near puking and knew I had to get home, NOW. When he wasn't expecting it, I bolted for across the street, ripping the gag off my mouth. I screamed for Charlie, and when I got to the door, I ripped it open, falling inside to hear the TV. blaring. I tripped when I got into the living room, falling on my freshly broken ankle. Charlie looked in my general direction, and when he saw me anger flashed through him. But when he saw the blood and dirt covering my body, the anger vanished. I saw concern in his eyes, and when I heard Mike and Tyler's footsteps coming through the door, I screamed and crawled in between Charlie's legs, wrapping my arms around him. He stiffened, and when he saw the two boys, he became furious.

"What did you two do to my daughter?" He spoke in that voice. I saw their faces turn white as a sheet. I felt Charlie pick me up and tell Mike and Tyler to come in. He set me on the couch and went to talk to them. I heard them go outside and close the door. I heard a yell of pain and a couple of thuds, before I heard them running off swearing that this wouldn't be the end of things. I was shaking with fear, both for what Charlie will do to me, but also for what Mike and Tyler would do also. I started sobbing and when Charlie came and picked me up and started carrying me to my room and laying down next to me, all I did was shut down mentally, praying to whatever god there was to save me and release me from my pain.

And for the second time that night, history repeated itself.

**So, what did you think? I know, I know, I should have updated sooner, but review if you love me!!  
I love you all,  
Lexi**


	6. AN Again

HEY GUYZ, I THINK THIS IS THE FIRST A/N I HAVE PUT FOR THIS STORY, BUT I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY:

IF YOU DO NOT STOP PUTTING MEH DOWN, OR BEING SO ANNOINYG FOR SOME OF YOU, I WILL SUIT THIS STORY I AM NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN, BUT I AM TRYING AS HARD AS I CAN TO GET THIS CHAPTER UP.  
AND RECENTLY I GOT A REVIEW SSAYING THAT MY STORY WAS SUCKY AS WAS MEH WRITING.  
PLZ READ MEH REVIEWS, AND YOU WILL FIND THAT ONE SUCH ONE...

I KNOW I HAE NO UPDATED IN SOO LONG, BUT PLZ, IF YOU GIVE MEH SOME TIME, I PROMISE YOU YOUR PATIENCE WILL BE REWARDED GREATLY...NOW AFTER I FINISH CHAPTER 6 I WILL DELETE THIS,  
BUT UNTIL I DO, THIS WILL STAY ON HERE...

FORVER AND ALWAYS xXxhurting-insidexXx 


	7. My Ice Cold Princess

**Hey pplz! That last chapter was amazing, if I don't say so myself. Hehe, anyways, this here is chappy number 6! I put a lot of time and work into it, and one of the reasons why chapter 5 took so long to get posted was because my Microsoft wasn't working, and partially because for the first time, I had writer's block. And let me tell you, it hurts like a bitch! And I don't just mean emotional, I mean physical. It physically hurts because your fingers are itching to write, but you keep erasing and deleting whatever you wrote because you don't like it and then when you think you have an idea, you have either already done it before, or it isn't right for your story. Needless to say that I am glad I have it finished. **

**And here goes three cheers for my bestie who helped me right the last bit.  
Her name is Bailee, or as you know her, **.X **Three Cheers for her! WOOT!  
LOVE YOU BAILEE!**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Twilight or any of these Characters. **

_Previously: __I started sobbing and when Charlie came and picked me up and started carrying me to my room and laying down next to me, all I did was shut down mentally, praying to whatever god there was to save me and release me from my pain. _

_And for the second time that night, history repeated itself._

**Chapter 6 – My Ice Cold Princess**

I awoke once again from the blissful darkness to the pounding of my head and the taste of blood in my mouth. Involuntarily, I turned over so I could once again vomit blood. I could feel the pressure of my throat constricting itself as the blood wished to escape from its dungeon. I started coughing, just enough to get the blood flowing more. Cutting off my air supply. I struggled for breath that would not come.

Once I finally was able to breathe, I took in a huge gulp of air and gripped my stomach the pain was so bad. I opened my eyes to see stars in front of them. I curled into a ball, or started to when a slicing pain went through my back. I screamed. I turned back in time to see Charlie coming at me, with a whip.

"Lazy…piece…of…shit!" He grunted as he whipped me harder and harder. Each pass of the whip grew stronger, as he found the rhythm he needed. I made the mistake of rolling to where I thought was away from him, but was actually towards him. He cracked the whip and it snagged around my neck, choking me. I looked up at him, my face going purple. He smirked his signature smirk and yanked the whip so hard, I felt my neck twist with a sickening crack, resonating through my ears. I let my head fall to the floor, numbly. I thought he was over this. He hasn't used the whip on me since I was 12. . . .

_Flashback_

_I had come home from school, depressed. As soon as I had come through the door, I slammed it, tired of the way I was being treated. I had stood up to Charlie, threatening to call Child Services. At first he was scared, but the rage in him only grew and grew. Charlie had taken this exact whip to my back, stomach, face, wherever he could get. I was out of school for 2 weeks. And each day, he would just look at me with disgust. He'd kick me whenever he found me crying, or whenever he came home to no food on the table. The last thing I remember was him taking the whip on the sensitive tissue between my legs. I was scarred for life._

_End Flashback_

I screamed a blood curdling scream, making him angrier. He sauntered over to me, and did the unthinkable. He wrapped the whip around my neck, and drug me upstairs. I was clawing at the whip the whole time. Although, what he did next really scared me. He threw me over the banister so that I was hanging. I started hyperventilating, trying to gasp for the air that would not come. I felt the blood rushing to my brain, my heart pulsing in my ears. I felt warmth all over. And just when the black waters were about to take me, and I fell limp, he released me, causing me to fall almost 20 feet onto the cold floor below. I felt the sharp cracks of my arm and leg breaking.

I screamed the loudest, most pained scream yet. I heard him curse audibly, and saunter away. I rolled onto my back, crying silently. I looked up when I heard him coming back, and my eyes turned to saucers. Charlie was carrying his weight set in his hands. Each worth 75 pounds. He had two of them. I screamed just as he threw one of them down at me. The Pain knocked the breath out of me, and I swear I could feel the tearing of my insides. I turned in time to vomit more blood. This time the blood was dark, and thick. I looked up at him as he knocked the second weight into my head.

Pain. Cold. Black waters. No air. Oblivion. Peace.

I woke up to the sound of something crackling, and the smell of something burning. I opened my eyes, only to close them again. Everything hurt. I couldn't even move, the pain was so bad. I could taste the blood in my mouth, feel it in my hair, drenching my scalp. I could feel the raw aching of my skin at each thought of moving. I knew I had lost a lot of blood, and that I was covered in it by the sheer fact that I was _freezing_. Not just a shiver-my-ass-off kind of freezing, but a someone-kill-me-now freezing. I yelped in pain when someone tried to roll me into my back. When I felt them start to use force, I screamed out loud and tried, unsuccessfully, to get away from them.

By now I was on my stomach, trying not to puke, whilst trying to crawl over to the staircase. I heard whoever it was; I looked back and saw it was Charlie, making a _tsk-tsking _noise as I tried with futile energy, to get my body to move. After trying for 15 minutes to get to the staircase, and have only gone two and a half feet from where I began, he sighed angrily, and yanked me up, eliciting yet another scream from my already raw and sore throat. He groaned at the noise and, already in power, he rammed me into the wall, kissing my neck hungrily.

I tried futilely to get him off me. Each time I did he would smack me hard across the face.

**Rated M Part Begins Here**

I felt him caressing my body, his hands lingering on my hips, squeezing. I was shaking, in fear. He misunderstood, and when he spoke his voice was shaky.

"I knew you wanted me you slut…" and his head bent, sucking on my neck roughly. He bit me on my collarbone, making me cry out in pain. I felt the bone start to snap. He had added his hands to the equation of my neck. His hands squeezed with all their might as his lips, both cold and unyielding, bit just as hard. I was screaming for him to stop.

"NO, CHARLIE, NO! PLE—" But my pleas were cut off when he gripped my neck in his hand. He began to slowly lift me off the ground, watching with sick, twisted eyes at how I tried to claw at him. He laughed evilly, and before I knew he plunged himself so far and hard into me, I felt something tear. I screamed a deep, blood churning, scream. But, all he did was tighten his grip and move himself faster and harder with each stroke.

I could feel him begin to lose control, and right when he did, he ripped himself from me, letting me sink to the floor. I was gasping for the air that would not come. I looked up at him to see him with a metal baseball bat. I tried to crawl away from him, and as I raised my hand as if to stop him from hitting me, he swung. I heard the crack of my bones breaking before I felt it. And when I did, he began swinging at me as hard as he can. I mean he is only the only person in Forks, Washington that can swing a back at 60 mph!

He kept hitting me and hitting me for what seemed like an eternity. And just when I thought it was over, a swing to the head and once again my world is covered in darkness.

**Rated M Part Over**

_***Monday Morning/ Yesterday was Sunday***_

I awoke to the sound of my alarm going off. I tried to roll over, to turn the alarm off, but when I did my whole frame was wracked with pain. I gasped, opening my eyes so tears could pool out of them. I knew I had to get up though. I had to keep going, for Jacob. If he was the only thing I had left to die for, than I sure as hell would not let him down. I got up, slowly. I looked around at my room, it still looked the same, but there was something missing, I could feel it. I looked over to my desk, yes something was definitely miss—_OH MY GOD! NO HE DID NOT STEAL M—_I growled as I glared at the desk. He stole the necklace that Renee had given me. And, the car that I had, the Bugatti, its keys were missing also.

I sighed, frustrated. "Might as well try to get up and face this…" I murmured more to myself than anything. I gritted my teeth as I forced my aching body into a sitting position. I stumbled as I got up, and fought the dizziness as I made my way to my closet. I picked out my black distressed skinny jeans, a graphic t-shirt, and my black-on-black converse. I went into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I walked over to the shower, turned the water on, and began my life over again. I watched as the blood went down the drain. I noticed that there were splotches of pink against every wall and on the floor of the shower.

I got out of the shower feeling hollow. I officially had no one now, and I was going to die soon. I knew I was. Charlie would not keep me alive much longer. I looked at the clock in my room and it said 5:50. I sighed, and painfully made my way down the steps, narrowly avoiding the broken banister. I cringed as I caught sight of the pools of blood. I slipped as I hit a patch of it, and had to grab onto the staircase so I wouldn't fall. I heard rustling upstairs and knew that he was getting ready. I hurried as fast as I could to the kitchen where I began to make him his breakfast.

When he finally came down, I was near passing out. A couple of times I had to lean into the sink to cough out blood. When I heard his work boots come to a stop at the end of the steps, I turned around obediently, and put my head down as I fetched him something to drink. I set his things onto the table, and went into the corner, waiting for this verdict. After 10 agonizingly long minutes, I heard him clear his throat. I lifted my head slightly, so that he could see that I was listening. I felt his eyes staring at me, daring me to look up. I cringed when I thought of what would happen if I did, and he laughed.

"I see you finally decided to learn some manners. Now Isabella," he never called me Bella, only Isabella. He said it was a gift that he even called me that. "Now Isabella, I want you to do me a favor," oh god, I knew what his favors could be. "Look at me Isabella," he ordered. And so I did. I met his cold, accusing eyes with my sad, dead eyes.

"Yes, Father," I asked as humbly as I could. I was not going to show weakness to this man, even when his eyes slid over my body wit—_wait, was that POSSESSION I see? _I gulped as his eyes met mine once again. My heart was racing with fear, making my head swell, and my stomach churn.

"Isabella, I want you to never speak to the Cullen's again," huh, like I ever was, "and I want you to stop causing me all of this pain. It is an embarrassment to have you live in my house like this. You are 18 now, and I don't have to keep you here any longer. When I get home tonight, I want to see you gone, understood?" He glared at me. _WAIT, HE'S KICKING ME OUT OF THE HOUSE? BUT...I HAVE NOPLACE TO GO…_

I had tears in my eyes. "But Dad…I don't have anywhere else to go," I cried to him. I saw him get up, and I started backing away from him. I was backing up into the living room, when my foot slipped out from underneath me, but before I could fall, two strong arms wrapped around me. I looked up into the hateful eyes of Charlie. He set me on my two feet, but kept a tight hand on my wrist, squeezing it harder every time I tried to move. It was so quiet in the house that his voice scared me.

"LISTEN, YOU LITTLE BITCH, I DON'T WANT YOU IN THIS HOUSE, AND COULD CARE LESS IF YOU DIED ON YOUR WAY TO SCHOOL, GOT KILLED OR KILLED YOURSELF! I DO NOT CARE. FOR 18 YEARS I HAVE HAD TO SUFFER YOUR SORRY ASS, AND I AM DONE! DO YOU HEAR ME, DONE!" And with that he threw me to the ground and began kicking me everywhere. When he was finished he slammed the door behind him, leaving me in my misery and pain.

I got up and before leaving, I went upstairs to my room and grabbed the picture of Jacob from my dresser. I looked at how happy we had been. A tear escaped as I looked at the picture. And as if fate had some sick plan for me, the tear drop landed right where his heart was. I bit my lip, and took the picture out of its frame, putting it in my pocket, and walking down the steps. Once I opened the front door, I looked back at the house I was leaving. And with a sigh, I closed the door behind me, not bothering to lock it. I began walking down the driveway, only to stop when I reached the tree that my mother and I had planted when I was 4. I smiled through my tears as I watched its branches blow in the breeze. I turned away from the memories that lingered here, and without a single glance back, I made my way to my destiny.

As I entered the school parking lot, all eyes were glued to me. I didn't even bother to pretend like I was oblivious to them. I simply ignored them. I pulled my hood up, cranked my iPod, and continued walking. I heard a couple of gasps as I walked, but most were silent stares and gawking. I finally made my way to my first class of the day, knowing I was the first one to arrive. I opened the door and saw that, as usual, no one was in here, not even the teacher. I went to my seat in the very back, the one that is right underneath the air vent, and almost completely hidden from sight. If Ms. Rhoads called my name, all I had to do was lean slightly to the left and she would see me. I leaned back and continued listening to my song, looking at the picture. The tears I had been trying so hard to hold back, poured from my eyes.

I coughed to hide my sob when Ms. Rhoads, followed by the other students, filed into the classroom. I reached behind me for the cubby hole I made where I stashed all of my school supplies. A pencil, two notebooks, and a pen. I sighed, turning off my iPod, and watching as Ms. Rhoads looked through the classroom, and finding my desk empty, looked up to where I was, and I leaned out a little and she just nodded. I heard some snickering, and when I looked, it was Tanya, Jessica, and Angela gossiping about me.

"Did you hear? I heard that her dad caught her in his bed with Mike…" Jessica.

"I heard it was Tyler," Angela.

"Well, I heard that she was caught by Mike and Tyler, screwing her dad!" Of course that bitch would think that I was the one doing the screwing. I sighed, irritated. And just as the bell was about to ring, who walks in but Edward Cullen! I glare at him as he makes his way to the seat next to where my usual one is. He looks at my seat with, is that sadness and longing? No, it can't be. I gasp. He meets me eyes.

I go pale, and look away. I try to listen to what Ms. Rhoads is saying, but her words go through one ear and out the other, almost as if she were on mute. The world starts spinning, and a slight ringing in my ears grows steadily worse. I lean my head against the cold wall and try to breathe normally. Not working out so well. Each breath I take makes me want to puke. I have to take a deep breath, hold it, let it out, and repeat the process. And just as I was about to bolt from the class, the bell rings, signaling the end of class. I bolt from my seat, almost to the door when Tanya sticks her foot out, tripping me. I fall face first onto the floor, landing on my already battered body. I hear a couple more snaps and I try to get up, to no avail. Ms. Rhoads comes to help me, but when she grabs hold of my arm, I yank it from her and bolt from the class, limping, sobbing, and crying the whole way.

When I am as far away from everyone as I can get, I sink down onto the floor in a corner, and let my body release my pain. There is no blood on me, thank goodness, but there was a red blotch on my face where Charlie had smacked me this morning. My neck had fresh bruises, as well as my arms and stomach, and legs, and back. I was an ugly whore, nothing special. I felt a sudden chill in the room with me, and knew from experience that no person was in here with me.

Suddenly the presence caressed my face, and where it left, a warm tingle spread through me. In my head I heard the sweetest thing to my ears: Jake's laughter. I looked around the room frantic.

"It's okay Bellie-Wellie, you're not dead. Nor are you hallucinating. Why did you never tell me?" He asked, his beautiful voice pained. I was in too much of a shock to answer him. I closed my eyes and saw him standing in front of me, looking as sad and alone as when he had to leave me. I felt the tears building behind my eyes at the sight of him. It had been almost 8 months since he had left. I forced my eyes open. I could not see him like that.

"I hoped I was dead, or even hallucinating. That would give me a reason to get away from him. I never told you because then you would have been like everyone else. You didn't need to know. I was handling it on my own, Jakey. I didn't need anyone else trying to 'save' me or try to help me. I didn't need someone than, and I don't need someone now. So, just leave me alone. I missed you, and I love you. You were, and are still my best friend. Now, I must try to get to class," I said as I forced my way past the cold spot and towards the door. It was killing me to do this, but he couldn't know. Besides, what could he do? He was dead. With my heart ripping in my chest, I went to Mr. Banner's.

Once in Mr. Banner's class, I sat in the seat he assigned for me. The one that leaked and smelt like old gym socks. I was broken, and I had nothing else, so why should I care? When he came in, and saw me in that seat, he looked so shocked he almost dropped his coffee. I looked at him with steady eyes. Or well, blurry eyes. After almost a minute of silent staring, he motioned me forward. I obeyed silently. Once again, shocked. When I got close enough to his desk, Mike stuck out his foot, tripping me. I fell to the floor, landing at the feet of Mr. Banner. I looked at him, holding back the tears. He set down his coffee, and just as silently as I looked at him, he picked me up, gently. I was shocked to say the least. He looked at me with a weird expression. I cringed slightly away.

"May I see you outside the class for a moment Isabella?" He asked me softly. I nodded my head, silent.

He motioned for me to lead the way, and I smirked. I sat by the lockers once outside and heard him mumble some work for the class to do until he returned. With that done, he closed the door and turned to me. And then had begun to speak.

"Listen Isabella. I know what has been happening between you and the chief. I just want you to know that I only did what I did so that he wouldn't go after my daughter and wife," he said guiltily. I gasped. And then a rage like never before bubbled inside of me. I growled, and the world took on a red haze.

"YOU…RAPED…ME…TO…SAVE…YOUR…OWN…FAMILY?" I screamed in his face. He looked away ashamed. I couldn't handle it anymore. I jumped him. The door was not closed all the way, so when I jumped on him, the door flew open, with me on top of him punching the lights out of him. I was rabid. I clawed everywhere there was bare skin, and bit everywhere there was nerves. He was trying to get me off of him. After I was done tormenting him, I got off of him. I looked down and saw an unpleasant bulge in his pants, and did the unthinkable. I leaned down to him, still standing and growled.

"And this is so you won't be able to sire another bitch or bastard," and with that I rammed my foot down on his balls, stomping on them. I knew once I was done he would never have kids again. He never deserved them. I slammed my foot down once more, and with that I walked over to the phone and called the principal. She answered. I put her on speaker.

"Hello Mr. Banner, what can I do for you today?" She asked.

"Yes, Ms. Tyron, this is Isabella Swan, and I just attacked Mr. Banner, could you please send for an ambulance? I think I just made him infertile," and with that I hung up. I laughed. Ms. Tyron was his wife. I turned towards the door, smiling when I saw Ms. Tyron, Coach Clapp, and two police officers running down the hallway. When they came in, I stepped aside to let them through. I turned to leave but stopped. "Oh, Ms. Tyron," she looked at me. "I am officially dropping out of school today." And ran as fast as my injured body would let me. I heard the police officers calling for someone to help them catch me. I laughed as I continued to run. I knew this was not good for me, but what the hell, what did I care?

I got outside the doors, and was about to head towards the back of the school when I felt familiar, strong arms wrap around me. I froze.

"Well, well, well Isabella. It seems that you have learned nothing from me. I shall have to punish you for this," Charlie spoke. I tried futilely to get him off me. I was stupid enough to even try. With a punch to the head and a pinch to the neck my world was encased in darkness.

I groaned as the world came back to me. I was freezing and a cold breeze on my body made me want to curl up in a ball. I tried, and pain shot through my body. I also noticed, once again, that my body was covered in blood. Whether it was mine or not, there was not one inch that I know of that wasn't. I felt my body, and with utter shock, realized that I was completely naked. My mind immediately conjured one name from my numb lips.

"James," I whispered. Who else could it be? I sat up abruptly, and looked around. I was in what looked like a cellar. I became frantic as the more I looked at the room, the smaller and colder I felt. I covered my bloody body with my arms, not caring about the pain that was shooting through my body. I started having convulsions as my body was wracked with shivering. I turned at the last second for my body to once again, vomit blood. I felt the hot, iridescent liquid pour from my throat, and splatter onto the floor, looking like black ink. A drop of the thick liquid, dribbled down my trembling chin. I felt it drop down my neck and continue its way down.

I let out a gut wrenching sob, calling for the help, I was never going to get.

"Someone! Please, help me!" I screamed with all that my hoarse voice could manage. It came out as only a raspy yell. No one would hear me. I let out a broken sob as my body slumped over. I felt my world begin to collapse before my very eyes. And strangely, I felt my whole body begin to feel all warm and tingly. I lay back down on the now warm floor, where just a second ago it was freezing cold. I opened my eyes and saw everything as if it were wrapped in a beautiful white light. The sight was beautiful. And suddenly, I no longer cared if I never saw the Cullen's again. They would be better off without me. Shame that I never told Edw—_EDWARD! Oh God, Edward…I can't believe I would do something like that to him…how could I be so heartless? I sound just like Charlie and Renee now…Oh God, but how am I ever to return to my angel? _

I sat upright, and immediately the pain and cold, the blackness and tiredness, all of it came back to me. I tried to get up, only to find I was chained down by my legs. I looked around, frantic. I needed someone to come and help me, but who would come? I licked my dry lips, gathered all the saliva I could manage, and just as I was about to scream, footsteps were coming towards the door. I shut up immediately, listening.

And, at long last, James opened the door, a smug smile on his face. He stepped aside only to let in the one person I never wanted to see ever in my entire life again. Renee. She walked into the room, holding her hands behind her back, smirking at me. I was confused, well until I saw the bite marks on her neck. And then I realized. She had let James feed off of her.

And not even as I was done thinking it, she pulled out a knife from behind her, earning a pleased chuckle from James. My eyes went wide, like saucers. Why was the world doing this to me? Why did I have to live this way? Couldn't he have killed me instead of letting me endure this torture? I tried to gulp, but couldn't. Renee came forward, the knife glittering eerily. I tried to speak, but in the blink of an eye, she was in front of me, shushing whatever words I was about to speak with the blade of the knife, cutting my lips.

I yelped in pain as she licked the blood off the knife hungrily. I watched as her eyes turned to that black, which consisted of a blood red pupil and nothingness, and her skin paled out even more than it was, and saw with horror as she tilted her head back, and with a moan of pure pleasure, extracted her perfect white fangs. I felt my heart rate speed up as she tilted her head forward, opening her eyes. She had a somewhat dreamy look to her face, through the animalistic one. She licked her fangs slowly, watching my reaction.

I did the only thing I still knew I could do: scream. It was positively the loudest, blood curdling scream I swear I ever uttered. It must have been so loud because Renee and James couldn't get out of the room fast enough, but not before Renee stabbed me in the stomach. Maybe that was why my vision was blurring, and there was a hollow ringing in my ears. . .

Once my scream had died down, I was left gasping for air, and then I screamed for the one person I knew would never come.

"JACOB, HELP ME! PLEASE…" I sobbed. It was the only thing left I could do. I was heart-broken, and I had nowhere else to turn. I had no one anymore. Well, it wasn't like I had anyone to begin with anyways…

I was gasping, sobbing, and puking all at the same time. And then, as if Fate actually wanted me, I felt that cold spot around me, and then the chains broke and I was free. I closed my eyes and saw Jacob. I ran to him and hugged him and kissed him. Not on the lips of course. That would be weird. He kissed my forehead and squeezed me tighter. He was abnormally hot, and when I looked back up, he was gone, and I was alone in this cold and dismal place, once again. I heard him whisper.

"Soon, I will see you soon," he whispered, and then his voice faded into the wind. I looked around frantic and then I found them: my clothes. But, they were clean, and I also noticed, when I looked behind me, that there was a water faucet and some soap. I got up slowly, and made my way over to the faucet. I turned it on and the water was lukewarm. Good enough for me.

After I was done cleaning myself, I went for the clothes that someone had graciously left for me. I looked down when I felt something trickle down my stomach. I saw with mute horror that the cut my mother had left on me was huge, and pouring blood. Not like gushing, but a steady stream of blood. Almost as if it could never stop. I ran frantic to the faucet again, cleaning the cut once more.

I found some bandages which I began to place on my stomach. It stung furiously while I tried to put them on, but to no avail. I looked around until, conveniently, I found some tape, which I used graciously. Once that was done, I put the clothes back on, and very cautiously, walked outside the door…Into a room. I was in some house, because now that I was out of the thick walls, I could clearly hear the cars passing by. I made my way painstakingly slow towards the door on the other side of the room. Once I got there, I found a stairwell, which I proceeded to climb down.

I got to the bottom and saw with slight relief, the door that led outside. But, it was down the hallway, which had two cut outs to the left and right. If I ran, I could possibly make it out. But, if James and Renee were still here, it would make escape nearly impossible. Still, I had to try. So I bolted. I got the front door open, when I felt someone trying to make a grab for me. I yelped, making them draw back their fingers. I saw with relief, the sun.

I was looking back to see them, but I tripped on the first step and tumbled down them. I grunted as my back slammed against the cold concrete. But, I paid no mind, for I was already back on my feet and running full force towards the busy street, not caring if I got hit by a car, just so long as I was away from that place, and those monsters. I was running down the sidewalk, bumping into people, franticly trying to find a pay phone to call someone, when I felt a vibrating in my pocket. I looked down, and my feet gave out from underneath me. But I picked the phone out of my pocket, and saw a number calling me. I answered it hesitantly.

"H—Hello?" I asked into the mouthpiece. I heard a gasp on the other end, and I guess it was from my voice. I mean I had all but puked my lungs out when I screamed. The person replied though before I could hang up.

"No—No, Bella, please don't hang up," Alice whispered frantic into the phone. I sighed with frustration, considering all the hateful things she probably wanted to say to me. I didn't have time though. Than an idea came to my mind, but quickly decided against it, while going through with it.

"What do you vampires want with me now?" I asked into the phone because, clearly they were. I mean who else avoids sunlight, grows fangs, and tries to suck people's blood? Not a human.

She gasped and replied, shaken. "Ho—how did you find out?" She asked, half strangled. I sighed again.

"Perhaps, since you have super tracking skills, perhaps you can find me and take me back to my hou—I mean to the place I'm staying at," I quickly lied. "And, I can tell you there, but only bring you, yourself, and your own skin because Alice, if you so much as think about bringing anyone with you, I will personally make it so you cannot resist my blood, and kill me on the spot, is that clear?" I asked my voice full of bitter emotion and raw feelings. I heard her gulp and sigh a yes over the line. I hung up.

I saw a sign on the four ways and I thought about that sign as hard as I could. I knew that one of them was a psychic, and I figured it was Alice. Psychics tend to have raw energy that they can't use, and it makes them overly perky and happy constantly. Also, it gives them huge adrenaline rushes, and tendencies to do simple things and make them longer. Like shopping, or brushing your teeth, or something like that.

I had just sat down on the curb when I heard an engine revved, and I looked down the street to see a yellow, 911 Turbo Porsche screech to a halt in front of me. I jumped back, and slammed my body against the hard cement. I cringed, and when Alice helped me up, I didn't try to object. Once we were in the car, she started the interrogation.

"So, tell me everything, and don't you dare leave a single detail out, or so help me, I will wring your neck until you do," she threatened, only half serious. I saw a smirk on the edges of her lips, and so, completely serious I answered her.

"Start wringing then," I taunted. She turned her head towards me, still driving, while gaping at me.

"You are one sick, twisted mortal Bella," she answered. I simply shrugged, and commented.

"So you admit to not being one eh?" I asked her, a grim smirk playing on the edges of my lips as well.

"Yes, I do. You know far too much to be lied to like that, so I see no reason to keep doing it. I know Carlisle and Rosalie and Edward won't be pleased, but you're my friend, so they can throw all the hissy-fits they want," she said indignantly. I chuckled, a real laugh.

"Yes, your friend I am indeed Alice. I am your friend, and with that pledge, I expect you to protect me from all harm, including your brothers and sisters, and adopted father." I looked towards her and she was smiling so big, and had almost tears falling out of her eyes that I was guessing that if she were not driving this car, she would be hugging the breath out of me right about now. I laughed again. "You can hug the life out of me when we get to your house, seeing as I was officially kicked out of mine, yesterday. Well, at least you don't have to go to school today then, seeing as it is going to be sunny on this terrible Tuesday (**she blacked out Monday)** and I have nothing better to do, so would it be cool if we went to your place?" I asked, hesitant. She closed her eyes for a minute, and when she opened them, a triumphant smile was glued o her lips.

"Yes, and you will be staying with us for a whole month, and then it goes blank, but I suspect that a decision has not been made, but I know that a good one will be made, seeing as I saw you become one of us, and guess who's the one to do it?" She hedged at me. I smirked and spoke dryly.

"Oh, my dearest loved, shall it be you, please tell me it shall be you? I'll have died and gone to Hell for real if it is not you, my one true love," I spoke in a really thick Old English accent. She looked shocked at it, but asked me what ethnicity I was. "Well, I am English, Italian, German, French, Native American, and Albino obviously," I spoke pointing to my pale flesh. She laughed with me and when she turned into a long drive, I realized that we were almost there. As she was pulling in to the garage, she asked me a question that I didn't know if I could answer.

"So, Bella…How do you know James?" And as I was about to answer her, a sharp knock on the window, made me scream, and since we were in such close proximity, the glass cracked and shattered, while Alice and every other Cullen covered their ears as I screamed. I let out a choked breath as I opened the door, and leaned out just fast enough to vomit blood. I noticed that it was dark, thick, and had blood clots inside of it. I coughed up a huge blood clot as I fell out of the car.

I lay on my side as I gasped for my breath. I coughed, gasped, and cried at the same time. I felt the tears running down my face like hot rivers, and felt the raw tearing of my throat as the coughs were wrenched from me, causing my sobs to become harder, making my gasping become hyperventilating. I faintly heard someone call for Carlisle, but the ringing in my ears made it hard to hear much of anything, except the disjointed rhythm of my heart.

I felt cold hands pick me up off the ground gently, asking me something I could not hear. I rasped out a sob that I couldn't even understand.

"Please, please just let me die. I don't want this pain anymore. Please, just take it away. He will come for me, as will she if you don't kill me now. I beg of you, show me this small mercy. I do not wish to live this life any longer. Plea—" my voice cut off as I felt the hot, liquid forcing itself out of my already raw and bleeding throat. I coughed and coughed, trying to make it stop, but the blood kept coming, cutting off my air supply. I guess Death finally accepted my pleas.

I felt those same cold hands on my neck and back, soothingly tapping it to make the blood stop flowing like a river from my throat. I knew it was no use, but I could speak no more for the blood began to flow thicker, and hotter, and faster now. I swung at whoever it was and tried to tell them that I could not breathe. I was on my hands and knees and I could see, so I began, with trembling fingers, to write out what I could not say. It wrote: _CAN'T BREATHE, PLEASE HELP!_ And with a sharp crack, I screamed, one last blood curdling scream that was garbled because of the blood, and fell limp to my side.

The ringing and the blood slowly stopped until there was no more. I was tired and wanted nothing more but sleep, but knew I could not have sleep for the nightmares always came when I slept. So, I lay there, as the night slowly came upon us, and as night fell, my energy came back to me, and I sat up so straight that I don't even think I knew I did. I looked around in amazement, that is until I heard something move in the shadows. I lurched to my feet, facing whatever was coming. What came out was not what I expected.

James and Renee. They began walking towards me, and I began walking away, only to trip on a branch. I fell with a loud thud, and yelped out the first name that came to mind.

"ALICE!" I screeched. I watched in amazement as James and Renee both covered their ears, and with a look of disgust ran back into the trees, just as Alice came to me, wrapping her tiny arms around me. I was shuddering and shaking, and all together, trying not to pass out, or worse, vomit. Alice just simply held me as the nausea passed, as did my shaking. She kissed my head and rubbed soothing circles gently into my back.

After a while, she picked me up and carried me into the house. As I walked in, I noticed all the caring faces. There was Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme. At first I was so relieved, and then I became elated at having so many peo—err vampires, that cared about me. But, then I felt absolute rage at them. They fukking left me outside, and abandoned me. I could have been fukking abducted or worse, raped or killed by James and Renee.

As fast as I ever moved, I wrenched Alice's arm away from me, and with a vicious growl, shoved her small body away from mine. And if that wasn't enough to shock the infamous _Cullen's, _than what I growled next surely did the trick.

"WHAT…THE…HELL…IS…WRONG…WITH…YOU?" I yelled whilst gritting my teeth. I was past being mad, angry, or even pissed for that matter. I was…

"Livid," came Jasper's voice. He sounded like he was in pain; he was gritting his teeth as well. I narrowed my eyes at him, and thought of sheer hatred for everything that has happened to me ever since his family got involved with my life. The wince he tried to hide was far too noticeable to hide. I knew I was causing him physical and emotional pain, but I really did not care. I imagined myself going up to him and forcing him to drink from me. Before I could make a single step towards him, Alice was in front of me, her eyes black as pitch.

"You…will…do…no…such…thing…to…him," she growled, low and threatening. I smirked at her, daring her to do something. And as she was about to speak, I turned away from her restraining arms, and turned towards the door.

"Goodbye, sweet, sweet Cullen's. I mean it this time: do not try to follow me, talk to me, nothing. If you are lucky, you might see me in school, but I doubt it. I have no wish to go to school, and besides," I said as I opened the door and turned to look at them. "Besides, the local stripper joint says I have some real good potential. So what do you know, you may hear about me sometime," and as I spoke the last words, I walked down the porch and down the driveway, away from the only people who ever cared about me.

As I stood at the end of their driveway, I turned to see the faint lights of the house. My eyes closed, and with them a single tear fell from my eye. I truly was leaving them. When I opened my eyes again I was shocked. I saw the one person I thought I never would standing in front of me. Edward. I narrowed my eyes at him and he raised his hands up in surrender. I motioned for him to step forward. He did, slowly.

As he got closer, I could see how nervous he was, even if he was trying to hide it. I rolled my eyes at him. But as I did, as fast s the blink of an eye, he was standing in front of me, wiping my tears away. He caressed my cheek with his palm and had the strangest look in his eye. It scared me because as his thumb was caressing my cheek, it made my body start to tingle, and I closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling. His voice, as soft as the wind, whispered to me as the rain started to fall.

"Please, don't leave. I don't want you to leave, Bella. If you won't stay for Alice or Emmett, or even Carlisle, please stay…for me," he whispered. My eyes flew open in shock. _He wanted me to stay for him? _I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it again. I looked down, and when I looked up at him again, his face was inches away from mine. I gulped and as he came closer and closer, I reached my arms around him, rubbing up his stomach and chest, before finally landing around his neck. And with that, I curled his hair in my fingers and brought my face closer to his.

**Rated M Part Begin**

His lips were cold and hard against my own. I sighed as his tongue parted my lips, bringing my tongue to his so that they began to merge in a slow, passionate rhythm. But as his tongue slowly began to make my brain like pudding, my hands grasped his hair tighter and we both let out a low moan as his arms contracted on my waist. I pulled myself closer to him, making our slow kisses faster, harder, more demanding.

I was panting and so was he. The rain continued falling, soaking us both as he brought us to a spot by a tree, making it so I was straddling him. I knew it was dangerous, I knew I would hate myself later, but right now I had to tell him. Vampire or not, he had to know the truth.

"I love you," I whispered. I looked into his eyes as absolute love and adoration filled his features. He smiled a huge smile, and brought his lips back to mine forcefully. In this kiss I could feel his love for me, and when he brought his hands up underneath the back of my shirt, I didn't object. Instead I forced his lips away from mine as I moved to his neck, moaning at the sounds he made. He growled and gasped when I licked up his neck back to his waiting lips, where he attacked them.

He bit semi gently at my lips, making me moan underneath them. I found myself, much to my surprise, beginning to grind against him. I didn't know where it came from, but it scared me. So much so that I wrenched myself from his arms, landing in the mud. He looked dazed, and I gasped, brought my fingers to my lips, and quickly got up and started running. I heard him calling my name, but I didn't hear him. The only thing I now heard was a hollow ringing in my ears. I could feel my heart pumping in my veins, my breath coming in short gasps, which turned to even breathing.

**Rated M Part Over**

I felt my legs pick up their speed as I continued to run. I took a deep breath, and the ringing ceased. As did the feeling that I was going to pass out. Shocked, I pushed myself even further, relishing in the feeling. But just as quickly as it came, the ringing came back full force, as did the dizziness. I gasped as my feet stumbled beneath me, causing me to trip and fall.

I quickly got back up and noticed with bitter irony, that I was back at the bridge where I had tried to end my life before. I laughed humorlessly. I was thinking about going into town, while walking towards the bridge. I kept thinking about going to the diner to get something to eat. Once I got to the edge, I stopped thinking. I placed my hands on the railing **(it's not real railing, it's stone...I don't know how to describe it...)**, and looked down. The rain was still coming down, and it was all I heard.

I was on top of the side of the bridge, looking over at the water, seeing how much faster it was flowing, but again still not thinking about it too much. I looked up towards the sky, and kept my eyes open, looking at the rain as it fell. _God is crying sweetheart, letting you know how much he loves you, _Renee had told me. She said that when it rained, God was showing his love for his children. I laughed a strangled laugh. God didn't love me.

I closed my eyes as tears fell down my cheeks. The wind picked up, and as I turned my head to look out beneath me, I saw the most blessed thing: a cliff. I used to go cliff diving a few years ago. Especially now. I jumped off the ledge, back onto the road, and jogged through the trees to the cliff, where I caught my breath and went to the edge.

I looked out again as my eyes closed, letting the wind sway me back and forth. My hair was whipped in my face, so I didn't see the flames of red, brown, and blonde waiting for me out in the sea. I walked back to my favorite spot, and as I prepared, I heard a twig snap. Not caring, I lunged for the cliff, and felt fingers brush the back of my shirt, but I was expert at this. Not even a vampire could catch me now.

I know this because Victoria had tried so many times before. I never knew she was a vampire until she tried to bite me and make me one of them. I refused and so she beat me and almost killed me. But, she never finished the job. She told me that she would be back for me. Charlie never knew about her. She came to me at night.

I kept my eyes closed as I felt myself coming closer to the water.

"BELLA!" I heard someone screech above me. I ignored them. "Bella, look out for the rocks, and Victoria!" This time I opened my eyes, and when I did, I saw them.

My body splashed into the water like cutting butter. I tried with all my might not to panic when I hit the water. But when I saw three sets of glowing red orbs, I freaked. I was still calm, but I wasn't as careful as I usually am. I almost took a breath, but quickly turned, and made a swim for it to my secret alcove, which only I knew about.

When I was far enough away from the glowing orbs, I mentally let out a sigh of relief. I shook my head for being so careless, and continued swimming. I finally got to the little secluded area that I found once. I remember when I did find it. I was cold and alone, and I saw a glowing light. I had thought it was death, but Fate still didn't want me then. And so, here I am, in this little space, not too far off from the sea.

I gasped. "Who the hell was that?" I yell into the empty area in front of me. I was infuriated. I thought I was fucking done with all the vampire bullshit. I growled a nonhuman growl, and gasped. "No, not again," I whispered. My eyes grow wide as I bolt up from where I was sitting and make a run for it.

I continued running, and when I came to a clearing, I didn't even care that it was the Cullen's, or that they were watching. I stopped short, falling to my knees in agony. I felt like my whole body was on fire, and that my blood was being boiled. I screech in pure agony and when I look to my right, I see none other than the whole Cullen gang. But, I do not care. I try to speak, but my screams cut off the words I need to say.

After what seemed like forever, the pain stopped. And just like I knew they would, the Cullen's came running up to me.

I tried to sit up, but cried out in pain.

"Fuck, " I spoke through gritted teeth. I bit back my growl that was slowly building, forcing it back down my throat. The Cullens couldn't know what I knew. They weren't allowed to know that I knew about Victoria, Laurent, and Dillon. They would be killed, but then again so would I. Dammit, why did my life have to be so fukked up? Oh wait, I remember...BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE TO BA HAPPY!

I sighed as I stood up. I walked away a couple of steps, trying to think of what to say, of a reason why I returned, but all that came to my mind was the tears that I was never allowed to shed. I turned around towards the Cullens, but when I did, the tears that I didn't even know were there, fell from my eyes. I immediately saw looks of pity and sorrow. I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, and let out a sigh before I spoke.

"For the last time," I said, holding back my fury, "please, _please, _do not feel sorry for me. I don't need your pity. It makes me feel insecure, and inferior to your greater minds. But then again, why the hell shouldn't I feel inferior?" I inquired as I opened my eyes to look at them. "I mean after all," I said as I stepped closer to them, "you guys are vampires."

Looks of shock came from then all, even Alice, whom I suspected was a psychic. I was just about to comment on that when she spoke.

"Bella, ho…how did you know I was a psychic?" She asked in a tiny voice. She looked scared. I kept my mind undecided, not so hard to do when everything around you is in chaos, and approached her. I wrapped my arms around her and brought her petite body as close to mine as I could without hurting myself. She was sobbing, that much was evident, but I felt no tears. I just kept shushing her and whispering to her.

"Shh, it's okay, it's gonna be okay. I promise, everything's gonna be alright," I whispered as I stroked her hair. Comforting Alice came easily to me, since I knew how she felt most of the time. I kissed her head a couple of times, still trying to calm her down. At one point I felt a wave of calm just take over us, and I looked towards the only one who I suspected was the cause: Jasper. I gave him a nod, which he returned with a smile, even though it was sad.

I pulled way slightly to look at Alice. Her eyes were all over the place, her thoughts not even clear to herself anymore. I knew that someone was having a hard time with her thoughts. I guess it is Edward, seeing as whenever he looks at someone's general direction, he gets a look of pure disgust, or anger.

I grabbed her stone face in between my hands and forced her eyes to meet mine. "Alice, relax, everything is gonna be okay, I swear. You can trust me, I am no one, I am nothing, I have no one, and I have nothing. There is nothing I would trade in for telling your secret. It's not worth it," I spoke softly to her, but seeing it not work, I decided to sing.

_Thy hand Belinda, darkness shades me, on thy bosom let me rest.  
More I would but death invades me, death is now a welcome guest._

When I am laid, am laid in earth, may my wrongs create no trouble, no trouble in thy breast.  
When I am laid, am laid in earth, may my wrongs create no trouble, no trouble in thy breast.

Remember me, remember me, but, ah, forget my fate. Remember me but, ah, forget my fate.  
Remember me, remember me, but, ah, forget my fate. Remember me, but, ah, forget my fate.

By the time my voice ended in that solemn key, I had 7 pairs of eyes resting on me, each ranging from shock to absolute amazement. Alice pulled back from me, making it possible for me to be surrounded by seven curious vampires. I blushed.

A loud booming laugh made me shriek and jump to the person closest to me. Which just had to be Edward freaking Cullen? I looked up to see his amused face, and my heart skipped a beat. I shook my head to get out of this daze. _Snap out of it, Bella. You're human, worthless, ugly, disgusting, and not worth it. He probably has some knock-out vampire chick waiting for him, _I thought glumly to myself.

But strangely enough, a shock of heart-break shot through me at the thought of him being with someone else. I don't know why though. Why the hell should I care if he has a girlfriend? _Because you're in love with him! _My head screamed at me. I felt the tears prickling at my eyes, and before I knew what was happening, I had jolted away from Edward, and into the trees, tears streaming down my face.

I heard someone catching up with me, but I just pushed myself harder. I knew this wasn't good for me, and I was probably gonna kill myself, but I didn't want them to see me like this. I just needed some time alone, away from their sensitive hearing. But, knowing that privacy was impossible, I slowed down, giving up. I fell to my knees with a gut-wrenching sob.

I felt a pair of strong, cold arms wrap around me, and I didn't even try to push them away. Instead, I turned so I was facing them, and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder as I cried. I knew it was a guy because no way did Alice or Rosalie have such muscled arms. It probably wasn't Jasper…he seemed too new at this. It wasn't Emmett. Good God, he was huge. But no, it couldn't be…

I looked bleary-eyed up at Edward. He looked down at me, and smiled a sad smile. I gulped, suddenly nervous. He kept running his hand through my hair though, but never breaking my gaze. He chuckled before gently dragging his hand across my cheek.

"Breathe, Bella," he whispered. I took in a huge breath I didn't even realize I was holding. I suddenly felt very light-headed and almost fell backwards, had it not been for his quick reflexes. I gasped as his cold skin made contact with my bruised hip.

I felt my eyes starting to water up at the pain. He noticed this to, and lifted up my shirt. When he felt at my hip, gently, his eyes shot up to mine so fast that if I would have blinked, I would have missed it.

"Bella," he whispered, pained. I gulped again, forcing the tears back again. He stood up, and I shrunk back away from him. He winced, I think. But when he held his hand out to me, I took it knowing that if I didn't there would be dire consequences.

He pulled me up so I was standing, and before I could blink, he picked me up and was carrying me bridal style as he ran. The scenery was blurred as he ran, his vampire nature giving him inhuman abilities. I wonder how Alice is doing…

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice we were stopped until I didn't feel a breeze anymore. I looked up at all of the Cullens. And, as I knew I would, I blushed. I heard loud laughter and I flinched. I looked up into the eyes of a very amused Emmett.

"What? Does my blushing amuse you, Emmett?" I said as Edward set me down. I also noticed that when he did, I felt a sort of loneliness take over me. I shook it off though. I looked towards Emmett.

"Yes, actually. I find you...your blushing ver...Very…Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" He had started to roll on the ground he was laughing too hard. I was trying to hard not to smile and laugh, knowing that if I did, pain would hit me like a shot to the stomach. But seeing him like that…

Before I knew it, I had fallen to the ground, grasping my sides from laughter. I heard some of the others laughing with me. I had tears in my eyes though, both from Emmett and the pain. I was gasping from both when I noticed the ringing.

Pretty soon it was just the gasping and the ringing that I heard. I could feel my heart start to accelerate, and I gasped for Carlisle. He was over to me in a second.

"Bella? Bella? Bella, are you okay? Answer me, Bella!" he shouted, or at least I think he did. Everything was all muted and sounded far away. I was saying something, but before I could figure it out, I fell into the black waters once again.

I woke up, sometime later, to the sound of sobbing. I didn't want whoever it was to know that I was awake, so I pretended to be asleep. Someone was talking.

"Alice, how can you even think that?" I heard my angel say. He sounded so pained. An angel shouldn't be so sad. I wanted to reach out to him, but I would have to acknowledge that I was awake. I kept listening.

"Because Edward, she loves you. I can see it. You just have to be patient…I know how hard that is for you, but you have to trust me. It will all turn out for the better," Alice spoke softly. But, no matter how reassuring her voice sounded, I knew that wasn't all of it.

"Alice," my angel replied to her. "Alice, you're not telling me something. What aren't you telling me...And why, of all songs, do you have to be singing _Tic Tok_? Yeesh, Alice," my angel replied with forced sarcasm.

"What are you talking about, Edward? I'm not hiding anything, and I happen to like that song," she said indignantly. I knew it was a lie. I spoke up.

"You know," I said as if I had been awake the whole time, "if you're gonna lie, at least _try_ harder than that. Because, honestly, that was pitiful," I said as I kept lying down and yet speaking. I took a peek at them and saw that they were gaping at me. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

Sitting up I spoke. "Also, if you were wanting to catch flies…_that _would be the way to do it," I told them both. I heard snickers, and when I turned I saw Emmett trying to hold back laughter.

"Man," he said between chuckles, "I like her more and more." I cracked a smile before I realized what I was doing. My smile disappeared, replacing my usual frown. I looked at each of their faces, before falling on Alice's. We stared at each other, neither one breathing nor blinking. She broke first.

"_How the hell can you do that? You're human!"_ She screeched.

I merely laughed at her.

"Try being haunted by things that literally go bump in the night, try being, from the moment you're born, a sex slave to your own father, try," I said as I rose my voice, "being tormented day after day, knowing that you made your own mother leave you, that everyone hates you, that nobody loves you, that no one will ever want you…That, YOU…WILL…ALWAYS…BE…ALONE!" I yelled at her, tears streaming down my face. I kept going though.

"Try being the biggest fukking disappointment to everyone around you…" I whispered. "And once you have felt all those things, done all those things, than you come see me," I said brokenly as I made my way past all of them, into the hallway, down the steps, and out the door. I don't think I got 10 feet away from the porch when I was tackled to the ground.

"Be-Bella, I…am…so…sorry!" Sobbed a pixie. Before I knew what I was doing, I turned around, and hugged her back, both of us falling to our knees as we held each other.

I didn't know I was sobbing until she began stroking my hair. After a few minutes of that, I wiped my tears, and pulled away. And right in front of me was Jasper's knowing eyes.

"How do you know James, Bella?" He asked me. I pulled away from Alice to take a couple of steps away from them. I sighed and turned around to face them.

"I guess it's time to tell you a little about my past," I said as Jasper offered me his hand. I took it hesitantly; knowing what could happen if my blood caught his senses. I was feeling anxiety out the yin-yang until I felt a wave of calm and confidence overtake me. I nodded to him in gratitude. He merely smiled in return.

I looked back to see that we were already in the living room. I let go of Jasper's hand, noticing a hollow sense of sadness as my emotions came back full force when he let go. I winced, and noticed he did too. So I did the only thing I could: I pulled back my emotions and sucked them up, so that I was so tight with them I knew what would possibly happen later.

I sat down shakily and began.

"Six years ago, a man, a beautiful man, appeared in my dreams. He told me his name was James and that he loved me, and that he wanted me. He told me that I was his, no matter whom I dated, married; I was his, and only his. And yet still, he torments me in my dreams, telling me that my time will come when I join him in darkness...forever. I have no clue who he is, but I have a feeling Jasper does," I said looking at Jasper. He sighed before sitting next to me and beginning his story.

"In my first few decades of living as an immortal, I was with a woman named Maria. She was power-hungry, and I helped her win all of her battles in the south. She battled other newborns, you see, and wanted more. More than I could offer. But then, we found him: James. He had been a vampire for nearly 5 centuries when we found him. He had lost his true love, Isabelle, and had been searching for her again. He believed that she would reincarnate into someone else, and he wished to join us, in hopes that she would appear. We became close, James and I. But there came a time when I had to leave. And then I met Ali here," he said looking up at her. "I never saw James again. That is until _you _came here Bella," he whispered. I heard the silent words in my head.

"Wait, wait, wait! So, let me get this straight. A somewhat 6 century-year-old vamp came here, looking for his Isabelle, and when he stumbled upon me, he…" I couldn't even finish what I was saying. Just then I heard Alice gasp. I didn't even have time to think as the front door busted open, James and Renee coming through. I screamed, and ran behind Emmett, shaking in fear. He wrapped an arm around me, holding me safely against him. Renee looked at me with such a hate that I whimpered.

"James," Jasper whispered. I saw the pain in his eyes at seeing his old friend again. I almost went to comfort him when I remembered where I was. I tapped on Emmett, and he silently complied with my unspoken question. I moved away from him, coming out in the open. The sun was setting, ending the day. What day is it?

"It's the end of Wednesday Bella," Alice told me. Stupid psychic. I sighed, knowing that school would be the least of my problems. But as I walked forward, into a patch of the last rays of sunlight, James gasped.

"Isabelle," he whispered. I frowned. He couldn't possibly think I was his Isabelle, could he? "Oh, Isabelle, how I have missed you," he started to come forward, but Jasper, Emmett, Edward, Alice, and Carlisle all stopped him. Carlisle turned to look back at me, as did Jasper, and they both gasped.

"No," I heard them both whisper in shock.

"Ummmm, does someone wanna be nice and clue me in?" I asked, my last shred of courtesy vanishing.

"You look like Isabelle, Bella," Jasper said. I went wide-eyed. _NOO, no way in hell could I possibly be this 6 century-year-old girl that is the true love of this 6 century-year-old vampire! I LOVE EDW-Whoa, wait, wait, wait. I love Edward?_ I gasped in shock at my realization. I was in love with Edward Freaking Cullen, and James was in love with me.

"Oh my Gods," I whispered, looking to Alice. She had a smug smile on her face as she looked pointedly at Edward. I felt my breathing start to hitch.

"Isabelle," James said again. Somewhere, deep down, my soul gave a twinge. I looked at him. "Isabelle, my love, come to me. We shall leave this place," he said. I shook my head indignantly.

"No," I said. I looked at him. "No, I refuse to play Princess to your dead fantasy. I will not come to you," I said.

"But, you must come with me, my love. We can finally be together at last. You wanted me remember?"

"No, I remember nothing about you, except that you drank from me, almost killing me, and tormenting me with dreams of past lives I know nothing of," I spoke again. I saw the hurt flash in his eyes before anger replaced them. But it was not him who spoke…it was Renee.

"How dare you…_You little bitch! You will come to my master at once, you dirty whore!" _She growled at me. I felt slight tears building up, but ignored them. Instead anger flared inside of me.

"_ME? You say I am a whore? How am I a whore, _mother, _when you left your own fukking husband for someone else, and left your only daughter to suffer for the past 13 years of her life! And you just sat there, probably laughing at everything!" _I screamed at her. Angry tears were prickling behind my eyes, and when she saw them, she laughed. Fukking laughed. I screeched and with my mind, I imagined her burning alive at the stake. Strange thing was, it actually happened. I smiled in pure fury and glee at seeing her slowly smoldering to nothing.

I took joy in her screams of agony. I laughed as she burned. I knew in a faint part of my mind that this was wrong, but I didn't care, not really.

As her screams died down, I heard all 8 vampires take in a shocked breath.

I fell to my knees, gasping. I felt a ripping sensation in my heart, and tears pooled in my eyes. I shook them off the best that I could, and stood up carefully. I already let that monster see enough of my tears.

But as I did, a wave of calm and strength washed over me. I groaned.

"Dammit, Jasper! Enough with the mood swings. I love you for them but please!" I whined to him. He merely smirked, and I realized why. _You said you loved him!_

I gulped, a blush coming to my cheeks. This caused him to chuckle lightly, the tension still in his voice.

I sighed. This was not going to be easy. I had to choose between my family and James…Or was it Edward or James I was choosing from? Uh oh…

"Okay, look," I said, or rather stuttered. "I don't want you guys to fight over me. Really, I'm not worth any of the violence…I'm not even worth the air I breathe. So Just, _please, _don't fight over a worthless creature who should burn in Hell for the rest of eternity," I whispered to them all. I looked at each one of them in return, and felt the guilt wash through me. I couldn't be with any of them. I only wanted to be with one, and that was Edward, but he probably has some knock-out like Rosalie waiting for him somewhere.

That thought sent a pang of sadness to my heart.

"Let's just finish this, okay? James," I called to him, whom looked up, a triumphant smile on his face. I sighed again. "No, I am not choosing to go with you," his face fell, "I want to know the truth, from all of you," I spoke looking at each in turn, saving Edward for last. I held his gaze for a fraction of a second longer than the rest. "I want to know who this Isabelle was, I want to know why you want me, James, I want to know why you turned my mother, I want to know how you knew where we were, and I want to know about all of you," I said softly. "But," I said the dreaded word. "But, you have to promise me one thing James, and I will tell you that at the end of our little chat, capisce?" I said looking straight at him. He nodded, solemnly. I nodded my head in return. And then I sat where I was on the floor, and gave him, Jasper, and Carlisle the chance to start.

"Isabelle," James began. "Isabelle, she…She was my life. I loved her from the moment she was born, to the moment she was taken from me. She was beautiful, and looked just as you do, Bella. And in the last rays of sunlight her skin glowed with a light that I could never have. Just, like, you…" he trailed off, staring at me. I don't know why, but for some reason I got the worst feeling ever in the pit of my stomach. And then...I heard it.

_You love him, Bella…_It was Her voice, Isabelle's. I gasped. Everyone turned to look at me but I was having my own silent conversation.

_I love Edward, Isabelle, not James. James loves you, and only you._

_No, Bella. I am you, just as you are me. We are two halves of one whole. You WILL go to James, Bella. I won't let him suffer any longer…_

"NOOO!" I screamed out loud. I got up from where I was sitting and had my hands on my head, shaking. _Yes, Bella…You WILL come to him...Even if I have to make you…_"ARRGH!" I was thrashing about, even when someone put their arms around me. They were Emmett's.

"NOOO, I will NOT surrender myself to you! You can't make me," I screamed at her. _Oh, but I CAN, and you will soon learn that, Bella…Just you wait...Soon, very soon, your time will come..And you WILL come, Bella..._

With a sudden strength, I wrenched myself from Emmett's grasp, earning gasps from 8 vampires. I fell to my hands and knees, yelling in pain. I screamed, long and loud.

I faintly heard all the glass in the house begin to crack and then shatter as my scream reached their fortresses. It was too much. I didn't realize I was on my knees screaming, until my arms fell to my sides, and I opened my eyes, the echoes of my single scream still silently reverberating around us. I gasped, and coughed. Blood came with the air that was ripped from my throat. I spit it out, not really caring if it got on the carpet.

I had one hand on my stomach, the other on the floor to steady myself. And when someone put their hand on my shoulder, I just realized how tired and mentally and physically exhausted I was. I slouched forward, into their arms. I felt my eyes begin to droop, and then Isabelle's voice in my head yet again.

_See? I told you that you would come to him…_I looked up and saw James.

Before I knew what was happening, I screamed again, causing him to throw me. Now when I say throw, I don't mean a careless toss. I mean he _threw_ me, like a rag doll. Before I hit the wall though, I felt someone catch me. It was Jasper. I threw him a grateful glance. His smirk was what I got in return.

I heard growling and looked to see what was happening. Emmett AND Edward both had James by the throat. I gulped, fear captivating me. It was so strong that Jasper let me slip through his grip, his body covered by convulsions. I couldn't let them kill James. No matter how sadistic he was, Isabelle loved him.

"Stop!" I yelled. They looked at me. Edward with shock, Emmett with shock and confusion, and James with triumph. I looked at him. "Get that smug fukking look off of your face before I change my fukking mind about letting you live," I growled at him. His face became solemn. I nodded towards Emmett and Edward and they backed off. I walked up to James...and slapped him across the face so hard that he stumbled. Isabelle took over.

**Isabelle POV (Past Life) BTW: While I was writing this bit, I was listening to "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion…Don't Ask, Please...**

"If you EVER, under any circumstances, do that to me again...I will throw YOU...Into the fukking black oblivion that is death! Do you understand?" I growled at my lover. He nodded, scared. I smirked, triumphant. "Good. Now that we have THAT settled…" I spoke soft and low. My voice was different, in Her body. I felt like an intruder, an unwelcome guest.

_That's because you ARE unwelcome! _She screamed at me. Even telepathically she was powerful.

"Oh grow up, Bella," I told her. "You know, I think that this kind of experience might do you some good, make you _appreciate_ your elders more…" A Wordless shriek answered. I chuckled at her childishness.

_I want MY body back, Isabelle! _She cried to me. For an instant I felt pity for her. Being in love with someone who more than likely doesn't love her back…Ouch. But...I loved James, Didn't I? I mean he makes me happy; he makes me feel special…But is it enough? This IS her body now, not mine, and she has a life to live…although it will be a short one…

_WHAT? _She screeched at me. My face paled as I realized that she heard EVERY single word I had thought. _No, Bella…I didn't mean it like that, I swear! Please, you Have to believe me!_

_No, Isabelle, I don't believe you! How can I? _

_I…I don't know, okay? Just Please...Give Me five minutes with him…Please!_

_NOO!...You had your chance at forever, and you blew it! Now it's my turn…_I flinched both mentally and physically…I felt the tears weld up in my eyes as I remembered how I exactly did lose my chance at forever…

***A/N* I Started To Cry At This Part…Beware**

As the memories flooded m—_our _mind, I felt, rather than heard Bella's intake of breath.

_Oh Goddess, _she thought. _Isa—Isabelle, I am soo sorry! How can you ever forgive me?_

_It's alright, Bella, _I told her telepathically.

_No, it's not. You should have your happy ending, not me. I don't deserve to be happy, I really don't._

_Isabella Marie Swan! I do NOT, under any circumstances, want to hear, feel, or even see you say that again! Edward loves you! I can tell just by the way he looks at you…you guys are soulmates, bound for life. You are meant to be together, Bella…_

_Just like you and James…_Her voice was as soft as a whisper, but I still heard it. It was all my long-dead heart needed. I fell to my knees and sobbed. 600 years of waiting, 600 years of longing, 600 years of trying to stay sane…And now all of that was finally coming to its limit. I cried out my hurt for him not changing me when I begged, I cried out my longing for him knowing that this isn't just my body, I cried out my anger at him for not protecting me like he said he would, and I cried out my sadness for me and Bella…We were both in love with men we could never be with.

_What shall we do, Izzy? _She sobbed in our head. I shook my head in our world and in theirs. We were both willing to sacrifice our own happiness for the other. And neither could let the other do that.

_I don't know, Bells…_I told her truthfully. I Didn't Know. Who Would? How do you possibly keep two Old Souls happy without hurting the other?

_Maybe…Maybe, Carlisle can help, _she told me. It might work…

_Here, _I whispered to her. I felt my strength fade away from me as hers gathered.

With a snap I felt myself become me again…

**Bella POV**

I snapped back into my body, feeling alien in it at first. And then, it happened. Before I knew what I was doing, I flung myself at James, hugging him.

"I…I am soo sorry!" I told him in a strangled voice. And the truth was that I actually was sorry. He lost the love of his life, his existence…EVERYTHING. Just like me. But, I could never love him. As he could never love me. I let go of him after a final squeeze and returned back to where I was before. I turned to Carlisle.

"Carlisle…What do you know about Old Souls?" I asked him. His mouth formed an 'o' and his eyes widened. I tried to hold it back, as did Izzy. But it was too much. We burst out laughing. But when Izzy continued to laugh and I stopped to grasp my side, Carlisle came out of his trance, only to go into doctor-mode. He was at my side at the same time that I was lifting up my shirt, exposing my rib that was about to pop out of my skin…or puncture my lung.

"Car…Carlisle," I whispered. He looked at me, and when I gave him a nod, he grimly smiled back at me and I felt a stab of pain. I screamed again, but bit back anymore from coming. He was twisting and turning my rib and ever so slowly, pushing it back into place.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"HURRY THE FUKK UP! MY GODDE—ARRRGH!" I screeched as I grasped hold on something, anything.

Someone grasped my hand in return. I looked bleary-eyed at Edward, who smiled sadly back. I felt Carlisle's hand move from my side, and heard him sigh in satisfaction. And then...Something hit me, full force.

"WAIT! Isabelle! You were a fukking VAMPIRE when you were killed?" I yelled. I looked at James, who looked away ashamed. I got up, not even feeling the pain. "You...You sick, _bastard_! You fukking knew what she was, you knew what could happen, what would happen…And you just _stood there?_ Like an ignorant prick? What the hell is wrong with you?" I felt the angry tears start to form behind my eyes. Now I knew Izzy's pain. "You were supposed to protect her! Be there for her always! You promised her that! You swore that you would always be there for her, to protect and love her!" I yelled at him more, enjoying the way he looked so insecure. "You lied to her," I whispered. His gaze met mine again, and his eyes were blazing.

"_I had no choice!" _ He yelled back at me. "_If I told her the truth, they would have done much worse than kill her! What I did was merciful! What she deserved! I never meant to hurt her! I gave my soul for her! If I didn't, she would never have been able to be reincarnated! I gave something for her that I thought I never had! _If I hadn't of lied to her, she would be long gone, rotted away with the rest of her family's ashes," he whispered, his voice taking on that dead tone.

I was lost for words. Izzy knew he was telling the truth, without seeping into his mind.

His face was contorted in a mask of pain, and I felt my heart break.

And then I knew a way for them to be together.

_Bella! _Izzy gasped. _NOO, you can't do that, Bella! You ca—_I interrupted her.

_It's the only way, Izzy…_I looked at Carlisle.

"I want you to turn me into a vampire…For Izzy," I said as I looked at James. His eyes grew wide and he started shaking his head.

"No, I refuse to let you do that! It's _murder_, Bella. _Murder,_" He said.

"Well…Actually it would be suicide," I told him with no emotion. He looked at me like I'd gone insane.

"No...I won't let you do it, Bella," He said. I sighed.

"James…I HAVE to do this…If not for me than surely for Izzy. She deserves to be happy. I don't. I am a worthless whore who only deserves the punishment of death…I've accepted that, and I know you will as well," I told him. He shook his head, tears forming.

"I won't let you kill yourself…for my sake," he told me stubbornly.

Edward chose that moment to freak out.

"WHAT?" He looked straight at me. "Isabella Marie Swan, you can't possibly be thinking about killing yourself! I'll help James stop you if you even think about trying," he told me, anger overtaking him.

I chuckled despite myself. "And how the hell do you propose to know what I am thinking?" I told him.

Anger flashed across his face, and he took a step towards me. I immediately took a step back, tripping on the table. I fell, landing on my side. I gripped my side as he looked at me with utter horror. I sniffled and tried to hold back the tears.

_How can I possibly tell him I'm in love with him, Izzy?_

_I don't know, Bella. Just…Just don't kill yourself to make me happy. You better listen up, kid, Carlisle's about to tell you something important…_

I looked up just as Carlisle started to talk.

"I think…I think I know a way for both you and, Izzy is it, to both be happy…separately," he told us. I jumped up ready to start squealing when he continued. "But," he said. I looked at him, expecting the worst. "But…One of you may not wake up," he said gravely.

"I don't care, Carlisle," I told him bravely. "As long as one of us is happy, it's okay. If I die, and only Izzy gets to be happy, then I'll still be happy. I promise," I told him. I looked around the room, but when I did, I noticed that neither James nor Edward would look at me. That hurt...a lot. I felt my heart break even further.

_See? I told you he couldn't love me. He won't even respect my choice to die to save you…_

_Bella…He's _dying _inside at the thought of you giving up your life to save me. He wants you to be with him...forever._

_As James does for you…_I gasped. "That's It!" I whispered. I looked at Carlisle.

"Carlisle...What if...What if we found another body? One of us could exchange our soul and go to the other body…It could work. James," I said looking at him. He reluctantly looked at me. "Do you remember Bellatrix?" His eyes widened, but not in fear. In hope.

"You mean..?" His question left hanging. I nodded. He yelled in happiness and rushed to me, picking me up and swinging me in a circle. When he put me down it was to bow down in front of me.

"I, James Rasmussen de Lioncour, swear that on this day, that I will be forever indebted to you, Isabella Marie Swan, as long as we both shall live. Do you accept my request?" He spoke like the Lord he was. I curtsied to him, and bowed in approval. He nodded his head and then picked me up again. After swinging me around once in a circle, he put me down. "Do you think it could work…again?"

"I know how to do it, James. I did it once before didn't I?" I asked him, feigning hurt. He nodded again, a smile plastered upon his ancient face. I saw a light in it that had been missing for so long.

"Carlisle," I said, never taking my eyes off of James, "Carlisle, I need you to find me a body. One that looks kind of like me, but kind of different. She must have long brown hair, that when in the perfect light, shimmers like blood. Her eyes…Her eyes must be like ice, cold and hard to the unknowing eye, but to those who know, warm and like water. She must have proportions that would drive even Rosalie here crazy, but not enough to make her jealous," I said giving Rosalie an 'is that okay' look, which she nodded in approval. I kept going. "Her laugh must be that of the wind. Sounded like it will never end, and yet, you never know when it began. And her voice…Her voice should be that of running water…"

I left off with a sigh, and found that everyone was staring at me. I was suddenly overcome with self-consciousness. I blushed. "What?" I asked. They blinked. Izzy was even shocked and completely awed.

"I…I think I know who that sounds like," choked out Carlisle. I rolled my eyes. Who could have that description? "I think…I think it may be Isabelle's original form," and at that Izzy was jumping up and down, squealing. _Yes, yes, yes! That's it!_

"She says that that is her original form…"I trailed off, slightly confused.

"Bella, how did you know what she originally looked like?" Asked Edward. I looked at him and saw the poorly concealed pain in his eyes. I frowned, knowing I was the cause of it. Guilt washed through me. This was my fault, all of this is my fault…If only I wasn't me, if only I ne—

"Bella," Groaned Jasper. "Bella, dammit, give me a break. I mean I haven't had this much fun controlling emotions in years but...Really?" He looked at me as if I had three heads. Edward gasped at hearing Jasper's thoughts, and a look of pure agony and understanding filled his features. That just made me feel worse. Tears filled my eyes and I looked away, blinking them away. I took a deep breath and stowed more emotions away, locking them in my personal safe.

_Bella, I don't think you doing that is such a good idea, _came Izzy's voice. I ignored it. I put on a smile so fake, it was believable. They looked convinced. Except Jasper. He looked confused, like he couldn't understand what happened. I smiled a little. Then it was gone, faster than one would believe. I sighed and looked to Carlisle.

"Do you think we can find her original body?" He nodded solemnly. I gave him a curt nod in return.

I sighed once again before looking around at each of their faces. This might be the last time I see them. I felt sadness start to creep in on me, until I drug it back to the safe and locked it and double-locked it, making sure my sadness wouldn't be reaped out to the world. Jasper sighed, exasperated.

"Bella, you can't keep doing that. You're bound to explode if you do," he said sternly, as if he were talking to a child who repeatedly did something bad and still didn't listen. I gritted my teeth so I wouldn't say anything in return. I just simply turned away from him and sighed, again.

It was almost midnight when we returned back to the Cullen household. We had found the correct body that I sought out. She was gorgeous as her original self. I instructed Carlisle to lay the body down on the floor. I lay down next to it. I sighed, and opened my eyes, but kept lying on the ground.

"I just want to warn you guys…This might not work. It worked with Bellatrix, but that was the first and only time we ever did something like this. If we both come back, we might have defects, like short-term memory loss, or we might go insane. James," I said, only speaking to him now. "James, if…If the worst should happen…you know what to do," I said looking into his eyes. They widened for a split second and then grew immensely sad. I gave him a sad smile in return. He nodded like it killed him to and with that I blinked back more tears as I laid down and began the difficult process.

I could tell he was telling them something in a low voice that only vampire could hear. I blocked that out as well and talked to Izzy.

_You ready to do this, Izzy?_

_Yea, I think…What if this doesn't work Bells? What shall we do then?_

_Well…We'll just have to wait and see then won't we?_

And with that said I focused on our spirit. It was a glowing white orb. But, there was bleakness to it so black, it was pulsing with it. I knew this was dangerous, I knew it might not work, but I had to try. I felt for the core of it, where the spirit pulsed loudest and hardest. After what seemed like forever, we found it, beating like a drum. We grasped hold of it, convulsions taking over us. I could feel Izzy beginning to slip.

_Do…Not…Let…Go! _I told her, struggling to hang on as well.

_I…Can't…Help!_ She screamed. I held onto her and she held on for dear life to our spirit. I helped her focus on our spirits and helped guide her to her new body, feeling her own energy fade out of my body and into her original form. But, we both still held on to our spirit, afraid to hold on, afraid to let go. We were in trouble, I could feel it. And so I told her possibly one of the worst things ever.

_Let go!_

_But you said never let go! If I do one of us will die! I WON'T be the cause of your death, Bella!_

_And I refuse to be the cause of yours, _I yelled back to her. _On the count of three!_

_One…_

_Two…_

_THREE! _ We shouted together as we both let go of our spirit, possibly killing us both in the process. I felt her slip away from me, down a bright tunnel, screaming my name.

_BELLA! NOOO, BELLAAA! _

_It's…It's…its Alright…_I whispered. I looked back and saw my body, lying on the floor of the Cullen household, dead. I panicked. And then I remembered the one lesson I never learned…

_**With spring comes life, yes, but with life, what comes then?**_

_I know the answer now! With life come responsibilities, duties that we must fulfill before we can truly be happy. Happiness is the ideal dream when it comes to mortals. They just want to be loved, and find that single person who they were meant to be with. Spring brings life, but it also brings love! I know now! I know what it me—_

I felt a kick going into my stomach. It was a gust of air, forcing me to move. I concentrated. And when I felt the pull of my soul returning to my body, I knew it was done. But then a thought occurred to me.

Where was Isabelle? I opened my eyes and screamed. Emmett was right in fro not my face. I did one of the stupidest things I could do: I punched him in the face. He yelped in surprise, and I heard chuckles all around. But one caught my attention. It sounded like wind. I looked to my right and saw Isabelle.

"Izzy!" I screamed as I ran to her. She opened her arms for me, and I practically jumped into them. She chuckled at me, stroking my hair.

"You did good…my child," she whispered. I pulled back to look at her. She was ice cold, and her eyes were blood red. I gulped. She was a newborn. She pulled me closer, tighter, still stroking my hair, and began to smell me as well. I heard a few growls and turned my head, and I paled as I saw all 8 vampires looking at me with bloodlust in their eyes. I screamed.

"NOOO!" I bolted upright. I looked around me and saw that I was in the Cullen's house. I looked to my right on the floor and saw that the body was gone. I thought the worst until I saw her in James' lap, his arms around her waist. I smiled hugely. "We did it," I spoke as If in a trance. Izzy and James nodded at me and smiled.

I looked around at each of the Cullen's faces, and felt something I hadn't felt in a long time: happiness. It radiated through me, filling my lungs and veins with it, making my heart beat faster. Jasper sent me a wave of calm, but when he did, I felt the darkness start to emerge into me. I gasped and mentally shoved it away. I smiled in satisfaction when I felt it go away, like a veil being lifted.

I stood up and went to Alice and gave her a big hug, not caring if I hurt myself. I did the same for Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, James, and Izzy. I ignored Edward. I didn't want to hurt him even more. The thought pained me; even though I believed what I was doing was right. I looked at Edward, hating the hurt look upon his face. James cleared his throat, giving me an excuse to look away from Edward.

He stood up. "I want to thank you, Bella. For everything you have done for me...for us. It truly means everything to me. I finally have my true love back in my arms," and with that he kissed her. The kiss was full of passion. Emmett and Jasper wolf whistled. I felt a twinge of jealousy and longing. I was starting to remember when Edward had kissed me when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw who it was: Edward.

"Might I have a moment?" He asked, nodding his head outside. I sighed, and nodded, knowing that this would possibly be the end of whatever we had. My sigh came out cracked and shaky, something that didn't go unnoticed by Edward. I stepped out onto the back porch, facing the backyard, with my back to him. I felt him approach me, and put his hands on the tops of my shoulders. I bit my lip to hold back a sob.

"Bella," he whispered. His voice was pained, but there was something burning under the surface.

I cleared my throat before answering. "Yes, Edward?" I asked, hating the slight tremor in my voice.

He turned me around so I was facing him, but I wouldn't meet his eyes. He gently lifted my face up to his, and when he did tears fell from my eyes. I saw the sadness and pain shoot through his face before he wiped away the tears with the backs of his hands. But, the more I blinked, the more came. I turned away from him as a sob shot through me.

I couldn't do this anymore. I refuse to put him through anymore pain. I made up my mind to tell him that I was leaving, for good, when Alice burst through the doors.

"NOOO! Bella, don't do it! Don't! I will personally track you down if you do!" she threatened. Emmett and Jasper took her back inside, apologizing for her. I smiled a little, but the sadness turned it into a frown. More tears fell.

"Why won't you look at me?" Came Edward's voice. It was so pained and..._Broken. _Like he lost his dog or something. Like he had given up hope. I sighed, my soul slowly tearing itself apart.

"I…I don't want to hurt you," I whispered to him as I turned around to face him. I looked once in his eyes, but that single look said thousands of words. I looked away, shame and hurt flowing through me.

I felt like he was going to laugh at me, but what he did instead shocked me, and thrilled me all the same.

"You could only hurt me if you hurt yourself, or killed yourself. Nothing you could ever say or do would hurt me, Bella. I'm scared of hurting you," he admitted softly.

"But, why? I'm nothing, Edward. I'm worthless, a mistake, an at—" My words were cut off because he had pulled me to him and captured my lips with his. They were cold and hard, and yet warm and soft. I felt the electricity jolt through me as the innocent kiss, turned into something more when I wrapped my arms around his neck, securing him there. I opened my mouth to breathe and that was all he needed.

His lips became almost demanding as they moved with mine. His tongue traced my lower lip, earning a low moan from me. It was too low for human ears to hear, but he picked it up. I felt his chest rumble with what I suspected was a growl. I felt the vibration of that growl through my whole body, sending me into a slight frenzy. I kissed him with more passion, and only when I became dizzy did he pull away. He put his head forehead on mine, and looked into my eyes as I did with him. He smiled a languid smile and lazily kissed my lips once more. I gladly kissed them back. And at the stroke of midnight I whispered to him.

"I love you, Edward Cullen." His answering smile was dazzling as his whole face lit up with happiness.

He kissed me like a sort of madman before he pulled away. "I love you just as much, Isabella Swan."

And In those minutes, when the spirits of both worlds roamed free, I stood in the arms of this Greek God who loved me just as much as I loved him. As I was drifting off into sleep, he whispered.

"My Ice Cold Princess."

I could only smile in response as the black waters of sleep stole me.

**AHHHHHHHHH!  
I FINALLY FINISHED IT! THIS CHAPTER WAS THE LONGEST ONE  
BY FAR! IT MAY TAKE MEH A WHILE BEFORE THE NEXT ONE IS  
UP, BUT I PROMISE YOU THAT NOW WE'RE GETTING TO THE GOOD  
STUFF!...**

**THANK YOU FOR ALL WHO REVIEWED AND STUCK WITH MEH THROUGH  
ALL OF THIS! I OWE YOU! AND THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR AMAZING  
IDEAS!**

**REVIEW TIME!**

**17, 722**


	8. Forever and Always?

**Heyy, You Guyz, Sorry I Haven't Updated, Updated In A While. I had A LOT of Depressing Things happen To Meh lately, and I Just Haven't Had the Strength to Type. I Am A Freshman This Year! Woo Hoo, Only Four More Years Left! And A Few Reviews I Got ON This Story Really Hurt Meh. If You ARE Reading this and you were one Of the Few Who Did, You Know Who You Are. But A Lot of You, Who Could, Sent Meh PM's, Giving Meh the Courage and Love to Continue Writing. Meh Internet Hasn't Been Working So When I Get It Back up, I Will Replace This Chappy with the Names of the People Who Did. Soo, I Guess I Can Begin With Chapter 7 Of ****Goodbye I'm Sorry****…**

**(A/N: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR THE SONG BY JAMESTOWN STORY...ONLY THE STORY LINE)  
Bella: *sigh* Do we really have to do this again?  
Me: *exasperated sigh* YES, We have to...  
Edward: *groans* Why?  
Me: Because I Said So, That's Why…  
Bella: *screeches* you know you will NEVER Own Twilight So Give Up This Dream!  
Me: NOOO! I WILL OWN TWILIGHT SOME DAY! I WILL!  
Edward: *talks to himself*...Here we go again…  
Me & Bella: Shut Up, Edward!  
Edward: Okay, Jeez, Chill Out…**

_Previously: He smiled a languid smile and lazily kissed my lips once more. I gladly kissed them back. And at the stroke of midnight I whispered to him, "I love you, Edward Cullen." His answering smile was dazzling as his whole face lit up with happiness.  
He kissed me like a sort of madman before he pulled away. "I love you just as much, Isabella Swan."  
And In those minutes, when the spirits of both worlds roamed free, I stood in the arms of this Greek God who loved me just as much as I loved him.  
As I was drifting off into sleep, he whispered, "My Ice Cold Princess."  
I could only smile in response as the black waters of sleep stole me. _

**Chapter 7 – Forever and Always…?**

(Last chapter let's say it was...Saturday? It is now Sunday)  
Rolling over, I woke up, imagining that I would hit the floor, but instead, there was more softness and the most comfortable mattress ever. My eyes flew open as I sat up, remembering the weird dream I had had the night before. A scarlet blush sweeps across my face as a finger lightly brushes against my swollen lips. _Did that really happen last night? _I think to myself as the night's events swirled around me like a fog, trying to be remembered whilst trying to hide and be forgotten.

"No," I said to myself. "No, that could never have happened," I said with what I noticed was a sad tone. _Where the hell did THAT come from? _ A gasp escaped my lips at how dead my voice sounded. Suddenly the oh so comfortable mattress did not seem as comfy anymore. I got up and looked down and saw that I was in one of the most beautiful and yet provocative nightgown I ever saw in my life. Gasping, I ran to find something to cover it up with.

There was a robe on the mirror, but as I reached for it, my hand snapped back as I gazed into the mirror. The girl looking back at me was ever so pale, her hair all tangled from sleep, a scared look on her face, completely dead eyes, and the most disgusting body I had ever seen. Hesitantly, I lifted up the bottom of the gown and saw with relief normal undies, but as I lifted the gown up higher, never taking my gaze off of my body in the mirror, tears pooled in my eyes. There were scars, bruises, and cuts all across her body, some old and some fresh.

But it wasn't the scars or bruises or cuts I saw that made me start to cry. It was how skinny the girl was. I held the gown up by my neck and felt around on the girl's body. I felt her ribs, felt the notches in all of them, like broken bones that never quite healed; I felt her hip bones and the bruises that were there. My hands stopped at the top of her undies, seeing the scars from the whip still there, kind of shining in the dim light. I dropped the gown and my hands and ran to the window, trying to see if an escape was possible. Footsteps started to approach, so I thought about going under the bed, whilst going into the closet.

Sitting safely in the darkness, a single tear fell from my eye. I quickly wiped it away as they came into the room.

"Where is she?" Ah, that was the Greek God himself…Edward. I heard some shuffling and the movement of fabric. The bed.

"She was going under the bed to hide. I saw her!" Cried Alice. Ah, so she didn't know I was in here. I imagined peeking behind the shower curtain, going to try and hide in the linen closet because it's too cold in here. "Wait, she's in here," she called, going into the bathroom. I heard her screech in frustration. "She's here, I just saw her again!"

"Alice, what if she is using your gift against you? Making you see what she wants you to see, because she's really somewhere else?" Edward spoke in an amused voice. I felt my mouth drop as I realized new things about Edward. "What if she isn't in the bathroom, isn't under the bed, but is still in this room?" I think I heard movement, but then again I'm not sure. I moved as softly as possible farther back into the closet. I heard Alice's incredulous gasp.

"Edward…You're A Genius!" She cried with enthusiasm.

"Awwh, thanks for noticing little sister," he responded in a sarcastic voice. I wondered why they hadn't checked the closet yet. I mean they can hear my heart, can't they? And then I heard the closet door open.

"Bellaaa? Where are you Bella? Come out, come out, wherever you are," Alice coaxed. _What is this, hide-and-seek? _

"What is this, Alice? Hide-and-Seek?" Edward asked, a smile in his voice. _Is he hearing what I'm thinking? _ No, it couldn't be. I'm a mute…

"No, _Eddie, _this is me merely biding my time until…" I heard the swish of fabric move closer to where I was. Edward growled at the nickname she used. I swallowed carefully, praying she didn't find me, and see how disgusting I was.

"Until what, Alice?" Edward asked her. His voice had that sadness to it that I recognized. He sounded defeated.

"Until…Gotcha!" She cried out, having moved some clothes only to find an empty space. I bit back a small laugh. I was way in the back, in a dark little corner. But, now I am on the third shelf up, behind some boxes of shoes, trying to move carefully away from them. "Aha," she whispered evilly. I heard her jump up to the third shelf, where she yelled out "Gotcha!" followed by an "Ugh, where the hell are you Bella?"

"Allow me to try and find her?" Edward asked, all politeness. Alice sighed a yes, and walked away, her peppy mood destroyed. I heard her footsteps retreat downstairs, and almost breathed a sigh of relief. "Bella, it's safe, if you really are in here," he called to me. "You can come out now, it's alright." He moved closer into the back. "I won't hurt you," he whispered. I held back a sob. He was being too nice, something I knew well. They were always nice before they turned into the sadistic scoundrels that did in fact, hurt her. "Please, if it's about what happened last night, I'm sorry. It was a mistake, and I know it should never have happened. Come down when you're ready," I heard him pause at the door of the actual room. "Here are some clothes for you to change into," and with that he left.

I got up from where I was at, and slowly and softly walked into the big room, and let the tears fall. _It was a mistake…should never have happened…_Those words would kill her if no one else did. But, he was right. It WAS a mistake. She could never be with someone like him, and someone like him could NEVER love someone like her.

Wiping the tears away and sniffling a bit, I went and got the clothes from the foot of the bed, relaxing when I saw they were a pair of black sweatpants and a T-shirt. I retrieved the clothes and went into the bathroom, where I placed them on the counter. Stripping down into nothing, I turned the shower on very lightly, hoping I would not get in trouble for taking a shower. And as an extra precaution, I turned the dial to freezing cold, so I wouldn't cause them a high water bill.

Stepping into the cold spray, I found some vanilla shampoo and conditioner. I picked up the shampoo and began lathering my hair with it, marveling in the exquisite smell. Once my hair is all soapy and lathered up, I leaned my head back into the spray and rinsed off. The water hit all my sore spots with aching familiarity, and I felt like I was back at Charlie's. Gasping, I opened my eyes, to make sure I wasn't, slipping in the process. I caught myself before I could get hurt though.

Standing upright once more, I started putting conditioner in my hair, so it would have a nice sheen with it. Once it was nice and silky smooth, I decided to shave my legs. And once they were nice and smooth, I took care of other places as well. And then I rinsed out the conditioner, and washed my body, until all I smelt was vanilla. I stood in the shower for an extra two minutes though, just standing. Then I turned the dial so the water stopped.

Stepping out of the shower, I found a towel to wrap around my body and dry off with. Once my body is dry, I take the towel to my hair, drying it off as well. When my hair is dry enough that is doesn't drip, I clean up the water that got onto the floor. When the floor is dry as it can get, I fold the towel up and place it neatly in the hamper, turning towards the mirror.

Once again I stop to look at the reflection in the mirror. The girl's hair is wet and glistening in the light, her cheekbones have a light flush to them, and yet she still has the defeated look to her face. Her body seems even more grotesque than before. Her breasts are small and look as if they have been tortured and tormented, like she has had sex way too many times. She would have a nice figure, but all you see is bones, and the outlines of her organs and veins. She's too ugly, too skinny, and too worthless. I watch as a single cascade of tears fall from her eyes.

"If only," I whisper, turning away from the mirror and the horrid reflection cast back at me. I found a bra and underwear with the clothes and put them on, along with the shirt and pants. I tied the sweatpants as tight as they can be, and they are still loose.

Looking though the drawers, I find a brush and begin brushing my hair. Once all the tangles are out of my hair, I find the blow dryer and blow dry my hair. Once it's dry enough, I wrap the cord around the blow dryer and place it and the brush back in the exact place I found them, taking the time to remove any of my hair that fell onto the floor or the sink and throw them away. With that done, I turned off the light and left the bathroom, going into the room I was in. I turned to make the bed, making sure everything was perfect. And then I cleaned up the rest of the room.

Standing at the doorway, I take one last look, making sure everything is in their correct places. Satisfied, I close the door and turn to walk down the hallway towards the stairs.

Walking down them, I hear noises from downstairs. As I reach what I believe to be the downstairs, I am greeted by yet another floor, and another set of stairs. Sighing, I begin my descent down them, finally reaching the main floor. From where I am standing, I can tell most of the noise is coming from my right. I walk towards the noise, and peek around the corner.

Sitting in front of the TV are Alice, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, And Jasper. I don't see Esme or Carlisle though. _Wonder where they are, _I thought.

"Well, good morning Bella," came a voice. I yelled, jumping backwards, into the living room, where I tripped. I would have fallen, had Alice not caught me. I looked at her grateful, and then back at who I now see is Esme. "I am soo sorry, Bella. I forgot you don't like people sneaking up on you," she said, the completely concerned mom. Shrugging it off as nothing, I get out of Alice's grasp, standing up.

"It's alright, Mrs. Cullen. I am not harmed, as you can see. You needn't worry," I said, all full of courtesy. I felt everyone's eyes on me. It was too much. I cleared my throat. "Umm, may I go sit out on the back porch, please?" I asked her.

"Of course dear, right this way," Esme replied, waving me to go in front of her. I guess the look on my face was evident of the fact that I didn't trust her because she offered me her hand and she walked beside me to the kitchen. "I'm sorry dear, I should know what to do and what not to do when you are here, but I forget the minute I see you come into a room. You know," she said. "You can trust us. We won't hurt you, or try not to. We only want what is be—"

"Please don't start with that, 'we only want what's best for you,' pardon the language, bullshit. I've heard it too many times to believe it anymore. No one means it when they say it," I added bitterly. I looked at her, and saw the shadow of a rejected face, even though she was hiding it. I sighed sadly. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen. I don't mean to be rude, it's just…I don't know. It's kind of like a song you hear on the radio. The first dozen times you hear it, you love it, and then afterwards, you just can't stand the song, and whenever you hear it, you turn it off, hating it. Do you understand?" I asked her.

"Yes, I understand dear," she replied sadly. "It's alright. And you needn't call me 'Mrs. Cullen.' It's Esme to you. Even the kids call me that. They only call me mom when they want something," she added with a sad smile. I hated that look on her face. I stopped and gave her a hug, surprising her and myself. Hesitantly she hugged me back.

"Someone as beautiful and caring as you should never be sad," I said to her. "You've done so much for me, Esme, and I can never repay you. I am forever in your debt," I bowed to her, making her chuckle.

"Thank you, Bella," she whispered. "It means so much to me to hear you say that. And I am glad to help you, and think that you shouldn't be in my debt. I love kids," she said softly. I smiled at her, and walked to the back porch where I leaned against the banister. I heard her close the door behind me. Sighing, I turned my attention to the woods and sky. It was beautiful here, but I couldn't stay here forever. Hearing the door open, I turned to whoever had come outside. It was Edward.

"Hey," he said. I nodded a hello. He looked like he wanted to say something but I said it before he did.

"I have to go home today," I said quickly, almost slurring my words. He got a wide-eyed, sad look in his eyes that he hid quickly. "I have been away for far too long, and I have to get back to school, so I won't get held back," I said just as fast, as I walked past him into the house. Before I closed the door though, I heard him whisper.

"Maybe that would be best," he whispered. I felt my heart give a sick twinge, but didn't stop.

I walked into the living room where everyone was, and cleared my throat. They all turned to me.

"I need to go home," I told them bluntly. They all good looks of sadness, anger, shock, or glee. "Alice," I called to her. She stood up.

"Yes, Bella?" She asked. I could tell she was heartbroken, but I this was best.

"Can you take me home?"

"Yes."

"I'll get my stuff," I said and went upstairs to where I had my few belongings. I came back downstairs to everyone standing by the front door, Alice with her keys. I went up to Alice, nodded at each of them, and walked outside with Alice. We got into her car. "Thanks Alice," I said as she started the engine.

"No problem Bella," she said as if she were talking to an unwelcome guest that never shut up. I didn't say a word.

She pulled up to Charlie's house, and I noticed that he was home, along with a car I never seen before. I got out of the car, and no sooner had I, Alice shot out of sight faster than I ever thought possible. A dry sob escaped my lips, but I held back the tears. Turning towards my Hell, I walked up the driveway and the steps, and knocked on the door.

Charlie opened the door, and a look of shock spread across his face. It disappeared and anger took its place. He grabbed my wrist and flung me inside the house, backhanding me.

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU, YOU WORTHLESS SLUT?" He screamed at me, making me flinch. The long days away from him had made me forget how loud he could be. He gripped my hair and yanked it back, earning a cry of pain from me. He smiled so darkly I actually thought I was in Hell. I tried to pry his hands away but he was too strong.

He took me to the couch, and threw me down. I tried to get away but he got on top of me and started kissing me. I tried kicking him but he wouldn't budge.

"Joe!" He called, and a man who was just as big and built as Charlie came in. With a word from Charlie, he tied me down to the couch. I tried moving away from him, but Charlie had his hands on my body, keeping me still. The man named Joe took out a syringe and gathered some sort of liquid into it, before grabbing my arm and injecting me with it. After a minute or so, I felt tired.

"What…What did you…Give me?" I slurred. They smiled evilly, and I found I couldn't move my body. I remembered reading about a new experimental drug, about how it could paralyze its victim for however long was needed. It was like morphine, only you were awake and could feel and hear and see everything. You just couldn't move, even if you wanted to.

**(Rated M Part Begins) **I looked back at Charlie as he started kissing me again, running his hands down my body. I don't know why, but for some reason my body reacted to his touch, and I sighed a low moan. He smiled a victorious smile and reached under my shirt, feeling my body. I shivered somehow and he felt it. He stripped off my shirt, feeling my body underneath his hands, and traced his palms around my breasts, earning a sigh from me. _What the hell is in that drug? _I asked myself, begging my body to hate him as much as I did.

His hands were on my bare breasts now and a loud moan escaped my mouth. He then placed his mouth on one firm nipple, hardening it. He licked and sucked and bit at my sensitive flesh, sending tendrils of pleasure down to my core. I tried to whisper something, but I didn't know what. I saw him smile seductively and then his hand trailed down to the hem of my pants, untying the knot, and pulling them down. I didn't know what to expect, but I felt his cool hand on my hot flesh in an erotic way, and cried out. _Stop it! Why are you doing this to me? _ I screamed at him in my head. I hated being helpless.

He removed his hand and when my body protested, I felt his tongue servicing me, giving me pleasure in ways I never knew. I moaned and panted, he groaned and sighed. After what seemed like forever, because he brought me to the edge and pulled me back time and time again, he planted himself in me. I screamed a moan, making him groan my name. _Ahhh! Stop it! _I kept yelling in my head. He thrust in and out repeatedly, going from fast to slow and back again. My body was going with his every step of the way, and yet I had tears of shame, guilt, regret, and anger falling down my face.

He thrust into me and I cried out, my orgasm taking over my body. He pumped and pumped until he came, pulling out before he came inside me. I was gasping and panting and crying and hating myself. I responded to my own fukking father's touch. I was a whore.

**(Rated M Part End…EWWWW) **Ten minutes later, after he got dressed and left with his friend Joe, the effects started to wear off. I could twitch my fingers and wiggle my toes. Soon, I could move my hands, arms, feet, legs, head, and slowly, I could move my whole body again.

Once I was fully back, I sat up slowly, in case there were any side effects. When I was sure I wouldn't pass out, I looked around me, seeing the house as if it were the first and last time. I looked down at my defiled body and ached for my Greek God. The tears feel from my eyes on a pained sigh. I got up slowly and gathered up my clothes, walking naked up to my old room, sobbing the whole way. When I got to my old room, I was blind with tears. I opened the door and walked in, seeing how much hasn't changed.

Dropping the clothes on the floor, I went to my dresser and got out a pair of plain white briefs, an old bra (since the one I had on was ripped), and put them on, getting a holey T-shirt and sweatpants on. Once dressed, I tried to breathe, finding it hard. I was gasping for the air I didn't have, trying to find my way blindly to the phone. I couldn't even get a single breath in. Something was clogging my throat. I tried coughing, swallowing, anything to try and breathe.

Slipping at the top of the staircase, I rolled down, hitting each step, earning another bruise or two. When I landed at the foot of the stairs, I rolled a little bit farther, crying in pain. I felt my pulse in my head, and my body going numb. I made it to the phone, slouching across the counter. I dialed the first number I thought of: the Cullen's. It rang twice before someone answered.

"Hello?" It was Rosalie. I tried to speak but nothing would come out. "Hello?" She asked getting irritated. I tried hitting the speaker of the phone, trying to make noise, but it didn't work. "If this is some stupid prank, don't ever call here again!" And the line cut off. The phone slipped out of my grip, landing on the floor. I turned around, trying not to fall, my vision going fuzzy, and saw a cell phone lying on the floor next to my ripped bra and jacket.

I fell towards it, trying to flip it open, not even feeling anything anymore. I clicked on what I thought said CONTACTS and scrolled through until I saw Edward's name. I clicked "send a txt msg" and typed

_HELP...Drug...Charlie...Hnocl, _not even caring anymore. I needed him. The phone started ringing, but I barely heard it above the pounding of my head and throat. I felt like I was drowning. My heart was doing overtime, trying to work, but without any oxygen, it was dying.

I was dying. I could feel it. This time felt different though, not like when James 'killed' me.

I felt more than heard something like a _boom _and saw through narrow vision something coming towards me, picking me up. My head fell back, not even seeing who it was. I was trying to hold on, trying to stay awake. Falling asleep was one of the worst things I could do.

I felt the air rushing past me, and wondered what kind of death this was. Then, suddenly everything was bright, and I couldn't hold on. Everything went black.

EDWARD'S POV (After Bella left)

How could I have been so stupid? To let her go back to that…that _house. _She needed to stay here with us…with me. _Don't be stupid Edward. You know you can't be with a human! Only bad things will come out of it. Just forget her! _I looked out the window of the room she used to be in.

"I can't," I whispered. Bella wasn't an ordinary human. She had courage, courtesy, strength, intelligence, and a will so strong it was unbelievable. She was perfect. "She's everything." I walked downstairs, noticing how quiet the house was. Then, the phone rang. We were all in the living room in that second, wondering who could be calling us. Rosalie answered.

"Hello?" she asked, completely bored. There wasn't a sound on the other line. "Hello?" she asked again, getting irritated. Something about the silence on the line disturbed me. "If this is some stupid prank, don't ever call here again!" she said and hung up the phone. Now I felt really wrong, like something was happening. I couldn't describe it.

Just then my phone vibrated, signaling that I had a text. It was from an unknown number, but I swore I've seen it before. I opened the text and all it said was _HELP…Drug…Charlie…Hnocl._ It alarmed me, and I realized who the caller on the phone was.

"Bella," I whispered. Everyone looked at me, but I was dialing her phone. It rang, and rang, and rang. Something was really wrong. "I'm going over to Bella's right now!" I yelled, not waiting for them to reply.

I got in my Volvo and peeled out of the driveway. Before I got on the road, I was dialing Carlisle's number. It rang once.

"Now, son, you know I can—"

"Dad, look, something's happened to Bella, and I think we may have to bring her in. I'm going over her house now! I'll be at the hospital in 5 minutes," and hung up, not waiting for his reply.

When I got to her house, I didn't even turn off the engine; I just parked and ran up to her house. There wasn't a car so I figured Charlie left. I broke down the door and found her on the floor, not breathing. Her eyes met mine but I could tell they weren't seeing me. I ran to her side.

"Bella! Bella, can you hear me? Bella!" I cried as I picked her up, running back to my car. Her head rolled to the side as she fell unconscious. I didn't hesitate one second. I started the car and was at the hospital in less than 5 minutes, breaking laws getting there. I parked the car in front of the hospital and got Bella out of the back seat, carrying her into the hospital, calling for Carlisle. He was there in less than 30 seconds, with a gurney.

"Get her on, son, hurry!" he said to me, calling for other nurses. They carried her away from me, Carlisle telling me to stay put until he came back. I watched as they took her away from me, praying she would be alright. A nurse called to me.

"Edward is it?" she asked. I nodded, not looking at her. "Edward, follow me, into the private waiting area," she said, directing me to where I should go. I just walked away from her, hoping Bella would be alright. If she didn't survive, it would be my fault. I would have killed her.

"I never should have let you go," I whisper to no one. The door closed behind me and as it did, I cried out. Sinking to my knees, I curl up, shaking in convulsions. I couldn't lose her. I wouldn't be able to survive. "You are my everything," I mumble to myself. I sat up but leaned into the corner and started rocking back and forth. A dry sob made itself known, and suddenly my whole body was racked with them.

After what seemed like forever, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into the sympathetic eyes of Carlisle. I didn't think, I just went into his arms and hugged him, sobbing violently. I dreaded what he had to say.

"Edward," he said to me. I looked up at him, and I guessed the worse.

"Is she…Is she…Dead?" I hated hearing those three words, but speaking them was like drinking poison.

"No, son. But she should be. Whoever did this to her," he paused, trying to contain his anger. "Whoever did this to her is going to be in deep shi—" he cleared his throat, not wanting to say the word, I nodded in agreement. I wanted to kill the guy that did this to her. She was so innocent.

"Carlisle, is she alright?" I asked him. He grimaced and sighed, blocking his thoughts from me. "Carlisle?" I asked again, getting more worried.

"She's alive," was all he said, getting up and walking towards the door.

"Carlisle!" I called after him, but the door had already shut. I looked after him helplessly, and in less than a second, I was out the door and following him down corridor after corridor. I stopped dead when I saw which unit she was in. It was an old, abandoned unit, for those that the doctors had absolutely no hope for. Everyone called it Death Row. He opened a door, and I saw her.

She wasn't connected to any machines; she was just laying there, her breathing labored. I walked numbly to where her room was. Carlisle was checking her vitals and the tube that was down her throat.

Opening the door, I walked into the room, forcing my feet to keep moving. Carlisle looked up at me, pity in his eyes. I growled at him. He just looked at me, and shrugging, went back to Bella. I went to her bedside and looked at her, taking her fragile, warm hand, in one of my cold ones. I smoothed her hair back.

"Someone pumped her full of some new type of drug. She had a bad reaction to it, and it almost cost her, her life. Whoever did this must have been a doctor. If only we knew who," he trailed off because another doctor had come in.

"Doctor Cullen, you requested me?" he asked. He was big, muscular, and had an eerie feeling about him.

"Yes. Son, this is Doctor Mengele. Joe Mengele," he said motioning towards this new doctor. He looked suspicious, and smelled of Bella. "He helped me get her in this room," he said as an afterthought. No wonder he smelled of her. But he seemed too…suspicious.

I shook his hand, which held arrogance to it. I didn't like this Joe. Something was really off about him.

"What do you need, Doctor Cullen?" He asked Carlisle, walking towards Bella's bed. Carlisle began speaking in doctor, and I couldn't bear to be in the room anymore. I dropped Bella's hand and with an apologetic look from Carlisle, I left the room, walking through the abandoned corridor, planning complete destruction.

_I can't believe she's alive. The dosage I gave her was enough to kill a grown man. Why the hell is she still alive?_

I stopped in my tracks, listening to the voice in my head. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't remember. It was a male's voice that I was sure of. He was here, in the hospital. I lost it. I turned and ran to the direction the thoughts were coming from. It led me back to Bella's room. No one was in there except Bell and Carlisle.

_He's gonna kill me when he finds out that that worthless whore is still alive, _the voice continued. How in the hell did he get outside? I flitted out of the nearest window, making sure it was deserted. I jumped down, and the rush of air lasted precisely 3 seconds before m feet touched the ground.

He was in his car, leaving the hospital. His thoughts were jumbled and nonsense about how _he _was going to kill him. I wondered who the mysterious _he_ was, but now was not the time. I couldn't pin point where he was. "Damn!" I cursed out loud, as I saw cars coming and going out of the hospital. I sighed and went back to Bella's room, where Carlisle was still sitting. He looked up as I came in, taking in my sour expression and windblown hair.

"What's wrong?" He asked me as I sat down in the chair beside Bella's bed.

"The damned guy who did this was at the fucking hospital!" I said with barely contained rage. If Carlisle's shocked expression was anything to go by, he had no idea. "He was here, and I tried to follow him, but for some god forsaken reason, I couldn't," I said, desperation mixing with my anger. I looked at Carlisle and his face was clenched in anger.

"I have other patients to attend to," he said to me, getting up. He paused in the doorway. "Will you be alright, on your own?" I nodded in agreement, and when he left I took Bella's hand in mine, and just watched her.

About an hour later, I looked at the clock. She'd been like this since 3:00. It was now almost 11:30 at night. I brought my tormented gaze back on hers.

"Please, wake up," I whispered to her. It didn't affect her in the slightest. I rested my head where her hand and mine were entwined, and sighed. And felt her fingers twitch.

I sat upright, staring at our hands. When they didn't movie again, I declared myself insane.

"It's better to be insane than a freak," Bella rasped. I gasped and looked at her as she opened her eyes.

BELLA'S POV

I opened my eyes at his gasp. My vision was a little bit fuzzy, but it cleared up. My throat and chest felt like they had, had poison poured down them. It hurt to breathe, and even more to swallow. I looked over and saw Edward. _Edward, _my mind sighed. He looked so torn, so defeated. But underneath all that, as I gazed into his eyes, I saw a fire, burning so hot, it made me cough. He was beautiful. He was amazing. He was perfect. He was everything.

I felt tears pool behind my eyes as I looked at him. I was so in love with him, and he said what happened was a mistake. I breathed in and blinked back the tears, not wanting to show how vulnerable I was. He tilted my chin up to look at him.

"You are not a freak, Bella," he whispered to me. He turned away slightly, still holding my chin, and pressed the call button. In minutes, Carlisle was in the room, shooing Edward out of it. "I'll be back in a few, Bella," he called to me, leaving the room. I only nodded, not expecting him to come back. Carlisle cleared his throat, catching my attention.

"Bella," he started off, "Bella, what happened? From the beginning," he motioned for me to start talking.

"I…I don't know," I lied. I swallowed. "I came in the door, and there was something wet on the floor, and I slipped, not knowing what happened because then I was blindfolded and gagged, not seeing who was doing it. And I was injected with something; I don't know what, though." I told him, hoping he wouldn't catch the lie.

He sighed. "Okay, well if you don't mind, I am going to have another doctor come in and help me with some tests," he said. I just nodded; glad he didn't see the lie. I started to pick at my nails, noticing how bad they were.

I only looked up when I heard the door open and Carlisle greet the doctor.

"Ah, Doctor Mengele, thank you for coming," Carlisle said. I froze, and almost screamed when I saw Joe in front of me. I coughed to hide my fear. _He's here, oh shit, he's here! _ I screamed in my head. "Doctor Mengele, this is Bella. Now you can have a proper introduction," he chuckled, and Joe joined in. I just smiled a timid smile. And as if Fate was working against me again, Carlisle's pager went off at that exact moment. "I'm sorry, but I have a child who broke his arm downstairs. Doctor Mengele, can you do these tests on Bella, while I am gone?" He asked him. Joe nodded his head, and with a smile at me, Carlisle walked out of the room.

When he was down the hallway, Joe went to the door, locked at, and turned back towards me. The look he had on his face was pure evil.

"You," he said, coming towards me. "You are supposed to be dead," he said as I shrunk back against the bed. He placed his hands on either side of my head, pinning me to the bed.

"I'm…I'm sorry to disa—," I stopped because he put his hand over my mouth, silencing any other words.

"Shut up!" He commanded me. He leaned closer to me and grabbed my face in his hand, tilting it this way and that, cataloging me. I jerked out of his grasp…and bit his hand, _hard. _"Oww! You dumb bitch!" He yelled at me, but I was too busy hitting the call button, desperate for someone to find me.

I turned around just as his hand swung, coming into contact with my face. _He's stronger than Charlie, _my mind groaned. I shook off the blow, expecting another one when Carlisle came back. Joe straightened up and gave me a _say anything and you're dead_ look, which I believed. He smiled at Carlisle, gave him the test results, and left the room.

As soon as he left, I burst into tears. Carlisle was at my side in an instant.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked me. I thought I would never hear such affection in a man's voice. Especially from one who didn't know me. "Bella?" He asked again. I looked bleary-eyed at him and threw my arms around his neck, sobbing.

"He…Joe…He…" I was hiccupping from the sobs. He shushed me and told me it was alright, just to take deep breaths. When I calmed down enough, I breathed in a shaky breath, and spoke. "That…That Doctor. Doctor Mengele…He was the one who gave me the experimental drug. It…It paralyzed me, but I could still feel and hear and see every-," I cut off, reliving the nightmare. I glanced at Carlisle, who had a murderous look on his face.

"Bella," he said slowly, carefully enunciating each word. "You will come home with me and my family, and will stay with us until further notice. You will go to school with the others, come home with them, do your homework with them, and live with us. Can you do this?" He asked, giving me the right to choose. I felt the pin prick of more tears, but bit them back, not wanting to show more vulnerability. I nodded, solemn. He sighed a relieved sigh and got to work on discharging me.

When he had me in a wheelchair and was wheeling me down the hall, Edward chose that exact moment to come back from wherever the hell he was. When I caught his eye, I glared at him slightly. He looked taken aback at my expression. I just sighed and listened to what Carlisle was saying.

"…It's around 12:35 am, so I guess you don't want to go to school, which is understandable. You can stay at home with Esme if you wou—,"

"No, I want to go to school," I said, cutting him off. "I have been away for far too long. I need to go back," I said, trying to persuade him into letting me go. He just sighed and nodded, saying it was fine, but not to stress myself out. I agreed wholeheartedly.

We were in the main lobby now and Carlisle went to the front desk, saying I would be discharged to him, but not to say a word to anyone about where I was. The nurse nodded vigorously, and with that, the three of us left the hospital. We got into Carlisle's car and drove to the Cullen household. The purr of the engine lulled me to sleep.

When I woke up, Carlisle was shutting off the engine, and preparing to get me out of the car. I shook my head at him.

"I can do it, thanks," I said to him as I managed to get out of the car in remain in an upright position. I gave a small smile and walked up to the garage door, going into the house. When I got to the living room, I stopped. Everyone was in there, and all of them had huge smiles…well, almost everyone. Rosalie was glaring, a wrinkle in her forehead.

"You know, Rosalie," I said as if I were continuing a conversation, "if you keep on frowning like that, that wrinkle will DEFINITELY never go away," I said, earning a guffaw from Emmett and Jasper, a twitch from Alice, and a coughed laugh from Edward; amused smiles from Carlisle and Esme. Emmett shook his head, smiling hugely.

"Man, I love having a human around," he said as he slowly came towards me, holding out his arms. I opened my arms up to him and he picked me up and swung me around in a bear hug, careful not to hurt me. I giggled like a five year old girl, and he chuckled with me. I released my arms from his neck and just let go. I felt the wind in my hair, even if it was fake. It was exhilarating, being free. I wondered if this is what it felt like when they ran…

And then, all too soon, I felt myself being set down. I opened my eyes, still imagining the wind in my hair, and closed them again, imagining if I was like the Cullen's. It couldn't be so bad, could it? _Oh, not at all, _my mind said to me. I frowned, looking around at the beautiful people before. They did alright, despite their…handicaps. If they could survive like this, why couldn't I?

_Because you're a weakling, _my mind whispered to me. Am I? I didn't know, but I did know was that I wanted to be with them forever. I took a step forward, and swayed a little bit. Six worried vampires came towards me, but I just yawned.

"Sorry, I'm just tired. Umm," I cut off, not knowing where I was sleeping. Alice came forward.

"Don't worry, Bella," she told me, vibrating with happiness. "We already have a room ready for you. I knew that you were gonna stay with us, so Esme and I took the liberty of putting your room together," she said, helping me up the stairs, and down the hallway on the third floor. I noticed that ahead of us was the room I woke up in, but Alice turned the corner, going left, past it. About 10 feet away from the other room, there was a door. We stopped in front of it, and Alice turned to me. "Well, here it is," she said. I smiled a timid, sad smile. Her expression turned somber. "Don't look like that," she chastised me.

"This is my happy," I told her. And it was. "This is what I look like when I'm happy. I don't know how to show it any other way," I told her, getting sadder by the second. She must have seen that because she became the chipper vamp once more.

"Well, no use fanning old flames, is there? Come, and welcome to your new room!" She opened the door and I almost, _almost _squealed.

The first thing I saw was the color of the walls: black and red. The bed I saw next, black, red, and gold silk comforters, pillows, blankets, and canopy. There was so much more in there, but I went to the piano in the back, barely seeing anything else. I stroked it gently. There were a few packs of blank sheet music, and a huge smile spread across my face. I turned to Alice and threw my arms around her neck, hugging her.

"Thank you," I whispered to her. She hugged me back, gently but fiercely.

"You're welcome, Bella," she whispered back to me. I felt the pinprick of tears behind my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. Just then, there was the sound of someone clearing their throat.

We turned to see the rest of the Cullen clan standing there, smiling. Well, except for Edward and Rosalie, that is. Edward had a grimace smile, and Rosalie was just glowering. I winced as I caught her eye. The hatred in her eyes made me feel like an outsider, which I was.

Suddenly, this amazing room didn't seem so amazing anymore. I looked around it once more, knowing I couldn't accept it. I was about to speak the words when Alice interrupted me.

"Oh, no you don't," she said placing a hand over my mouth. I just looked at her. "This is YOUR room, Bella. You are keeping it, no matter what you say. Just ignore Rosalie," she said with a glare in Rosalie's direction. Rosalie glanced at Alice, sneered at me, and stormed out of the room.

This time I couldn't hold back the tears. I fell to my knees, tears rolling down my face. All at once, Emmett, Alice, and Esme were in front of me, comforting me. I turned to Esme, wrapping my arms around her neck, trying not to sob. She rubbed my back soothingly, and through that I could feel her motion the others away. Then we were alone. She pulled back and took my face in her hands, looking at me.

"Don't you worry about Rosalie, Bella," she said to me. "Rosalie has had a pretty rough time, and she isn't used to us befriending a human. Just give her time and she'll warm up to you," she said to me, a small smile on her face. I just nodded, and wiped away the tears. I smiled a watery, sad smile back at her.

"Thanks, Esme," I sniffled. She stood up, but when she tried to get me to stand up, a wave of nausea hit me. I ran to the bathroom only to throw up. Esme held my hair back for me. I coughed a bit, and finally pulled back. I took a deep breath and Esme wiped the sweat from my forehead. I stood up slowly, and went over to the sink, rinsing my mouth out. I turned back to her, and she had a worried expression on her face. "I'm fine, Esme, really," I told her, but as I spoke the words, I knew they were a lie. For some reason I thought of when Charlie first came in me, and I gasped.

Not thinking, I ran out of the room, down the stairs until I bumped into Carlisle.

"I need a pregnancy test," I gasped out. He looked at me with a shocked expression, before leading me to his study. He placed one in my hands, and directed me to the bathroom. I went in, locked the door, and performed the test. I set it on the counter, and prayed with all my might that it was negative.

Three minutes later, I looked at the test.

"NOOOOO," I screamed, throwing the test against the wall. I looked at the mirror and punched it, shattering it into a million pieces. "_You stupid, motherfucker, I hope you fucking die! How could you do this to me?" _I shouted at no one. I unlocked the door and ran out of the study, down the hall, down the stairs, and out the back door, into the woods. I heard them calling to me, but I couldn't stop.

I ran, my vision blurring, my chest burning, my legs aching, my heart pounding. The tress were a blur around me, and I kept turning and stopping, changing directions, just so I could get as lost as possible.

I only stopped when I came to a pond. And that was because I tripped, and fell. I sat up, gasping for breath, and grimacing at the dizziness of it. Once I was sure I wouldn't faint, I stood up, and went to the water's edge. The water was cool, and clear. Just then I noticed the pounding in my hand, and when I looked I saw the blood and shards of glass sticking out of it. Grimacing, I placed it in the water, and began washing it off. The blood and pieces of glass left my hand and I saw that my hand was littered with scratches and cuts. It looked cool though.

Taking my hands out of the water, I sat back and just looked around me. Rising, I walked into the water, stopping at my waist. I shivered as the cold water touched the aching parts of my body. It felt like Heaven though, and I sighed contentedly. I placed my hands on my stomach, though, and felt my lips begin to tremble.

"I'm not ready to be a mom," I whisper to no one, the tears falling down my face and splashing in the water. As if the sky felt my pain, it started to rain. I looked up, the rain mixing with my tears, and a sob escaped me. I couldn't do this. "I can't do this," I whisper sadly. Turning, I started walking out of the frigid water, and sat on the grass once more, sobbing.

After a while though, I felt someone pull me into their arms, and just hold me. I looked up and saw Edward. Pain and hurt over what happened between us shot through me and I began sobbing harder. The rain was falling in torrents, and unless you were sitting near me, you couldn't tell I was crying.

"Shh, shh, it's okay. It's going to be okay, I promise," Edward was trying to soothe me, but I heard an emptiness and blandness to his voice that angered me. I pulled away from him and stood up, backing away when he tried to touch me.

"Fuck off, Edward," I said thickly, tears clogging up my throat. I turned and started walking but he caught my arm.

"Why are you being like this?" He asked me, his grip on my arm tightening when I tried to pull away.

"Let go, Edward," I said through clenched teeth.

"No, not until you tell me why," he said, desperation filling his voice. His grip loosened a bit, and I took the opportunity and wrenched my arm from his grip, backing away from him.

"Because _this_ hurts too fukking much," I yelled, the tears falling from my eyes. The wind chose that moment to pick up, and my hair was blowing all around me, the wind and rain pelting my face, neck, arms, and body.

"_What_ hurts too much?" He yelled back. He took a step closer to me, but I responded with two steps farther away. "Please, tell me so I can finally know why you hate me so goddamned much!" He yelled again.

"_THIS_!" I screamed at him. "I can't do this anymore," I whisper to him, knowing he can hear me. He makes no attempt at speaking, so I just turn and start walking away. "I can't keep going on, knowing how badly I'm in love with you, and you think that what happened last night was a mistake," I whisper to myself once more. I was almost to the trees when the wind and rain stopped and the clouds cleared, revealing the coming of the dawn. I turned back to see if Edward was there, but he was gone.

Biting back the tears once again, I imagined calling Alice to help me, when Alice appeared in front of me.

"Need a lift?" she asked, a note of sadness, anger, and sympathy in her voice. I nodded and she carried me back the Cullen household. I went up to my room, into the bathroom and stripped down, turning the shower on.

Stepping into the hot spray, it shocked my body at first, but soon the scalding spray was pleasant and I enjoyed it. Once I was finished, I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my body, and taking a small towel, I began drying my hair.

Once my hair is dry, I unwrap the body towel and dry my body off, folding it neatly and placing it in the hamper with the small one. I open the door cautiously, making sure no one was hiding in there, and walked quickly to the closet, opening and closing the door.

Turning the light on, I walked over to the lingerie and picked out a lacy red bra and undies set, and put them on. Then, I walked over to the sweatpants and picked out a black pair, noticing with relief that they didn't cling to my body. I walked over to the shirts and put on an Invader Zim T-shirt on, throwing a black hoodie over it. I walked over and put a pair of thick socks on and found my most amazing black Converse, putting them on as well.

Walking out of the closet, I saw that it was only 5:30 am. I sighed. _Back at Charlie's place I would be cooking him breakfast, if he wasn't beating me, _I thought to myself as I made my way down the long corridor and down the two flights of stairs, into the kitchen, where I heard everyone else.

Coming in the doorway, seven vampires looked up at me, the chatter dying down to silence. I winced a little bit as Edward caught my eye. I looked away from him immediately, turning towards Alice.

"So, Alice. Umm, when do we leave for school?" I asked her hesitantly. She looked at me like I had grown four heads.

"Bella, are you insane? You are NOT going to school today and that is fin—"

"Stop trying to be my mom, Alice!" I yelled at her, interrupting what she was saying. "Carlisle already cleared it, so I am going to school, even if I have to walk there," I added the last bit quietly, turning away from them and heading towards the front door.

"You can ride with me, Bella," Edward said from out of nowhere. I glanced up at him, putting on a grateful and yet indignant look on my face.

"Thanks, I guess," I said to him. He just nodded. I sighed; knowing today was going to be even more painful.

I sat on the floor by the fireplace, feeling the heat wash over my body. I closed my eyes for a second, letting the warmth wash over me. I felt a blanket and pillow go underneath me at some point, and I snuggled closer to them, sighing happily.

After a while, I felt someone moving me, and I grumbled out a no at them. I turned towards the warmth, and blacked out.

Rolling over, I opened my eyes, to complete quiet. I sat up, feeling alarmed.

"Esme?" I croaked out, my voice hoarse form sleep. I tried to get up, but the fireplace was still lit, and the warm was calling me back, and I just shrugged and went back to sleep.

Only fully woke up when I heard someone calling my name.

"Bella, Bella, Bella…" Whoever it was wanted me up, but I turned away from the voice, needing just a few more hours, or days, of sleep. The person sighed and picked me up, carrying me away from the warmth. I cried out a sad cry, but they just shushed me, and then I felt the warmth again, and I cooed like a baby.

I was placed on a bed this time though, and the person was saying something but the only thing I heard and felt was the heat from the fire and the sound of my breathing, lulling me to sleep.

Sometime later, I DID wake up, but not to someone calling my name, or nudging me. No, I woke up to the feeling of someone watching me. I'd been trying to ignore it, tossing and turning for the past hour. I couldn't handle whoever it was that was staring at me any longer. I sat upright. And love, sadness, hurt, anger, and embarrassment flooded my whole body. I couldn't meet Edward's gaze.

"Hi," he said. I looked up at him, incredulously. "What's wrong?" He asked this time. I snorted.

"Oh, nothing. Everything's just _peachy_," I spat the last word at him, venom leaking into my tone. He looked taken aback, and then something flickered across his face and was gone before I realized what it was. He smiled at me, which I returned with a glare. I sighed. "What time is it, anyhow?"

"6:30," he replied back. I gasped and turned towards the clock, noting that it was 6:30...at night.

"Shit," I whispered. It was the most I had slept since my mom left. I tried to get out of the bed when a wave of nausea hit me. I bolted up and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet. Edward held my hair back for me this time. When I finished he watched me as I brushed my teeth and combed my hair. I shooed him out of the room so I could get dressed, though.

Stepping into the closet this time, I put on a black lacy bra and undies set, throwing a red tank top over it, and some more sweats. I put a light hoodie over my tank top, making sure it was loose fitting.

Looking at the mirror I guessed I looked presentable, and then placed a hand on my stomach, imagining me with a big belly. I couldn't.

"Carlisle!" I cried, half walking half running down the hallway. I was almost to the stairs when he flitted up them. He went straight towards me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked me. I shuddered and felt tears falling from my eyes as I ran to him and hugged him.

"I don't want to be an 18 year-old mother. I can't do it. I want this thing out of me," I sobbed. I hugged him tighter and he did the same, but not too hard.

"Are you sure, that this is what you want?" He asked me. I nodded into his shoulder and I felt him sigh and do the same. "Very well, come with me," he called to me, taking my hand in his, leading me down the stairs and out of the house. Curious looks met us, and when Edward tried to follow, a glare made him stop.

"You know," Carlisle said as he got me in the car and started the engine, "you can't hate him forever."

"I won't live long enough to do that, Carlisle," I said bleakly. "And hating him feels better than loving him, although both are extremely painful," I said on a sadder note. He sent me a look of sympathy and sadness.

"Bella," he started. "Since you will be living with us, I have a question I want to ask you," he said in a serious tone. We were driving down the highway, too fast as always.

"Then ask me, Carlisle," I said to him. He sighed.

"Do you want to become a vampire?" He said it in a rush, but I caught the words. I felt my mouth drop, and saw him grimace. "I thought that might be your reaction. You don't have to if you don't wa—"

"Yes," was all I said.

"What?"

"I said yes, Carlisle. I want you to turn me."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. As soon as you get this baby out of me, and place it in another woman, kind of like artificial insemination, and give me a hysterectomy, I want you to turn me."

His face, in any other situation, would have been hilarious, but now it was scary. "You…You want a what?" He asked, scared.

"A hysterectomy. You know, where you take all of my reproductive organs, like my ovaries and all that, and make it so I can't have kids," I said, explaining it in stupid terms.

"But, why, Bella?" He asked, pulling into the hospital.

"Because I don't want to have a son or daughter with _my _father for a granddad," I said tears forming in my eyes. The car had stopped and he turned it off, placing a hand on mine. I looked into his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered to me. "But, if that is what you want, then so shall it be. But," he said grimacing some more, "you will be out of school for some time, healing." I grimaced this time, but nodded.

"As long as I can have my school work with me, and be up to date, that's fine. But," I said, pausing to take a deep breath, "I have a reunion I am supposed to play at, and I need to go and see when it is."

"Who is hosting it?" Carlisle asked.

"Tanya's family is having it, and she has asked me to play. She is paying me $1,000 dollars for it," I added at the end, hoping he would let me go. He nodded.

"I know of the occasion. It is this Friday, and today is Monday. So, if you can withstand being pregnant for four more days, we will perform your operation on Saturday. If it's alright with you," he said.

"Yes, that is fine. I have to go to the school and get my missed work. I've probably been out of school for a month now," I said grimacing again. Carlisle chuckled.

"Actually, it's only been 16 days, Bella," he said smiling. I blushed, causing him to smile bigger.

"Oh," was all I managed to say. He turned the heat on, and said he would be back in 5 minutes. When asked where he was going, he told me he had to set an appointment for me, and I just nodded.

Once he was out of the car, I locked all of the doors, double and even triple checking that they were locked. Once I was sure they were, I sunk down low in my seat, trying not to draw attention to myself. I turned the vents towards me though, so the heat could wash over me. I was almost asleep when a knock on the window made me yell. I looked and saw Carlisle, holding back laughter. I shook my head, and unlocked the doors for him.

We drove in silence, and for that I was thankful. I only had four more days with this thing, four more days of complete and total torture. I looked on the clock and saw that it was almost 8:30 pm.

"Damn I sleep a lot," I said to myself, momentarily forgetting Carlisle was next to me. I gasped and blushed when I realized he was. "Oops, sorry," I said, and he just chuckled.

"You'll get used to us being as quiet as we are," he said, smiling. I chuckled with him. I noticed that we were close to the house, and I sighed, hating how I knew what was probably sitting in my room, waiting for my return. Probably twittling his thumbs, or smelling the pillows.

We pulled into the garage, and got out of the car. Once we did, Alice came out of the door, and tackled me to the ground.

"Ouch," I muttered.

"Oops, sorry, Bella," she said to me, helping me up.

"I'm fine, it's okay," I said, waving it off as nothing.

"Oh and Edward is—"

"Wait, let me guess…Sitting in my room, waiting for me to come up there so he can bombard me with questions and plead with me for my forgiveness, but until I do, he's in there probably twittling his thumbs, waiting patiently, whilst listening to this…Am I right?" I asked her. She nodded.

I sighed. "Well, he shouldn't waste his time because if he's in there, I'm not going anywhere near there," I said with a glare upstairs. Alice and Carlisle laughed at me. At that moment, my stomach decided to growl. I blushed when they looked at me. "What? Can't I be hungry?" I asked, pretending to get upset. Alice immediately began to apologize, but I waved it off. "I'm kidding, Alice," I said to her, smiling sadly. But, instead of walking towards the kitchen, I went and sat on the couch.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Alice asked, Carlisle coming to stand next to her. I shook my head. "And why not?" She asked. I just shrugged, and leaned back, picking at my fingernails. Hmm, I needed more black nail polish…

"BELLA!" Someone yelled. I jumped, almost slipping off the couch. I looked up to see Alice standing there, hands on her hips.

"What?" I ask her back.

"Why the hell aren't you eating?"

"Because…"

"That is NOT an answer, Bella."

"It isn't supposed to be."

"Then go eat!"

"No."

"Now, Bella."

"No."

"Why the hell are you being so stubborn?"

"Why the hell are you being so pushy?"

"Ugh!" She said, storming off. I smirked not-so-nicely and just went back to picking at my nails.

"Bella 2, Alice 0," someone muttered. I looked up to see Emmett, smiling like a madman. "That, was seriously awesome, Bella." He said to me, coming to sit next to me. I smiled back briefly before looking around and seeing the rest of the Cullen family in the living room, besides Alice. Even Edward. I blushed and looked down.

"You really should eat, though." Jasper said. I looked into his eyes and even though I was holding back my emotions, I knew he could see them in my eyes.

"I would rather feel hunger pain than emotional," I told him sadly.

"What do you mean, Bella?" Carlisle asked. I sighed.

"It…There's…I don't know how to explain it to you, whatsoever," I tell them, because in truth, I don't.

"Please, try," Carlisle again. I felt a wave of calmness and confidence wash over me, and sent a grateful smile at Jasper. He smiled back.

"Well…I don't know exactly but," I said, pausing to get a hold on my bearings, locking the tears and pain away. "But, it's like drowning on nothing, suffocating on air. It's like every breath I take doesn't reach my lungs, and it's forced. If I think about what has happened in the past, it feels like someone stabbed me in the heart. I can't breathe, my vision goes fuzzy, my skull starts to throb, my chest compresses in on itself, and a gut-wrenching pain racks my whole body, encasing me in the, as I like to call it, The Black Waters," I tell them, noticing how everyone, even Alice, is in the living room, either sitting or standing, or kneeling. Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett are closest to me. Jasper puts a hand on my shoulder, and Carlisle and Emmett each take one of my hands. I smile sadly, again, at each of them.

"Why do you call it _The Black Waters_, Bella?" Carlisle asks me. I take in a shaky breath before releasing it.

"I call it that because it feels like I'm underwater…Everything is blurry and muted, and I can barely hear anything except the racing of my heart, or the pounding of my head; and because my heart, soul, and life are black. And, the deeper I sink into the water, the darker and colder it gets. When I open my eyes, I see nothing but _pure _black, not that artificial black, but real black," I swallow, hating the next part.

"But, no one else can go there, only I can. It's my own personal Hell. I'm isolated, alone. Just the way I'm meant to be. Ever since the night my mother left, and my father raped me…" my voice trails off because of the looks on each of their faces. "I'm…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," I stammer out, hating those expressions. A wave of guilt slips through my barrier, and soon I'm subjugated with it. And then, one of the most amazing things happened. Rosalie hugged me.

I was frozen for a second or two, and then I hugged her back, and I could feel the sympathy and understanding coming off of her, even without Jasper's power. This was someone who knew what I was going through. I sighed, and felt nausea hit me. I turned away from Rosalie and high-tailed it to the bathroom, tripping twice.

Everything I didn't eat made itself leave my body. I don't know how long I was puking, but eventually someone held my hair back for me.

Once I was done, about 20 minutes later, I looked up at the clock and saw that it was almost 9:15 at night. Ugh. I turned around, but sat with my back to the toilet, fighting another round of nausea. I swallowed, but that only made it worse. Someone handed me a glass of water and an Alka-Seltzer.

"Thanks," I croaked out. Velvety laughter was my answer. I almost dropped the glass, but Edward caught it. I looked up and saw a hidden pain, pity, guilt, and empathy in his eyes. I hated that look in his eyes, hated how I was the cause for it. I placed a hand on the rim of the toilet and one on the counter and started to get up. He grabbed my elbow and helped me up the rest of the way. An electric shock went through my body at his touch, and I had a strong urge to kiss him. But, I knew he would regret it, and on top of that he wouldn't like it. "Thanks," I said a little smoother this time.

"Anytime," he murmured to me. I turned to look at him in the mirror, and saw that he was looking at me. His gaze was intent on my face, like he was looking for something in my expression. My lips parted and my breathing hitched. He was so beautiful. I swallowed, and bent to reach for my toothbrush, so I could brush my teeth.

I shook my head. "Only in this house would I have a toothbrush in _every _bathroom," I muttered to myself as I found toothpaste and began to brush my teeth. I glimpsed at Edward who was fighting a smile. "What?" I asked him, the words muffled form the toothpaste. He just shook his head and I saw a sparkle in his pained eyes.

I continued brushing until I felt that my mouth was clean enough. And even then I rinsed my mouth out with mouthwash.

When I was finished, I wiped my mouth off with a towel, and like I did upstairs, folded the towel and placed it in the hamper. Edward is watching the whole time. I turn towards him.

"Why are you staring at me?" I ask him, my voice quiet.

"I…I don't know," he replies the same way. I turn away from him, feeling a shot of sadness go through me. "Bella, don't," he whispers. I glance at him and give him a small, sad smile, and walk out the door.

Once in the living room, I blush. "Sorry about that. Ugh, I hate being this way. Good thing I only have four more days of this. Any longer and I'd go insane," I say to them, only half joking. All of them, except Alice and Carlisle, gawk at me.

"Wh…What are you talking about, Bella?" Rosalie asks me. I sigh, deciding the truth is easier.

"I'm talking about being pregnant, Rosalie." I tell her, watching the shock on all of their faces, except Alice and Carlisle.

"So…So what do you mean by 'only four more days of this'?" She asks again. I sigh once more.

"I'm getting an abortion this Saturday, and then a hysterectomy," I tell her bluntly, not a single ounce of emotion in my voice. Well, maybe glee.

"Bella, why are you feeling happy that you are getting rid of this baby? And making it so you can't have kids?" That was Jasper.

"Because, I don't want kids. I never have, and I never will. As long as my father is still alive, or even in existence dead or alive, any child would be a bastard child. They wouldn't have the happy childhood I would want them to. Instead, they would know only pain and hatred, because that man is their grandfather…" I stopped talking, simply because my throat had clogged up with tears. _Damn hormones, _I thought to myself. I shook my head, clearing my throat and taking in a deep breath, plastering a smile on my face. I saw Emmett smirk deviously.

"Bella, what are you thinking?" He asks me. I smile back, a mixture of sadness and rebelliousness.

"Well, Emmett, to answer your question…" I pause, making him squirm. "I think we should go out tonight, and have fun. Maybe we could go swimming. I used to love it as a kid," I added at the end. Alice squealed, meaning something was up.

"I know the perfect place! It's very secluded, so we don't have to worry about pesky humans, no offense, and it has a cliff to jump off of as well…" her voice kept on going, but I didn't hear her over the thudding of my heart. A cliff…Waves…Red eyes…Victoria…I gasped.

"Victoria…" I whispered. Silence ensued, and then seven growls from seven pissed off vampires was all that was heard throughout the house.

"Bella, what do you mean?" Edward again. I gulped, a wave of dark fear pulsing in my veins.

"Victoria…She…I know her," I look at each of them in turn. "She used to come to me in my dreams at night, telling me my time would come, that I would soon be hers. You shouted 'watch out for Victoria' when I jumped off the cliff," I pointed a finger at Edward. I noticed my hand had a slight tremor to it, and I yanked my hand back down. Victoria was the least of my problems…I could handle her.

"Can you?" Alice once more spoke. I looked up at her.

"Yes, I can. I have been since I was 5. She never stops, always lurking in the shadows, waiting for her time to strike. Well not this time," I add with a sneer and venom leaking into my tone. "She and Charlie have terrorized my life for over a decade. And I will NOT let it go on any longer!" I yelled the last part. I turned my gaze to Carlisle. "This ends tonight. I can lead you to her," I see him nod, determination in his face, as with the rest of the Cullens.

"But…" Carlisle began. I groaned, knowing what was coming. "You cannot come with us. It is too dangerous, and we cannot have you dying on our watch. Is that understood?" I nodded, and that was possibly the hardest thing I did…Well, except for lo—Nevermind. He nodded curtly and brought out a map. "Show us," he ordered, and I complied. I pointed to where she liked to hide out, and he grimaced. "I should have known. It's abandoned, and not many humans or our kind go there." I nodded.

I listened while he divvied up the plan, and I just watched and listened. I wondered who would be staying with me, since I knew that they wouldn't let me stay here alone.

"Edward will stay with you," Carlisle said suddenly. I looked up, my mouth dropping, and my face paling. This could NOT be happening. He nodded and he and the rest of the Cullens disappeared like vapor. I sighed and tried to get a hold of my bearings. I sat down on the couch, but my fingers with aching. I got up, and by luck, I found the piano. I stroked it lovingly, and sat at the keys. I counted out the rhythm I wanted and played.

The notes were slow and sad, just the way I felt right now. But, the notes got more luxurious and more complicated, and soon another set of hands was sitting next to me, playing with me. Our combined notes made the song more beautiful. But, it was all Edward. He was the musician, not me. I felt the beauty of our notes rising, the song reaching its climax, and yet, we kept going. Neither of us wanting to stop, but knowing we can't keep going. I felt the tears in my eyes spill over as our song did slow down and reach its end, the last note holding, vibrating in the silence. My hands slipped from the keys as I swallowed back a sob. Edward reached for me, and I let him. I needed to be held…even if it was from a vampire who I'm in love with and whom couldn't care less about me.

I pulled back and looked at him. "I…I can't do this, Edward," I stammered out, the tears falling steadily now. Thunder rumbled somewhere and soon it was raining. I looked towards the sky. "Looks like the sky feels my pain," I whisper to myself. I pull away from Edward, and he lets me go. I walk out of the music room and down the hallway, out the back door into the pouring rain. It's 11:00 at night on Monday.

Tomorrow I have school, and have to endure more torment, but hopefully I have the Cullens there to help me.

I reach the railing and I hold onto it, sobbing like it's the last thing I do.

"Why? Why do you have to torment me so? Why couldn't you just love me?" I yell out to the sky, a bolt of lightning lighting up the sky. "I did everything you asked, everything you demanded! I only wanted you to love me, and instead you raped and beat me my whole life! Why can't you just die?" I fell to my knees on a guttural cry, noticing how once again, arms wrap around me. "Please, just let me go!" I scream, and I don't know who that was to.

"Shh, it's okay. I got you, I got you. NO one will harm you. I swear, if it takes the rest of my existence, I will make sure you are safe," Edward was murmuring to me. I got up, and he let me go again. I turned towards him.

"How can you be like this?" I ask him, not really wanting to know the answer. "How can you kiss me and declare love to me one second, 10 hours later say that it was a mistake, and then try to comfort me like nothing ever happened?" I demand, tears of hurt falling from my eyes. His were full of pain.

"Because I don't know what I'm doing!" He cries out finally. "I don't know how to do any of this, but if there's one thing I do know," he said, stepping closer to me. "It's that I cannot live without you! I need you in my life. You are my everything, the only thing that matters to me! And each day that your hate for me grows, is another step for me towards Italy," he yelled. By now he was right in front of me. He took my face in his hands.

"But…But how can you feel this way? You know what I am; you know how disgraced and deflowered I am! You know how worthle-" My words were cut off by him crushing his lips down on mine.

The kiss was amazing, like the last time. But, it ended all too soon. I met his eyes.

"NEVER say that you are worthless. You are worth more than anything I have ever known. More than my life, more than the breath in my body. You are everything," he said, cupping my face in his hands. I gulped once more. "Isabella Swan, can't you see? I'm in love with you," he said to me, and I felt my heart stutter for a split second and then speed up. I forgot where I was, who I was. The only thing that mattered was that he loved me.

"Edward Cullen, can't you see? Every hated word or glare was because I am madly, deeply, truly, passionately in love with you, and I thought you didn't feel the same," I told him. He smiled his dazzling smile and he kissed me again. This kiss was full of regret, sorrow, love, guilt, happiness, and victory. The rain had stopped by now, but we didn't stop holding each other. Not even when a throat cleared behind us.

"I love you so much," he whispered against my lips.

"Forever and always?" I asked him. He started to answer but was interrupted by Esme.

"Edward, It's for you." She said handing him the phone.

"Who is it, Esme?" He asked, the perfect gentleman.

"Tanya, your girlfriend."

**WHEW! So, what do you think? I decided to type another chapter and see if I got anymore support. I hope you guys liked this chapter! REVIEW TIME! YAYYYY!**


	9. My Happy Ending?

**Heyy you guys. Soo sorry that I haven't typed in a while. This is the first disclaimer for this story in a couple of chapters. I'm sorry about that. Geometry just so happens to be kicking my ass right now XD…But, I will try to update sooner than I have been. So, if you will bear with me, I promise you that the next chapters will be even more amazing…Well, at least from what you tell me. So, yeag**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT Own anything of Stephenie Meyers' making, or the band Jamestown Story...I only own the plot and maybe a few surprise characters (hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink) So, without further adieu, I give you Chapter 8 of ****Goodbye I'm Sorry****…!**

Previously: _"I love you so much," he whispered against my lips._

"_Forever and always?" I asked him. He started to answer but was interrupted by Esme._

"_Edward, it's for you." She said handing him the phone._

"_Who is it, Esme?" He asked, the perfect gentleman. _

"_Tanya, your girlfriend."_

**Chapter 8 - My Happy Ending?**

_Your girlfriend. _The words swarmed around my head, blurring my vision, making it so I could hear my pulse in my head. At some point I had fallen to my knees, when I don't know, but when I felt Edward's arms wrap around me, I yelled.

"Let go of me!" I screamed at him. He flinched back at the piercing sound, letting me go. I stood up and stepped back a step away from him. He looked up to meet my gaze, and of its own accord, my hand pulled back and backhanded him in the face, knocking him off balance. He looked at me, astonished. "I trusted you!" I yell to him. "I gave you everything I have! I believed you when you said you'd never hurt me!" I was panting with anger and hurt, trying to find sense in all of this.

"How could you do this to me?" I whisper to him. He met my gaze and looked away just as fast. I swallowed back the tears, nodded, and walked into the house. Alice tried to follow, but I shook my head at her. I kept walking through the house, up to my room. I walk over to the window, kneel down and start to pray…Possibly to the only person who _does_ care.

"Jakey," I whisper. "Jakey, I don't know what to do. I'm so lost without you. Please, help me to understand what is happening, and what I should do. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. You were always there for me, even when I didn't want anyone near me," I stopped to clear my throat, trying to make the tears go away. "I miss you, Jakey. I need you. I miss my glowing sun, my shining star. My best friend, brother…Father. Please," I whisper to him sadly, "please don't leave me more alone in this world than I already am." I fell off of my knees with a gut-wrenching sob, holding my face in my hands.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're in love with him," came a voice from behind me. I gasped, looking for something to throw blindly when he spoke again. "Hey, it's me. Jasper," he said. I looked up and saw my adopted brother. I stood up numbly, not knowing what was right anymore. He held out his arms silently, and I ran into them, the sobs wracking my body. He wrapped his arms tightly around me. "Shh, shh. It's all right, I'm here. Shh," he whispered to me, his hand smoothing over my hair. I tried to breathe but I couldn't. First my mom, than Jake, and now Edward. . .

"I…Can't…Stay…Here," I managed to get out. I pulled away from him slightly, looking into his eyes. He shook his head.

"No," he said fiercely. "No, I won't let you leave."

"I…Can't…Be Here…With…Him," I said, my breathing starting to even out. He sighed and said something too low for human ears to hear. I felt presences in the room with us and pulled away, wiping away my tears. I looked up to see Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice.

"You're not leaving us," they all said at the same time. I shook my head, about to explain, but Emmett cut in.

"No, Bella," he said, coming towards me. He grabbed my shoulders in his hands, careful not to hurt me. "If you leave, than I'm leaving too. I forgot all about that dumb whore, Tanya," he said, wincing when I did. "Sorry," he said and I just nodded. Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper all spoke up.

"We're going with you as well," they said. I looked at my friends, my sisters and brothers. I smiled a watery smile and nodded, holding out my arms. Next thing I knew, I was the filling in a four-vampire sandwich. I laughed, and they did as well. They put me down and we just looked at each other.

"If our brother wants to be an ass, than he can be an ass. . . Without us," Rosalie said. I looked at her and she just winked.

"Yeah, it's about time he got off his damned pedestal and taken a good look at what he has and might lose," Emmett said. I blew him a brotherly kiss.

"Thank you," I said to them. "So," I said, sighing, a mischievous smile across my face. "I guess this means a road trip, huh?" And before I knew it, four very excited, very immature vampires were jumping up and down, yelling and laughing. And just for the hell of it, I joined in.

Later, when we were all packed and ready to go, after telling Esme that we were going on a little field trip, without Edward and why, we piled into the car and sped off, the sounds of _Face Down_, by The Redjumpsuit Apparatus blaring through the speakers. I called Tanya and told her she could go fuck herself. Then we called the school, saying I was officially dropping out.

We didn't have a real destination; we just wanted to get away. And let me tell you, if there's anything the Cullens excel at, it's getting away. So, we drove and drove, the miles flying by. We stopped at a center along the way and I got my abortion, followed by my hysterectomy. We ended up staying at a motel or two along the way so I could sleep comfortably, and by the next morning we were on our way again. It was exciting, being with only my brothers and sisters. We laughed, talked, played games, made jokes, and bonded. I soon forgot about what happened.

We were gone for six months, and had been to almost everywhere in the country. I had thousands upon thousands of pictures of all of us, and even more memories. But, all too soon, we ended up back at the Cullen household, where all the repressed memories suddenly flooded my mind.

_Tanya…Girlfriend…You little bitch…I hate you...Forever and always?..._

"Whoa, Bella!" I heard someone call my name and catch me before I pitched forward. I tried to gulp in some air, but the possibilities flooded in my heart and mind. I leaned over and puked onto the driveway, trying to forget and move on. Jasper held my hair back for me, and wiped my mouth for me once I was done.

"Thanks, Jaz," I said to him hoarsely. He smiled, ruffled my hair, and handed me the soda Alice had handed him. I took a swig and handed it back, grateful for my family. I turned, grabbed Jasper and Emmett's hands and walked up the front steps, into the house I now called home. "Esme?" I called out normally, knowing she would hear me. And faster than I could blink, she was standing in front of me, pulling me into a hug, and kissing me all over. For a moment, I almost felt like this was my real family. I pulled back and smiled.

"Oh, it is soo good to have you all back home! Now, you must tell me all about it!" She spasmed with joy. I started to say something when Alice suddenly remembered something.

"Hey, Bella," she said, and I turned to her. "Are you gonna call Fork back?" She said slyly, and laughed when I blushed.

"Who's Fork?" Esme asked. I blushed even more, but answered nonetheless.

"He's this guy we met. And he's just a friend," I said pointedly, glaring at Alice. She just winked. I rolled my eyes at her, failing to hide my smile. Damn her.

"Oh, and wherever did you meet said friend?" Esme questioned.

"Well, it all happened when…" and so I told her how we met Fork, and how he helped us out. How we all became good friends, and how he helped me personally. After the story ended, I noticed two new members to our little party. Carlisle…and Edward. I wasn't ready to face him yet, so I gasped and asked the rest if they remembered that crazy lady with the chickens. We all started laughing and soon we were gasping for air.

"Well Bella," Carlisle said, after he too was done laughing, "it seems to me like you enjoyed yourself immensely."

"I did, Carlisle. And, thank you…For everything that you've done for me; even when I didn't appreciate it." He came forward and hugged me. I hugged him back, relishing in the feeling of possibly belonging somewhere for the first time in my life. I sighed happily.

"I'd do it again in a nanosecond," he whispered to me. I smiled, the tears forming behind my closed eyes. He pulled away to hold my shoulders, looking into my eyes. "Whether you or some people like it or not, you are a member of this family. And we all make it a promise to defend and help our family."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said to him, looking around at everyone, except Edward. "So," I said, looking at my companions. "I don't know about you guys but I'm going swimming," I said and searched through my bag for my new bathing suit. I found a note attached to it from Fork, saying how he hates how he'll miss seeing my wrinkled body in that dental floss. I started laughing at our joke. And hate how I would probably never see him again. I sighed, went into the bathroom, and put on my fire engine red bikini. I walked out of the bathroom to find everyone in their bathing suits. I laughed and took off towards the lake. I was tiring out when I felt Rosalie scoop me up and start racing towards the lake. Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, and Esme were behind us. Edward sped off up front. For a moment I just watched the way his muscles flexed as he ran. But then I remember what he did, and the admiration disappeared.

We got to the lake in record time, and soon enough we were diving into the cold water. I came up and laughed with exhilaration. Emmett started a splash fight, and before long, he had Rosalie in his arms and was holding her there. Jasper and Carlisle had Alice and Esme that way. I subtly let it be known that I needed to go to the bathroom, and walked into the trees, away from Edward.

When I came back, they were playing Marco polo, and instead of joining them, I laid out on the grass. It was amusing, while nauseating, watching them swim back and forth. Once again, I got the strong urge to know what it would be like to be a vampire. I shook the thought away though.

I laughed when it was appropriate, smiled and nodded when it was expected, and talked like everything was amazing when, really, I wanted nothing more than to slit my wrists. Amazing, how in just three hours of being in his presence, death was all I could think about. Sighing, I got up.

"Hey guys," I called out. They stopped and looked at me. "I'm kind of hungry," I said simply and shrugged my shoulders. Everyone got out simultaneously and walked over to me.

"I'll carry her," Emmett and Jasper said at the same time. We laughed as they glared at each other. I shook my head at them.

"I'm walking, but you both can escort me there. That is if it is all right with your ladies," I said and looked meaningfully at Alice and Rosalie. They pretended to be offended, but started chortling and just winked at them. "Very well then," I said as I held out both arms and started to walk away. They each grabbed an arm and we began walking back the Cullen house.

When we got there, there was a black Jaguar in the driveway. Before anyone could ask questions, I squealed.

"_Fork!_" I yelled, letting go of Emmett and Jasper, and running to Fork's waiting arms. He caught me in his arms and spun me around, laughing.

"How are you, sport?" He said once he had put me down. By now Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper were all yelling and laughing and hugging Fork. We had missed him terribly. I just shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him. His liquid blue eyes stared back at me. I noticed how his dirty blond hair was blowing in the breeze and how the sun hit his skin tone just right, making him look like melted honey. He was shirtless, like always, and his chest was amazing. Unfortunately, I noticed how plain he was next to Edward. I sighed and hugged him again.

"I missed you, idiot!" I said to him. He squeezed me back for a moment before letting go. And then he turned to Esme, Carlisle, and Edward and introduced himself.

After a while we all were in the living room, talking. Fork was granted permission to stay here with us, and he accepted. I jumped up and hugged Esme and Carlisle, thanking them immensely.

Fork stayed with us for a month. He kept my mind off Edward, and for that I was thankful. But, soon enough, he had to leave, and go back to his home. I fretted over it, and begged him to stay. He would not have it though. His family would be missing him. He said he did not want to go, that he would rather stay, but duty called.

"Fine," I said sadly, the tears forming. He sighed sadly and pulled me into his arms, kissing my forehead.

"You have no idea how badly I wish to stay," he whispered against my ear. "I'd give both my arms and legs if it meant I could stay here." He kissed my forehead once more before letting me go. "I love you, Bella. You're my best friend, and I will never forget you," he said, starting to walk away. I ran to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you, too, Fork. You have helped me in ways I never imagined. It is going to be a darker place in my life without you," I said, hating how I would never see him again. "I know Jakey sent you to me, and I hope we will see each other again. I'm going to miss you terribly," I said to him, kissing his hands before retreating away. "Goodbye, Fork," I said. He said his goodbyes and got into his car, driving away.

I fell to my knees and watched him drive away, possibly leaving me forever. Once his car was out of sight, I got up and walked into the house. I was met by four pairs of arms, hugging me and telling me it would be okay. I just let them hold me. I really didn't have anything now. The love of my life lied to me, my best friend was dead, I killed my own mother, and I just lost the only comfort I still had. The only thing I did have was myself, and that wasn't worth anything.

Eventually, we made our way into the living room, where Esme brought me some tea, and we put a movie on to watch. I didn't pay attention to it, though. I was too busy wondering where I would go from here, what I would do. Sometime later, the Cullen's had to go feed. I told them I would be fine to stay along for a few hours. Reluctantly, they agreed and left.

It was a couple hours after they left that the phone rang. I answered it.

"Hello?" I said. A nasally scoff answered me.

"Hi, is Edward there?" A girl's voice asked.

"No, he is not. He's away for a little bit," I said, grimacing.

"Oh. Well, do you know when he'll be back?" She asked.

"No, I do not know," I said, getting irritated.

"Wait, is this _Bella_?" She sneered. I gulped.

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Because I just want to let you know that Edward is mine, and no worthless little bitchy human is gonna take him away from me," she said, her voice slightly louder.

"Who says he is yours?" I countered. She was really pissing me off, whoever she was. "Who the hell are you, anyways?"

"My name's Tanya. And I'm really sick of you trying to warm up on _my_ boyfriend, you little whore," she spit at me. I tried to speak, but she would not let me. "You are so pathetic. Can't you see that he doesn't want you? That he cannot stand being near you? That he hates you? That you are nothing to him? That you can never, _ever _have him?" She was yelling now, and the tears were falling from my face. I sniffled, and she laughed. "You are so fukking pathetic. Crying over a man who does not want you, nor will he ever. They feel sorry for you, don't you see? You're just a worthless whore." She sighed before speaking once more. "I don't have time for this. Goodbye, human," she said and hung up.

I threw the phone down and ran into the kitchen, grabbing a steak knife from the drawer. I ran up to my room, locking it. I turned on the radio, blaring the music. While the sounds of Evanescence struck through my room, I fell onto the floor, holding the knife to my wrist. I slashed straight down, watching as the blood started leaking from my wrist. The tears were falling and I couldn't help it. I slashed my other wrist as well. I dropped the knife and got up.

Walking over to the mirror, I looked at the blood dripping onto the floor. I wiped some of the blood onto my fingers and started to write on the mirror. Blood dripped down the mirror, giving it a darker edge. A strangled laugh came out as I finished writing, holding onto the dresser so I wouldn't fall. Stepping back, I looked at what the mirror said:

_Without Him I'm Nothing_

I slid down the wall, laughing and coughing. The phrase was so true, in every sense. I sensed my phone ringing, but the ringing in my head was more prominent.

Sometime later, when I was feeling fuzzy, someone came in the room and was yelling for someone. I lifted up my hand and turned them towards me. I leaned in and spoke.

"She is right. I don't mean anything to him. He really does hate me. I mean nothing to him," I whispered to the person. I felt a breeze on me and soon I was being strapped down to something, and I heard a beeping. I felt the prick of a needle and soon, I was sleeping again.

When I woke up, I turned my head and saw the calendar. It said September 20. It was Saturday. I groaned and rolled back over, wincing a little bit when I twisted my wrists. I sat straight up, looking at the bandages. I ripped them off, until only my slashed wrists stared back at me. Tears filled my eyes as I remembered why I cut.

I removed the comforter I was under and got up, slowly walking towards the bathroom. After relieving my bladder, I brushed my teeth and took a shower. The cold water felt like heaven on my hot flesh, but felt like shit on my wrists. I gritted my teeth, too used to the pain to cry out anymore.

Once I got out of the shower, I dried my hair and walked into my room, heading for the closet. Once in there, I picked out a lacy red and black bra and underwear set, put them on and looked for some sweatpants. I found a loose-fitting black pair, and with that I put on a t-shirt that was also black, but had streaks of red in it. I went to my dresser and put on black eyeliner, some vanilla body spray, and grabbed my black and red nail polish.

After my nails had dried, I put on some black ankle socks and, turning off the light, I walked out of the room and downstairs. I was being super quiet; I heard people talking.

"…I won't put her through that," someone was saying. I think it's Edward. Someone sighed.

"What choice do we have? If she doesn't go, she'll only get worse," Carlisle said.

"I am not going to let her be taken to a damned mental hospital, for psychiatric 'help'," Edward said. So they were going to send me to a mental institute…Tears filled my eyes at the possibility of leaving my family.

"Edward," Carlisle said, trying to reason with him. "She's _sick_. You can't want to sit here and watch her get worse by the day. You saw what she did to herself, what she wrote on the mirror, what she was mumbling. None of it is, well, _sane_. I, for one, am not going to sit here and let her wither away," he said, and I heard movement, I peeked around the corner, seeing that Carlisle had put his hand on Edward's shoulder. "This is for the best, son," he said. Edward looked up, tormented, but nodded. I noticed that all the Cullens were in the room as well. Anger flooded through me. _How dare they? _ I walked into the room, tears falling down my face.

"I am NOT going to a damned mental hospital," I whispered harshly. "You have no fukking idea why I even slit my wrists!" I yelled, holding up my wrists. "Or why I wrote what I wrote, said what I said! You don't even fukking ask me why!" I yelled, my voice getting louder. "_How can you all be so fukking stupid?_" I screamed, my voice reaching an octave I didn't even know about. "You wanna know why I did this to myself? Huh?" I yelled. They all looked at me and nodded. I turned towards Edward and glared at him. "Because his," I said, pointing at Edward, "trashy girlfriend said that I was worthless, that I meant nothing to him, that I was only an obstacle that was in the way of her getting him, that nobody wanted me, that you all feel sorry for me, that no one would ever want me! That he hates me and I'm a fukking pathetic whore, crying over a man who could never want me," I said, my voice cracking and fading out as my lips started to tremble and my throat clogged up. All the Cullens looked astonished, and soon rage took over their features.

"She said that?" Edward's voice broke out, over the growling of the others. I just nodded sadly, knowing that every word she said was true. I turned and started walking away when someone caught my arm. I looked up bleary-eyed into Edward's handsome face, remembering what happened between us. My eyes drifted to his lips and he noticed that as well. He started to lean in, but I pulled away from him.

"No, Edward," I said. "I'm done playing these games," I said and pulled out of his grasp, walking up the stairs. I didn't turn back once.

**(Sometime later) EPOV**

"_I'm done playing these games," she_ had said. I had let her go, again. Stupid Tanya, she never got the hint. We were together over 50 years ago, but only because she had wanted it. I never liked her, and I broke it off quickly, after just 3 days. I couldn't stand to be near her, and she just kept coming back. About 5 years or so ago, though, we tried again. I guess word never got around that we had broken up. I'm surprised immensely that it didn't. The same day we started being together again, I found her with some male vampire, having sex. Disgusted, me and my family had left. I guess she still thought we were together.

"Not this time, Tanya," I said angrily, the words sounding like a curse. She ruined everything. "Or was it my fault this time?"

"It was and wasn't your fault, Edward," Alice said, coming to stand next to me. I looked up at her, questions in my eyes. She sighed. "It was because you didn't tell her about Tanya, but it wasn't because you didn't know that Tanya would just call out of the blue. I want you to know that I don't want Bella to go to one of the places, Edward," she said, shivering with memory. "I know they're more modernized, but the feeling is the same. She doesn't need a hospital to get better…" she seemed she wanted to say more.

"Just say it, Alice," I said in monotone. "It cannot be as bad as having her walk away from me twice now," I said, my voice dripping with sadness. She sighed once more.

"Edward," she said, humming the national anthem in German in her head, "she doesn't need a hospital. She needs _you_," she said, looking at me meaningfully. I felt my heart breaking, knowing it would be impossible. "I'll go talk to her," she said. I looked at her gratefully. "And please do not listen to the conversation. Go hunt," she advised, waltzing into the house. I smiled sadly. Stubborn little pixie. Running off into the trees, I ran as far away as my thoughts would carry me.

Finding a mountain lion, I took the creature down, wondering how I was supposed to get my Bella back.

**APOV**

"…Just talk to him, Bella," I said again for the fifteenth time. She just shook her, tears glistening in her eyes. "Why the hell not?" I said, my voice betraying my aggravation.

"First," she said, getting up and hugging me, "I'm sorry I'm making you mad, and second," she said releasing me and going to sit on the bed. I grabbed her hand. "It would be like talking to the wall. And I can't go through that again," she said the tears brimming over.

"What do you mean, Bella?" I asked, sitting next to her, pulling her head onto my shoulders so she could let it out. She sniffled and sighed before speaking.

**BPOV**

"Talking to Edward is like talking to the wall. No matter what you say to it, it never seems to understand what you're talking about. You can talk to it for years and years, but you'll never get the reply you want, you need. You'll never know if they feel the same things you feel," I said, looking up at her. Concealed pain was in her eyes. "If they ever do answer you, the answer always changes. One minute they feel the same, the next minute, they're trying to get away from you as fast as they can," I said, my voice bitter with memories.

"Bella," Alice said, her voice uneasy. I pulled away to look at her.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked her.

"How do you feel about my brother?" She asked.

"Which one?" I asked. She smirked, but her voice was stern.

"Edward," she said, waiting for my reaction. I grimaced, my heart tearing into little bits and pieces.

"He's like a brother to me," I said, choosing my words carefully. Better make her think I don't love him. "He treats me kindly, most of the time, but he's like a brother," I said, looking into her eyes. She looked taken aback at what I said.

"So," she said, trying to find the words. "So, you don't love him? As anything more?" She asked. I shook my head no. "But…But I thought," she said, her voice stuttering.

"You thought what, Alice? That I was in love with him? Please," I scoffed. "Love doesn't even exist. It's all an illusion. I mean, sure I'd have a quick fling with him, but love? No," I said, lying through my teeth kind of. I don't know if love exists. I mean my heart speeds up whenever he's around, and my palms get sweaty, and whenever his lips press against mine it feels like electricity, and when I found out about  
Tanya it felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest. I don't know what to think.

She was looking at me as if I had grown three heads. I sighed and got up, walking to the door and opening it.

"I am not in love with Edward, Alice. Nor will I ever be. I think of him as a brother, nothing more. Now, will you please leave? I have things that need to be done, and I would rather do them alone," I said, making sure everyone in the house could hear me. She looked like she was going to cry, but got up and left, silently, without a word or glance to me. I closed the door behind her, and sat down on the floor, trying to block the sounds of my sobs. I closed my eyes tightly, hating how I had hurt Alice. But I didn't know what else to do.

Sometime later, I heard voices from downstairs. They were arguing. The voices were getting louder, and not five minutes later, I heard the sound of glass breaking. I closed my eyes on a pained sob, remembering when Charlie and Renee used to fight…

_(Memory) _

"_How is this my fault?" Mommy yelled at Daddy. _

"_Well, gee, I wonder why!" Daddy yelled back. "I come home to find you and some drunken asshole, FUCKING in _my _bed!" He yelled, his voice getting louder._

"_Well, maybe if you'd stop going out every night and coming back wasted with lipstick all over you and half your money gone from spending it at the damn stripper joint, I wouldn't have to!" Mommy is really mad at Daddy now. "I can't keep living like this! How the hell do you expect me to raise our daughter with only my help? You're just a damned drunken asshole and I can't stand you!" Mommy yelled at Daddy. Someone picked up something and threw it. I heard the sound of glass breaking. Mommy cried out. _

"_Shit, honey I'm sorry!" Daddy said to Mommy. _

"_Forget it, Charlie! I'm going to stay with Marissa for a few days, until you calm the hell down!" Mommy had yelled, and stormed out of the house. Daddy came up a little bit later to find me sobbing. He held me until I fell asleep. Too bad Mommy was gonna leave Daddy when she came back…_

_(End Memory)_

"No!"I yelled, coming out of my room and running down the stairs. I got to where the yelling was and met the Cullens. They didn't see me. They just kept on fighting. I hated the fighting. "_Stop!_" I screamed out. They all stopped and looked at me. "Stop fighting! Please, stop fighting. I can't take the fighting," I cried, walking towards them. "You're all a family. You shouldn't be fighting like this! This is all my fault," I whispered, looking at each of them. Alice was about to speak but I cut her off. "If I never would have came here, you all wouldn't be fighting like this, turning to violence to solve your disputes. If leaving means that you'll become a family again, I'll do it. I can't stand to see you all fighting over me," I said to them, all of them had looks of guilt and regret on their faces. I sniffled and wiped away the tears. "I'll get my things," I said and didn't even get a fourth of the way turned when Edward was in front of me, again.

"Don't leave, Bella," he whispered, his voice tormented. "I don't want you to leave. I won't let you leave," he said, his voice promising retribution if I did.

"How can I stay, Edward? All of this," I said, indicating the state of the living room, "is my fault. I can't sit here and watch you fall apart because you wanted to protect a worthless mortal, whose life doesn't even mean a thing. Your family was perfect before I came along, and I'm sure it will be once I leave," I said trying to turn, but his steely grip on my arm was making it impossible for me to go anywhere. He shook his head.

"Bella," he said, holding my face in his hands, refusing to let me turn away, "before you came along, we were just another coven. We were never a family…Not until you came along. You leaving is what is making us this way. We don't want you to leave. If you do, we'll fall apart. We can't lose you," he said and all the Cullens started nodding with him.

"Bella," Alice said. I looked at her. "I love you like my sister, and if you leave, I don't think I'll be able to go shopping again."

"I won't be able to look in another mirror," Rosalie said.

"I won't be able to play anymore pranks," Emmett said.

"I won't be able to look at another book on the war," Jasper said.

"I won't be able to work as a doctor anymore," Carlisle said.

"And I won't be able to be a mom if I lose another child," Esme said. I looked at Edward.

"I won't be able to live at all," Edward said. He let me go and stepped back, making it so I could see all of them. Tears filled my eyes at what they were implying. I was lost for words.

"I don't know what to say to you," I whispered, wishing I could promise that I would stay, but not knowing if it would be true.

"We can't lose you," Alice whispered, repeating Edward's words earlier.

"I don't want to lose you," I whispered back, knowing they would hear me. I noticed how Edward was trying to read Alice's thoughts and getting aggravated that she was blocking him. I smiled a little bit. "Alice," I said to her and she looked at me. Her face betrayed what she wasn't saying. That she was scared I would leave. I held out my arms. She ran into them, careful not to hurt me. I hugged her, hard.

"Please don't leave, Bella," she dry sobbed. I just nodded.

"I want to talk to you, alone," I said to her, placing emphasis on the word alone. Soon, everyone left. But I waited a solid five minutes before speaking. "Are they far enough away that they can't hear what I'm saying?" I asked. She nodded.

"What did you want to say, Bella?" She asked, afraid of my answer.

"I want to tell you the truth," I said. She led me to the couch and we sat down. I gulped, afraid of her reaction, but with a comforting glance, I began to speak. "Alice, when you asked me earlier why I couldn't talk to him, and I said that it was like talking to the wall…I didn't give you a good enough explanation…" I said, the tears forming. I faintly heard the song 'Goodbye' by Secondhand Serenade playing and the tears started flowing freely. So, I poured my heart out to her, explaining my fears, what happened to me, how I felt about Edward, how he always kept changing his mind, how scared I was, how he claimed he was scared but always changed his mind when things got rough, and how deathlessly in love with him I was. I left out the part about what Charlie did to me with the whip, though. By the time that I was done, three hours had gone by. Alice was unnaturally silent. She now knew _everything _that happened to me since I was 5. Things I've never told anyone. Her eyes were tortured, never imagining that that had happened. I gulped, and tried to speak. "Alice?" I asked. She just got up and stormed out of the room. I followed her. "Alice!" I cried after her. She just kept going. "Alice, will you stop for a minute? Please!" I yelled, but she was out of the house and into the woods.

Me, being stupid, followed. I was running after her, to no avail. I noticed that the sun was setting, and that in less than 20 minutes, it would be dark out. I didn't know my way around these parts. I stopped and yelled again. "Alice!"

I was lost. There was no doubt about it. I was completely and utterly, lost.

When the sun had set, possibly a couple of hours ago, I tried to find my way back to the house. But, I had gotten lost because I didn't remember which way it was. Something rustled in the bushes and I took off running, screaming.

"Alice! Edward! Help!" I screamed as I ran, wishing I knew where I was. I had a feeling I was going farther and farther away, so I stopped again. I found a sturdy tree and climbed up.

When I got as high up as the tree would let me, I looked to see if I saw any lights. I saw the pond where we swam at, about a mile away. I groaned. The house was a good five miles away from the pond. I turned in the direction the house would be in, and spotted it. And cold fear filled me. The lights were all off. They never were, not even when no one was home. Panicked, I climbed down as fast as I could, and when I hit the ground, I took off running towards the house. I prayed for everything I didn't believe in that they hadn't left me.

I reached the house, tired and panting, and ran up the front steps, opening the door. And screamed. There were white sheets covering the furniture. Well, what furniture was there. I ran through the house, checking each room, finding them all in the same state. Except my room. Everything was where it was when I left it. Everything was untouched. I went to where my cell phone was and dialed Edward's number. It was disconnected. I tried the others' and got the same answer. I yelled, throwing my phone across the room. It hit something that sounded like a body, and when I looked up, there was Laurent. I screamed.

"No, no, no, no!" I screamed, getting up and inching away from him. "You're supposed to be dead!"

"Well, I'm not dead, am I?" He purred, stepping closer. I tried to back away, but the backs of my legs hit the bed, and I fell backwards onto it. He took the opportunity and got on top of me, pinning me under him. I tried to get him off me.

"Get off! Please, get off me!" I yelled, tears falling. He smiled and arched his head back. I stopped struggling long enough to see his fangs. "_Noooo!_" I screamed. "Noooo, Edw—" I started to call but he sunk his fangs into my neck. I screamed…

I jolted up, sweating and panting, my throat dry. I was in the living room, and all the lights were on, and the furniture was okay. I looked around me and saw that I was alone. Fearing the worst, I grabbed the phone and dialed Edward's number. He answered.

"Hello?" He said. I yelled.

"Oh, thank God!" I yelled, relieved tears falling down my face.

"Bella?" He asked. I began to nod when I remembered that he couldn't see me.

"Yes, it's me. Where are you guys? I'm alone, Alice is gone, and I'm scared. Please, help me!" I sobbed, hoping he would come.

"We're at the pond. What do you mean Alice is gone? What happened? Are you okay?" He asked.

"Please, come home. I don't want to be alone. Alice freaked and ran off. I followed her, but she just disappeared. I got lost and couldn't find my way back. So, I climbed a tree and saw the pond and the house, but there were no lights on at all, and when I ran back to the house, there were white sheets on all the furniture and everyone was gone. I went into my room, where everything was fine, tried calling you and everyone else, but your numbers were disconnected. Then I threw my phone and it hit Laurent. He was alive and he…he bit me! Please, come home Edward. I'm so scared," I whispered.

"I'm on my way, with everyone else. I'll be there in thirty seconds," he promised. I counted to thirty, and he was suddenly there, pulling me into his arms. I hugged him back, sobbing uncontrollably. Soon, I felt everyone else enter the room. I let go of Edward and hugged each of them, not wanting to let go. I looked up and saw Alice. I screamed and backed away from her. "Alice, where the hell were you?" Edward demanded angrily. She looked confused.

"I asked Bella if she needed anything and she said some mint chocolate chip ice cream. So," she said, holding up a bag, "I went and got her some. She was tired, and wanted to sleep, so I told her I would be back in ten minutes with her ice cream," she said. She moved into the kitchen to put away the ice cream in the freezer and came back. "What happened to you, Bella?" She asked. I grabbed Edward's hand and he led me to the couch, where he held me as I told her what happened. A look of horror filled everyone's faces as I got to the end. By the end I was crying, again. Edward just held me as I cried.

"I was so scared," I whispered, covering my face with my hands. Edward rubbed my shoulders soothingly.

"It was just a dream, Bella," he whispered in my ear. "I won't let you go. I'm right here," he kept whispering sweet nothings in my ear, and soon he was humming a song to me. I fell asleep against his shoulder.

When I woke up, he was gone. I started panicking. "Edward?" I called out. He was by my side in a second. I blushed, causing him to chuckle. He looked at me, asking a silent question: _can I lay with you? _I nodded, moving so he could get in the bed next to me.

When he was under the covers, I snuggled up next to him, and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me next to him. I sighed, content. Right now I didn't care if he had a girlfriend, all I cared about was that he was lying next to me, protecting me from the dangers out there.

I lifted my head. "Edward?" I asked. He looked at me. "Can…Can I ask you something?" I questioned. His eyes became wary, and a little apprehensive. I grimaced. "Yeag, I can understand why you'd feel that way," I said to him. He looked hunted for a second before a sort of guilt washed over his features. I smiled sadly and started to roll over so my back was to him when he spoke.

"It's not that, Bella," he said. I looked at him. "It's…It's I don't know. I should have told you about Tanya, I really should have. But we haven't even spoken to any of the Denali's in 5 years. She hasn't contacted me in 4. So, for her to do that just out of the blue…" his voice faded as he shook his head. "I'm sorry for what she said to you. So, so sorry. If I could go back in time and prevent any of this from happening, I would. I wanted to go to Denali and murder her when I heard what she said to you. I could have killed her. I talked to Alice as well," he said, gazing into my eyes when I looked up, shocked.

"What did she say?" I asked, feigning indifference. But the way he was looking at me proved that he knew something.

"She didn't say anything," he said, sighing. "She told me that if I wanted to know, that I was to talk to you," he said with an impish smile. My heart stuttered in my chest at his smile. His smile vanished, but his eyes were smoldering. I swallowed audibly. He chuckled lightly at my response. For some reason, I remembered what he had said would happen to him if I left.

"What did you mean before? When you said that you wouldn't be able to live at all if I left," I said to him, watching his face for any traces of emotion. His eyes grew sad and ancient and suddenly he seemed his age. _What is his age anyways? _I asked myself. _Well, if you really wanna know, ask him. But, wouldn't that be rude? Hell if I know, _I once again answered myself. _I really need to stop talking to myself in my head_. Sighing, I looked up into his amused eyes. "What?" I asked, embarrassment rushing through me. He just shook his head, laughter dancing in his eyes. I kept looking at him, waiting for an answer, so he sighed and spoke.

"Bella, if you left, I wouldn't be able to live. I wouldn't be able to look at the rest of my family without remembering something about you. Probably some dumbass memory, but it would be of you, and I wouldn't be able to handle that. Having to see you, remember you, through someone's memories. It would be unbearable," he whispered, tears in his eyes. "I would go to the Volturi, an old and ancient vampire family that rules all vampires. I would ask them for death because I wouldn't be able to go another day without you next to me. You are my life, Bella," he whispered, taking my face in his hands.

"I'll spend the rest of my existence trying to make it up to you, how I hurt you, and lied to you, and hid things from you. I'd do whatever it took to make you mine again," he said, looking at me like he'd die for me. Tears fill my eyes at what he is saying. "Please, do not cry, honey," he whispered, kissing away the tears. I stiffened at the endearment, wondering if he knew he said that. Or if he even meant it.

I heard him sigh, aggravated and wondered why until Jasper came in.

"Bella," he said sternly. I just looked at him. "How many times have I got to tell you? Try to keep a hold on your emotions! Please," he said. I could see that I was torturing him, and I felt guilt wash through me. He grimaced, looking depressed now.

"I'm sorry, Jaz," I said to him. I pulled my emotions back into me, so that I was numb. He glared when he felt my emotions disappear.

"And stop doing _that_," he said. "I told you once already that you'd end up exploding if you kept doing it…" his voice faded out as he looked at Edward. "And, I think Alice is calling me," he said, walking away and closing the door. Edward chuckled and turned back to me.

"As I was saying," he said, sighing. I sniffled and wiped the tears away. He just looked at me, his cool hands framing my face lovingly. "I know you don't trust me anymore, Bella," he said and I knew he was going somewhere with this. "But, please just tell me if you can handle having me in your life as a brother," he said, his voice dripping with sadness and defeat. I sighed, deciding to go with the truth.

"No, Edward," I said, meeting his depressed gaze. "I can't handle having you in my life as a brother…" I said, my voice fading away as I blushed and looked down, wanting to say the rest but afraid it was too late. He tilted my face up to his and looked at me.

"But..?" He asked, knowing that there was one. I sighed.

"But, I'd have to fight from kissing you every time I'd see you," I said, blushing madly. He busted out laughing, and all the blood washed out of my face. _I knew it_, my mind whispered. _He doesn't feel the same way_. I tried to smile with him, but I almost cried when I did. He looked at my expression and he got an incredulous look on his face.

"Did you seriously think I wouldn't care? That I wouldn't want the same thing?" He asked, his voice hurt. I just nodded, afraid of him getting mad. I looked away, but he brought my face back to his and kissed me. I gasped, and before it even began, it ended. "You crazy, beautiful, wonderful, woman," he said to me. "I don't care if you have some crazy, stalker ex boyfriend. I'll beat his ass and take you away on my shoulder. I want you to be with me, for as long as you wish to be. I can't let you go," he whispered, kissing my lightly. "I'm too far in," he whispered before pressing his lips to mine, hard. I gasped at the electricity and melted against him. I pulled away from him briefly.

"Edward," I whispered, biting my lip. He nodded for me to continue. Gearing up for battle I said the words that could make me or break me. "I love you." His answering smile was dazzling and took my breath away. He pulled me to him and kissed me again. It wasn't a soft and cautious kiss. It was fiery and full of passion. Like triumph. Our lips moved in synch, battling it out. He only pulled away when he groaned out. I blushed because I knew that groan. But then a wave of pain pulsed through me as I remembered why I knew. He saw that expression and kissed me lightly, again.

"Sorry," he whispered, not sounding sorry at all. "You get to my head sometimes." I couldn't help it. I started laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. I gasped and coughed, getting my bearings. Edward was smiling like a madman. _Even if he doesn't love me, at least he wants me; _I thought as I sat up and looked at the clock. It was 12:34 am. I sighed, hating how time seemed to be going so slow.

"Edward," I sighed. He looked at me. "I'm fukking bored!" I groaned out loud. He laughed, not expecting that answer.

"What would you like to do?" He asked. I thought.

"Hmmmm," I thought. I gasped, just as Alice ran into the room. "Let's go swimming!" I squealed. Soon, all the Cullens were in the room, jumping up and down. Edward just sighed with a smile on his face. I got up and ran into my closet, looking at all my bathing suits. I picked out four. "Rosalie, Alice, Esme!" I called out.

They all came into the closet and took the bathing suit I gave them. Alice's was a halter bikini, which was a deep purple. Rosalie's was also a halter, but instead was silver and blue. Esme's was one that criss-crossed in the back, but had a metal loop around the breast area, and was a deep red. Mine was a halter with thin straps and bottoms that tied at the sides, which was a midnight blue.

While they dressed in the closet, I went into the bathroom. They didn't need to ask why. I looked at myself when I had the bathing suit on. "Funny," I remarked to the mirror-me. "You can wear this skimpy thing, but when it comes to actual clothing, it's baggy, baggy, baggy! What the hell is wrong with you? Maybe you _are _a whore, you just don't want to admit it," I said to her. The girl looking back at me was really skinny. The bikini was almost too loose on her. She held out her arms and I saw the old scars covering her body. Some new ones as well were there. I could see the spots where her ribs hadn't grown right. There was a stab wound on her left side, and a gash going across her left shoulder, down to her right thigh. I saw white-pink scars around her private area and grimaced, feeling sorry for her.

Looking down, I realize it's me I'm looking at, and I hold back tears as I breathe in and out, calming myself. I pull my emotions back, and a numbing calm takes over my body.

Walking out into my room, I grab an overdress to wear over my bathing suit. I notice that it's black. I laugh darkly as I walk barefoot out into the hallway and down the stairs. When I reach the bottom, everyone is down there. I walk over to Edward and he hoists me onto his back and we're off.

We got to the pond before the others did. Edward said that they wouldn't be here for another 2 minutes. When I asked why he said he had taken a shortcut and pulled me to him before I could say anything else. We shared a few hot kisses before the others got there, and when they did Emmett scooped me up and jumped into the water, holding me under. When I resurfaced, I dunked him, and it became a war.

A little while later, I got out of the pond and lay on the grass, panting and laughing. After a minute or so, I sat up, and began watching them. After about 30 minutes, I was back in the water and we started playing chicken. I was against Alice, while Edward was against Jasper. I beat Alice, but Jasper beat Edward. Then I was on Jasper's shoulders, while Alice was on Edward's. Together, I and Jasper were unbeatable. We beat everybody.

After our tenth game of chicken that we won, I flipped off Jasper's shoulders and swam to shore. The others filed suit. Me and Jasper high-fived and saluted each other. We turned to the others, bowed and sat down. They laughed at us. We were sitting around when Alice and Edward stood upright, listening. We stopped talking and I held my breath, willing my heart to slow down. After a few mind-blowing minutes, I heard what they all were hearing. Footsteps. Coming closer.

In a split second, we were all standing, and I was between Emmett and Edward. I groaned inwardly. _What the hell is it about me that attracts all this dangerous shit? _I sighed, knowing these next minutes were going to fukking suck.

They came through the trees, four people cloaked in black. Except for one…I gasped as I recognized Laurent. "No," I whispered. He saw me and smiled evilly, his fangs protruding through his pale lips. I gripped Edward's hand, hoping what was going to happen next wasn't what I thought. He gripped it back as tight as he could. I swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump that had built in my throat. One of the figures took of their hood, and the others followed suit. It was a young boy and girl, with two older, bulky men. I gasped as I recognized one of them.

"Demetri?" I asked, stepping forward. He looked up and his eyes conveyed his surprise. He ran forward and swung me around in a hug.

"How've you been sprout?" He asked, putting me down. "The last time I saw you, you were this high," he said, indicating the height of a 6-year-old. I just smiled. I started to speak but a voice interrupted.

"You know her, Demetri?" A girl's voice demanded. We both turned to see the girl. She had dirty blond hair, pulled back into a bun. Her eyes were blood red. And she was pale. He pulled away from me so that he wasn't touching me, but was standing next to me.

"Yes, I do," he said.

"How?" She inquired, trying to intimidate him.

"I knew her when she was younger. When that bitch tried to turn her," he said, growling at the last part. Wait…

"Wait, that was _you_?" I asked. He looked at me sheepishly for a moment. "Holy shit, Demetri! Finally you grew a pair," I said, tongue-in-cheek. He just laughed and the girl cracked a smile.

"Oh, shut up you damn twig," he said, winking at me. I winked back. The girl stepped forward.

"Demetri," she said sternly. He stopped laughing and looked at her. "Enough with the reunion. We have business to accomplish," she said. He bowed to her.

"Yes, Jane," he said and stepped back. I backed up until I was closer to the Cullens.

"We want the girl," Jane said. "She knows too much. Since her and Demetri are already well acquainted, they will be a perfect match…If Lord Aro allows her to live," she said with a glare in my direction. I glared back. "Give her to us," she said, a growl building in her throat.

"No," all the Cullens said at once. I grimaced, looked around me, and sighed.

"There will be no fight," I said, stepping out in between the two covens. "I looked at each one meaningfully. "If you want to fight, you'll have to do it long after I'm good and dead, because you are not going to fight while I have a shot at stopping you," I said to them. Jane scoffed.

"And how is a weak mortal to stop one of us," she said, indicating herself and her four companions. I smiled.

"You don't really want to know. And I have no patience to show you. What do you want with me?" I asked her.

"Lord Aro wishes to speak with you," she said.

"Than why send his liaisons to do his dirty work? Why not come to me himself? And why should I go with you alone, when my family can come with me?" I demanded. She looked pissed.

"Because you don't want to get them killed," she said. The blood drained out of my face and I felt woozy.

"You wouldn't dare," I said weakly. She just laughed and nodded.

"Oh, but I would. You see, a very wise vampire gave us a top that the Cullen clan had a human living with them, and she knew about our world. This vampire also said that you had plans to betray our kind to the world, and that you intend to get impregnated by one of our kind and exploit the baby to the world," she said in a rush. I couldn't help but laugh.

"First off, bitch," I said, "I had a hysterectomy," I said, showing her the scar. "Second, why would I betray my family like that? And third, was this _wise _vampire named Tanya?" I asked.

"Why yes. Any acquaintance of yours?" She asked.

"I'd sooner rot in hell than be acquainted with her," I growled out. She sighed.

"I am getting bored with this. Alec," she said and the boy came forward. He was looking at all of us. I waited to feel something, but nothing happened. Well, to me anyways. The Cullens were all disoriented and couldn't hear or see. I looked back frantically at Jane and Alec. Jane motioned for the other man to come forward, and I turned to run, but he caught me and slapped me in the face, hard, knocking me back about ten feet.

I fell onto the ground hard. Crying out, I held my sides as he came forward. Keeping one hand on my stomach, my other shakily reached out and was pointed at the one coming after me. He stopped and arched back as his whole body burst into flames. Jane, Alec, and Demetri all gasped. Alec lost his focus and the Cullens were once again back to normal. They all were gawking at me.

Groaning, I got up, never taking my focus off this one. He was screaming in silent agony, and my eyes rolled in the back of my head at the sound. It was music to my ears. Soon, his body was nothing but ashes. I lowered my hand, looking at the others, daring any of them to come near me. Well, the Cullens could, and maybe Demetri could, but not the twins. Jane started toward me, but Alec held her back.

Cocking my head at her, I motioned for her to step forward, my eyes asking her if she was a chicken. Hissing, she lunged forward.

"_No!_" Alec cried. But it was too late. As soon as she had lunged, I flicked my wrist at her and she was on the ground. She did not cry out in pain though, to my disappointment. Instead, her eyes met mine and promised vengeance. She knew I would not kill her, and I didn't. I looked away, breaking focus and she got up. Alec rushed to her side, speaking to me. "Thank you! I do not wish to know what it would have been like not having my sister with me," he said, picking Jane up. I just nodded to him. The three of them left, but not before Jane yelled back.

"You'll pay for this, you wretched bitch!" She called to me. I just smiled, blew her a kiss, and waved goodbye. When they were gone, and far enough away, the Cullens all ran to me just as I pitched forward.

"Sorry," I said to them. I ended up in Edward's arms, and sighed contentedly. I felt him smile against my hair, and smiled. "Can we go home now?" I asked them. Without a word, Edward had picked me up bridal style. Alice must have asked him something in her mind because he nodded and the others ran off ahead of us. We were walking. "Why are we walking, Edward?" I asked.

"Scared to be alone with me?" He challenged. I shook my head.

"I just want to know why we're the only ones walking," I said, shrugging my shoulders. He stopped walking and looked at me, his gaze smoldering.

"Because I can't do this when running," he whispered, bending his head. I met him halfway and when our lips met, it was like an explosion. I gasped, and he took that chance to allow his tongue to explore my mouth. I held back a groan as I answered his kiss, his ardor matching mine. We were kissing for some time, and he only stopped when I couldn't seem to breathe. He pulled back, but kissed my lips softly once, twice, and a third time. I was panting, and I was sure my face was as red as a tomato.

"Oh," I simply said, like an idiot. He smiled and winked, starting to walk again. I snuggled closer to him, resisting the urge to say _I love you_. After a while, we reached the house and he took me into my room. I didn't even remember falling asleep.

When I woke up, it was to the sound of people talking. Quietly, I grabbed my robe, and tying it to my waist, I walked downstairs. The voices got louder as I got closer to the living room.

"You cannot be serious," a nasally voice said. Tanya. I swallowed. "You'd pick a filthy _human _over me?" I could hear the disgust in her voice. I peeked around the corner. It was Tanya and Edward. I looked at her though. She was gorgeous, to say the least. She had long, strawberry blond hair, a model's shape, and an amazing bust. And she was a vampire. I could tell by her pale skin and topaz eyes. A thrill of envy poured through me as I looked at her. Sensing the scrutiny, she looked at me, and an icy glare replaced her look of disbelief. She came towards me and yanked me into the room.

"_This _is who you picked over me?" She asked, anger dripping from every word. "_Look _at her!" She yelled, ripping off my robe, successfully taking my clothes with it. I had nothing on except a bra and underwear. I tried to cover myself, cowering back at my body. She held my arms out to the side. "You pick this filthy vermin over me! Look at how disgusting she is! If I was her, I'd kill myself already!" She said with a hateful glare to me. Tears filled my eyes at her words. She scoffed. "And she's a fucking cry baby as well," she said, slapping me across the face. "Grow up!" She yelled in my face. As soon as she did that, though, she was on the floor across the room, Edward crouched in front of me. He was vibrating with anger. I turned tail and ran.

Tripping on the stairs, my face smacked into the edge of one of them, successfully giving me another bruise. I scurried up the rest of the way, longing for the confines of my own room. Finally reaching it, I slammed the door, locking it. Once it was locked, I turned my back to it, sobbing. I smacked my head as hard as I could against the door, multiple times. _If I was her, I'd kill myself already!_..._If I was her, I'd kill myself already!_ The words swirled around in my head. I jumped from the door, facing it.

"_You want me to kill myself, bitch?_" I screeched. "_Huh, do ya?_" I yelled to her. I heard her yell back.

"Yes!" She called back. I held back my sobs as I tried to keep my lips from trembling.

"_Fine!_" I yelled to her, going over to the window and crawling up onto the roof. I looked down at the drop…Which was about 35 feet. "Tanya!" I called out, looking out over the front yard. "Tanya!" I kept calling her name. The Cullens came out of nowhere, screaming.

"Bella, get down!" Alice yelled.

"Just fucking jump!" Tanya called, smiling. I didn't see who, but someone went after her.

"Bella, please get down!" Alice kept calling. I shook my head.

"This is how it ends," I called to her. "This is where my meaningless life comes to an end…In front of the family I can never have. Don't you see, Alice?" I asked her, looking down at her. "I have _nothing _anymore. I've lost everything," I cried, sitting on the ledge. "My mother, my best friend, my chastity, and the love of my life…I lost all of it. My life has nothing left to hold onto. I have nothing to hold onto…" I said sadly.

"You don't get it!" Alice cried. I looked up at her. "This isn't how I saw your death!" I gaped at her. "You're not supposed to die here. You were supposed to get married, get pregnant, and then…" she stopped talking.

"And then I die," I finished for her. She grimaced, I think.

"For lack of better term, yes," she said to me. She took a few steps forward. "But that's just it! You _can't _get pregnant, so therefore you cannot die he—"

"You didn't have a vision of how I die, after that one was lost. You don't know when, where, or why I die." I said. I sighed, regretting my next words. "Come and get me, Alice," I said to her. "I don't give a shit anymore," I mumbled to myself.

In a split second, she was there, pulling me back into my room. As soon as she put me down, she slapped me across the face, hard. I didn't flinch, or wince. The pain was excruciating, but I learned how to handle it. Without a word, she walked away. When she did, I fell onto my bed, crying silently. I wanted an escape. I needed one.

When it was around 2:34 am, on a Monday, I got up. I had put some clothes on earlier. Sweatpants and a T-shirt, with some heavy socks. I walked into the bathroom, looking into my reflection. On my left side of my face, there was a huge bruise. On the other, there was a smaller bruise. Furious, I grabbed my brush and smashed the mirror with it. It cracked where I had hit it, right on my face.

I walked out of the bathroom, out into my room, making my way into the hallway. I looked around, listening. It was very quiet, but I knew the Cullens were awake. They didn't sleep. I walked down the stairs, not caring if I made noise. I went into the kitchen and poured a glass of water. When I finished, I washed, rinsed, and dried the glass, placing it back in the cabinet. I felt someone come into the kitchen.

"I was just getting a glass of water," I said monotonously. I felt hands on my shoulders, and when I was turned around, I met Edward's sad face. "Don't look so depressed," I said sarcastically. I tried to get by him, but he wouldn't let me. "What do you want, Edward?" I asked, because being near him was causing my heart to break even further, causing a sharp, searing pain to shoot through my chest. I flinched slightly.

"I want a second chance," he said. I laughed humorlessly.

"A second chance at what, Edward? We never had anything," I countered. He looked taken aback. "We had a few kisses, shared some secrets, but that doesn't equate for anything that could have a second chance," I said to him. "You didn't ask for more, you didn't say you wanted more…Well, except for my body, you didn't say or want more," I claimed, my voice bitter.

"You think I only want your body?" He questioned. I sighed.

"Let's be honest," I started. "Men only want one thing from me: sex. And I don't know a damned thing about anything emotional or psychological, only physical. That's who I am. I'm just a sex object," I said to him. "And I'm fine with that. Even if no man can ever want me for more than my body, at least they want me," I told him simply. I heard a scoff of disgust. Rosalie came around the corner.

"Do you really sell yourself _that _short?" She asked. I sighed.

"I don't sell myself. But, if you mean that I don't mind that men only want me for my body, and that as long as they do, even if in that way only, I can survive. Then, yes." She had a look of horror on her perfect face. "I realize that I'm only desirable for my body, that that's the only way I'll ever be wanted. I can live with that," I told her. Alice, Esme, Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle all came into the big kitchen.

"Do you honestly think that there aren't any men who think of you in an emotional way, and nothing physical whatsoever?" Carlisle asked. I sighed.

"Besides, you three," I said, indicating himself, Jasper, and Emmett, "I have met none. And that is simply because you have your women," I pointed out to them. They glanced at Edward. "He wants me physically, nothing more. From my experience with men," I said, a sneer in my voice, "all men come to women for something. They go to Esme for a warm bed to sleep in and a nice breakfast. They go to Rosalie for beauty tips, and Alice for fashion advice. They come to me for sex." I had tears in my eyes.

"I don't know how to function right," I whispered, my voice breaking. "All I've ever known was sex, alcohol, drugs, abuse, depression. I don't know anything else," I said to them, holding back the tears. "This is who I am," I said, motioning to myself. "I'm the whore who lost her virginity to her father, made her mother leave, gave every person in the world a reason to hate her, killed her best friend," I cried hoarsely. I can't talk anymore, the tears making speech impossible. Since Edward was the closest, he pulled me into his arms. I didn't bother trying to fight him. "Jacob died because of me," I whispered. "He was killed because he was my friend. Everyone I love and care about always leaves me," I told them.

"Bella, we will never leave you. We told you already. You meeting us changed us. We need you, almost as much as you want us," Emmett said. We all looked at him. "She doesn't need us, but she wants us. We need her," he said.

"Shame on you, Em," I said. He looked at me. "You're one of the best brothers ever," I said. "Jaz, you are too," I smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Bella," Carlisle said. "I want to talk to you," he said, motioning me to come to him. I went.

He waited until we were in his study before he spoke. "What happened?" He asked. I looked confused. "I saw the scars, Bella," he said, motioning to where my darkest secret laid. I gasped, and averted my face. "You can trust me," he prodded gently. Tears poured out of my eyes. I looked back at him, seeing fatherly love in his eyes.

"He whipped me," I whispered. His brow furrowed. "It was the first time he ever took the whip to me. I told him that I'd had enough, that I wanted out. I was 12," I whispered harshly. I walked over to the window, looking out. "He struck me until I couldn't get up. I thought he was done," I scoffed. "But, then he came back with his special whip." I looked at Carlisle. "It was custom made. The end of it split in two, making each strike more painful than the last," I told him. "He ripped off my jeans and my underwear, and carried me up to his room. He chained me to his 'table' and started whipping me…In that area only," I said, motioning where. Carlisle looked murderous. "He did that for an hour or so, and only stopped when the phone rang."

Carlisle was speechless. I walked by him to the door, but he caught my wrist. I looked at him, and he got up. I cowered away slightly. But he just pulled me in for a hug, and I let him. He was the first person I told. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in my hair. I just nodded. He let me go, but didn't move. "I think you should be on antidepressants," he said. I grimaced and asked him to hold on a moment. He complied. I went in my room and got my book bag. I walked back into his study.

Standing next to him, I dug into my bag for my pill bottle. Holding it up to him, he gawked at me.

"How did you manage to get these?" He questioned. I shrugged, placing the empty bottle back in my bag. "I told you, men want me for my body. I promised a doctor I'd have sex with him if he could get me some pills," I said. His jaw dropped. I grimaced. "The doctor's name is Joe Mengele," I said, watching the anger fill his gaze. "I never gave him what he wanted. So, he went to Charlie…"

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Carlisle said.

"It's fine, Da—I mean, Carlisle," I said, covering up my slip. He knew what I was going to say, though.

"You were about to call me 'Dad', Bella," he said. I sighed.

"Yeag, I was."

"Why?" He inquired. I looked at him.

"Because you're the closest thing to a dad I've had in 13 years," I said. His smile was dazzling. He picked me up and spun me around impulsively. I laughed and hugged him. "Thank you, for everything," I said, when he put me down. Grimacing and sighing, I geared up. "You've helped me, and you've done everything you can to make me better," I said, hugging him. "I guess I just wanna say that I love you…Dad." I pulled away, smiling. He smiled back.

"Whatever demons you have in your past," he said as we walked out of his study and down the stairs, "me and my family will do everything in our power to make them go away," he promised.

"Thank you, but you can't get rid of them," I told him as we reached the living room. "You can't get rid of memories, only suppress them. They're kind of like your emotions. You can't stop being sad, so you just repress your sadness with something else, like happiness. But that sadness is there. And it always will be."

"For someone who's only 18, you sound as if you're my age," he laughed. I laughed as well. We were sitting on the couch for some time, before the others came in the room. We looked up at them.

I looked at each one of them, seeing their beauty, their perfection. When I got to Edward, though, I couldn't _stop _looking at him. I looked away, cursing myself for my lack of restraint.

"Bella?" Alice called to me. I met her sad gaze with an icy look.

"What, Alice?" I asked. She winced slightly and furrowed her brow, trying to think of what to say.

"I'm sorry…That I hit you," she finished quietly. I sighed and got up, walking over to her.

"You think you can just say sorry and for things to be perfect," I said, hiding my smile. "Well, an apology isn't enough for me to forgive you, Alice," I said. She looked hurt, and small. "So," I said, getting right in front of her, "I guess I'll just have to do this," I said as I hugged her. She hugged me back instantly.

"You witch!" She pronounced me, smiling. I laughed. Pulling away, I kept smiling. I winked at her, and she winked back. "Can we go shopping again?" She asked, smiling secretively. I laughed, and spoke.

"Only if we can have our gang with us," I said laughingly. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice all laughed.

"What do you guys do when you go shopping?" Edward asked. I smirked evilly.

"Do you wanna find out?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. He looked stunned. "Oh, is the little Edward afraid of finding out what we do for fun?" I asked teasingly, but with an old Romanian accent. He arched an eyebrow before I cleared my throat.

"I'm not afraid of what you guys might do," he said. "I'm just afraid that what you guys might do could possibly kill you," he said, looking at me with pained eyes.

_Why can't I just forgive you? _I asked myself as I looked at him. My heart ached to go over to him and hug him, promising things that I won't mean. I cleared my throat, turning my gaze on my gang. "What do you think guys?" I asked them. "Should we let him join us?"

"Yeah, sure," they said at once.

"Very well than," I said, and looked at Edward. "Pack some things and we'll be off. If it is okay with you two," I said to Carlisle and Esme.

"As long as you come back in less than a month," Esme whispered to me. "I worry when you're not around, and this house is so empty without you guys," she said, tears of venom forming in her eyes. My heart lurched at the concern in her voice. Tears formed in my eyes as well.

"Don't worry, Mom," I whispered to her, hugging her. "I'll make sure to call every day and talk to you. I won't leave you," I said to her. I felt her holding back sobs and I closed my eyes, making the tears come out. If only my mother had been this loving. "I love you," I whispered, pulling back to kiss her cheek.

"I love you too, my daughter," she said to me. Tears fell even more. She wiped them away, kissing my forehead. "Now, go have fun." I smiled and hugged Carlisle.

"Be back soon, Dad," I said to him.

"Take your time," he said. I smiled and turned towards the others. Edward had his suitcase packed and was ready to go, his eyes wary. I placed a smile on my face, tears threatening once more, and we walked out of the house, towards the cars.

"All right," I called to them. "Me, Alice, and Rosalie will take Alice's car, and Emmett, Edward, and Jasper can take Jasper's car," I said. This was how we did it before. Everyone got in their designated cars and we took off.

We were driving for some time before something occurred to me.

"Hey, whatever happened to Tanya?" I asked. Alice and Rosalie had angry looks on their faces.

"Edward ran her up to the border, calling her all sorts of names, and promising threats as well. She left, but very reluctantly," Rosalie said tightly. I nodded and turned the music back up.

After about five hours, I demanded a rest room stop. So, Alice pulled over at a rest stop and I got out, practically running the whole way. When I came back, my bladder relieved, I got into the car and we took off once more. I took a nap at one point, and when I woke up, we were doing ninety down the highway. It was 10:30 at night.

"Well good morning, sleepy head," Rosalie cooed. I tossed a pen at her and she laughed.

"Are we almost there?" I asked, wondering where we were going.

"Bella, how can you be so blonde right now?" Alice asked. I shrugged my shoulders and she laughed. "We're going to our favorite place, remember?" I was thinking about what that place was, when she pulled up to a really fancy motel. I didn't object since I knew it would be useless.

We checked in and I noticed a pool downstairs. Good thing I brought our bathing suits. I went into the bathroom, changed into mine, and put my clothes back on. "I'm gonna go explore," I said to the girls. The guys were somewhere next door. They nodded. I left the room, getting into the elevator. I felt someone's eyes on me but when I looked, there was no one there. Shaking my head I rode down, to the main lobby.

Getting off the elevator, I walked to the front desk, asking for a key for the pool. The woman there gave me one. I still felt someone looking at me, and when I turned around, there was Charlie. My eyes got wide as I turned around and ran. I heard heavy footsteps coming after me, and I turned to look back. Charlie's eyes were blazing with fury.

(**Rated M Part Here; A/N: I started to cry**)

Running from hall to hall, with him right behind me, I eventually got to an elevator. I pushed the button furiously, but he was getting too close. I took a stupid chance and ran up the emergency stairs. He had me at a disadvantage, because before I realized what was happening, he grabbed my foot and tripped me. I cried out as I smacked against the metal stairs. He turned me around so I was facing him.

"No," I tried to yell. He slapped me across the face. I felt tears coming and pleaded that one of the Cullens would come. He grabbed my pants and yanked them off, and I started to yell. "No! No!" I was struggling against him, trying to fight him off. He leaned in to me and spoke in my ear.

"You thought you escaped me, did ya? Well, not this time," he said, thrusting into me. I cried out in pain. "If you ever do get away, I have people who know where you are, and will kill you and your precious Cullens." I didn't even realize he had his pants down. He had his hand over my mouth as he kept thrusting into me, driving for his own fulfillment. Once he was finished, and he had pulled my pants back up, I kicked him in the balls. **(Rated M Part over, but I started crying here)**

He cried out and I snapped my foot up, getting him in the jaw. He fell to my side and I started to run down the stairs. I didn't get very far before I tripped. Thankfully, I caught myself on the railing. I looked up when I heard a gun cock. I looked wide-eyed up into Charlie's gun.

"No," I whispered. There was nowhere for me to go. He never took his eyes off me as he began to descend. He hit a spot where he couldn't see me and I took the only chance I had. I bolted through the door and down the hallway, screaming. "Help!" I screamed, but the hallway was abandoned. I ran from hallway to hallway, trying to find someone, anyone. "Edward, Alice, help!" I cried, sobbing. There was an emergency exit sign above a door and I ran for it.

Busting through the door, and successfully getting outside, I looked around frantically. I didn't have my cell phone or any money. I was in the back of the hotel. "Shit!" I cried out, looking for a way to go. I heard angry footsteps behind me and took a glance. Charlie had found me again. "What the fuck?" I yelled, running towards where I heard cars.

I heard some shots being fired and prayed for all I was worth that I didn't get hit before I could tell Edward the truth. I heard him stop, and I picked up my speed, almost to the front of the hotel. He fired.

I felt the pain like a flash. He had gotten me in the back of the leg, making running impossible. I tried to keep running, but I was too slow to get far. Miraculously, I managed to get to the front of the hotel, but I noticed that no one was outside. Charlie was gaining behind me now, and I didn't care how much pain I was in. I started to run, crying out as my leg screamed for me to stop. I got to the front door, and he got there as well.

He yanked me by the hair, pulling me onto the ground. I yelled. But, before he could do anything more, I used my good leg to kick him in the balls once more. He cried out, and I got up, trying to run into the hotel. It worked.

I was running to the main desk, but turned to the elevator, pressing the button for my floor. It closed right when he got there. I sighed, shaking. There were some people in there, asking me if I was okay. I told them I was. When the elevator stopped on my floor, I bolted for our room. It was locked. I pounded on the door, yelling. I heard footsteps, but not from the room. From the stairwell. I started screaming.

"Alice, Rosalie! Open the door!" I screamed. It opened right as Charlie spotted me. I ran past Alice. "Close the door! Close the door!" I screamed. She did as I wished. "Now fukking lock it! Lock it, Alice, hurry!" I screeched. She did, right as a loud bang hit the door. I screamed. I grabbed her phone as the banging continued. I dialed Edward's number. He answered.

"Hello?" He asked, annoyed.

"Edward!" I yelled, screaming as I heard wood starting to break.

"Bella? What's wrong? Why are you screaming? Where are you?"

"Ch…CHARLIE'S HERE! PLEASE HELP, EDWARD," I cried as wood was shattering. Alice and Rosalie were in front of me, protecting me. I screamed louder as he broke through the door, dropping the phone. I faintly heard Edward's frantic voice, as he called for Emmett and Jasper. But, my eyes were on Charlie.

"I want her," he growled, pointing at me with his gun. Alice and Rosalie stood their ground. They growled, crouching into their fighting stance. He laughed. But his laugh was cut short as Edward, Emmett, and Jasper pounced on him, snapping his neck. I screamed once more, trying to get up. I made it to the bathroom, where I collapsed, holding my leg. I started crawling.

I made it halfway when I felt someone's arms touching me, lifting me up.

"_No!_" I screamed, trying to get away. "No, please, don't!"

"Bella!" Edward yelled. I stopped fighting. I turned around to see his concerned face. I threw my arms around him, sobbing. "Shh, it's okay. You're safe now," he whispered against my head, rubbing his arms up and down my body. I calmed down quickly. He picked me up and carried me to the main room, where he sat me down on the couch. When he sat down, I cuddled up next to him, trying to control my shaking. Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all came towards me. But, Jasper stopped, his eyes turning black.

"Jaz?" I asked, looking at him. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at my leg. I gasped, the pain passing through me. Everyone else seemed to notice it as well, for they all had the same reaction.

"Holy shit! What happened?"

"He shot me," I whispered, glaring at Charlie's limp body.

"We have to get her to Carlisle," Edward said. I didn't argue, I just obeyed. They cleaned up the mess and soon we were on our way back home. They didn't know what happened, except that he shot me. I was shuddering with the memory of it, and Alice put on some soothing music, putting me to sleep.

When I woke up, from a nightmare, we were pulling up the driveway. When we stopped the car, I got out by myself, limping towards the house. Carlisle came to me first, and picked me up without a word, whisking me into his office. I didn't object.

Carlisle took the bullet out and bandaged it up. I didn't wince or anything, but the minute he tried to lift me off the table, I screamed. Gasping, I jumped off the table and tried to run up to my room. I only made it halfway before he was in front of me. I screamed again, turning around and trying to run down the stairs. He caught my wrist though, preventing me from falling.

"No, Charlie, please don't!" I whispered, crouching down in fear. Carlisle gaped at me. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but old wounds were mixing with new ones, captivating me and making me afraid. He got down to my height, looking at me.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Bella," he whispered, pulling me against him. "I'm not going to harm you. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," I said bitterly, wishing I could believe him. He didn't say anything; merely he just picked me up and carried me downstairs, placing me on the couch. I watched as he sat down on the table, looking at me.

"What happened, Bella?" He asked. I shook my head, the past flashing across my vision. He sighed and mumbled something. I didn't know what until Edward was standing in front of me.

My eyes widened as I held my arms out for him, tears forming in my eyes. He put me in his lap as he hugged me, rubbing a soothing arm down my back. I wrapped my arms around his body, snuggling into his neck. It sucked that I couldn't be with him. "What happened?" Carlisle asked again, his voice soft.

"Charlie...He…He raped me," I said to him, my voice shaking. "I cou…couldn't stop him. He wouldn't stop." Carlisle and Edward's postures went rigid. "I kicked him in the balls when he was done. He bent down far enough for me to kick him in the jaw. I started running, and eventually he caught me, and he had his gun. He was in a spot that he couldn't see me at one point and I ran for the exit sign, which led me to the back of the hotel. I didn't know where to run until I heard him behind me once again," I said, my voice breaking. "He fired some shots while running, but then he stopped. I knew he wouldn't miss than. He got me in my leg, and I tried to keep running. I made it to the front of the hotel and was about to go into the doors when he yanked me onto the ground.

I kicked him again and made my way inside, running for the elevator. I thought I wasn't going to escape him, but the doors closed right when he reached them. I made it up to our hallway, and was banging on our door. I heard footsteps, but they were his. I got into the room, had the door closed and locked right when he came to it. He banged down the door, and if it wasn't for Edward and Emmett and Jasper, I'd still be running from him," I said, the tars falling from my face. I remembered what Charlie had said to me, but didn't voice it out loud. I couldn't. Carlisle knew there was more and asked for me to continue.

"You can trust us, Bella," he said. I shuddered.

"He said that if I ever escaped him, that he had special people that would gladly finish me off…But not before killing you in front of me," I said sadly. He looked shocked. "I know, Charlie. He'll do whatever it takes to make me separated from you. Even if he's dead," I said.

"No one is killing us, Bella. We'll protect you, I swear," Carlisle said. I looked up at him, my fears plain on my face. I was terrified of losing them.

"I know I'm not much, and that I'll never be good enough. But," I said, knowing the others could hear me, "I want to be a part of your family. In every way."

"Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded.

"I know the consequences, Carlisle. It's a risk I'm willing to take if it means I can stay. You are my family now, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you safe again," I vowed, standing. "I want you to turn me. I want to learn to protect myself, to know who or what it is I'm meant to be, to know what it's like to be part of a real family. You can give me that. And if I die in the process, than at least we gave it a shot."

He hugged me. "You are so brave, young one."

"No," I shook my head, pulling back, "I'm completely terrified. But for your family, I can do it."

"When would you like to do this?" He asked. I thought for a minute.

"Two nights from tonight. Meaning," I said looking at the calendar, "on Friday."

He nodded and walked away. I turned to look at Edward, but he was gone. Puzzled, I walked onto the back porch, to the gazebo. I saw him, sitting there, looking out on the river. I went to him, and sat down next to him.

"Why?" Was the first thing he said. I looked at him. "Why would you do it? Don't you realize what you're giving up?" _The idea of me turning must disgust him_, I thought as I looked at him.

"Because I want to be part of your family, and I don't want to lose any of you. I'm not giving anything up, Edward. It's all been taken from me already. And now I'm losing the last thing I have left," I said, tears forming. I blinked them away, getting up. He looked up at me.

"And what is that, exactly?" He asked. I smiled sadly, turning to walk away.

"You," I whispered, walking away. The wind was blowing and it started to rain. I stopped walking when I was halfway and just looked up into the sky. A sob escaped my lips as more tears fell. They were mixing with the rain. I felt my heart breaking all over again. "I'm in love with Edward Cullen," I whispered to myself, walking the rest of the way towards the house. Instead of going inside, though, I sat on the swing. Sobs were wrenched from my body as I realized the truth I've been hiding from myself for so long.

The next two days were painful. I wouldn't look at Edward and he wouldn't look at me. Soon it was Friday. I was lying in my bed when Carlisle bit me. It felt like a fire was burning through me, and I screamed for about an hour or so. I held back the rest as tears rolled down my face. I couldn't feel a thing besides the burning. Compared to my broken heart, the pain was slightly mild.

Three days had gone by, and the fire disappeared. I sat up, seeing a different world. Everything looked bright, and I could see things I hadn't before. I walked downstairs and was there in three seconds. We all went hunting, and after a couple of deer, I got the hang of taking down my prey. I fed as much as I could, until I felt sick, and then we ran back to the house.

After a few months, I was just like the Cullens, except I had all my memories, and I was completely and utterly heartbroken. But we learned that I was a shield, that I could protect my mind from harm. We worked on projecting it, and we had Kate, Tanya's sister, come down and help me. It took a while, but soon I was able to cover a distance of a mile for almost an hour. Smaller spaces I could cover for longer. I could protect my whole family for two days without tiring. I was new and felt like I belonged.

The Volturi had come back, but only once. And when they discovered that I was a shield, they wanted me. But, I would not go. They gave up trying to persuade me, and decided to use force, not realizing my strength. After they saw how powerful I was, they turned tail and ran. I had waited for a few hours before Alice said we were all clear. I released my shield and we went back to our business.

I saw Fork on a regular basis, and we became even better friends. He had found himself a girl. She was gorgeous, and ironically enough her name was Bella. We were talking about her one day, and Alice was with us.

"…I love Bella," Fork was saying to Alice. We didn't know that Edward was in the hall. "She's everything to me, and I cannot live without her. We wish to be married as soon as possible."

Alice 'awed' at his words. "I'm so happy for you two. Can I plan the wedding?" She asked happily. I and Fork laughed.

"As long as you don't go over the top, I'm sure we won't mind," Fork said, still laughing.

**(No one POV)**

Edward was looking at the three of them, seeing how happy Bella was. He looked down at the box in his hands. He opened it and inside was a 24 carat diamond ring. His eyes closed on a wave of pain. He walked away, and didn't come back.

When Bella found out he had left, she eclipsed into a dark depression. She planned Fork's wedding, and attended. After they left for their honeymoon, though, she went insane. She started doing all these insane things. She went skydiving, parasailing, motor racing, and bull-riding, entered a yacht race, raced in the Nuerburging, and went ice climbing. She was trying to forget about her pain, but only caused her family more. After a few years, she realized she was getting nowhere, and quit.

**BPOV**

It's been three years, and the pain of him leaving still hurts. Getting up, I go and take a shower. Once out, I blow dry my dark brown hair and get dressed. I put on black skinny jeans, a red tank top and a black fishnet top over it, putting on some black socks. I brush out my long hair and notice I need to do my nails again. I get out my black nail polish and paint my nails. My alarm went off on my phone and I went to my dresser, doing all of this without seeing him watching me.

Walking over to my dresser, I pull out a few pill bottles, taking two out of each. I dry swallow them, looking into the mirror. My fingers trace over my face on the mirror, and a sob escapes.

"What did I do to make you leave?" I whispered. Suddenly, Alice was calling me.

"Bella, hurry up!" She called. I smiled sadly.

"I'm coming Ali!" I yelled, using the nickname I gave her. I grabbed my bag and, with a sprits of vanilla perfume, I went out the door, stopping to grab my converse on my way. I ran down the stairs, stopping at the foot of them to put my shoes on. She laughed at me.

"You know all the good stuff will be gone by the time we get there," she said as we made our way to my car, which was a black Bugatti Veryon 16.4 coupe, with NOS. I just laughed at her antics as we pulled out of the driveway.

We reached the mall in record time, no thanks to my driving. We scurried at human speed in the front doors and raced to the first good store. The war had begun.

After spending the whole day in the mall, we came out, carrying at least thirty bags a piece. We put them in the trunk and drove home. I sighed, hating how my distraction was ending soon. Alice, knowing that sigh, talked to me the rest of the way. Grateful for the distraction, we talked the whole way. But when we got home, I had a feeling. I told Alice who grimaced.

"It's probably nothing, Bella," she said, although I sensed something underlying her voice.

"You're right," I said, as unconvincing as she was. We walked into the house. And was met by everyone else…Including _him_. We stopped dead as we glared at him. I noticed that the three years hadn't changed him physically. But, he was a dead man. I could see it in the way he stood. He was defeated. I hated that look in his face, but smiled indifferently. I cleared my throat. "It is good to see you, Edward. Sorry that we cannot talk for a little bit, but we have to put our things away," I said, motioning towards our bags. "Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper," I said, looking at my brothers and sister, "there's some stuff for you in here," I said as me and Alice darted up the stairs. We were laughing as went.

After we put our stuff away, we came back down. Everyone was seated with their mates, and I noticed sadly that I didn't have mine. But I shook the sadness off and sat down next to Emmett. He put his arms around me and Rosalie. Rosalie pretended to be outraged.

"How dare you throw yourself at my husband!" She yelled. She got up and had her hands on her hips. I got up as well.

"Hmm, well, he doesn't seem to mind," I said back. "What? Don't like sharing? He's not that good in bed anyways," I said carelessly. She broke first.

"Hahahahaha, okay Bella. You win," she said as she hugged me. I laughed and hugged her back.

"I always win," I said sweetly. She just laughed and winked at me. I did the same. "So," I said, shrugging my shoulders, "what are we talking about?"

"Well, dear," Esme said, "we were just talking to Edward."

"Oh," I said, looking at him. I noticed that he didn't even sit up straight anymore. He was slouched forward, but I also noticed that he was still just as gorgeous as when I last saw him. It broke my heart all over again to see him. I felt the beginnings of one of my attacks coming on and I ran upstairs, into my room. I went crazy looking for my pills. "Where are they?" I yelled. "Alice!" I yelled, and she appeared. "I can't find them!" She got a scared look on her face as I began to shake.

She helped me look, but we didn't find anything. I ran into Carlisle's study, where I knew he had some. I broke into it and pulled out the pills I needed, my hands shaking and my teeth chattering, my body going numb. Before I could take one, however, a searing pain shot through my heart. "Argh!" I cried, falling to my knees. I shakily got the pills in my mouth and swallowed. I sprawled out on the floor, cringing and crying.

After a few minutes, the pills kicked in. I started calming down, my shaking starting to cease. I got up once I was sure I could, and went downstairs. Everyone was there, and Alice was shaking from fear. I went to her and hugged her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her. She just nodded. "I really am. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

"It's okay, Bella," she said and smiled. I smiled back. I went over to my previous seat and sat down. Edward was looking at me with an odd expression. I glared at him. But stopped. This wasn't his fault. Venom filled my eyes as I looked away.

"What was that?" He asked. We all looked at him. I was the first to look away.

"That was one of her depression attacks," Carlisle said sadly.

"What?" Edward asked. Carlisle sighed.

"This is the first attack she's had in over 2 years," he said, remembering when I had attacked someone because of it.

"I'm soo sorry about that, Carlisle," I whispered regretfully. "I didn't mean to attack. It just, happened. I didn't drink her blood or kill her if you're wondering, Edward," I said, looking at him. "She was one of our kind. But, I'll never forget."

"It's fine, Bella. She forgave you, and it's time you did too."

"I can't," I whispered. He sighed. I swallowed. "I need to hunt. Who wants to come with me?" I asked. They didn't need to ask why. Jasper got up, followed by everyone else, except Carlisle and Edward. I smiled sadly at Carlisle and we took off.

We came back when the sun had set, walking back slowly to the house.

"Why did he come?" I asked sadly.

"We don't know Bella," Rosalie said, hugging me.

"This is only going to make her worse," Emmett said.

"Or it might help her," Jasper said.

"We'll never know though, unless I see it," Alice said.

"I wish I knew why he left," I said sadly. "At least than I can stop wondering if it was something I did or didn't do. Knowing me and my bad luck, it's entirely my fault," I said as we entered the house.

"It is not your fault, Bella," Esme said, stopping me in the kitchen while the other kept going. "He left because he had to clear his head."

"No, he left because I did something," I said, my throat clogging up. "I made him leave. I always make the people I love leave me. Before I was changed I told him…I told him…" I bit my lip.

"What, dear?" Esme asked. I looked up at her.

"I went to him. He was out at the gazebo, sitting…" I said, reliving the memory.

_Memory_

_I saw him, sitting there, looking out on the river. I went to him, and sat down next to him. _

"_Why?" Was the first thing he said. I looked at him. "Why would you do it? Don't you realize what you're giving up?" The idea of me turning must disgust him, I thought as I looked at him._

"_Because I want to be part of your family, and I don't want to lose any of you. I'm not giving anything up, Edward. It's all been taken from me already. And now I'm losing the last thing I have left," I said, tears forming. I blinked them away, getting up. He looked up at me._

"_And what is that, exactly?" He asked. I smiled sadly, turning to walk away._

"_You," I whispered, walking away. The wind was blowing and it started to rain. I stopped walking when I was halfway and just looked up into the sky._

_End Memory_

I gulped, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat. The memory was terrible. I looked up to see the Cullens, even Edward, standing there. I looked back at Esme.

"I told you it was my fault," I said, my voice breaking. She was at a loss for words. "For three years, I've tried convincing myself that there was another reason, that it wasn't me. But, that memory made me realize that it's always been my fault. You lost a son, a brother, all because of me. If you ask, I'm sure he'll agree," I said, looking at Edward. He wouldn't meet my eyes. But he spoke.

"I left because I heard you and Fork talking about your wedding," he said, meeting my shocked gaze. "I heard every word, about how he couldn't live without you, that you both wanted to be married as soon as you could. You and him had been seeing each other, trying to keep it from me. If you would have just told me you were in love with him, things would have been different," he said, the truth finally making itself known. He looked up and an icy glare filled with pain was on his face.

I started laughing. "You really thought I was going to marry him?" I asked him. He nodded. I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. I picked up my bag and pulled out a photo album labeled _Fork and Bella's Wedding_. I showed Edward. "Open it," I commanded and he did. His eyes bulged out of his head at the pictures. The album slipped out of his hands and I caught it. He looked at me.

"My God," he whispered. I just looked at him.

"God will not help you now," I told him as I brushed past him, going up the stairs. He followed me. We were in my room now, and I turned towards him. "What, Edward?" I asked, my voice filled with pain. He came closer to me and held my face in my hands.

"So many years," he whispered and bent his head. Our lips were almost touching when Emmett called out.

"Hey, Bella!" He called. I pulled away from Edward. _What the hell was that, Bella_? I chastised myself. I swallowed, and without a glance, walked away from Edward.

**EPOV**

_My God_, I thought as I saw the pictures. They were of Fork and his bride…Which wasn't my Bella. This Bella had short, curly brunette colored hair. She was telling the truth. I felt the album slip through my hands as she picked it up.

"My God," I whispered, looking at her. She was holding back something, but smiled and answered.

"God will not help you now," she said, her voice dripping with pain. She brushed past me and I followed her. We ended up in her room, where she turned around. "What, Edward?" She said, he voice filled with nothing but pain. I came closer to her, holding her face in my hands.

"So many years," I whispered as I leaned in to her. She leaned in as well, but right when our lips were about to touch, Emmett called.

"Hey, Bella!" He yelled to her. She pulled away from me, saying something to herself in her head. And without a glance back, she left the room. I swallowed.

_You almost kissed her. And you let her walk away, yet again. Way to go, Edward! _ I yelled at myself. Sighing, I went to go see what was happening with my family. They were in the living room. I nodded at them as I passed, making my way to the gazebo. I heard everyone except Bella's thoughts as I did.

_I know what she needs. A nice, violent game of Call of Duty, _Emmett thought.

_I wish there was something I could do for my baby, _Esme.

_Ugh, stupid Edward. This is only going to make her worse, _Rosalie.

_She's hiding all that pain. Maybe we'll go talk later, _Jasper.

_My poor daughter. I hope they can work things out, _Carlisle.

_I tried shopping, Manis and pedis; I bought her _black _nail polish. Ugh, I don't know what else to do, _Alice.

By now I was out in the gazebo, thinking about what I was going to do next. She hated me, which was certain. And I'd surely lost her forever. It had hurt terribly when I heard her talking with Fork and Alice. If only I'd stayed around a little while longer, maybe than I would've known. But because I was scared, I ran.

Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair. Bella had changed. She wasn't the vampire I'd left. She was different…Dangerous. Her muscled body told me that. Her beautiful colored hair was gone. I didn't know how to approach her without worrying that I would hurt her, again. If only she could forgive me.

I sat there until the sun went down. After that, I went inside. I came in to the sounds of Bella laughing. I turned the corner and she was playing a racing game with Emmett and Jasper, and was winning.

"Awwh, come on you guys! I'm _barely _trying!" She said. And she wasn't. I could tell that much just by looking at her. She wasn't even touching the controls, and Emmett and Jasper were way behind. She sighed and finished the race, laughing as they groaned and complained.

"You're really good at that," I said, coming to sit on an empty seat. She sighed.

"This game is soo easy compared to the real thing," she said, sighing. I was shocked.

"How would you know?" I asked her. She looked at me.

"Because I've raced before," she said. I felt my jaw drop down. She sighed. "I've done a lot of things these past few years."

"Like what?" I asked, the thought of her being in danger scaring me. She rolled her eyes, thinking.

"Well, where to begin. Umm, there was the skydiving, parasailing, motor racing, bull-riding, ummm…" she said, thinking.

"You entered that yacht race," Emmett supplied.

"And you won the triathlon," Jasper piped in.

"And you also raced in the Nuerburging!" Rosalie said.

"And you went ice climbing, as well," Alice said. I was pretty sure my jaw was through the floor by now.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, as if she remembered something extremely important, "I also 'ran with the bulls' about a year ago," she said, smiling triumphantly. "Everyone came to see. Emmett and Jasper tried their hands on it, but I beat them all."

"Why? Why would you do that?" I asked. She sighed.

"Because at the time I had lost everything and I didn't care anymore. I was looking for a way to cope. I figured, 'hey. What else do I have to lose that I haven't already'…" she said, looking at me. "I lost the most important thing in the world, and I knew I'd never get it back."

"What was that exactly?" I asked, noticing how she winced. I wondered why until I remembered. It was the last thing I ever said to her. She swallowed, and stood up. Her lower lip trembled. She motioned for everyone to leave, and they did.

"You," she whispered. "I knew I'd lost you for sure. I'd already lost you once. I couldn't handle the pain of losing you again," she said, visibly shaking. I crossed the room and once more held her face in my hands. I looked into her eyes and saw the pain that was there. "I've been hiding it for three years," she whispered, looking into my eyes. I saw her fear, her apprehension, her longing. "I did the most insane things, all because I was trying to get you out of my head, trying to forget the pain. But, I'd only cased my family more. I should have realized it sooner, but I didn't, or I guess maybe I couldn't," she swallowed once more.

"What?" I asked gently, framing her face in my hands. Her eyes closed on their own accord, and opened.

"That…that day. When I came to talk to you outside, and I left…" she said, not knowing how to get the words out.

"Come on, what is it?" Her eyes closed tightly, and when she opened them, I could tell she feared the worst. She swallowed, tried to speak, and swallowed again.

"When I walked away," she said, closing her eyes and looking away, "I realized that I was in love with you, and that I'd lost you for sure. The next two days I watched you, seeing how you were acting so cold. And when you left," she said, her voice breaking. Her eyes were filled with venom now. "I felt my heart shatter into millions of pieces. I lost my world, my life, my sanity. I was going to tell you how I felt, but you were gone. Never to come back," she said, sobbing. "I was so in love with you, and you didn't care. I am the reason you left in the first place. I'm the reason yo—"

**BPOV**

For all I am worth, I will never know anything more amazing than the way Edward's lips felt against mine. The moment our lips met, my will crumbled. Not because he was stronger than me, but because my day dreams were not as sweet as this. I'd had 'dreams' of this for three years, and now they were coming true. So, I kissed him back with everything I could give him, wishing he felt the same as I did, but loving him too much to care if he didn't.

Our lips matched perfectly, and the way he held me against his body made me feel as if we were one. I didn't want to let go of him. I felt the tears behind my eyes as we kissed. His hands were on my face and mine were in his hair. _There's nothing sweeter than this_, my mind whispered. I pulled away after some time.

"Is this my happy ending?" I asked, more to myself than to him. I opened my eyes to meet his. I looked away, my heart shredding itself. "Is this where I'm supposed to go? Following your every step, being with you and your family, and being so in love with you, and you only feeling desire?" He pulled my face back to his.

"It can be, if you want it to be," he whispered. I swallowed back a sob. "I was going to offer to change you myself," he whispered. I looked at him, shocked. He smiled sadly, "of course, there would have been a deal," he said.

"What deal?" I asked.

"I would have said that if I were to change you, that you'd have to marry me first," he said, and when I met his eyes, they were full of love and longing and regret. "I love you, Bella. I know I keep screwing up, and that I can never change what happened, but I can make it up to you. Will you marry me, Bella?" He asked. My breath caught as the words sunk in.

"Are you sure?" I asked, trying not to hope. He nodded, smiling like a madman.

"I've had 100 years to think about it, Bella. I don't want to lose you anymore than I already have."

"I don't know much about family, or life, or love, or happiness," I began, "but…"

"But?" He asked, smiling.

"But, if there's one thing I do know, it's that I am so completely, irrevocably, and irrationally in love with you, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen," I said, smiling the first real smile in so long. His answering smile was dazzling. He picked me up and kissed me for all he was worth, and I answered back, giving everything I had. He only stopped when he groaned. I smiled at his restraint. "I love you, Edward."

"And I love you, Isabella Marie Swan Cullen," he whispered.

"…Do you take, Isabella Marie Swan as your lovely wife?" The minister asked.

"I do," Edward answered. He turned towards me.

"And do you, Isabella Swan, take Edward Cullen to be your lovely wedded husband?"

"I do," I said, looking at Edward.

"I now pronounce you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," he said. Edward and I kissed.

Sobs wracked my body as I watched the video of our wedding. I looked at my hand, where my ring was. I took it off to read the inscription on the inside. _To my life, Bella_ it read. I placed it back on and rewound the part where we said I do. I cried harder than before, and soon Alice was in our room, holding me.

"We'll find him, Bella," she whispered. Edward had been kidnapped almost ten years ago. We were all out hunting and got separated. When we found each other, Edward was gone. We looked everywhere for him, with no trace.

We'd been searching for ten years, and still nothing. Except for the letters and videos we got every month, we have no idea where he is.

"I want him back," I cried. "They just sent this, this morning," I said, handing her a letter. She read it. Before she could speak, though, something hit our window. I opened it and saw an envelope. I opened it and inside was a tape. I put it in the VCR and we watched it.

"If you are watching this, than you got our letter. He is alive, and doing okay," a man's voice said, sounding very familiar. The camera moved aside so we could see Edward. He looked up hatefully at the camera.

"Edward!" I cried in a whisper. The others came up, and were watching the video now as well.

"Bella! Bella!" Edward cried. I sobbed, needing my husband.

"You're doing very well, Isabella," the man said. I looked up at the camera. "I am surprised you kept on looking this long. You must love him terribly. You're on the right track, I promise. I'll give you yet another clue as to where to find him," he said and moved to show a map. It was of the world. He drew a circle around the word _Atlantic_. "Come and find us…If you can," he said. And the video ended.

"_No!_" I screeched. "_Edward!_"

"Shh, it's okay. We'll find him, I promise," Rosalie's voice said.

"He could be anywhere! Do you have any idea h—" I gasped, my eyes widening. "Oh my God," I whispered, rewinding the video back to where he circled the word. I paused it at that point. "I know where he is," I whispered. They all looked at me. I enlarged the TV screen. The word was circled, and they were all questioning me.

"Umm, yeah, we see that Bella," Emmett said.

"No, look," I said, moving the camera view to a red dot next to the circle. "He circled that word because he knew I would know what it meant."

"And what does it mean?"

"The _Atlantic _is a club in the middle of the ocean," I said looking at them. "No humans know about it. The only ones who do are the ones who get taken there to feed on. I only know about it because of my exploits," I told them. "It's right above the spot where the Titanic sunk. And the floors go underwater. He's in one of the basements there."

"Are you sure, Bella?" Alice asked. I nodded.

"See what will happen if we go there," I said.

She looked into the future and gasped. "We'll find him," she whispered. "But, one of you won't come home."

**Awwwwwh, damn I was bawling at the end of this chappy! I wonder what's going to happen. And thank you, all of you who are still loyal to me and are still reading and reviewing. This chapter was VERY emotional and made me cry at several parts. This chapter has over 21,000 words in it. And 38 pages. REVIEW TIME!**

**~ xXxhurting-insidexXx**


	10. Where I'm Supposed To Be

**Heyy Guyz! Well, I Know That That last Chapter Was Unbelievable! I Cried And Got Many Reviews of People Who Cried, Lolz! So, I Decided To Post Another Chappy Up…It's Been A While Since I Looked At This Story, Focusing On **The Tiniest Little Girl**, **Do It Yourself Vampire Academy My Version**, And **Forever Yours**!** **Now, It's **Goodbye I'm Sorry**'s Turn, And Boy Are We Guna Have Some Fun! **

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Anything Except The Plot, Nor Do I Own Anyone, Except Fork/James/Izzy/ And surprise! (hint hint nudge nudge wink wink) So, Here We Go!**

_Previously_: _"Are you sure, Bella?" Alice asked. I nodded.  
"See what will happen if we go there," I said.  
She looked into the future and gasped. "We'll find him," she whispered. "But, one of you won't come home."_

**Chapter 9 – Where I'm Supposed To Be**

**(BPOV)**

_One of you won't come back_…I look at the rest of my family and shake my head.

"I have to find him. We've searched this long, haven't we? I am not going to give up," I say, "even if it means me dying." I would die for my husband, especially after what we've been through.

"Bella, _no_." I look over at, surprisingly, my loveable brother, Emmett. "After all these years, all that pain, you'd give yourself up so easily?" He looks murderous.

"Em, I have to do this. It's the only way."

"No, that's bullshit and you know it. Let us help you! Hell, I'd go even if you forced me not to," the way Emmett, along with the rest of my family, looks right now I can believe it. "We love you, Bella. You're a part of this family, and even though it was one hell of a struggle, it was and is worth it. Don't fuck it up because you feel this is your last 'deed to the world' or some shit like that. You need us as much as we need you! I refuse to let you kill yourself," his voice trailed off and I look back at him to see venom in his eyes.

"Oh, Emmett," I whisper, holding out my arms. He catches me in his arms, a faint trembling in them. I hold on tight, his face burrowing in the crook of my neck.

"I love you, little sister," he whispers.

"I love you too, Em," I whisper back, feeling his pain. His body is now shaking with silent sobs and I open my eyes, telling the rest of our family to leave us for a few minutes. They all nod, and Rosalie gives me a sad smile.

Once they're out of the room, I release my hold on Emmett. He looks so heartbroken…

"You can't…Leave, Bella," he says, his voice breaking. "Not without us."

"Emmett, I won't put any more of my family in danger. The _only_ reason Edward is gone is because of _me_," I tell him bitterly. "I refuse to let anyone else die or get hurt…I can do this. I love you, Emmett. You're my brother, one of my best friends, my fellow prankster. I promise I'll be safe. I'll call every hour if it will make you happy," I said, only half kidding. I smile, but Em is still so hurt.

"You wanna know what'll make me happy, Bella?" He asks, and I nod. "Let us go with you! You may be more powerful than all of us combined, but you still need us! For Christ's sakes, you're only 31 years old!" He takes me by the shoulders and shakes me lightly. I sigh.

"You know I won't let any of you come with me," I say, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, Em, but I can't let you guys come…" Taking one of his hands and kissing it, I smile sadly at him. I walk him to the door, and he leaves, his sobs audible. Closing the door, I slide down it, feeling so wretched and alone.

I hear him go into his and Rosalie's room, and her shushing him, comforting him. A sob escapes my lips, hating how I keep hurting people…This is the first time I have ever hurt Emmett, though, and somehow that makes it worse…

Sniffling, I stand up and open the door, going into the music room. I pick up my guitar and start playing, the song **Take Me Away (DO NOT OWN!) **playing…

"..I cannot find, a way to describe it..It's there inside, all I do is hide..I wish that it would just go away..What would you do, you do if you knew? What would you do?"

"All by myself, I need to get around this…my words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you..If I show you, I don't you'd understand 'cause no one understands..All the pain I thought I knew..All the thoughts lead back to you..Back to what was never said, back and forth inside my head! …Come and take me away…I'm going nowhere, on and on and on, I'm going nowhere, on and on and off and…

"I can't handle this confusion, I'm unable, come and take me away…Take me away! Take me away!" Strumming the last chord, I feel someone watching me. I look up into the eyes of Rosalie.

"I've never seen him this way," she simply says, walking over to me. "I know that there's another reason for you wanting to go alone, Bella," she says, stroking Edward's piano. I feel my eyes pop out of my head and she looks up seeing it. She nods, "Come on, tell me." I sigh, knowing I can't lie to her. I put music on, and turn it up.

Grabbing a piece of paper and a pencil, I scribble a note: I KNOW WHO HAS EDWARD, it said. She gasps. WHO? She asks. I sigh, SOMEONE I USED TO KNOW..SO LONG AGO..I'M SORRY, ROSE..

"Why didn't you tell us?" She asks, her voice hurt. I sigh, at a loss for words.

"I didn't want to hurt you guys…I need your help, Rose." Looking up into my eyes, she nods.

….

The next day, everyone went hunting, except me and Rose.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" She asks once more. I nod, hating what I'm about to do. "Jus…Just promise me three things, Bella…"

"Anything, Rosalie," I say, knowing it's true.

"First, I want you to call every chance you get. Second, I want you to find a way to get both of you back here alive. And third…" she says, her voice trailing off.

"What is it, Rose?" I ask. She looks up, venom pooling in her eyes.

"Third, I want you to tell me that you will come back with Edward…" I nod, knowing that only one of us will come back…

"I promise, Rose," I say. She hugs me and with one last glance at my home, I get into my car and drive towards the airport. Looking back in the rear view mirror, I see Rosalie standing alone, looking so depressed and hurting, I almost turn around. Sighing sadly, I put the radio on full blast, not even noticing what song is playing…

….

Pulling into the airport parking lot, I turn the car off and grab my bag, locking the doors behind me. I walk through the sliding doors, missing my family so much. I grab my ticket and board the plane, heading to New York City. Once the plane takes off, I look out the window, saying a silent goodbye to Alice, Emmett, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, And Rosalie, knowing that no matter what I promised, I wouldn't be the one coming back home…Not when _he _was involved.

The plane stopped in Kentucky, where I boarded the next plane to NYC. When I landed there, I didn't bother getting a cab, but instead walked through the streets, my breath coming out as mist in front of me. All around me, smiling faces of little kids and teenagers passed. My phone starts to vibrate, and I pull it out, the caller ID saying ALLY-BEAR. Sighing, I hit IGNORE, and continue walking.

Once I reach the boating dock, I purchase a speed boat from an elderly man, giving him 5x what he was asking.

"Why thank you, sweetheart!" He says, smiling at me. I smile back, getting on the boat and checking to see that there's a full tank of gas. "There's four more spare tanks filled in case you run out of gas," he says and I thank him, placing my bag in the safe. With a smile at him, I unhook the boat from the dock and take off.

After soaring across the ocean for almost 4 hours, I decide to check my phone. 23 missed calls, 54 texts, and 14 voicemails. Sighing, I put my phone back in my pocket.

"Hold on, Edward. I'll be there in a couple hours," I whisper to myself. Grinding my teeth together, I raise the boat's speed, hurrying to my love.

…...

Seeing the gates ahead, I place a call in, introducing who I am.

"You mean _the _Isabella Marie?" The man asks.

"Yes, it's me. Now, I am waiting outside, so can I come in?"

"Yes, of course!" The gates open for me and I drive the boat on through.

"Thank you," I say and hang up. I pull the boat over to the dock, and grab my bag, walking up the steps into _The Atlantic_. Music is pouring from inside, and I smile as I remember the good times I used to have here.

"Madam," a vampire says, opening the door for me. I smile and slip him a $20, which he takes with a smile. I walk over to a table, looking around for _him_. My eyes meet his and I smile. His answering smile is beautiful.

"Isabella!" He cries out, kissing my hand. I smile at him.

"Gregory, it's been a while," I say and he winks at me. I lean in to kiss his cheeks and whisper to him. "Release him now and no one will get hurt," I say, kissing his other cheek.

"You know I don't give up that easily," he purred back. I pull away, seeing how much he had changed. But he was right, he didn't give up that easily. I should know…He lost to me in the Triathlon, The Nuerburging, and in a drag race.

"Of course, I do Gregory," I say, letting him lead me to a table in the corner. "But you also know not to fuck with me." He chuckles, not a care in the world.

"You are very feisty, my dear," he whispers. "I like that about you," his voice is turning seductive and his hand is now resting on my thigh, rubbing softly.

"Yeag? Well, you better stop liking it soon or your hand is going to end up down your throat," I threaten softly. He smiles at my antics, and keeps doing it. He looks behind me and motions with his hand. I look behind me in time to see one of his servants open a secret door and disappear down the stairs. Gregory turns my face back to his and kisses me.

Not expecting it, I gasp. He presses his lips harder against mine, and I open my mouth. He starts to put his tongue in my mouth when I bite him…_hard_. He cries out, and pulls back, blood dripping down his chin. I lean in to lick it up and whisper in his ear.

"Don't you ever kiss me again," I tell him, a murderous glare on my face. He merely smiles an evil smile and looks behind me.

"Looks like the main attraction has arrived," he murmurs and I glance behind me, and gasp.

"Edward," I whisper, seeing my husband's messy bronze hair and black eyes coming towards us. Upon hearing his name, he looks up and his eyes grow wide.

"Bella," I hear his hoarse voice whisper. I go to get up and go to him but Gregory holds me down. I glare at him.

"You really don't want to piss me off any more than you already have, Gregory," I hiss at him. I look back at Edward, but don't see him. "Where did you take him?" I demand, venom pooling in my eyes.

"Do not worry, my love," Gregory whispers, kissing my cheek, "he is safe…For now."

"What do you want from me?" We used to be close, so long ago…How he changed.

"I want you to be here as my personal servant," he says simply. I shake my head. "I'll let him go if you stay here with me, forever," he whispers.

"You know I won't, Gregory. You know I love, Edward!"

"You have no choice, you witch!" He says, his blood red eyes blazing.

"Please don't do this, Gregory," I whisper. He shakes his head.

"Too late!" Without another word, he stalks off, leaving me sitting there. I watch him go, wondering where the old him went.

"…Soo, do we have any takers?" I look up and see a vampire at the microphone. I guess he's asking who wants to sing. I stand up and walk up to him. He smiles at me, and I nod. "Well, looks like we have a taker!" He calls out and everyone claps. Going to the microphone, I motion for a beat and the band people start playing one of my favorites, **My Happy Ending (DO NOT OWN)**.

"…So much for my happy ending…Let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead..Was it something I did, was it something you said? Don't leave me hanging, in a city so dead…Held up so high on such unbreakable thread..You were all the things I thought I knew, and I thought we could be..You were everything that I wanted…We were meant to be supposed to be, but we lost it..All of the memories so close to me just fade away..All this time you were pretending..So much for my happy ending…" This song describes how close we used to be and how far we drifted apart..

Gregory came in during the middle of the song, an odd look on his face. I look right at him as the song ends, unshed tears in my eyes.

"Encore! Encore! Encore!" I look at the crowd as they shout for me to do another song. Swallowing, I look back at Gregory to see him have a sad look on his face. Sighing, I turn back to the crowd.

"You want more, do you?" I ask them, to which a chorus of _YES_ answers. I smile. "Okay. This one's called **Everybody's Fool (DO NOT OWN!)…**"

"…Perfect by nature! Icons of self-indulgence…Just what we all need! More lies about a world that never was and never will be! Have you no shame, don't you see me? You know you've got everybody fooled…Look here, she comes now..Bow down, and stare in wonder..Oh! How we loved you..No flaws when you're pretending…But now I know she never was and never will be! You don't know how you've betrayed me..And somehow now you've got everybody fooled…

Without the mask..Where will you hide? Can't find yourself, lost in your lies..I know the truth now..I know who you are! And I don't love you anymore…It never was and never will be! You don't know how you betrayed me..And somehow now you've got everybody fooled..You're not real and you can't save me..But somehow now you're everybody's fool…." My voice fades as the song ends, the music coming to an eerie end. Taking a few deep breaths, I swallow and look up, seeing Gregory with Edward. Both of them have looks of shock and wonder on their faces. Edward has a flicker of pride, though. _I love you_ he mouths to me to which I smile sadly. The whole room erupts in clapping and cheering.

"That was amazing," a girl says. I look behind me to see the band looking at me in amazement.

"Thanks," I tell her. She smiles at me.

"Where did you learn to sing like that?" The lead guitarist, a guy, asks. I shrug.

"I've always known. I've been singing since I was 13."

"You _so _have to join our band!" The drummer, the girl who first spoke, says. "My name is Menolly by the way. This is Jared," she points to the lead guitarist, "Taylor," the bassist, "and over there in charge of the speakers and sound is Eli." I look over and see shaggy brown hair. All of them are vamps.

"I would, but I have a debt to pay," I say looking at my husband and Gregory.

"Wait, you know Lord Underwood?" Menolly looks at Gregory and Edward. "Mmmmm,, I wonder who the hottie is…"

"That _hottie_," I tell her, growling softly, "is my _husband_." She openly gapes at me.

"He is?"

"Yeag, he is. I'm currently in the process of getting him from Gregory," I tell her, glaring at Gregory.

"Well I'll be," she murmurs. I glance back at Edward, longing for even just an hour alone with him…

"Excuse me," I whisper to Menolly. She nods and I jump off the stage, holding my hand to my lips so that no one will notice that I am sobbing. I go through a side door and go to the railing, gripping it tightly in my hands, a harsh sob bursting from my lips. A couple minutes later, the door opens and closes. I don't bother turning around. "What do you want, Gregory?" I ask numbly.

"I want to kiss you senseless," a voice whispers. I gasp and turn around…Coming face to face with Edward.

"Edward," I whisper. He smiles softly and brushes the back of his hand against my cheek. Sighing softly, I close my eyes, waiting for this dream to end. "I've missed you so much…" My words fade as his lips press softly against mine. Electricity and longing spark through me, along with a desire so fierce I moan into our kiss. Upon hearing it, Edward kisses me deeper, his tongue thrusting inside my mouth.

**(RATED M PART ; D )**

Of their own accord, my hands find themselves rubbing up and down Edward's chest, stomach, and abdomen. They land around his neck, and I thread my fingers through his hair, pulling slightly. He groans softly, and his hands go from my face to my waist, pulling me against his stark arousal. He squeezes me softly, sending shocks of pleasure through me.

Kissing Edward is like coming home. The feel of his body pressed against mine, his lips joined with mine, his hands roaming my body…It's Heaven. He turns and presses me against the wall where I use his shoulders to lift myself up, wrapping my legs around his waist. His moan is like a drug to me, just like everything else about Edward. His lips move to my neck, kissing and nibbling.

"Edward, I love you," I whisper, shivering at the feel of his lips on my sensitive flesh.

**(RATED M PART OVER!)**

"As I love you, Bella," he whispers. His forehead presses against mine, and I loosen my legs from his waist standing on my own two feet. Just then, my phone chose now to start ringing. Groaning, I pull away from Edward slightly to check it. ALLY-BEAR it says. Sighing, I answer.

"…_ISABELLA MARIE SWAN CULLEN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? NO, DON'T EVEN ANSWER THAT, I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE! HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? ESME,MYSELF, CARLISLE, JASPER, AND EVEN EMMETT ARE ALL FUKKING PISSED AT YOU! HOW COU.._"

"_ALICE_!" I screech into the phone. She shuts up. "I'm fine, okay? No damage has been done, and I promised Rose that none would! Don't yell at me like I don't know what I'm doing! I love you, Ally-bear, and you know I wouldn't do something unless I knew it was okay."

"_I know, Bella_," she says sadly. "_But this is extremely dangerous_." I laugh humorlessly.

"Trust me, Gregory is anything but dangerous," I say bitterly. "I can handle him. By the way, thanks for asking how I'm doing and if I got here okay. I did and I'm fine. Actually I have someone here who I'm sure would like to talk to you," I say and Alice gasps.

"_Edward_?" She asks. I laugh.

"Yes," I say, handing him the phone.

"Hello, sister," he says. I smile and walk away a few feet, giving them some privacy. Gregory comes out of a door about 10 feet away.

"You wanted an hour alone with him," he says and I nod. "When he gets off that phone, your hour begins. Do not make me regret this, Bella. I trust you, and hope that you will keep your word. Here's a key for one of the rooms, either upstairs or down," he hands me a key and turns around, walking back through the doors.

"Wait," I say and he stops, looking at me. "What happens after that hour?" He smiles evilly.

"That's for me to know, and you to find out," he says, and disappears. I groan, hating him.

"Love, what's wrong?" I look up at Edward whom is off the phone now.

"Edward, we have one hour together," I say and he understands.

"Come with me," he murmurs softly, and I go. He leads me back through The Atlantic, where we go through a secret door and down these stairs. I barely notice, a cold feeling going through me. We stop at a door, and Edward opens it, leading me inside. I look up and see candles all around the room. Edward presses a button and they all flicker to life. The room is now illuminated in brilliance. I gasp softly, looking at my amazing husband.

"I am going to make the most of the time we have, Bella," he murmurs to me and I nod. He pulls me to him and we kiss, all our desperation and frustration and love going into it.

Before I know it, we're on the bed, naked, with Edward thrusting inside of me. I gasp and moan at his touch, calling out his name.

In an hour, we manage to make love four times, climaxing each time. Mentally exhausted, I collapse on top of Edward, our breathing heavy.

"I love you so much, Edward," I whisper brokenly. He looks at me strangely but I kiss him softly once and get up and get dressed. He gets dressed as well, not knowing what's about to happen…

….

When we're both dressed, we sit back on the bed.

"Tell me what's wrong, Love?" Edward asks, and I shake my head. "Please?" I sigh sadly and look at him, venom pooling in my eyes.

"When I say 'run,' I want you to run, Edward," I whisper to him. His eyes go wide as understanding goes through him.

"No, I'm not leaving without you!" He says brokenly, his voice slightly loud.

"You must. Edward, a couple days before I came here, I sat down in front of the TV in our room to watch a video. It was the same video that I've been getting every month for the past ten years. A video of you, screaming for me. But, like all of the rest, there was a clue to finding you, and on the last video, I understood," I stop because my voice cracks. Clearing my throat, I continue, "You were here. I told Alice that I knew where you were, and asked what would happen if I came here. She said…" I turn away, not knowing how to say the next words.

"What did she say?" A sob bubbles through my lips and I look back at Edward.

"She said that I would find you but…"

"But?"

"But that only one of us would come back." His jaw drops and a pained look comes across his features.

"She didn't want me to go, none of them did. Especially, Emmett," I say sadly. "He started crying when I said that I had to rescue you. The next day, when they were all on a hunting trip, besides Rosalie, Rose and I set up a plan. And then, I left. I went to NYC and bought a boat from an elderly man. That's how I got here," I tell him. "Edward, our family needs you. You have to go to them."

"Not without you," he says firmly. I shake my head.

"The only way you'll be free is if I stay. I refuse to condemn you to death, Edward. You have to go," I tell him, taking his face in my hands. "You are my world, my life, my sanity. I love you so so much, my husband. Never forget that." He starts to reply when I shove away from him, facing Gregory.

"Well, well, well," he says, a smug look on his face. "You too lovebirds have been very busy, it seems. So, ready to pay up?"

"One condition, Gregory," I say. He nods. "If I come without a fight, Edward is allowed to leave in the boat I came on, unharmed in any way. No one will follow him, no one will hurt him. Is that clear?" Gregory nods.

"Very well," he says, "Your husband can leave, but you must stay."

"I'm not leaving you, Bella," Edward says, coming to stand beside me. I look at him.

"If you love me, you'll go, Edward."

"I'm not losing you again, Bella. I can't lose you…Especially not to someone like him," Edward hisses, a black glare aimed at Gregory.

"You're not going to lose me, because I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here," I whisper, kissing his forehead. "Now, run." I pull away just in time to use my powers to paralyze everyone, except me and Edward. No one can move, hear, feel, see, or sense. Edward looks at me. "_Go_, Edward!" I yell.

"I'm not leaving without you!" He cries back.

"I can't move from this spot. Edward, just go! I'll be right behind you, I promise! Take the boat and get out of here! _Now_!" Looking at him one last time, he gives me the most pained look and runs up the stairs. I wait until I hear the boat motor start and I see it out the window speeding off, to release everyone from their prisons. "Goodbye, my love," I whisper, closing my eyes. Something hard hits me in the back of the head and everything goes black. **(STARTED TO CRY RIGHT HERE! LISTEN TO the cullens ON THE new moon score …!)**

**(Later)**

A throbbing on the side of my head, and cold water being splashed on me, makes me come-to.

"Ugh, I didn't know that vampires could get knocked out," I groan, wiping my hair, and blood off my face.

"Well, they can take drugs, almost get drunk, some can eat human food…Why not get knocked out?" I look up into the eyes of Gregory. In his hands are a bucket.

"Ah, so you're the asshole who poured water on me, huh?" I ask. He merely smiles. "So, what do you want from me, Gregory?" I ask him, standing up and walking over to the window.

"I told you, I want you," he says, and I notice that he's wearing a robe, nothing more. I look out the window, sigh, and look back at him.

"And I told you that I wasn't in the market," I growl, crossing my arms over my breasts.

"You can fuck him, you can fuck me!"

"He's my husband!" I yell at him. "I'm not a cheating whore! I'm not any kind of fukking whore, you dumb bastard! I am not sleeping with you, so you can fukk off!" By now, the glass is cracking from the height of my voice. And Gregory looks murderous. In the blink of an eye, he's in front of me, gripping my neck.

"You will do what you're told!" He screams in my face. I look away, grinding my teeth together. "You'll never see your beloved family ever again, so I suggest you behave you stupid bitch," he whisper in my ear. I feel a prick in my neck and a dizzy feeling washes through me.

"What did you give to me?" I ask him and he smiles.

"Just a paralyzing drug," he says simply, leading me over to the bed. "This way, I can have my way with you, and you won't be able to resist…" his voice trails off as he unties his robe and takes my clothes off.

"Gregory stop," I say firmly, but weakly. I try to lift my arms, but I can't. I try using my shield, but again, I can't. He begins kissing my neck. "Gregory, st…Arrrgh!" I cry out, feeling his fangs puncture my neck, drinking my blood. He fondles my breasts with one hand, playing with the sensitive nerves between my legs. I feel nothing and for that I'm glad. **(IDK IF THIS CAN HAPPEN, BUT SINCE THIS IS MEH STORY, IT CAN! LOLZ)**

For the longest time, I didn't think he would ever stop. And the whole time I was pleading for him to stop. He took me forwards, backwards, bent me over, almost broke my legs in spreading me, and all the while, bit me and drank from me numerous times. It was almost dawn when he finally stops.

"You will love it here, I promise," he whispers to me, handcuffing me to the bed. With a kiss to my forehead, he leaves me.

"_Motherfucker_!" I screech, hoping he'd hear me. I look around for my phone and see it on the bedside table. Reaching for it, I check it for messages. 45 missed calls, 78 text messages, and 31 voicemails. Sighing sadly, I call the last number that called. It was Rosalie.

"Rose?" I ask when she answers.

"_Bella? Is that you? Oh my God, we thought you were dead! Where are you?_"

"I'm at The Atlantic, Rose," I say. "Gregory has me captive here. I'm sorry I broke my promises to you, Rose. I won't even ask for your forgiveness because I don't deserve it."

"_Bella, we're coming to get you._"

"Okay, Rose," I say simply, relieved because I know I won't be alone. "And Rose?" I ask.

"_Yeah, Bella?_" Her voice is glum, and I know I am to blame.

"I'm really, really so…Heyy, what the fukk do you think you…" Gregory grips my neck so hard, I see stars.

"_Bella? Bella, what's happening? Bella! Answer me! Bella!_" I faintly hear Rosalie's frantic voice on the other end of the phone. I cough and sputter clawing at Gregory's hands, trying to get him to release his hold. My shield is still not working for some damned reason, so I have to use my strength.

"SHUT UP!" Gregory screams into the phone. He almost hangs up but instead, looks at me with the most wicked smile. "On second thought, you might enjoy hearing this, _Rosalie_," he sneers, putting the phone on speaker.

"Gregory…what…are you…doing?" I cough out and he slaps me across the face. Releasing his hold on my neck, he handcuffs my other hand to the bed post.

"Teaching you a lesson, you dirty whore!" He yells in my face. Before I can utter a word, his fangs sink into my neck.

"_Ahhhhhhhh_," I screech, the pain so fierce it burns.

"_Bella, what's happening? You fucker, stop it! Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Esme, get over here NOW!_"

"Gregory, please, stop!" He pulls back from my neck, blood dripping from his chin.

"What was that? You want more?" He asks. I shake my head and he smiles. "Wrong answer," he mutters and plunges himself in me so hard something tears.

**(RATED M PART HERE!)**

"Ahhhhhhhh!" I scream, but he doesn't hold back. I can feel him, all of him, inside me, his engorged member thrusting so hard and fast. He digs his nails in my flesh, drawing blood.

"Is this how you like it? Is this how he fucks you?" He yells at me. Suddenly, he bites my breast, eliciting another pained cry from me. He lets go for only a second, still pinning me to his body, and I feel his fangs scraping against my breast.

"No, Gregory, stop!" I don't even recognize my voice anymore, the pain and disgust so fierce in my body and soul. And then, he does it: he sinks his fangs into my breast.

"_Bella! Bella, what's happening? You motherfucker, get off of her! Bella, we're coming!_" I hear my family on the phone and realize that they're listening to the whole thing. I don't even realize that I'm sobbing until Gregory rips a piece of my flesh off my body.

I feel him tightening inside me and scream once more as he fills me, Gregory groaning in pleasure. When he stops convulsing, and looks at me, I spit in his face. He looks away, wiping it off his face.

"So, you do like it rough, you bitch?" He asks, to which I have no response. "Dear, sweet, Cullen family. I hope you enjoyed listening to mine and Bella's private moment. And I shall hope to see you soon. You will be receiving a video response, as usual. Have a good day now," and with that, Gregory hangs up the phone, pulling himself out of me.

**(RATED M PART OVER :'( …)**

A tall man comes out of the shadows with a video camera, and a look of horror appears on my face, I'm sure.

"Master," he says, and Gregory nods, looking at me.

"Ready for your next present?" Gregory whispers in my ear.

"Fuck you," I hiss, earning a slap. I don't even look at him as he uncuffs one arm to slip on a robe, and does the same for the other arm. When both arms are free, though, I take a chance.

Kicking him off me, I jump up and run for the door, but he gets there first and punches me in the jaw. Soaring through the air, my back hits the wall. He's in front of me when I open my eyes.

"Well, I was going to take you upstairs for some breakfast, but since you want to be difficult, we'll do this the hard way!" He says, grabbing me by the hair and yanking me out of the room, and dragging me farther downstairs. The other man follows silently, recording the whole time. We reach a door and Gregory takes me inside, quickly chaining me down to some sort of contraption. Kinda looks like a hospital bed…

"What are you going to do to me?" I ask weakly. He grabs me by the hair again, banging my head against the chair.

"Shut up!" He cries, a murderous look on his face. "Just shut the fuck up." I swallow harshly. "You brought this on yourself. You were supposed to be _mine_! No one else was supposed to have you. And no one will!" He drops my head from where he had it, and walks over to a cabinet. I try to break the restraints, but they won't. It's like the drug he gave me weakened all of my powers.

Closing the cabinet, he is holding something in his hands. I watch him as he places the end of the long rod in the fire, and I see an emblem start to turn glowing red. Feeling eyes on me, I look up into his hateful eyes, seeing nothing but a cold and empty gaze.

"Gregory, think about what you're doing! You don't want to do this, I know you don't! What happened to the Gregory I knew? What did you do with him?" My words go unheard as he checks the emblem and comes over to me. Gregory opens my robe slowly. "What are you going to do? Wh…" I stop speaking as he pushes the sizzling piece of the rod, which I now know is a brand, into my flesh. I can't even muster words.

My back arches off the bed and my head cranes back as the searing pain of the brand goes through my body. I feel my fangs protrude my gums as a guttural cry echoes through the room.

"Arrrrgh! Ahhh, ahhhh…_AHHHHHHHHH_!" My screams grow louder with each passing second as Gregory places the brand on a different spot on my body each time. The glass on the windows start to crack and finally shatter with the force of my screams. "_Ahhhh, no…EDWARD!_" Opening my eyes, I scream for my love, praying he comes for me.

"I said, _shut up_!" Gregory screams in my ear and with a snarl, heats up the brand once more, and strikes me in the face with it. I feel the sizzling and smell the burning of my skin as the brand eats away at my skin. "This is so everyone will know that you belong to me!" He screams once more. "Look into the camera, my precious," Gregory says mockingly, dragging my face towards the camera. Taking another chance, I reach for his hand and pull him towards me, biting his flesh, my fangs puncturing him. I start to drink his succulent blood. "Turn the damn camera off!" He commands.

A thudding like the sound of a heartbeat, pulses through my ears as my strength slowly comes back. Gregory tries to wrench me off him, but he is unsuccessful.

"Get…Off!" He says, his voice struggling. I look up at him through my lashes, and his eyes glaze over. _Shhh, _I tell him in his mind, _everything's all right now. Just relax…_ Gregory nods with me, the compulsion taking away all choice. Pulling back from his arm, I reach down at the restraints, tearing them off. I look down at my body, seeing the brands, watching them stop bleeding and become day old scars. I get up to a standing position and look at Gregory.

"Are you going to let me go freely?" I whisper seductively. I can see in his eyes, his inner turmoil. He's trying to resist my compulsion.

"N…No," he says. His eyes close harshly and he shakes his head. "No, no, no, no, no! You are my prisoner! You will stay here with me!" He looks up and backhands me. "If your _husband_ wants you, he's going to have to go through me to get you!" He takes me by the wrist and drags me back upstairs. We get to the room Edward and I had shared and on it is some clothes. "Put these on and come upstairs," he says and stalks away.

Turning to the bed, I look at what he had laid out for me. A black, silky top that goes on one shoulder, a red plaid miniskirt, with a belt, thigh high stockings with a garter belt attached, and knee high boots. A choker necklace and some other accessories are on the bed as well. Sighing, because I know I have to wait for my family to come, I go take a shower and get dressed.

….

"…You look sexy," Gregory whispers to me when he sees me. I plaster a smile on my face, and bite back a grimace when he kisses my cheek.

"What did you do with that video?" I ask him, hoping desperately that he didn't actually send it to my family. But all my hopes die when I see his smile.

"I hope they enjoy it," he hisses, a black glare forming on his face. Closing my eyes on a pained sigh, I look away from him. Opening my eyes, I look around me.

"Can I go outside on the deck for a moment?" I ask him.

"As long as Victor goes with you," he says and I nod. Gregory motions for Victor to follow me.

Out on the deck, I go to the railing, looking out to the sea. A sob escapes my lips and soon, I fall to my knees, hanging onto the railing, my body wracked with them. A pair of arms wraps around me. Looking up, I see Victor, who has a sad smile on his face. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I sob harshly. He merely holds me, knowing all I want is someone to hold me.

After a little while, I release my hold on him. "Thanks," I say huskily and he smiles, smoothing my hair away from my face.

"You are beautiful," he says in rough English. "Angel should not cry."

"What language do you speak?" I ask him, wanting to make it easier for him.

"_Es don par eq mui Dusa_," he replies. I smile softly because I recognize Russian.

"_Mook lokk unt wyub Mey Las-soonah_," I say to him. **(Thank you for what you did)**

"_Arcthish, Mahar Lahsunct, Bella_," he replies **(You are welcome, Bella)**. "_Ma Gregorius ashinot, puwnt dhyehd inedyba; iwos puetoah_," He says, a smile on his face. I laugh. **(I apologize for Gregory being such an asshole. He is a terror to work for!)**

"_Ya, diwua ojedn ooenxa pkeapnc xiejna uuhta!_" He smiles at what I say **(That is all right, I promise)**. "_Wunt xsiuybe oonyye dlaienfnw yu cuftes heom?_" **(Would you like to come with me back to my family when they come?) **He gasps and looks around. Seeing something reassuring, he looks back at me and nods. I smile hugely.

"_Ath oine uYbRjkmn?_" **(Are you sure?) **His face is worried and I can understand why.

"_ybdwk,_" **(yes) **I tell him, and mean it. His answering smile is huge and I can't help but smile back. He nods and we go back inside to the Hell we both have to exist in for the time being…

**(YESTERDAY…WHEN BELLA CALLED ROSALIE) … (RPOV)**

Edward came home this morning…Without Bella. And she fucking promised she would. Ugh! I _knew _I should have went with her! She's not returning our phone calls or texts. Growling, I throw my phone, lightly, at the wall. With a sigh, I place my head in my hands, rubbing my temples. I love Bella to death, don't get me wrong. But sometimes she can be really stupid.

The vibrating and ringing of my phone is what woke me up. Walking over to it, I pick it up and gasp at who's calling: BELLA-ELLA-ELLA-AYE!

"Hello?" I ask.

"_Rose?_" Bella's voice answers.

"Bella? Is that you? Oh my God, we thought you were dead! Where are you?"

"_I'm at The Atlantic, Rose_," she says. "_Gregory has me captive here. I'm sorry I broke my promises to you, Rose. I won't even ask for your forgiveness because I don't deserve it_."

"Bella, we're coming to get you," I say, determination in my voice.

"_Okay, Rose_," she says simply, and I can tell she's relived. "_And Rose?"_ She asks.

"Yeah, Bella?" My voice is glum, and I can't help it.

"_I'm really, really so…Heyy, what the fukk do you think you…_" Bella's voice cuts off immediately.

"Bella? Bella, what's happening? Bella! Answer me! Bella!" I yell into the phone! I faintly hear that bastard on the other end.

"SHUT UP!" Gregory screams into the phone. I pull the phone away from my ear. "On second thought, you might enjoy hearing this, _Rosalie_," he sneers, and I hear him putting the phone on speaker.

"_Gregory…what…are you…doing?"_ Bella's voice sounds choked as she talks to him.

"_Teaching you a lesson, you dirty whore!_" He yells at her. The sound of fangs piercing into flesh makes me gasp.

"_Ahhhhhhhh_," Bella screeches in pain.

"Bella, what's happening? You fucker, stop it! Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Esme, get over here NOW!" I scream at the top of my lungs. My family comes into the room and I put the phone on speaker as well.

"_Gregory, please, stop!"_ Bella sounds really scared and weak now.

"_What was that? You want more?"_ He asks. Bella must have given him a different answer because of his reply. "_Wrong answer_," he mutters and the sound I would recognize anywhere rings through my ears.

"_Ahhhhhhhh!"_ Bella's frantic scream makes the phone squeal as the sound of him plunging himself deep within her continues to pulse through me.

"_Is this how you like it? Is this how he fucks you_?" He yells at her, and I know he's talking about Edward. Suddenly, he bites Bella somewhere, eliciting another pained cry.

"_No, Gregory, stop!"_ Bella's voice is unrecognizable, filled with horror and pain.

"Bella! Bella, what's happening? You motherfucker, get off of her! Bella, we're coming!" I scream into the phone, hoping she will hear me. The sound of her sobbing is like nails on a chalk board.

The sounds for the next two minutes are Gregory's groans of pleasure, and Bella's whimpers of pain. And then, the sound of him reaching ecstasy is purely disgusting to me. When he is silent, the sound of Bella spitting on him makes me smile.

"_So, you do like it rough, you bitch?"_ He asks, to which Bella does not answer. "_Dear, sweet, Cullen family. I hope you enjoyed listening to mine and Bella's private moment. And I shall hope to see you soon. You will be receiving a video response, as usual. Have a good day now_," and with that, Gregory hangs up the phone.

I look around at my family, reliving my own horrors. I know rape when I hear it.

"Fucking _bastard_!" I screech, throwing my phone, full force, into the windows.

"Rose, baby, calm down." I look over at my husband, Emmett.

"He fucking _raped_ her, Emmett! He took away her choice, just like her sleazebag of a father did to her, her whole life! I'm done just sitting here! I refuse to let her go through anymore pain!" My body is vibrating with anger, and I see red. Walking outside, I punch a tree, and watch it, surprisingly, fall down. Sighing, taking deep breaths, and sighing again, I try to calm down and just go for a run, something I, Rosalie Hale never do…

**(LATER…RPOV)**

When I get back from my run, it is to my family sitting in the living room, watching the tape. Just as I come in, the rape scene ends.

"…Master," a voice says, and I know that it's the camera guy. Gregory nods to him and takes Bella out of the room, and drags her down more stairs. He takes her in a room with a hospital bed in it, and ties her down. She tries to get free of the restraints but can't.

He takes a branding rod out of the cabinet and heats it up. Bella calls to him, begging to know what he's going to do. Her voice stops when he presses the brand into her skin. Her back arches off the bed sharply, her head bending back and her fangs coming out. She lets out a guttural scream.

"_Ahhhh, no…EDWARD!_" Her voice sounds like she's burning at the stake. I look at Edward and his eyes are haunted. When I look back at the screen, Gregory is talking to Bella.

"…Look at the screen, my precious," he says, grabbing Bella's face and turning it towards the camera. Her body is pale and bloody. Suddenly, a spark of life bubbles up in Bella. She grabs his arm and drags it to her mouth, sinking her fangs into his flesh. She drinks his blood, growing stronger by the second. Her gasps and she looks up at him. "Tu…Turn the damned camera off!" He tells his camera guy, but the man doesn't. Bella continues to drink from him until she uses her compulsion on him.

"Are you going to let me go freely?" She whispers to him, having broken the restraints. Her voice is seductive and erotic and he looks like he's fighting a battle.

"N…No," he says fiercely, "No, no, no, no, no! You are my prisoner! You will stay here with me!" He hits her across the face and I can't take anymore. I rip the tape out of the tape player. Everyone is looking at me, but sobs are taking over my body.

A tiny pair of arms wraps around me, followed by a second pair of feminine arms. I wrap my arms around both of them, showing just how vulnerable I am.

"We'll get her, Rose," Alice whispers to me. "Everything will be okay."

Alice has never been wrong but for once, I'm not so sure…

**(BPOV)**

I soon learned that escape was almost impossible. With Gregory's permission, I hung out with Victor during the day. It was at night that I relived my human life…Every night, Gregory would fulfill his pleasure, leaving me broken and helpless. He would feed on me until the brink of death, and leave me in whatever state he felt acceptable. Victor would come in and clean me off, and tell me everything would be okay.

It has now been 3 days and 4 nights since I talked to Rosalie. After that day, Gregory threw my phone into the ocean and beat me until I couldn't stand. Victor took care of me.

Every night, I would sing with my new band. We called ourselves Fallen Angels. I've been working on a piece I call **My Immortal (DO NOT OWN!)**. It's a sad love song for Edward. I think of my family every second, wondering if they're on their way here.

"Heyy, Bella," I look up to see Menolly. I smile at her. "How's the song coming along?"

"Fine," I say. "I'm almost finished with it. Here's the guitar and violin, and piano chords," I say, handing them to her. She looks over them, and then the three idiots, Jared, Taylor, and Eli, walk in.

"Was sup, Bells?" They all say and I smile and laugh.

"Da sky!" They groan, knowing my answer.

"Why do we even bother to ask?" Taylor says, looking at me in exasperation. I giggle and throw a pillow at him. "Heyy, heyy, now," He says, looking at me sternly, "that's no way to treat your bassist!" I laugh.

"I'm sorry, Taylor." He sighs and smiles, saying it's no biggie.

"Okay, I'll see you guys in 20, okay?" They smile and nod. I turn to my 'closet' and pick out my outfit for tonight. I decide on a skin-tight strapless black dress that's short in the front and long in the back, with 5 inch black stilettos. I jump in the shower, washing my hair. Once out, I blow dry my hair, running hair gel through it, making it look wind-blown. I dab on black eyeliner, and dark grey eye shadow. Finally, I run a clear lip gloss on my lips, giving it the final pop.

Once done, I look in the mirror, hating how the only man I've ever dressed up for is one I despise…

….

The piano plays through the club as my voice sings out:

"I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears…If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave; cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone…" I wish Edward was here to hear this song that is for him.

"You used to captivate me, by your resonating light..Now I'm bound by the life you left behind; your face it holds my once pleasant dreams, your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me..These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just to real, there's just too much that time cannot erase…When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears; When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears; and I held your hand through all of these years,..But you still have, all of me; I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone…But though you're still with meeeee…I've been alone, I'm aloneee…." The piano fades to a solemn note as the song ends.

Looking up, I look right into the eyes of Alice. I gasp and she puts a finger to her lips, motioning for me to be quiet. I nod.

"Whoo! That was amazing!" I look around the crowd, seeing all the smiles and cheers we get.

"You guys want more?" I ask, and the answer makes itself known by the screams of appreciation. "Haha, okay! This one's called **Don't Jump (DO NOT OWN!)**

"…On top of the roof, the air is so cold and so calm; I say your name in silence, you don't wanna hear it right now; the eyes of the city are counting the tears falling down; each one a promise of everything you never found; I scream into the night for you, don't make it true; don't jump; the lights will not guide you through, they're deceiving you, don't jump!

"…Don't let memories go, of me and you! The world is down there out of view..please don't jump; you open your eyes but you can't remember what for; the snow falls quietly, you just can't feel it no more; Somewhere out there, you lost yourself in your pain, you dream of the end, to start all over again," My eyes close as the lyrics wash over, the pain of my past being explained in these words…

"I don't know how long, I can hold you so strong..I don't know how long…Jus take my hand, give it a chance, don't jump! I scream into the night for you, don't make it true, don't jump…The lights will not guide you through, they're deceiving you, don't jump; don't let memories go, of me and you..The world is down there out of view..don't jump, please don't jump..and if all that can't hold you back, then I'll jump for you…" The crowd goes wild as the song ends. Taking a deep breath, I brush my hair away from my face, seeing how much everyone loves us. I smile and wave, discreetly looking for my family. Seeing them in different spots of the room, I let out a sigh of relief.

They came for me…

"All right, guys! We're gonna take a 10 minute break and then we'll be back to rock your world!" Upon hearing them scream our names, I smile and we walk off the stage towards the back room.

"Bella, that was amazing!" Menolly exclaims, along with Jared, Taylor, and Eli. I laugh.

"Well, it was all you guys! I just brought it together," I say and they shake their heads.

"No, Bella," Taylor says, and we all look at him, "there's something about _you_ that makes this band play magic. Before you, we couldn't really play any music. We played acapellas and waltzes! Before, we were just a group of damned teenagers who wanted to be somebody. Now? We're a family. And it's all because of you. For decades, we've paid homage to Lord Underwood, paying for crimes we didn't commit. But now, because of you, we have the strength necessary to take him on. You helped me realize that I can teleport and have telekinesis, Jared that he werewolf powers in him, Menolly that she has a shock wave power, and Eli that he can conjure any element or spell and destroy others. So, thank you," he finishes, bowing. The other follow suit.

"Awwwwwh," I say, placing my hand on my dead heart. "You guys are gonna make me cry!" They stood upright again and smiled at me. I hold my arms out and they all go into them for a group hug. I look up at the clock, seeing that our break is almost over. "Guys, we have 4 more minutes for a break, so how about we soften things up?" They all nod their heads in agreement.

"Ooh, how about we play **My Heart Will Go On (DO NOT OWN)**?" Jared asks enthusiastically.

"But, I'm not finished with it, yet," I say. He shakes his head.

"I know you can do it. You just gotta trust in your heart!" Sighing, I smile and nod my head in agreement. I leave them to set up the stage whilst I go in search of my family.

The first person I see is Jasper. I discreetly go up to him, and since he is beside the punch bowl, it makes it easier. Getting some punch, I whisper to him.

"How's the plan?" He looks at me form the corner of his eye and replies.

"Going extremely well. Might I add that your voice is absolutely beautiful," he whispers back, to which I smile. I turn around, sipping my drink.

"Why thank you, kind sir. Now, at what moment should I be prepared to run?" I ask.

"Alison will give a signal. Your friend Victor is already informed of this, seeing that he is your friend here," Jasper replies to which I nod.

"Well, time to get back on stage," I say and with a smile, I turn and walk back on stage. "Heyy, you guys! All right, we're gonna slow things down if that's all right," I say, hearing the crowd cheer. "Okay, this one's called **My Heart Will Go On**," I say, and motion for the music to start. A beautiful flute solo comes on.

"…Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you; That is how I know you will go on; Far across the distance, and spaces between us; you have come to show you go on; Near, far, wherever you are! I believe, that the heart does, go on…Once more, you open the door; and you're here in my heart and my heart will go on, and on…Love can touch just one time, and last for a lifetime! And never let go till, we're gone…Love was when I loved you, one true time, I hold you, in my life we'll always, go on…Near, far, wherever you are! I believe that the heart does, go on; Once more, you open the door! And you're here in my heart and my heart will go on, and on; You're here….There's nothing I fear! And I knowwwww, that my heart will, go onnnnn…We'll stay, forever this wayyy, you are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and onnnnnnnnnnn…Mmmmmm-mmmmmm-mmmmmmm…" Taking a deep breath, I look at Alice who, whilst looking directly at me, scratches her ear. I nod.

"Okay, guys," I say to my band. "You guys have grown so much since I've known you. I promise you'll get your chance to be free, but I must take mine now," They all nod at me. With a smile, I turn around in time to see Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, Edward, and Esme all get up. I nod at them and flick my wrist at a window, shattering it to pieces. "I love you guys," I say to Menolly, Jared, and Eli to which they respond that they do as well.

Turning away, I lunge for the window. A hand at my neck, throwing me down to the ground, however, stops me. **(STARTED LISTENING TO let it burn BY red…LISTEN NOW!) **Looking up into the eyes of Gregory, I use a martial arts move to spin his hand around and off me. Getting up, he goes for a punch, but I snap my leg up, kicking him in the face. He stumbles backwards holding his hand to his chin.

Taking a fighting stance, I sense three bodies cover my flanks. Without looking, I know it's my band. I smile evilly, daring Gregory to do something. He growls and uses his hands to call his powers, a ball of blue lightning forming. He flings it at us, and Eli does a roundhouse kick, breaking Gregory's charm. Gregory's face is priceless.

"Didn't think about that did you?" Eli demands, his fangs bared. Gregory snarls and lunges. I flip over Eli, punching Gregory. Soon, it's me and Gregory in a fight to the death. After getting knocked down once more, I stand up slowly, convulsions rippling through my body.

I hear Menolly calling for people to get back, but only faintly due to the thrumming in my head. Gregory is looking at me with an odd expression on his face to which I cackle…Fucking _cackle_. Holding my arms out, and raising them up slowly, the wind picks up, the sky outside grows dark, I feel my hair change color, my skin pale even further, and throwing my head back, I bare my fangs.

"What are you?" He demands.

"Your worst nightmare," I hiss, my voice distorted. I know if I were to be looking at me, my eyes would be blood red, my hair like fire. So long ago, I used to fear this, but now I welcome it. I lunge for him, landing on top of him. Grabbing him by the shirt, I throw my head back, a hiss in the back of my throat. Looking back down at him, I see pure fear. Smiling, I kiss him frothily on the lips. The kiss is quick and full of hatred.

Pulling back, I look at him one last time before sinking my fangs into his neck. He cries out, not expecting it. Holding his neck in one hand, I scratch all the way down his arm. He gasps and sputters and chokes. His 'heartbeat' slows down and I pull back from taking his last drop. Looking at him, he's covered in sweat and is alabaster white. His eyes are clinging to life and with a hateful smile, I take his head in my hands and break his neck. A sickening crack resounds around the room.

Standing up, I breath in and out, calming myself. Outside, the sun comes out and all is quiet. Taking a shaky breath, I turn around, seeing my family and friends.

"It's all right," I say to them. "It's over." Looking down at myself, I see everything is intact. Feeling my fangs poking my lip, I retract them. I look into the mirror, seeing how windblown my hair is, and the blood that is covering my chin and dripping down my neck. "Well, that's going to be a problem," I murmur and pick up a wet cloth and wipe the blood off.

"Bella, what _was _that?" I look up to see Carlisle looking at me incredulously.

"Oh that?" I ask, tossing the cloth onto the floor. "That was my ability."

"But, what is it?" I sigh.

"I honestly couldn't tell you. I've had it since I was human though," I tell him. "When I jumped off the cliff that one day," I tell them, walking outside and motioning for them to follow, "I found a cave I'd been to once before. My breath came to me in short gasps, along with a riveting pain. I saw my eyes begin to change color and before I could turn, I stopped it. Now that I'm a vampire, I've learned to control it. It's glorious. So much raw energy, so much power. But, I'm not going to go insane with this power either. I know my limits. Can we go home now?" I ask and everyone agrees.

"What about us, Bella?" My band asks. I sigh, looking at them.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to come with us, won't you?" They all gasp and scream, running to me. Jared, since he's the biggest, picks us all up into a human sandwich. "Put me down you big monster!" I squeal. Laughing, he puts us down.

"Do you really mean it, Bella?" Menolly asks.

"Carlisle?" I ask and he nods.

"It would delightful if you all would return home with us," he says and they all jump up for joy.

"This will be soo much fun," they say and I smile. We arrive at the boat dock and find three boats to take. Getting into them, and starting them up, we head away from that Hell.

"Heyy, watch this!" I yell to them and they all look at me as I press a switch. Suddenly, _The Atlantic _explodes, the fire and smoke billowing out from underneath. We watch as it falls to pieces and sinks to the bottom of the ocean, taking its master with it.

….

When we get back to our home in Forks, it's like a different world. Menolly, Jared, and Eli go with Alice, Esme, Jasper, and Carlisle to pick out a property so we can build a house for them. Emmett and Rosalie go hunting, leaving Edward and I alone. I go and take a shower, changing into a T-shirt and sweats.

I'm sitting on the couch in our bedroom, reading a book when I feel lips on my neck. A shiver runs down my spine as those lips become insistent on me. Putting the book down, I grab Edward by the shoulders, flipping him so he's on top of me. Sliding down, so I'm lying on the couch I touch his face softly.

"I've missed you," he whispers to me. I smile at him, reaching up to kiss him. This kiss is about love and happiness, just the sheer joy of being with him. Edward's hands rub up and down my sides, whilst mine go around his neck, pressing him firmly against me. However, it's not enough.

**(RATED M PART BEGIN!)**

Rubbing my hands from his neck and down his back and stomach, I slide my hands up inside his shirt, gently scratching his muscles. He groans softly as he lifts the hem of my shirt over my neck, kissing every inch of my skin. His mouth moves lower and lower, kissing and licking softly. I sigh, having missed his touch. I reach up to take his shirt off, kissing and sucking his body. He inhales sharply, and I feel him being aroused, which only arouses me more.

I deepen our kiss, parting his lips with mine, and flicking my tongue out, licking his lips. His tongue darts out and when our tongues meet, a spark of pleasure rolls through me, sending butterflies through my stomach and down to my core. Pulling back slightly, we look at each other, love and passion mingling. Our lips connect again, this time fiercer and more erotic. Our kiss escalates to new levels, me rubbing up and down Edward's body, whilst him fondling my breasts.

Soon, my bra disappears, Edward's lips and tongue replacing them. I moan sharply, loving him. When it becomes too much, I push him off of me, so that I'm on top now. Smiling seductively at him, I begin to kiss and lick down his abs and his abdomen, kissing his navel. My chin nudges his erection and he hisses. Looking up at him through my lashes, I unzip him, taking off his jeans. With only his boxers on, I take off my sweats, leaving only a single piece of clothing between us.

I lay on top of him, moving my body in such a way that he holds my thighs, thrusting gently. I kiss him passionately, and he flips me back over, his hand going inside my underwear. I moan at the contact, loving the feel of him touching me. He takes his boxers off, along with my underwear, and gently, but firmly, pushes himself inside me. I dig my nails into his arms, gently, as he begins a steady but rhythmic pace. Soon, he has me calling his name.

"Ahhh, _Edward_!" I cry, arching my back off the couch. When the convulsions stop, for both of us, we both just lay there. He pulls the afghan off the back of the couch and drapes it over us. Snuggling into his almost warm body, I sigh. I rest my hand on his chest where he entwines it with one of his. "I love you, Edward," I whisper and he kisses my forehead.

"I love you too, Bella," he whispers. I sigh thinking that this is where I'm supposed to be.

**(50 YEARS LATER)**

It's been 60 years since I've been with the Cullens. I have an amazing husband, Edward, a loving family, some of the best friends I could ever ask for, and I'm the lead singer of the band _Fallen Angels_. We just got back from touring Europe and I am exhausted. The first thing I come home to is my family sitting in the living room. And something's wrong.

"What happened?" I demand, dropping my bags on the floor. Alice looks up at me, a face so sad, I almost want to cry.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," she whispers. I walk over to where they are, and she hands me a letter. Recognizing the writing from somewhere, I open the letter and read it:

Dear Bella,  
We are sorry to inform you that your beloved friend, Lord Fork Matthews, is dead. A great man he was, he had as many enemies as he did allies. We are sorry on your behalf.

Sincerely,

A.J.

P.S. Funeral services will be held on the 23 of December at 6:00 at His Highness' palace.

Feeling cold all over, the letter falls from my grip.

"Who murdered him?" I ask through clenched teeth.

"No one knows. That's another reason why we have to go. They want us to solve his murder."

Looking around at my family, I know I will find my best friend's murderer…No matter what.

**WHEW! THAT WAS EXHAUSTING TO WRITE! I CRIED LIKE 5 TIMES DURING THIS! IT WAS SOO EMOTIONAL! I KNOW I'M TERRIBLE FOR GIVING YOU GUYS YET ANOTHER CLIFFY, BUT HEYY, I LOVE THEM ;D …ANYWAYS, THIS CHAPPY HAS A LOT FO TWISTS AND TURNS AND I HOPE YOU LOVED THIS AS MUCH I LOVED WRITING IT! THE NEXT STORY I WILL UPDATE IS **FOREVER YOURS **..! SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU, REVIEW TIME!**

**SONGS IN THIS CHAPPY::**

**Take Me Away by Avril Lavigne  
My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne  
Everybody's Fool by Evanescence  
The Cullens by the New Moon Score  
My Immortal by Evanescence  
Don't Jump by Tokio Hotel  
My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion  
Let It Burn by RED**

**THANKS!**


	11. Century of Waiting

**Hi Guys, I Know That Is Been A WHILE Since I've done anything For This Story & For That I Apologize! You All Know That I Love Each & Everyone Of You & That Is Your Reviews That Are Keeping Meh Goin! So, I Know That I Promised This A LONG While Ago, But I Think That, As A Fluff Chapter, I Should Keep Meh Promise: Writing A Chapter In Our Boy Edward's POV! Yayness &*does little cheer* Anyways, so this is The Chapter I Promised AND, I Want To Show Some Love to Some Amazing Authors! First Off Is **Mrstrentreznor **! Her Stories Are Jus Simply Ahhmazing & Are Definitely Read-Worthy! Her Story **Hurt **Convinced Meh To Update For This Story. So, Go Thank Her & Read Her Stories : )) .. Sooo, I'm Guna Do EDWARD'S POV from the Beginning of the Story Kinda, Only I'm Guna Edit the Speech Parts to Mainly Thoughts & Stuff…Sooo Yeag **

**Disclaimer: I do NOT Own Anything except Fork, Izzy, Gregory, the Band, & This Plotline…NOR DO I OWN LESTAT'S SPEECH FROM **THE QUEEN OF THE DAMNED **(amazing movie)!**

**Chapter 10 – A Century of Waiting**

**EPOV**

There comes a time for every vampire when the idea of eternity becomes momentarily, unbearable. Living in the shadows, feeding in the darkness, with only your own company to keep, rots into a solitary, hollow existence. Immortality seems like a good idea until you realize you're going to spend it alone. Unfortunately, sleep would never come to me again. Never more would I relish in the encasement of sleep, not waking until the next morning. No, instead, I was cursed to sleep never again, to walk the Earth feared and hated by much more than my own kind.

The human world was oblivious to us, oblivious to the world that lived with them, to the creatures of darkness that fed on the blood of the innocent. The faces of my victims haunted me, reminding me of my fate. Never again would the rays of sunlight warm my cold flesh, nor would the taste of food appeal to me, and never again could I enjoy the peaceful darkness of slumber.

I amused myself with music, learning to play as much and learn as much as I could, until the night seemed almost short. I played furiously, hoping that the sounds of the passing eras would fade out, but of course, my hunger always got the better of me, and I would go out and hunt. The only thing that appeals to me now is the succulent blood pulsing from my victims' necks.

For almost ten years, I killed innocent humans for the sweet nectar of their essence. I thrived in the power snapping their necks brought me, of draining them of their life, of hearing the pounding of their hearts as death drew closer and closer to them. I ran from the man who made me, who saved me from a death that would have been tolerable compared to this…This endless undead life. But, I came upon a victim that changed me and my mindset. I couldn't bring myself to kill her, or even taste of her blood. She knew what I was, and she also knew that there was another way for a damned being such as myself to exist. I learned from her and was amazed at how she did not run from me, but instead looked to me as a sort of dark angel.

I knew at that moment that the man who gave me this life did what he did to save me, to have a companion. So, I went back to him. He'd found a mate, Esme, and soon we found Rosalie. She was supposed to me my mate, but no longer did I care for the joys of the opposite sex. She was gorgeous, but she did nothing for me. And as the years passed, I watched as the damned being who gave me this kiss of undeath found more of our kind. Just me and him, became three, then four, then five, and finally seven. A big burly man named Emmett came after Rosalie, and it was love at first sight for them. After about 30 years, a short pixie haired girl came with her mate; she had seen us and seen our family. Her name is Alice, and her mate's name is Jasper. I gazed at my new family and I tried to find the joy I knew I should have, but there was nothing but the acceptance of my fate.

Never did I try to live again, I only existed. Every few years or so, we would move on, take on a different name, go to a different high school, live a different life. But each held the same desperation, the same dullness that only a life such as this could bring. That is of course, until we decided to move here, to Forks, Washington. I knew there was nothing good about the town, and the fact that it was inhabited by shapeshifters just made it worse. So, why on Earth Alice picked this location was beyond me.

Of course I knew one of the reasons would be that we could go out in the daytime more. The Olympic Peninsula was the rainiest place in the U.S. after all…But, I didn't care where we went, because I knew it would be the same, and in a few years it wouldn't matter anyways. Alice says that she has a feeling about this place, that we're meant to be here; how that can be is a mystery that my ancient mind refuses to comprehend. After all, what could be so intriguing about a town with only 3,100 people living in it, and half of them lived on the reservation where a pack of mutts lived?

Little did I ever know at the time that life for me was about to shift drastically…And would never be the same.

The first thing I did when we moved to a new house was set up my piano. I didn't bother unpacking my clothes, because I knew Alice would do it anyways. So, I sat down and began to play…The first time in almost 5 years. My fingers flow effortlessly against the ivory keys, having memorized each one many times over. I felt the other bodies in the house stop momentarily as the luxurious notes filled the house that would be our home for the next few years. To a human, a few years seem like a short time, but to my kind, it is an eternity in itself.

We waited for about a year until we enrolled into the high school, however. Of course, I knew the students would be ogling us and giving a us a wide berth. What I wasn't counting on was the alluring scent of someone's blood, so intoxicating I almost ripped apart a teacher. I felt the venom pool in the back of my throat and coat my teeth, and I longed for the sweet release of blood. Alice sensed my worry and told me to leave.

I did, but when I returned, the scent was still there. In the lunchroom, I looked around until I saw her: the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She was pale like us, and her long mahogany hair was in her face. She walked with a limp and I could tell she shied away from the other students. I wondered who she was until she darted out of the cafeteria. When the breeze from outside waved over to us, Jasper and I stiffened. He because of how new he was to our lifestyle, and me because the mouthwatering scent I had smelt earlier was this strange girl's.

"Her name's Bella," Alice told us and went into a recap of how she met Bella and how amazing her artwork is. I barely heard Alice, my mind on the brown-haired beauty and how I wished to know her.

I waited until the next day to talk to her, and when I walked into my Biology class, I saw a sight I never would have imagined: the teacher terrorized the girl and he gripped her by the hair and threw her onto the floor. I watched as unshed tears pooled in her eyes and she left the classroom. I knew Alice and  
Emmett had gone to see her, and I went as well. But, she ran from us and she became that much more delectable.

It was from that first day I saw her, and smelt her delicious scent, that I know I had to get to know her. The bitter part of my mind leered at me that it had taken me this long to find something worth living for in this life. And as I looked in the mirror that day when I returned home, I shook my head and ran a hand through my bronze hair.

"A century of waiting, and for what?" I ask myself, shaking my head once more. "For a girl who's scent is so heady and strong, you can almost taste it?" I groan and swallow back venom. "Isabella Swan," I murmur, cocking my head to the side before going to my piano and sitting down, "Isabella Swan…" I let my whisper trail off as a new set of notes take wing and a song forms in my black heart, the melodies swirling about and girding my damned soul.

When the song ends, I have one thing in mind: to make Isabella Swan mine. Somehow I knew, in that moment, that a century of waiting had been worth it…And I am determined to make it last, no matter what the cost.

**Sorry, I Know Is Short, But I Am Working On A MEGA Long Chapter For This & I Needed To Update On This. Sooo How's that For a Peek inside Edward's Head? I Thought That, Since This A Darker Story, And Because Edward Was Already Dark & Cynical, That He Needed To Be Expressed Clearly. I Got Chills Down My Spine When I Wrote This XD … Sooo, Don't Forget To R&R : )) … Now, I Think I Shall Write A Few More Oneshots And Then I Shall Begin Typing Serious Chapter For This Story & For "DO IT YOURSELF VAMPIRE ACADEMY MY VERSION" **

**XOXO  
xXxhurting-insidexXx**


	12. The Monster Inside Me

**Otay, So…Like I Promised, I Am Going To Do Chapters In Edward's POV … I Never Said Which Chapters So I'm Telling You Now; I Am Going To Write Edward's POV Starting From The Beginning Of The Story Til Chapter 9 … Like Chapter 1 Of Bella's POV Is Now Chapter 10 Of Edward's…Understand? So, Chapter 11 Is Edward's POV & It Coincides With Chapter 2, Which Is Bella's POV…*sigh* Anyways, I'm Still Not Getting Any Reviews Anymore & That Hurts Meh So Badly : (( …**

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Twilight, I Only Own Meh Characters & The Plot…**

**Chapter 11 – The Monster Inside Me**

**EPOV**

The day could not come sooner for me as I sat at my window, waiting for those first rays of sunlight to spear over the horizon.

_It'll be sunny out until the last period of the day, Edward._

At my sister's thought, I feel my grip tighten on the chair I sit in, the wood starting to splinter. _She is not yours! _The monster inside me growls. At its words, my mind is filled with her luxurious scent and I feel my eyes blacken with thirst. Venom pools in my mouth before I can stop it, and I have to force myself not to go after her.

_On second thought, you'd better go hunt, Edward…It will be cloudy enough to go to school, but you can't go in this shape at all…_

"…You'll attack her, Edward," I look up as Alice stands in my doorway. "And it will be in front of everyone. It…It won't be pretty, Edward," she consoles, appearing right next to me. She places a hand over mine and I meet her topaz gaze. "Go. Hunt," she advises. "Come back around 4th. That should be enough time to get your thoughts together…" Before she had even finished, I was out of the open window and running through the forest, determined not to kill that delectable girl whose blood called to me.

**oOo**

As I return to Forks, I mentally shake myself. When I enter the school, I have an excuse ready and I am let into my class.

_He's so hot…What I would do to him…Mmmmm_

Thoughts of sex-driven girls fill my mind and I shut them out as best as I can. But one thought makes me look up from my work.

_Still can't believe what that stupid slut did today. She deserved it. _

A memory from the girl plays through her mind, seeping into mine. I watch in disgust as she and two other guys terrorize the one girl who has plagued my thoughts since I first saw her. Turning to look at the girl, I see who it is: Tanya. Then, someone else's thoughts come to my ears.

_Eddie, they had the whole football team in an abandoned room, ready to beat her up…I followed her to them; I couldn't let her get hurt…_

No matter how stupid my brother can be, he has a good heart. I sigh, knowing I must wait until the end of this class to see her. When the bell rings, I go to Mr. Banner's class. She is already in there and being tormented. I had to watch as he yelled at her, hurting her. _What do you care? You just want her blood! _My hands ball into fists as the monster inside threatens to come out. The class erupts into laughter and I watch her as tears pool in her eyes that she dares not threaten. She grabs her things and heads out of the class.

"And don't come back!" Mr. Banner yells at her. _Stupid bitch, just wait until I tell Charlie…_

"I don't plan on it!" She screeches back, slamming the door behind her. I hear her footsteps as she runs down the hallway. I resist the urge to go after her when I hear Emmett's thoughts.

_She looks so sick…I wonder what's wrong with her. She's hurt._

After about a minute or so, I hear a blood-curdling scream. I wince, waiting for someone to ask what that sound was, but no one even flinches. I look at Mr. Banner and see a smirk on his face. _Stupid slut… _ I let out a growl too low for human ears to hear at his thoughts before I shake myself.

_Oh my God, no! Emmett! _I sit up straighter at Alice's thoughts.

"Emmett! Put her down, she can't breathe!" Alice yells at him and I hear Bella's raspy breaths. I hear a thud and then coughs as Bella struggles to breathe. I get up from my seat and approach Mr. Banner.

"May I use the rest room?" I ask and he nods, waving me towards the door. Once out of it, I run to where they are, Jasper and Rosalie's thoughts and footsteps following. When I see her, she looks up, a pained expression on her face.

"Oh just great! Just what I need, more people to thrash me around. What the fuck do you people want with me?" I stop short at the murderously angry expression on her face. Her voice is hoarse with the effort it takes and I can't help but wonder what happens to her outside of school.

"Bella how can you say that? We are trying to help you," I glance over at Alice, hearing the hurt in her words.

_She's just a human, I don't know why either of them are even bothering… _Rosalie.

_So much pain, Edward. She's in so much pain, mentally, emotionally, and physically… _Jasper.

_I don't know what I keep doing wrong. I'm trying to be nice… _Alice.

_Those guys are such assholes for doing this to her… _Emmett.

Bella…I furrow my brow as I hear complete silence coming from her. Nothing, not even a whisper. She rolls her eyes and sighs, wincing.

"I do not need your help. I am absolutely, positively, most definitely, no doubt about it, listen to what I am saying k? F…I…N…E! _Can you not fucking comprehend that? Or do I have to knock it into your thick ass skull? I do not need anybody to take care of me. I have been doing it since I was five fucking years old! I didn't need anybody than, and I sure as hell don't need anybody now! So just back the fuck off_!" Despite her hoarse voice, she is now screaming, but I can see the effort it takes to even speak for her.

I watch as her breath starts to come in short gasps, her heart racing.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jasper asks and I hear her heart pounding, the sound rushing through me.

"Shit!" She gasps out as she falls to the ground. Alice and Emmett go to help her up. "Please, just let me go. This happens a lot," she whimpers. Emmett tries to grab her waist, but it's like a switch goes off. She freezes before screaming. I cover my ears at how shrill it is. Emmett and Alice immediately let her go and she takes off running. Despite her obvious injuries, the adrenaline is making them almost disappear. She disappears through a door and I look at my siblings each in turn, their facial expressions varying from shock, hurt, to indifference. I hear a scream from far off, yet I know it's her. We all wince at the agony it holds. Her screams continued for what felt like hours. Eventually, the bell rang, signaling the end of the class. We all look at each other before heading to our last class of the day.

I was headed to music class, the one I enjoyed the most. I took my seat by the piano, Bella's scent still lingering. I breathe it in, the heavenly aroma filling my undead soul. Along with the luxurious smell, a warmth floods my veins. I feel my eyes roll into the back of my head for a split second before I swallow convulsively, blinking away the sensation. Class begins and she still hasn't shown. I tap my fingers against my lap anxiously, wondering where she is.

When ten minutes have gone by, I hear her footsteps coming closer. Mrs. Rhoads opens the door for her and questions why she is late. Bella has no answer and I can see her thinking in her eyes. _How I wish I could hear her thoughts!_

"Don't be afraid freak!" Some kid yelled. I watched as her eyes teared up. "Aww the wittle fweak is guna cwy!" I bite back another growl and keep my eyes trained on Bella.

"Kyle, that's enough!" Mrs. Rhoads says to him. Bella comes over to the piano and sits down, glaring at me. Confused, I pull out a sheet of paper, writing a note on it before sliding it over to her.

**(Bella **_italicized _*** Edward bold)**

**Hey, wat's wrong? Did I do something to upset you?**

_Oh nothing, despite the fact that you new kids are as bad as the rest._

**What do you mean? I haven't done anything to hurt you!**

_Yet! That's what everyone always says or does, and then they end up being just like—_

Mrs. Rhoads came over then and took the note, reading it over before looking at Bella. She demanded to know what the cause of this note was, and why Bella was being so hostile towards me. Eventually, Bella doubled over in pain, and Mrs. Rhoads asked her the one question I learned Bella cannot stand: are you okay. Bella freaked on her, and I watched in bemusement as Mrs. Rhoads's thoughts betrayed her shock. _Oh my…_ Biting back a helpless grin, I look away for a few moments, waiting until Bella is seated once more to glance at her.

"Does anyone have a piece that they would like to share with us?" Mrs. Rhoads asks, and I see Bella look around the room before sighing and raising her hand. "Yes, Bella?"

"I would like to play a song I made last night if that would be alright." She sounds so confident when she speaks, as if she were trying to prove something. Immediately, envious thoughts poured from everyone in the room except Mrs. Rhoads.

"Very well then. Umm if you would like to, we can all have a seat in the proper chairs whilst Bella enchants us with her Mozart worthy talents." She smiled and winked at Bella.

Once we were seated, Bella turned so we could see that she had no sheet music in front of her. Shock was evident in the room, even from me. She stepped up to the microphone and spoke. "This piece is called River Flows in You, I hope you like it." With that, she sat back down and counted out the timing before beginning to play.

I watched as her pale fingers flow across the ivory keys. They grew more luxurious and she turned to look at us, smiling whilst still playing. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as the breathtaking song she wrote became more exquisite and yet vulnerable it brought venom to my eyes.

More students filled the room and before long, the whole school was present. I kept my eyes trained on her as the song hit its last saddened chord before the room erupted into applause. I heard applause coming from Tanya and Bella motioned her forward. They spoke for a few minutes before Bella smiled and went back to the microphone.

"You want more?" She asked the audience and everyone screamed in excitement. I, however, was filled with disgust. These people clearly hate her and yet they applaud her. "This song is called Kiss The Rain."

She sat back down and began playing yet another song. The room quiets instantly and I am once again shocked at how these people can torture and torment her day after day and yet, when she shows what she could be, they love her. I gaze at her face and see the glistening of tears in her eyes. A single tear falls, splashing on the keys of the piano as she plays.

"Why is she crying? She is amazing, she shouldn't cry. I wonder what's wrong. Maybe it's just the music," I say to Jasper who materializes next to me. He shakes his head but says nothing. The song ends, and as it does, the doors burst open, making everyone jump.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I WAS WORRIED SICK! YOU NEED TO COME HOME NOW!" Bella stiffens and pales even further as she looks up at the man who opened the doors.

_That little bitch! Just wait until I get my hands on her!_

I watch as Bella gets up from the piano and makes her way up to the man I now presume to be her father.

"Dad, I told you that I had to stay after school today," I listened as she tried to reason with him.

"Get your butt in that car now!" He said in a deathly calm voice. I turned to watch her leave without a backward glance. It took a couple of minutes but eventually everyone left the room and went about their business. My siblings and I are the only ones to remain seated. I did not move until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I look up into the darkened gold eyes of Emmett.

"Come on, bro," he says, lifting me up easily. I go without a sound, too lost in thoughts of Bella.

**oOo**

In all of my years, there have been few things that made me question my existence. But of the few that have, it shifted my thought process drastically. I doubted everything each time, even my own mind. There was always someone, or something, that would bring me back to the surface. This time…I didn't know how anything could.

As I was laying down on the couch in my room, a vision that wasn't mine engulfed me…

_Vision_

_A girl was chained to a bed…A man whipping her with a belt…Hot liquid being poured on her…Rape…Abuse…Charlie…Bella…Screams…"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" _

_End Vision_

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" I screech, sitting upright. Before I realize what's happened, I'm standing in front of Alice, shaking her.

"Edward, _stop!_" I don't hear her voice pleading with me. "Edward, please!" Something thrusts me against a wall and I blink, coming out of my stupor. I look over at my terrified sister and I feel my mouth hanging open.

"Al…Alice," I manage to get out. Her lower lip is trembling and she is shaking in Jasper's arms. A wave of anger, guilt, and fear consumes me. I look at my family and I shake my head at them, lost for words.

_It's all right, son…Do what you have to._

I look up into the compassionate eyes of Esme before taking off into the woods. I run until my mind is tired, falling to my knees. I let out a vicious growl before leaning against a nearby tree. I swallow, trying to breathe normally. My undead heart feels as if it were shattering into millions of pieces.

I lied against that tree for hours, hating myself for hurting Alice. Only a monster would have done that. _But you ARE a monster…Aren't you? You've killed innocent people before. You enjoyed doing it too. You thirst for her blood, but yet you feel protective of her. You take glee in the masochism, because you are a MONSTER! Kill her, feed on her, drain her of her blood, and end this suffering! Do it and everything will go back to the way it was before!_

I fight back the monster inside of me, digging my hands into the ground. I feel my eyes blacken once more and venom pools in my mouth as I recall Bella's magical scent.

"Bella…" I whisper, closing my eyes harshly as her face appears in my mind.

Isabella Swan is perhaps the most beautiful creature I have ever lain my eyes on. In all my years, never have I seen such humble beauty. Leaning my head back against the tree, I close my eyes, letting my thoughts drift to her.

They say that when a vampire turns, everything is heightened. They're sense of smell, they're hearing, they're sight, and whatever human qualities they had are strengthened. As a human, I was in tune with the way people thought, and now I can read minds. Alice saw visions as a human, so she is now a prophet. Jasper was always good at emotions, so now he's an empath. Emmett wasn't the brightest bulb but he was strong and loyal, and now he's more brawn than brain but he has the biggest heart. Rosalie was more conceited than anything but she also had a passion for dreams, and now even though she is pigheaded sometimes she will defend herself and the people she loves. Esme was compassionate and loving, and now she is the complete maternal figure. And Carlisle…Carlisle was and always will be the kindest vampire I will ever know.

He saved us from a worse fate than anything. He saw something in Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and myself that we didn't. And whoever made Alice must have seen the same thing, along with the woman who made Jasper. We were all chosen because we possess something that none others do. But, alas there are some that wish to use our abilities for power. The Volturi, for example. The Volturi are the most powerful vampire coven in our world. They decide our laws, our rules, how we live. The most important, and possibly the most punishable, would be that no humans can know about us.

I let out a hollow laugh as a light rain starts to fall, soaking my clothes so that they stick to me like a second skin. The most important rule imposed on us, and The Volturi are the ones who break it. They have humans working for them, and are hoping to be turned into one of us…A soulless demon. They have no idea, these pathetic humans. They see us as beautiful creatures, inhumanly so. They know we are different, but it is because of these differences that humans are attracted to my kind. Our voice, our face, even our _smell_ attracts them. We're designed to kill, and kill we do. There are others of my kind who don't feed on animals, but indulge in the succulent and delicious blood of humans. I wonder if drinking human blood would be easier than drinking animal blood. Either way it is a life that has been cut short, unless the life taken was already on its way to death.

The rain is falling harder now and I wish I could feel the cold of it, but my ice cold flesh feels only the sensation of pin pricks hitting it. I do not feel the cold, nor do I feel heat…Unless I am being burned to death. That's the thing about us demons; we can feel the heat of fire as it burns us when we die, if we die. We'd have to be torn apart and burned for us to die. Pathetic mortals have it easy; a stake in the heart, a sip of poison, or even a gunshot to the head would do. But my kind are submitted to a fate worse than death…Undeath.

My thoughts were interrupted by another's.

_Edward, I hope you can hear me. I know where you are and I'm coming… _Alice. I sigh, awaiting her arrival.

I look up when she appears in from of me.

"What is it, sister?" I ask, my monotonous voice devoid of everything.

"We're all worried about you, Edward," she says and I meet her concerned gaze. "You've never let _anything _get to you this much, and quite frankly, it's scaring us. Come on," she coaxes and I get up, wiping the mud off my jeans. "Esme will get them," she tells me and I nod off in the direction of the house. She smiles at me and we take off at a run, arriving in less than 15 minutes.

When I get into my room, I strip down into nothing and wrap a towel around my hips, tying it. I grab a slim tank top and some pajama pants to "sleep" in, along with a fresh pair of boxers. Once done with that, I head to the bathroom to take a shower, turning the water up extremely high in order to feel warmth. I stand under the spray, the water ricocheting off my back.

After a while, I step out and get dressed, heading to my room to listen to music. I put Claire de Lune on and lie down on my couch/bed, letting the notes of Debussy flow through me…Along with Bella's scent and face. At the first though of her scent, the monster inside me growls, but I shut him out, determined to make Bella mine in any way that she will have me. I cannot help but wonder what she thinks throughout her day, and if she thinks of me. It is at times like these that I am so glad my siblings cannot hear my thoughts.

I sigh, rolling over onto my side in order to look out the window at the night sky. I watch the stars as they twinkle and shine and I sigh as I realize that I never noticed them before. _At least not before HER…_ I clench my jaw as the monster inside me threatens to come out again. I roll back onto my back and glare at the ceiling, cursing myself for not being human. A thought occurs to me: what if I wasn't this monster, but instead I was human? Could I make her love me as I love her?

**Rawr, So That's The End Of Chapter 11 XD .. I'm Still Not Getting Reviews AT ALL & That Makes Meh Sad : (( .. But Yeag .. Hope Everyone's Thanksgiving Was Epic & I'll See Ya'll Soon When I Update Again .. I Already Have The Next 6 Chapters Planned Out So Yeag .. All Right, Byess3**

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